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"handout" poems
I wanted someone that wouldn't be afraid of me. I spent twenty-one years doubting that person could ever exist. For humans are far too shallow and our complications are way too deep but I honestly believe we should not have to be alone. I believe in independence. I believe in self-reliance and I believe in self-respect. But I also believe that humans can connect on a far deeper level than just what we see. I believe there is a time and place for everything and that includes the moments we fall in love. You see, there will be days that you fill empty and lonely but you have to be there for yourself. No one is going to give you a handout unless you show them you are going to make it count. No one is going to rely on someone that cannot rely on them self. Co dependence can be beautiful but nevertheless- it is filled with even more grief. You cannot fix somebody else when you are still practicing the craft of self-love. Allow your lows to be reminders that you can lose and smile knowing that you can bounce back, too. There is nothing graceful in struggling but there is something glorious in the overcoming and believe me- you will find a way to live through it all. And then some day somebody, somewhere is going to admire the way you refuse to fall. And you will wonder how you ever let the world make you feel so small. -Andrew Durst.
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Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 10:32 PM UTC
Coexist (ramblings)
Flipping threw my old yearbook I see girls who were once gorgeous tooken my the devils hand pregnant and life beaten now horrendous I remember seeing them with there cheerleading outfits on As I sat in a corner by myself I here them laughing and chatting about going to tonys house after school I remember tony strong handsome captain of the highschool world I saw him two weeks ago With his hands covering his face And a shot next to him 3 empty beers infront He really let himself go I remember thinking fat and forgotten about still clinging to that highschool dream I remember him saying I was a loser as he flipped my lunch tray and humiliated me by reading my little notebook of writes I remember saying to him one day ill have the last laugh one day ill see you down and out and you'll ask me for a handout going back to the bar I sit down A couple stools down to see if he recognised me He finished his 3 beers as I finished my long island ice tee he said to the bar tender I gotta *** be right back I followed him to the restroom and we were a ****** apart I looked over and seen his small patheic ***** as I looked at my ***** I laughed and I laughed and I laughed looked over at tony and said see sir I did get the last laugh and I left I hope he knows me now I hope he knows me now
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Jan 11, 2013
Jan 11, 2013 at 10:25 PM UTC
highschool run in
I REMEMBER here by the fire, In the flickering reds and saffrons, They came in a ramshackle tub, Pilgrims in tall hats, Pilgrims of iron jaws, Drifting by weeks on beaten seas, And the random chapters say They were glad and sang to God. And so Since the iron-jawed men sat down And said, "Thanks, O God," For life and soup and a little less Than a hobo handout to-day, Since gray winds blew gray patterns of sleet on Plymouth Rock, Since the iron-jawed men sang "Thanks, O God," You and I, O Child of the West, Remember more than ever November and the hunter's moon, November and the yellow-spotted hills. And so In the name of the iron-jawed men I will stand up and say yes till the finish is come and gone. God of all broken hearts, empty hands, sleeping soldiers, God of all star-flung beaches of night sky, I and my love-child stand up together to-day and sing: "Thanks, O God."
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2.2k
Fire Dreams
I walk across to Hannah's flat in Arrol House and knock at the door Mrs Scott opens the door and stands there she's a short thin woman with a face of granite with a slit where her mouth is whit is it? she says her Scottish accent rough as stone is Hannah home? I ask I dunnae kinn she replies HANNAH she bellows over her shoulder Benedcit is haur fur ye she adds scowling at me jist coming Hannah replies from back in the flat yoo'll hae tae bide Mrs Scott says and walks back inside leaving me on the red tiled step I look into the interior of the flat and smell breakfast having been cooked I look back into the Square kids are playing near by on the pram sheds and over by the wall girls are doing handstands their feet against the wall dresses falling over their heads showing underwear sorry about Mum she has a mouth on her Hannah says where we going? she asks thought we'd go to the South Bank see the Thames and boats and have ice cream I say do I need money? she asks just about 2/- I say for bus fares and ice cream I'll ask Mum for a handout but wait for the answer Mum have you 2/- I can have? Hannah asks fa dae ye hink Ah am Rockerfeller? nae Ah huvnae her mother replies no problem I say to Hannah I'll have enough for us both are you sure? yes don't aggravate your mother more than you have to so Hannah gets her coat and we walk off through the Square she's like that sometimes Hannah says she's as tight as a wing nut we walk down the slope and up Meadow Row I ask her how her father is she says he's Ok but in the doghouse more often as not with Mum but he's a softy to Mum's hardness but Mum says he's soft in the heed but he's lovely really Hannah says -I know her old man he's English and a bit simple after helping to empty out Belsen camp in 1945 where some he told me were more dead as alive- we wait at the bus stop she with her dark hair pony tailed with a tartan skirt and white blouse and me in blue jeans and white shirt and quiff of brown hair and hazel eyes she with a budding beauty with her mother's touch of tongue who if roused could give words full lung.
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May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 3:25 PM UTC
MEETING WITH HANNAH 1960.
