Sometimes when I see what people have the capability of doing, I wonder if there is anything else besides blood and bones.
Sometimes when I like a boy. He always likes to twitter pate my friends hearts. Sometimes if my friend has no desire, the boys still come crawling, right past me.
This is not just a one time thing. This is a reoccurring event. kind of the like the bickering that goes on at my house during the weekends.
Sometimes it gets sad.
Sometimes when I open my heart and my love flies out like a bird leaving its cage for the first time, something goes wrong. My bird's wings maybe don't work. Maybe there was a killer just waiting to shoot down the newly free creature. Or maybe, my bird just can't handle the pressure and is crippled. Whatever it is like, and it is different in every situation, My heart is become such a raw sore. This is not because of one event. Let me be clear.
This is the build up of heartaches after letdowns and broken wishes.
Sometimes, on chilly nights like these. When I am cuddled up sipping hot coco and eating warm chocolate chip cookies, I just wonder. Why have I let my feelings control me for so long?
Why have I put myself through this? The only solution I can come up with is that all of these times that my feelings are torn apart by these creatures we call MEN, are just preparing me for my infinite love that I will have someday.
Sometimes I smile because I KNOW someday, I will be greatfull for the broken winged heart because I will have never had the chance to meet this future peice of my puzzle.

I stare into your eyes
defiant
Who are you to question me?
I who stands curagous and brave.
Strong and willing.
Greatfull and compassionate.
I have won

Armies of jealousy and propaganda
Holding no power.
They tumble and scrape.
A fit for escape.

Eyes open for the first time
*They are alone

Candle calm

Be calm
Be still
Do not fluster or suddenly move
Slowly perform the candle grip groove
For the candle flame flickers a delicate dance
I cannot afford to take a chance
A draft, a gust, an uninvited ****** will end the candles gentle trust
A Shimmer of colour as the flames bend
I fear the candle flame is close to the end
The dance plays on defying the breeze
What ever I do I must never sneeze
I Steady my hands diverting the air
Excited to prolong the candles glare
No second chances with this fair flame
I’m playing the dangerous tip toe game
My light footed journey is near to the end
I’m greatfull for my flickering friend
Stay lit
Stay bright
For I fear the night
Without you I have no sight
I must remember the candle calm rules
so the flame burns on and never stools
Be calm
Be calm
Be very candle calm

How can anyone believe in a god that drops bombs on us, allows wars to run rampt, children to go hungry, and animals to be beaten?
I cry ****** tears of saddness and grief!
Everything is wrong.
Nothing is explained.
We smile and take what we are given, and we act greatfull.
We are all sad beings of our selves.
What is worth living for if we cover over our problems with a lie.
How many times have you heard someone say there fine, when really hell is breaking lose inside...
So much saddness, too much to go around.
Humans say make the best of a bad situation, Well I say BullSh*t!!!
Humans are all ONE and ONE for all........
There is no unity, or love or real kindness or trust
How can we believe in human lies...
I don't want to believe in thier lies or misconceptions of truths anymore.
All I cry for is truth and understanding...

signed A Lone Vampire's thoughts and tears...AC 2007

I might get a bit drunker when I am around you.
drinking away the shame and nerves is what I am made of these days.
more ***** than water in my blood.

I woke up this morning looking at the sun, being greatfull for living.
sometimes Im thinking about never going home again, but I aint leaving you.
my ego always was bigger than my heart. but that didnt stop me from loving you.

putting your favorite song on repeat is like drowing in your favorite drink.
after a while the taste is gone and it makes you want to jump of a bridge.
doing things you would have never done in real life, but it made you feel alive.

its really not that bad keeping your life a secret.

Standing in the wind
wishing I could start agian,
but yet
I relize I can't.
I try to get up, or move, or walk,
but yet
I relize I can't.
Now they come to
terrorize me agian.
They grab me by the arm
and take me away once more.
But yet,
I dont undersand why.
They take me underground
to see their high master.
So they can decide my fate once more.
He took one look,
and smiled his evil smile,
and told the gaurds
to do the extreme to me.
I cry,scream, and try to tear my way out,
but only in my mind.
Because i relize
if I did it outloud,
I would surely die.
But yet,
something still came out
of my mouth once more.
Now the king
told them to do the extreme
plus more.
Now I've done it.
I've killed myself today.
I will not be able
to breath or live for another day.
They take me away
to where they will **** me today.
So now I wait
for my fate to come,
and start to pray.
They start to beat me,
and throw me agianst the rocks.
But I relize,
I do not feel any pain.
I feel strength growing
in my arms
and start to think
I can live another day.
But before they hit me agian,
a light shines.
It takes away
every drop of darkness
in the world.
A person comes down,
tells me to stand back,
and starts to fight
agianst them.
They flee in fright,
because of what is in their sight.
I really dont know why they ran,
but yet
I relize I didn't see the face of the man.
He turned around
and I instantly relized
this wasn't any ordinary man.
This was the lord, my savior,
the ruler of the light.
I could not beleive my sight.
He takes my hand,
and asks me to walk with him.
Then he takes me
out of here
to never go back agian.
He lifts me free,
and I am forever faithfull to him.
He takes me to his kingdom
where I am forever free.
To walk
and talk
and live worry free.
I can finally be in a greatfull peace.
I reize now,
I can finally start agian once more.

