Its funny, as I am sitting here in the back of the auditorium, listening to all my friends on stage. The song is The Nutcracker, and suddenly it all comes back. As the bass thrums in my ear and the trupet blares loudly across the audience, I remember those winter day where She would take me to The Nutcracker. Two young girls in tow, She would cart us around, another venue every year. It was grand, the high light of my season. I could watch women with long limber legs and men in their toy soilder costumes, prance gracfully across the stage in time with th music. As I sat in that darkened auditorium it all came back to me. She used to take me to see this, to listen to this music. I had the urge to laugh madly, and cry out in anguish. Its a funny thing how precious things become long after they have ended. When the memory still stands while the erson fades. In that darkened auditorium I felt a pang of sickening nostaligia and longing. For She is dead and I am still here, and now I have no one to take me to the Nutcracker

Crows feet press
against your squinting eyes.

Lines run alongside your lips,
blending into your cheeks.

Whenever they twinkle,
or when curves meet wrinkles,
I'm drawn to your mouth,
by the opening crease within your lips.

(Ilove that)
But only when you smile.

She looked to me as child to understanding teacher.
I needed not to speak just the nod spoke  all that was needed to say.
The razor met tender flesh as her eye's spoke the true plessure of the sting.

The crimsom trail traced her arm leaving bliss and regret washed clean.
She carved the words so gracfully into her arm her pain gave the passion
to my wicked fire.

She yerned to please and I to embrace the darkness that I pulled from her light.
Such a stupid  creature can they not understand there is no true understanding.
Campassion is a tide of emotional ***** left in a gutter of despair.

Teenage agony did he hurt you to bury your tears in tormented scar and
faded composition book.
The sheep was struck by the snake and found shellter in arm's of the wolf.

Deeepr my dear  I comanded  erase the memory  my smile hidden
cast a shadow over my evil cloud of soul.
Deeper bleed the pain in a moments fatal embrace.

Her eye's met with tears and faded slowley as the **** was sliced how sweet
death a beauty I do adore.

The word cast a scar and a final statement inwhich I did and will never embrace again.
Love cast a crimson pool canndle lit chaos she died a angel  in demons splendor.

As I stood above her viewing the art of her demise.
I read the word carved so deeply in her flesh.
And after the release of a fire to nothing i had to reflect.

Kissing thoose lifeless lips  my smile embraced light.
My stupid sweet girl when will you learn.
Love sometimes is so very lethal as well as messy.

Looking at my life in my in observation
I was overcome with Frustration
Because of my circumstances and situation.
The present person of relation
had led believe that my trails and tribulations had made put me in a current state of vegetation.
As he slowly tried to Control my life by his evil plot of *******.
The more I tried to make an alteration
The more I tend to get into another altercation.
Lord Ive tried to be patience.
But this thing Im struggliing with has changed my spiritual location.
Giving in to temptation is the validation of where lies your process of transformation.
Because The biblical truth says no condemnation.
Living the Word is my job, my occupation.
So Now Im Guilty just by accsociation
In the world, I lost my identification.

From the human naked eye Im looking at my outter appearance Asking myself, "Really, Whom Am I?"
Am I a dove that gracfully flies so high in sky?
Immediately, I take a deep breath in and begun sigh.
Simultaneously I then break down and begun to cry
After being exposed to so many venomous and poisonous things makes me just wanna die.
So Next I ask God the famous question, "Lord Why?"
Just Then, in my mind, I hear a small still voice reply,
"If only you could see who you are Thru the Image of Gods view
You would be a completely different person as if you were a creature that was made brand new.
Seeing things thru Gods Perception
Changes the image of your own conception.
You see a Reflection of Impefection
He sees an abundance of love wrapped in blessings.
As you stare at yourself passing Judgement
He stares at you for you are a work of art I call Triumphant."
Lastly, He wishpers "Child you are a gift that is heaven sent.
No longer do I feel abandonment.
I have much appreciation for God allowing me to go thru this so I can understand the true meaning of humiliation.
This Quiet conversation is the conformation that in The heavenly Father is where I find my identification.

This tree is beautiful surely none can compete
utterly ugly for many
when hearts gently meet, either defeat or retreat
so green, curvy branches; you're perfect with tweets
gently moving, slowly dancing, gracfully glancing; a journey
the traces you left, a history
all sweet moves you made legendaries: the memories
that's mistery or mystery
above any sweet honey