I walk across to Hannah's flat in Arrol House and knock at the door Mrs Scott opens the door and stands there she's a short thin woman with a face of granite with a slit where her mouth is whit is it? she says her Scottish accent rough as stone is Hannah home? I ask I dunnae kinn she replies HANNAH she bellows over her shoulder Benedcit is haur fur ye she adds scowling at me jist coming Hannah replies from back in the flat yoo'll hae tae bide Mrs Scott says and walks back inside leaving me on the red tiled step I look into the interior of the flat and smell breakfast having been cooked I look back into the Square kids are playing near by on the pram sheds and over by the wall girls are doing handstands their feet against the wall dresses falling over their heads showing underwear sorry about Mum she has a mouth on her Hannah says where we going? she asks thought we'd go to the South Bank see the Thames and boats and have ice cream I say do I need money? she asks just about 2/- I say for bus fares and ice cream I'll ask Mum for a handout but wait for the answer Mum have you 2/- I can have? Hannah asks fa dae ye hink Ah am Rockerfeller? nae Ah huvnae her mother replies no problem I say to Hannah I'll have enough for us both are you sure? yes don't aggravate your mother more than you have to so Hannah gets her coat and we walk off through the Square she's like that sometimes Hannah says she's as tight as a wing nut we walk down the slope and up Meadow Row I ask her how her father is she says he's Ok but in the doghouse more often as not with Mum but he's a softy to Mum's hardness but Mum says he's soft in the heed but he's lovely really Hannah says -I know her old man he's English and a bit simple after helping to empty out Belsen camp in 1945 where some he told me were more dead as alive- we wait at the bus stop she with her dark hair pony tailed with a tartan skirt and white blouse and me in blue jeans and white shirt and quiff of brown hair and hazel eyes she with a budding beauty with her mother's touch of tongue who if roused could give words full lung.
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124
Daylight fades too quickly and leaves you struggling like a dead fish against a time limit you have no intention of keeping or realizing, in even a small fashion. The money runs out. The money always runs out and everyone is looking for a handout no one wants to give. Especially those who can afford it- it's like a void; a golden density not even light can escape. Makes me wonder; "Is the money really power, or is power just power, and the hierarchy and patriarchy and system just keep whatever stains in place, despite their incompetence?" History seems to provide ample answers to the right questions; Why does the day feel so short? Why does retail labor feel like a pyramid scheme? Why does work feel like prison? Why are employers so scared of unions? Whatever, right? Those ******* would give you an answer after three separate commercial breaks and a survey. Everyone views the person under their foot as less than human. It's how we're able to procreate and sleep at night [a night that comes quicker every day now]. A curtain over a birdcage; we're all just dozing off. ******* around. Studying everyone else's face, looking for a nervous twitch to decipher whose bluffing, believing we're doing swimmingly in our own ******** The next generation built on our corpses, secrets and lies. Corpses, secrets, and lies. Let the world burn if we can make it past daylight.
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Aug 4, 2014
Aug 4, 2014 at 6:21 PM UTC
"Chrome [and Whatever is Better Than Platinum]."
She's got that peasant stink stuck to her radiating failed dreams and passed-over advice speaking to the untold quantities of filthy, illegitimate children birthed through pale and quivering thighs. Tattered, low denims faded, high-cut blouse full head of ratty, unclean hair propped up in a high-rise hair-spray style that hasn't been popular in the trailer parks for more than a decade. She always worked real hard yet always put failing-foot forward and though I asked, she could never tell me why - she never, I think, knew herself. It doesn't matter though she'll just fall again fall to her knees before another he again fall into the welfare lines due to another newborn again fall back down into what she knows again. She saves her non-handout-cash for the spending on endless streams of hash, bottles of paint for nail and eye-lash -because she believes, as she's told, that she's worth it - even though it's real clear that she's not and that it's real clear that she's one for looking-on and never acting upon and yet, I cannot help myself anymore than she can - I have fallen completely and pointlessly in love with her.
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Jul 4, 2010
Jul 4, 2010 at 8:59 AM UTC
Failing in Love
Sick of being stuck awake, I should probably bake a cake, Stuff a file inside, then sit for an hour of wait, Another hour to cool, use the tool to pry my mind from this cage Blow out the candles, the world becomes my stage But I fall flat on a crowd with button eyes, deaf ears, Rusted mental gears, and smiles looking at me queer. "Hi I'm Ryan, I'm a poet. I belong here." Reading to a generation that skipped reading, Stuck feeding off of the **** for free Asking for another handout that a past life made them believe They deserved, too delicate, while I stay thick like corduroy, Poking fun like I should take some ilk, you're too soft I destroy you, still drinking mother's milk, you're soft as silk. Don't make me spell it out, we are cut from different cloth. I've sat with my life choices happy as an oyster In a month that doesn't have an "R" People walk through the door and try to raise my bar, You couldn't come close, don't judge those who trudge Through mud and sludge then take a second to coast, I'm still a star while others whack the green, Barely even keeping up with par. I don't even have enemies, I get angry with my own mind That tells me I should be on a steady grind Then find myself too tired to stay awake Too awake to fall asleep, let's write it out, I never was one to be good at counting sheep I took to counting breaths, counting beats, Never couldn't count on me, have a seat. Let's talk it out and bake a cake, Another file filed so I can free this cage, I flee the stage.