I want to be honest of my life
Cause people think of me like worthless mice
I care about people more than myself
You may say that a defiency of self
I love people and thats what I am
I was broke more than once but I am able to stand
I used expect much from people but usually get nothing back
This how life is and now I understand.
I don't like to see people suffer in pain and I feel it's my duty to make them feel entertained.
I want to help people as much as I can
Even if I feel that it interveins with my plan.
I think that Allah gave me this gift to love
Althought It wasn't easy to accept what was given from above.
I loved a girl for once in my life.
I even thought she could become my wife.
I took a decision to leave her in peace.
Although this decision is breaking me to my knees.
The pain I have I suffer alone.
Because I feel other people's problems are bigger than my own.
This the life that no one knows.
No body knows how much I care.
But this is the life I want to bare.
I am greatfull for the people I have and know.
I thank the people that I dearly love and hold.
Love you all to the highest degree.
I hope you life to be better than me.

I blame myself for a lot of things
But never blamed myself for loving you
Always wanted what's best for you
I see you are happy now
I always wanted that for you
I always wanted the be the cause of that
Suppose in a way I am
The smile on your face brings happiness to my heart
I'll always be greatfull for the time we had

Baby can you handle this
Life on the edge I see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
Needle in my arm
Love note saying that I'm sorry i just loved you to much
I'm just ****** up now I'm gone
I know you don't like it when I'm on this ****
I got so much music in my soul maby I can sell it to the world
My words in there steros and I'm telling em all
**** it live life to the fullest till you ****** die
It could be tommorow
Baby I just wanna smile
Baby will you smile
Baby ****** smile with me
Theses wounds cut deep
I live a life you don't understand
I'm what you want but can you really handle who I am
I want shiny things and tattoos on my body so I ain't gotta say **** I can talk with my skin
Tattoo ink like a script you gotta question
Take a minute and get educated
Go to the left hand find the *******
Now notice how there's no more ***** for me to give my finger is feeling limp
So I'll just use my lips
**** society please baby run away with me
we can make each other's happiness a priority
First goal every day is to see your beautiful face lookin at me smiling
Xanax takes my memory's so baby please stay next to me
my vibe is heavy in my soul like a cupple tabs of lsd
I can feel you brightinin my world
Can you see me changin
can you see me changin
I'm trying but **** chaingin causes pain n I'm in the passing lane lookin out my passenger window
At myself
I can see the past in my face and the pain ive felt  
My life been ****** up who shuffled this deck what kinda hand I been delt
I got every thing I ever had,
and every thing I'ma ever gonna make, invested in this life
How they gonna stand there and watch me burn it like dryed leaves soaked in gasoline that we stand around in the fall to stay warm with homies while we kickin it
light some **** an have a cupple drinks
80 on the freeway we ain't speedin cuz honestly I got some product in the trunk
Selling ain't cool and it ain't easy
Even tho I know I could just go to work an make that cheese extra cheesy just cuz I got a lil guzmen in me.
These streets stay yellin at me in my daydreams
Talking bout the city in a drought flip a brick make a grip  
and get some fiends to rely on your buisness
At least when I'm weighin the work someone gonna be expectin me
and they smilin when I arrive
**** people been dreadin my presence my whole life at least drugs make me the one they wanna see
Baby im alive right now
I cant speak on next year **** I can't even promise you next week
Cuz when it comes to being about it fo yo homies yo family and yo friends then they say anything disrespectful and they likely ta catch lead
Body shots are Target practice we aimin for they head
Twenty five to life is what they tryina give us in tha 208
Half a zip of Crystal and they talkin life with without
man I was ony 21
Said if I told em three dealers above me I could catch probation and go free
**** that **** I run around with real gangsters take yo head off your shoulders
If you got loose lips round us you gonna learn
We catch an OP we spread the word
That black and white already been sent ta everyone ya heard
you aint aloud to play no more sorry but you broke the rules
If my mouth woulda opened right now I wouldn't be breathing
My paper work come correct you better believe it
**** y'all draggin my name in the mud
I been solid since I was to Young to be doin this ****
Girl if you wit me you gotta stay solid onehundred percent
Everything is handled in house we don't dial 911
unless we need a doctor or somethings burnin up
**** twelve they wanna see me hurting
**** twelve
They want wanna catch me serving to
these fiends but just these crack heads waiting till I can't supply
then they giving up my name to 5-O just ta keep themselves on they level
Chasin that high is like running from the devil
But he got a leash chokin you till you bowin down at his knees
Life lived
life wasted  
Life on the edge
**** it let's see the world I wanna make it
This my world I'ma do what I wanna y'all gonna know my name I'ma top shotta dumb dotta
**** around fall in love with the life you see around ya
Stay with me girl we gonna take a million dolla
Make it 4 times that over night