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Sep 26, 2018
Sep 26, 2018 at 3:49 AM UTC
Bake a cake
Sick of being stuck awake, I should probably bake a cake, Stuff a file inside, then sit for an hour of wait, Another hour to cool, use the tool to pry my mind from this cage Blow out the candles, the world becomes my stage But I fall flat on a crowd with button eyes, deaf ears, Rusted mental gears, and smiles looking at me queer. "Hi I'm Ryan, I'm a poet. I belong here." Reading to a generation that skipped reading, Stuck feeding off of the **** for free Asking for another handout that a past life made them believe They deserved, too delicate, while I stay thick like corduroy, Poking fun like I should take some ilk, you're too soft I destroy you, still drinking mother's milk, you're soft as silk. Don't make me spell it out, we are cut from different cloth. I've sat with my life choices happy as an oyster In a month that doesn't have an "R" People walk through the door and try to raise my bar, You couldn't come close, don't judge those who trudge Through mud and sludge then take a second to coast, I'm still a star while others whack the green, Barely even keeping up with par. I don't even have enemies, I get angry with my own mind That tells me I should be on a steady grind Then find myself too tired to stay awake Too awake to fall asleep, let's write it out, I never was one to be good at counting sheep I took to counting breaths, counting beats, Never couldn't count on me, have a seat. Let's talk it out and bake a cake, Another file filed so I can free this cage, I flee the stage.
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32
An open hand Not a handout An open mouth No food for it. I need loving Nourishment.
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Dec 12, 2015
Dec 12, 2015 at 12:23 PM UTC
Nourishment
I need a job. To start living, start earning some money, am begging. Begging you like Madcon The cv handout goes on, and on. Like a record that's skipped, beginning to feel like I've been tricked. It's not like I wouldn't work hard I'm willing to work hard for my pay, willing to work everyday, willing to earn my way. I ain't fed on greed, I only need what I need, only one mouth to feed. I'll even work on my knees scrub till my fingers bleed I'm like a seed sprouting, roots up routing,  with stem as long as my sadness has resided. Pent up emotion continuing to grow. As the roots begin to take hold below. Take hold of my tongue and its words, my heart and its love, and my lungs and its breath. Got Nothing left; to push through to the surface beginning to feel its all worthless What's the point here?! I'm stumped. "I JUST NEED A JOB YOU... Chumps" Feel like I should take a jump. Not a jump of suicidal intention, just a jump for attention Attention for a life to begin. For a business to take me in give me the experience I lack. In return I'll give back: hardwork, effort and sweat. Which will help me to show that I'm able to grow. And I deserve to leap out from this pit, trudging in **** From the depths of this dirt and weeds where it all began as a seed. A seed, a thought, a prognosis. So now it's my time to show this; Show what I've got on the surface. Show that I am not worthless. Show from a seed I have grown. Show that I deserve a home. A place to call my own. Then once I am there I will know... How? I'll have blossomed
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Mar 18, 2015
Mar 18, 2015 at 10:46 AM UTC
Need.
I need a job. To start living, start earning some money, am begging. Begging you like Madcon The cv handout goes on, and on. Like a record that's skipped, beginning to feel like I've been tricked. It's not like I wouldn't work hard I'm willing to work hard for my pay, willing to work everyday, willing to earn my way. I ain't fed on greed, I only need what I need, only one mouth to feed. I'll even work on my knees scrub till my fingers bleed I'm like a seed sprouting, roots up routing,  with stem as long as my sadness has resided. Pent up emotion continuing to grow. As the roots begin to take hold below. Take hold of my tongue and its words, my heart and its love, and my lungs and its breath. Got Nothing left; to push through to the surface beginning to feel its all worthless What's the point here?! I'm stumped. "I JUST NEED A JOB YOU... Chumps" Feel like I should take a jump. Not a jump of suicidal intention, just a jump for attention Attention for a life to begin. For a business to take me in give me the experience I lack. In return I'll give back: hardwork, effort and sweat. Which will help me to show that I'm able to grow. And I deserve to leap out from this pit, trudging in **** From the depths of this dirt and weeds where it all began as a seed. A seed, a thought, a prognosis. So now it's my time to show this; Show what I've got on the surface. Show that I am not worthless. Show from a seed I have grown. Show that I deserve a home. A place to call my own. Then once I am there I will know... How? I'll have blossomed
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45
My sister – camping on the coast Muttering over macaroni Fixing salad Talking to a seagull “George” mews like a cat awaiting dinner Waddling web-foot along the stony cliff To him – life is a handout against the backdrop of the setting sun Garlic bread, spaghetti, chocolate chip cookie – My sister adopts things What was ever wild after? Even this “Master of the Wind” eats Italian tonight! Till the “Alpha Bird” younger stronger spots the eye of orange on plate of white – Whirls in on protest and demand George responds in kind Intruder seizes a meatball George squawks and lunges his last... ________ The sunset on the Maine coast tonight enthroned in vaporous haze Imbued with fragrance-- ocean rose The sky-- delicate mountain laurel pink bleeding into purple where the tallest spires of spruce have stabbed upward From the coastline's rock comes qweedling of the robins calls of sea birds in the peaceful distance.... ___________         ….George struggles in Alpha's grip on windpipe Meal forgotten as nature serves its worst His neck arched back Wings fluttering desperate in his last display a spray of feathers Strength will take this day Plunge it into faint squawks George dissolves limp in quivers as Alpha-- weightless victor lifts away Suzy cries out despair at loss of little friend         “I can't! I can't! I rush out to hold   his last limp sigh ...tossing his gray and white into another sky
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Aug 15, 2019
Aug 15, 2019 at 11:55 AM UTC
Sky Rat
A handgun protects A handout will **** Greed is a method Love is a skill Just care for yourself Sad means your ill People don't change Lies that we tell
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Apr 10, 2013
Apr 10, 2013 at 11:19 AM UTC
Oppressive Lies
This old drawing I made for my brother. Nothing to look twice at. An odd choice of paper for a drawing, the shadows of ink caught my eye. Some forgotten handout from some forgotten class. a situation is the outcome of its context. It cannot be judged separately from context, because it would not have arose without it. Context. What is the context for me? So many factors some more subtle than others each the cause for an effect. Is that what they call "chaos theory"? the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future. Something about dependence on initial conditions... What are they? I'm sure I can find the origin. My birth? wait no... my parents... no grandpa-... ... no... even further back if you want to make apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe. That far, huh? Kind of a big picture. An Earth-sized map of the Earth. Hurts my head a little. You can find me in my blanket, where the world is not so big, and the possibilities not so infinite.
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Jul 14, 2013
Jul 14, 2013 at 3:33 PM UTC
Context
But for some cruel jest are not we all perennially ailing… Are not our lives just pictures passing by? We, blindfold, in their wake are trailing, Are hardly ourselves… And at the best of times We solely hope yet for another handout At someone’s twisted mercy and before We ever realise it’s us we cede so freely It’s far too late… We sob and try no more. Shall not we fight, defiant, our doubts and envy? Shall not we hold the fastest to our dreams? And from our deepest selves shall not we draw our powers When all is lost and there’s no life within? It’s down to us to down the cup we’re given. There is no shame in failing. All we can Is to keep going on, perennially ailing, However cruel and short our span.
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Jul 17, 2017
Jul 17, 2017 at 9:07 PM UTC
Ailing
Homeless. Crazy. Everything is smooth. No, no one really knows enough. No one cares enough, or gets it. Close to charity, all is oppressive. Keys on treble, wishing everything was ******* brilliant. My planning is a bet that it all comes part unevenly. Yeah, neon smokescreen, lime green cigarettes, and I'll leave you to carry that sentiment on your shoulders. I hope you feel empathy like a child that's ****** the bed; warm and embarrassed, take as a symbol of habitual weakness. Take it like a pill with tap water that sticks in the throat like a brick. Next door to inhumanity. Every day is slightly darker than the last. **** forgot the punchline… something about how daylight fades and darkness falls. If we could all be so clumsy and respected. A "feared klutz." Anyways. All the geniuses are dead, and I hate most writers; Snarky, uppity, ********* They're all dirt now. I passed a man who spoke gibberish, but ended his mush mouth with some statement about getting food. I told him, "I got nothing on me." I lied. Of course I ******* lied, I had almost $270 dollars in my wallet, cash. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with the money. Just **** it away, I guess. Start looking for another handout myself. I can see the lines- washed out, skillfully ignorant or oblivious & whoever said I was a loser first, won the grand prize. Some truth in the universe.
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Aug 4, 2014
Aug 4, 2014 at 6:18 PM UTC
"Despite All These Rags."
I apologize for what you read here, Some people may not believe what they read here. You see, my generation, is shot down on all accounts I don't play a victim in this scene, I take a higher route. They brush me off as joker, dreaming of waking up I've been climbing trees for fruit but now I'm on the ground shaking them up. I'm not looking for a handout as my career track shows But who am I, among these gods, to deny a poor man clothes. See I'm living in a world where, when I'm old and grown, The social security I'm paying into will be unknown, Men and women my age are going on war tours Left their minds overseas and come back abandoned poor, Still forgetting what god I'm supposedly fighting for. I sit patient as they tax my metophorical tea Then turn on the TV and see riots in the street As if this history just isn't skipping a beat I couldn't care less about your race or sexuality, About your religious ideology, or the identity you see. I'm looking you point blank and just asking if you're happy. Because these streets look so bleak While holding a connected world in my hands, Still so afraid to speak because everything has to be So contradictory and couldn't we agree That my generation is bad But the previous one raised me. A lady I work with, she works eighty hours a week Her old man's at home wearing medical bills as shackles on his feet. She keeps fighting strong and he keeps pushing on But they ******* them and take the cane their standing on Maybe I'm naive but this system just seems so wrong. You can tax me for education, Take a dollar for someone's medical bills too This money is so common, there's only one of you. I'm not looking to pick a fight I'm just stating what I believe is right Throwing down my pen, cutting sharper than a knife.