******* that grind baby so you can kick back and enjoy life
Shoppin in hollywood on rodeo drive
red carpet pictures capturin the moments we together in life
I'm fascineted by your body
Far from ordinary baby your unique
Can you handle this
Life on the edge I can see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
Baby will you live life like the end is already happening
Treasure every moment **** what ever all thoes losers think
They say I'm wastin away
Druggin my life down the drain
Well let's be honest here my name is Dennis drain so pour your liquor dump your dope out let me take it all to the head
I can barely breath I might have just OD'd
I think I just OD'd
If you find me and I can't breath
Baby will you scream for me
Baby I'm sorry this is how you ever had to see me
Live life like I showed you **** what hurts deep inside
find beautiful places an people with smiling faces integrate with there minds to create a place on this world to sit down and just think
Even in the darkness of what comes after my last heart beat
Your memory will keep
My soul feeding off your energy
seeing you and me close
back when it was back then
Ya know not just in my head
But here in reality baby this is where I can feel your every breath
In a mansion smilin with cash
dressed in the latest fasions
Millions of people saying they fans of what I create
I changeed they lives with the music I made
I hope that this dream comes true cuz I'ma promise you that when it do
I'ma bring you wit me we gonna be rich like we filthy
swimmin in bills wit blue faces all hundreds no 20s no 50s
But if these dreams come up short and I'm stuck in this place will you stick with me
here on this dead end street
Is a 9 to 5, Makin 17.50 enough for your beautiful body to wanna come closer to mine
We might rent forever may never own a house
and I might go away for some time you might have to wipe them tears from your face
It's ok still crying
I love you
your mine
Put a smile on you mouth
Even when it hurts girl
If I'm wit you or i bounced
In the penatentry or on the couch
you what makes me smile baby girl and don't you ever forget that
Be mine till the end of time
But only if you won't regret that
When we find the end we can build on till infinity can't streach any more
Every moment till the moments finley find the end and we are no more
In reality or my memory cuz time took what I love away from me
baby you best
Baby  come close  I'ma hold you in my arms untill you tell me to let go
keep ya warm like toast  
butter yo bread when we in bed
hope you like the way I make you feel when I give you my passion
hopefully you see that this kinda ectasy don't just happen
I'm tryin my best to keep you feeling happy
Mind body and soul
Make yo body thirst for me
Girl I know yo smile only works for me
I see theses other women they looking good
but you the only one I wanna dance for me
Stop doubting your beauty it's not attractive to hear such a goddess of a women doubt the power of her attraction
Yo eyes catch mine and the police might as well of pulled out a 9
Cuz i cant move
I'm stuck on you
Baby can you handle this
Life on the edge I can see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
If I die I swear you'll be my endless dream
Baby baby please let's take life like it's drugs and do this **** together
feel the euphoria like we the same soul forever
They can't handle this **** that we doin
We don't fit the mold so baby we just out here bein different
They don't like that
they stay trippin
Can you handle me baby it's ok if you can't
Just let me know what it is you looking for in a man
If I can't give you what you want than I'll let you go
Cuz your happiness is what warms my soul
Even if it ain't with me
Every time I wake up weather its late afternoon or early morning
Depending on what I been dosing
Depression holdin on to me an I know I'm hard to love
But even when you with some other man if you cracking a smile
Everything goin good
you got money and a place to live
Then I'm smilin wit you I hope one day I'll meet yo kids
The world could die if you and I could float forever in space
with each other in the endless expanses of space
I hope we float around an never age never feel hunger
never feel pain
Fill each other with happiness an fix the broken thangs
Baby I know we just met so maby I'm crazy I really don't know yet
But I'ma offer you my heart you can have it
If the blood scares you
you can turn off the lights and feel it beat in your hand
Feel the energy and power every beat you feel sitting in the darkness
Baby I'm here for you
and every moment your with me I lose grip on reality
your the drug I want
just please forgive my evil deeds my past is full of terrible things
I try and keep that stuff down deep but it comes to say hello sometimes **** I hate it when these memories figure out how to make catchy rhymes
and when it does happen please don't think any less of me
I'm slowly changing please believe
I'ma be honest I'ma always do me
Sometimes doin me means sacrificing things
Things I love
Things I can't put a price on easily
my freedom is worth to much by itself
Now add YOU to my list of things they take from me if I go back to county and ******* I don't wanna go in that cell
"**** twelve"  police ain't **** catch me at the red light if you can
I'm quick to split soon as them red and blues start to flick
I want the love you show me to hold me when I sleep
**** thin blue mats and cold concreat
My body aches an I miss that cute twiching you do when you finally slip into your dreams
Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm who you wanna spend every moment you got left breathing in this life with