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Mar 1, 2017
Mar 1, 2017 at 11:28 PM UTC
Generational
I apologize for what you read here, Some people may not believe what they read here. You see, my generation, is shot down on all accounts I don't play a victim in this scene, I take a higher route. They brush me off as joker, dreaming of waking up I've been climbing trees for fruit but now I'm on the ground shaking them up. I'm not looking for a handout as my career track shows But who am I, among these gods, to deny a poor man clothes. See I'm living in a world where, when I'm old and grown, The social security I'm paying into will be unknown, Men and women my age are going on war tours Left their minds overseas and come back abandoned poor, Still forgetting what god I'm supposedly fighting for. I sit patient as they tax my metophorical tea Then turn on the TV and see riots in the street As if this history just isn't skipping a beat I couldn't care less about your race or sexuality, About your religious ideology, or the identity you see. I'm looking you point blank and just asking if you're happy. Because these streets look so bleak While holding a connected world in my hands, Still so afraid to speak because everything has to be So contradictory and couldn't we agree That my generation is bad But the previous one raised me. A lady I work with, she works eighty hours a week Her old man's at home wearing medical bills as shackles on his feet. She keeps fighting strong and he keeps pushing on But they ******* them and take the cane their standing on Maybe I'm naive but this system just seems so wrong. You can tax me for education, Take a dollar for someone's medical bills too This money is so common, there's only one of you. I'm not looking to pick a fight I'm just stating what I believe is right Throwing down my pen, cutting sharper than a knife.
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36
She did not intend to be with to him Though she did care for many of them She's refused many and few But She'd never fall for Don Quinn She'd been to many places and many a ride She'd seen many faces and broke mini man pride She paid no mind to the attention of men She did not desire the hand of Don Quinn They would jump and trot and stride Speak and shout And whisper lies They were merely entertainment for her eyes A trail of dead hearts lay broken that tried Still steady was the stature of this man named Quinn All ready from levies he battled within With family with money and with the closest of friends He weathered and learned and discerned to grin While others were eager to dash in front or behind Don Quinn had a plan he thought worth the time For she never took pleasure in being pushed off her line Don Quinn for the win had a plan more divine While others took leisure and gusto to sway Her focus was steady and kept on her way So Donny took heed while walking this day Still she was not looking she need not be saved He tightened his noggin and sharpened his eye He gathered his dignity and he leveled his guide She continued to dismiss the distractions of guys He paced himself on this path he would try What was his secret or his future demise? Would he falter fluster or fall before her thighs? No. Because his aim was the same as her prize He was becoming by running towards the Skye's So when she got there he found her right by his side She was not looking for Donny or a handout freedom All she needed was a companion with whom to share a sunrise Dr. Quinn practiced medicine while building a horizon he was willing to walk wait and work towards their golden Skye's Mr Quinn out did many a men simply by fixing his vision
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Jan 18, 2021
Jan 18, 2021 at 5:01 AM UTC
Don Quinn and His Beautiful Vision
She did not intend to be with to him Though she did care for many of them She's refused many and few But She'd never fall for Don Quinn She'd been to many places and many a ride She'd seen many faces and broke mini man pride She paid no mind to the attention of men She did not desire the hand of Don Quinn They would jump and trot and stride Speak and shout And whisper lies They were merely entertainment for her eyes A trail of dead hearts lay broken that tried Still steady was the stature of this man named Quinn All ready from levies he battled within With family with money and with the closest of friends He weathered and learned and discerned to grin While others were eager to dash in front or behind Don Quinn had a plan he thought worth the time For she never took pleasure in being pushed off her line Don Quinn for the win had a plan more divine While others took leisure and gusto to sway Her focus was steady and kept on her way So Donny took heed while walking this day Still she was not looking she need not be saved He tightened his noggin and sharpened his eye He gathered his dignity and he leveled his guide She continued to dismiss the distractions of guys He paced himself on this path he would try What was his secret or his future demise? Would he falter fluster or fall before her thighs? No. Because his aim was the same as her prize He was becoming by running towards the Skye's So when she got there he found her right by his side She was not looking for Donny or a handout freedom All she needed was a companion with whom to share a sunrise Dr. Quinn practiced medicine while building a horizon he was willing to walk wait and work towards their golden Skye's Mr Quinn out did many a men simply by fixing his vision
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38
Still thinking of those memories. *The very first day of spring, The trees looked colorful and festive. The day when I held your hand, Sitting on the bench at the park. Flowers blossoming, birds tweeting, Children playing gleefully. A little boy playing his violin joyfully, Chanting for a handout. No doubt, no worry, Beautiful was the day we spent.* Time flew away, Only memories were made. Time is not ours to own. It cannot be spent, It just can be squandered and reminisced.
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Aug 29, 2013
Aug 29, 2013 at 12:01 PM UTC
Time..
We flipped small coins for fun and like Apache arrows flew into the morning sun calling curses on the day, this was the way we knew. Ceaselessly the air swirled round the sacred ancient hunting ground until we found the buffalo and John Crow said, 'better dead than being brave,we are the slaves of appetite' and then the night of death rained on and soon the buffalo were gone. Bones and stew make bedfellows too and this is what we've got the empty stomach empty cooking *** and not a beast seen anywhere. No happy hunting ground,no arrows leased,no feast,not least no children born,no warming sun,harsh winters come and we must run away this was the way we knew. Soldiers blue and few we were rifles,gunshot, did we dare to dream tomorrow would arrive,could we,would we learn to live and survive on reservation land,live hand to mouth,or would we move on South to Mexico where peasants till the soil and shattered spirits go. This was the way when plainly night became our day and pipes of peace were smoked no more, ruled beyond a different law the rule of handout,get out,turn round about and cry the way of life we knew did die but we the children are living on, in stories told in elders huts,where cuts of jerky hang on skin lined walls and voices hush as the old one calls for spirits that he's known to rise and cries again at so much pain and so much lost and all it cost him and his tribe. Describing monuments to men,is like paintings of the mists and when you think you've got it almost right the swirling buffalo moves off again into the endless night it's difficult,impossible,I can't explain except to say, 'that, what is pain but loss and heartache' the breaking of another lance and one more agreement,one more given chance, One plain speaking man of breeding leading his people home.
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Jul 26, 2013
Jul 26, 2013 at 10:12 PM UTC
Forced removals
We flipped small coins for fun and like Apache arrows flew into the morning sun calling curses on the day, this was the way we knew. Ceaselessly the air swirled round the sacred ancient hunting ground until we found the buffalo and John Crow said, 'better dead than being brave,we are the slaves of appetite' and then the night of death rained on and soon the buffalo were gone. Bones and stew make bedfellows too and this is what we've got the empty stomach empty cooking *** and not a beast seen anywhere. No happy hunting ground,no arrows leased,no feast,not least no children born,no warming sun,harsh winters come and we must run away this was the way we knew. Soldiers blue and few we were rifles,gunshot, did we dare to dream tomorrow would arrive,could we,would we learn to live and survive on reservation land,live hand to mouth,or would we move on South to Mexico where peasants till the soil and shattered spirits go. This was the way when plainly night became our day and pipes of peace were smoked no more, ruled beyond a different law the rule of handout,get out,turn round about and cry the way of life we knew did die but we the children are living on, in stories told in elders huts,where cuts of jerky hang on skin lined walls and voices hush as the old one calls for spirits that he's known to rise and cries again at so much pain and so much lost and all it cost him and his tribe. Describing monuments to men,is like paintings of the mists and when you think you've got it almost right the swirling buffalo moves off again into the endless night it's difficult,impossible,I can't explain except to say, 'that, what is pain but loss and heartache' the breaking of another lance and one more agreement,one more given chance, One plain speaking man of breeding leading his people home.