I know things don't always work out and we may never make to marriage and kids
But no matter what every word I've said I've meant
It's crazy cuz we just meet but I'm just kinda that way
Meet you one day the next I don't wanna let you go
I guess I'm kinda clingy but I'm blaming you an the way you sitting there with a blank stare licking your lips
I wanna hold you by your hips
Kiss you everywhere an feel your body twitch
So I'ma stay close play it by ear till you tell me to leave or we've been a thing for a cupple a years so it's kinda clear we a thing not a fling
were long lasting not just a quick  burst of hormones and physical addictions
I wanna feel you in every way but I wanna sit down and talk about your day
You were gone and I wasn't there
I miss you no put up your hair I like it when you use words to massage the parts of me that I only share with you
No matter what you being alive makes me wanna live life
It makes me wanna see the world
Cuz baby girl you make it easier to breath  
but at the same time my breath is short
I'm feeling light in the head
An weak in the knees
These feelings are intoxicating
A needle in my vain full of quality drugs can't match the moment you enter the room
Please baby come in leave and come right back into my heart
Every time I see your face after your dose of beauty has been outta my grasp even for just uno, dos, ... ****
thoes two seconds couldn't pass fast enough
I look you up and down I love your face your body is so perfectly curvy
Your outline got me followin the lines like I'm doin geometry
Girl you could make a man fall in love with math
I wanna find the angle you at when I'm holding yo ***
You catching feelings girl yea I know
Me an you we falling hard
we so hot our passion mealtin yards of snow at Christmas time
Green lawns in the winter months
We lounging like it's mid July
Sittin in a quiet place where it's easy to appreciate our own vibes
Can you feel me livin inside
I'm the reason that your heart keeps a smile
You the reason that my days go by to fast
Every moment with you is delicious I just want an order of it
Now super size it I want these feelings ta be never endin
Takin pictures now cuz in this life don't nothin last
I wanna look back and see how we used to act
baby can you handle this
Baby can you handle me
Life on the edge I see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
If I die will you ****** scream
aint pay **** for it I got it all for free
Got home opened up the bag
Looked in to see your eyes starin back at me  
Used your vibes to fill a 100 CC IV
Baby please swim trough my veins
can feel the beat to my life
can you Bob yo head to the sounds when I live and breath
the notes inside my head keep me from fallin dead  
Every beat carry's  my soul and passion can you taste it
it's thick in the recipe they used to creat me
a mixture of insanity and passion
Someone please add a little common sense to to the mix it might help make a happier ending
I got the bravery but sometimes I just do
I don't always think and that's what's gonna tear me away from you
In a concreat cell that I can't even get up in without my feet freezing under me.
I make these dumb decisions when  I'm faced with two people opposing me
Mine or there's
So either you handle business or get punked out like you was raised buy some *******
I can't sit back and let these lames run they jaw
like they about they business
we throwing hands no question so baby I apologize If they start talking that **** and I ki one of them *******
I aint askin you to lie
I'm just asking you if you really about bein mine
Cuz if you were then you would stay solid hold back the fear and uncertinty
and tell all thoes people that wanna put me away
that I ain't do nothin that I'm innocent
and I'll tell the world that I love you till the very end
If you feel like you can't keep my secrets
Plz just do what your heart tells you is the right decision
cuz the truth will set you free
in that position it'll give me 25 years to think
25 years away from you
25 years away from me
25 years that I lose myself trying to find you inside my head
25 years to replay memories from the short time you been Makin my world seem brightened like your my sun your existing  decides if I live or die
Your memories never fade
I keep them in my mind on replay
Over and over in my head
slower and slower but still they move to fast
Glimpses of the recent past  that I wish my hardest would never pass
Baby can you handle this
Life on the edge I see the end with every kiss
Baby will you die for me
Baby if I die will you ****** scream
Baby if I die tear your ****** vocal coards to peices singing this song on the top of the world
high as **** with your last **** down at the bottom in the scared little girl you left behind when you came home with me
let my name echo in the world baby
I wanna be heard
I want my memory to burn into the minds of the ones who are just like me
BHC
Black hoodie crew yea that's till death make a generation follow my every breath
I want you to be with me
when they introduce my crazy *** to the world you that's listning
When I have thousands of fans and my name they scream
I want you next to me
Baby shine with me
When it gets dark and your alone remember that I ****** love you and justbe greatfull that I was
once asked  to spread words that create lifestyles
lyrics that give people hope in the world even when your seeing shadows
I want people to wanna be me and I want them to want you cuz I have you and they can't you love me
Cuz they love what I stand for and you stand next to me girl
BABY CAN YOU HANDLE THIS????