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31
A lifelong loner, with the dawn of each day, keeps one promise, more sadness & agony Father abandoned me, mother too high to visit me, leaves me with an abuser, to show me their ways To this day, I think of you & all you have taught me How to live in fear, not being myself, become a character to please those that may fear me People skills non-existent, however, I stayed resilient, through the insults & feeling unworthy Surely, someone will see a light in me, or is it too dim? Oh, that's right, you view me as glib Back in my place, with a lid put on it Did I do something to offend? Merely being born in this world of sin, forgive me where is the gun? That's what I should have done, many moons ago, end it all before I knew better Since I know better, when will I become better? Never is the answer I am a cancer, that has stricken two families Cut me out, lump removed, it behooves you, but you knew this Then there are the "friendships" I attempted to wedge myself in   Unknowing of how to be a friend, I'd watch, learn, mimic & pretend Now I'll surely fit in? Nah loser, another sad talespin, leaves me Baloo I continue to watch & learn, this time from afar With the bar set to a new low, by my own hand, I stand in a shadow, from the lights sight Darkness is my home, the ground is my throne I sit in a mess of my own making, quaking, with a handout I am a man down & many days out Yet, no one knows the depths of my pain All the snickers, pushed me towards the snickers, elevating the bar Inward scars become visible on the outside, stretched across my skin Another attempt at a "normal" life in an abnormal society Taking all the lessons learned to craft a new me Authentically, unapologetically, me Wishing you well, wayward son of no one By Axton Rupp
0
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 2:54 AM UTC
A Lifelong Loner
A lifelong loner, with the dawn of each day, keeps one promise, more sadness & agony Father abandoned me, mother too high to visit me, leaves me with an abuser, to show me their ways To this day, I think of you & all you have taught me How to live in fear, not being myself, become a character to please those that may fear me People skills non-existent, however, I stayed resilient, through the insults & feeling unworthy Surely, someone will see a light in me, or is it too dim? Oh, that's right, you view me as glib Back in my place, with a lid put on it Did I do something to offend? Merely being born in this world of sin, forgive me where is the gun? That's what I should have done, many moons ago, end it all before I knew better Since I know better, when will I become better? Never is the answer I am a cancer, that has stricken two families Cut me out, lump removed, it behooves you, but you knew this Then there are the "friendships" I attempted to wedge myself in   Unknowing of how to be a friend, I'd watch, learn, mimic & pretend Now I'll surely fit in? Nah loser, another sad talespin, leaves me Baloo I continue to watch & learn, this time from afar With the bar set to a new low, by my own hand, I stand in a shadow, from the lights sight Darkness is my home, the ground is my throne I sit in a mess of my own making, quaking, with a handout I am a man down & many days out Yet, no one knows the depths of my pain All the snickers, pushed me towards the snickers, elevating the bar Inward scars become visible on the outside, stretched across my skin Another attempt at a "normal" life in an abnormal society Taking all the lessons learned to craft a new me Authentically, unapologetically, me Wishing you well, wayward son of no one By Axton Rupp
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29
I believe that every bone has a story that even the sun gets tired and that's why it rains / I saw you waltzing in and out like, you'd gotten lost you keep sayin' in everyone else's tongue so I'd finally forgotten what you sound like; it's been, all chop & pour anymore so, I gently shut all of those, doors against locks I'd given away the keys to. they'd find me out the window, into wet gardens of snails and worm a stolen bird with no nest doesn't want a handout just more time to make back her bed
0
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 1:12 PM UTC
fruit
The wind is foul. The rain dribbles down my neck as I queue and stare uncertainly at the Uber Eats backpack in front of me, wondering who might have ordered foodbank takeout or how the Uber guy had come to need a handout and what he might feel about delivering Friday night treats while wondering what he'll eat tomorrow. The wind is foul.
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Feb 15, 2022
Feb 15, 2022 at 4:38 AM UTC
Foodbank take-out
I set out to find love with the right person I stayed single because I didn't want to get hurt Been down found self respect not giving it up Standing tall hoping the right people come around and stay Never wanted to get my hopes up so I stopped caring The reality is it meant everything For years I was bullied and looked down on for not having a job Found I can't rely on anyone if I wanted or needed I go do it myself I got back into the dating world my heart took a beating Gave her me that's all I can be Went all in with no regrets or escape route I give it to god believe something better will come out of the struggle If not I'm meant for better not settling for less
0
Nov 13, 2013
Nov 13, 2013 at 2:13 PM UTC
handout
These trips by the county boys, Being further deputized as burly, armed elves Tended toward the grim, Taking them on roads way up in the hills Where pavement was the stuff of fantasy And the home-sweet-homes Were ancient pock-mark and rusted single-wides Or jerry-built additions uneasily affixed To some abandoned hunting camp or outbuilding, Third-hand rugs or tarps covering Hard ground, possibly augmented with a sprinkle of sawdust, And you learned not to do more than exchange hellos With the parents (this just one more minor indignity, One more for-today-only handout, The toxic mixture of resentment and self-recrimination Never far from the surface) and head for the kids As quickly as politeness allowed, the smiles (Sometimes positively beatific, others suitably wan, Knowing that tomorrow would be another day In a series of just another days) And upon leaving one such place, a couple of the boys Heard an incongruous tinkling, this place Far enough from town and insulated by bluff and pine woods Where it couldn't be from St, Mary's or Faith Baptist, And turning the corner toward where they were parked, They happened upon a black bear, Improbably wakened and wandered from some nearby cave, Toying with some improvised wind chime, Comprised of old graters, 50s-issue percolator stems, Silverware liberated from some Denny's or school cafeteria, And as they backed away to seek Some alternate path to their vehicle, the younger of the pair opined Must be some angel getting his wings, hey? To which his partner, who knew these hills And their sundry denizens all too well replied *You get that bears attention, You're mebbe gonna find yourself on the waiting list*.
0
Dec 21, 2022
Dec 21, 2022 at 4:23 PM UTC
the bells of saint marys, pennsylvania
These trips by the county boys, Being further deputized as burly, armed elves Tended toward the grim, Taking them on roads way up in the hills Where pavement was the stuff of fantasy And the home-sweet-homes Were ancient pock-mark and rusted single-wides Or jerry-built additions uneasily affixed To some abandoned hunting camp or outbuilding, Third-hand rugs or tarps covering Hard ground, possibly augmented with a sprinkle of sawdust, And you learned not to do more than exchange hellos With the parents (this just one more minor indignity, One more for-today-only handout, The toxic mixture of resentment and self-recrimination Never far from the surface) and head for the kids As quickly as politeness allowed, the smiles (Sometimes positively beatific, others suitably wan, Knowing that tomorrow would be another day In a series of just another days) And upon leaving one such place, a couple of the boys Heard an incongruous tinkling, this place Far enough from town and insulated by bluff and pine woods Where it couldn't be from St, Mary's or Faith Baptist, And turning the corner toward where they were parked, They happened upon a black bear, Improbably wakened and wandered from some nearby cave, Toying with some improvised wind chime, Comprised of old graters, 50s-issue percolator stems, Silverware liberated from some Denny's or school cafeteria, And as they backed away to seek Some alternate path to their vehicle, the younger of the pair opined Must be some angel getting his wings, hey? To which his partner, who knew these hills And their sundry denizens all too well replied *You get that bears attention, You're mebbe gonna find yourself on the waiting list*.
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37
i'd like you best wrapped up under the axles of my truck but i'd rather not have to pay your brother to clean it up. get the **** out of my home town your driving the real estate value down. in other words: go back where you came from. we don't need that liberal faggy **** i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. but i love the way my baby looks in that white summer dress caught around the warm summer air, with flowers tangled up in her hair. and the amber sun looks good in her eyes i'm a man. **** a ****** stab a *** make my granddaddy proud. love my baby, she's WASP like me we're gunna start a family. i **** her good, god gave me seed you know i sow it as i please. ultimately- i'm good. got a gun, bring it to school always with me. i know i'm cool- in case i need to get those sunni-shiite *****   shoot my teacher if i fail a test. it's okay.i'm cowboy. i'm good. jesus loves me, he told me so. ******* Hey-Zeus, he mows my lawn. -be ****** if i let them use the good bathroom   it's all right they'll be deported soon. and it's good.   back in the city, jesus-  girls' ******* drop. filthy ***** and cherries to pop. but blondie looks good. follow her home. i'm a really nice guy. don't understand what made her cry. just keep ******* her anyways. feminazi ******* wanna blame me there just mad that they're ugly jealous of my success there all just ***** anyway. blow me. and all those ***** livin' off the government's dime handout ******* all of them should just die. time to rise up time to be family man. i. oh, i'm a good ol' boy, i'm good. (you know i'd **** you if i knew i could.) but i love the way my baby looks in that white summer dress caught up in the ******* air, with flowers -like a promise- all in her hair.
0
Mar 2, 2016
Mar 2, 2016 at 10:53 PM UTC
country song:a new kind of pop
i'd like you best wrapped up under the axles of my truck but i'd rather not have to pay your brother to clean it up. get the **** out of my home town your driving the real estate value down. in other words: go back where you came from. we don't need that liberal faggy **** i'm a man. i'm a man. i'm a man. but i love the way my baby looks in that white summer dress caught around the warm summer air, with flowers tangled up in her hair. and the amber sun looks good in her eyes i'm a man. **** a ****** stab a *** make my granddaddy proud. love my baby, she's WASP like me we're gunna start a family. i **** her good, god gave me seed you know i sow it as i please. ultimately- i'm good. got a gun, bring it to school always with me. i know i'm cool- in case i need to get those sunni-shiite *****   shoot my teacher if i fail a test. it's okay.i'm cowboy. i'm good. jesus loves me, he told me so. ******* Hey-Zeus, he mows my lawn. -be ****** if i let them use the good bathroom   it's all right they'll be deported soon. and it's good.   back in the city, jesus-  girls' ******* drop. filthy ***** and cherries to pop. but blondie looks good. follow her home. i'm a really nice guy. don't understand what made her cry. just keep ******* her anyways. feminazi ******* wanna blame me there just mad that they're ugly jealous of my success there all just ***** anyway. blow me. and all those ***** livin' off the government's dime handout ******* all of them should just die. time to rise up time to be family man. i. oh, i'm a good ol' boy, i'm good. (you know i'd **** you if i knew i could.) but i love the way my baby looks in that white summer dress caught up in the ******* air, with flowers -like a promise- all in her hair.
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60
Hey there, I'm Joe Sixpack, an American full of pride. I don't want no welfare state, I don't want no free ride. And I don't want no charity 'cause freedom don't come free. I just got four priorities, they're ME, ME, ME and ME! I just can't stand the government. Tax, I don't wanna pay. Don't want no lazy welfare bums to **** it all away. Don't want no ******* FEMA after flood or hurricane. Don't want no public healthcare to fix someone else's pain. But if my house blows over or if I get unemployed, and I don't got insurance and my health's getting destroyed... Well, then you'll see me change my tune and I'll be first in line. Sayin' "I deserve a handout", "Oh poor ME" I'll ***** and whine.
0
Apr 21, 2020
Apr 21, 2020 at 10:48 PM UTC
Joe Sixpack