I see the light,
About to take flight.
Nothing can stop me,
Although my dreams are beyond me.

Filled with excite,
A touch of delight.
Greatfull for the light,
And all of a sudden life is no longer a plight.
So carry on the goodfight,
you'll never see the darkness of night.
For everything will remain bright,
You will rise to a new might,
And fly like a kite.

I see the light,
About to take flight.
My life is no longer a plight
I have become the light.

In a world,
Where no one can stand,
Without a little help,
From another man.
Our people struggle,
We stagger along,
To have a place,
To call our own.
We make money,
If we're ever so lucky,
And slink along those days,
That tend to be grungy.
What people don't know,
Is how to be happy,
How to move along,
And live a life not to shabby.
The one thing left,
for the world to learn,
is that happiness isn't found,
And  it isn't earned,
It was inside all along,
Next to the thing we call greatfull,
Far from the wrong,
And next to the faithfull.

Why do we meet all of  the people we do,
Yet we tend to keep by us only a few.

All the different ways you meet each other,
The impact you have, may unknowingly change them forever.

The gesture may be big or small,
You can squish em down or help them stand tall.

How you greet those you meet,
Could make a difference instantly.

A smile of empathy as you see the strain in their   face,
May be just enough to hold them in place.

Opening that door for one last guy,
Saving him a struggle he is happy to pass by.

Bending to pick up the fallen book,
Saved her shearing pain, how greatfull she looks.

We can never understand the full impact we impose,
Just remember we communicate from our head to our toes.

It is the way you think
The way you say things
The way you see things
The way you feel things
The way you do things
The way you are...
Who makes me feel alive
And greatfull...

This past year has taught me a lot, I’m not going to lie it’s been a hard year , been though really hard times losing some amazing people , lost family that meant the world to me, had to learn how to pick myself up after people were done with me , had to fine myself for myself learning I can’t let anyone do that for me except myself , I let a lot of people go from my life they taught me I didn’t need negativity in my life , and with that brought me some of the most amazing people I have in life Rn which are basically like family,this year is no different to last year it’s the same just times are getting harder things are changing, I’m greatfull for all the people that did stick around with me has had been there with me at my lowest point in life till my happiest , ever since I lost you I haven’t been the same person I’m not as happy as I use to be but days like this remind me why I shouldn’t take anything for granted. Finding myself in open spaces what I need and what I don’t need in life is so important, I honestly wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have the most amazing support from friends and family especially.

Honestly speechless
A full return to innocence
Mingled with iniquities
I  study to see......
Is this a counterfeit
Or is it legitimate ..



Dimly lit .
Mourning the theft
Of future memories
From the grip of
Damp cold misery ...
solo ride ,
Lone wolf .  ...
Weighing time
and what little I have left.
I macerate in thought of exiting
....
Exacerbating.
Is this really it?
In steps the Queen
..
Pruses me ......
I'm caught up in a stare.......
Pontificating in dulcet fantasy.....
Pulled down more than a few degrees...
Imbued by my badly bruised longevity ....  
Am I selfish enough to let her love me......
Yet so sweet is she to want "me" in spite
Of me.....
I'm on my knees pleading to the executioner for  clemency.........
For this surely is
A woman worth far more than me....
Greatfull !Humbled
Honored  
⁶⁶ě
....standing in awe ..
You seeing passed all my flaws....
..caught up in your stare.........  
SARA..........
I was  just  jazzed to be there. .  
As if  you didn't know ...  I fell into you deeper every day......
Thank you.......