If you go, you go, you don't come back.
It's like Tupac being resurrected,
returning to rap.

The door of my life is always creaked open a little.
I trust too many,
people play me like the Fiddle.

But what's the answer to this riddle?
When will it be solved?

It's like I'm the prey
and I'm in between a lion's Jaws.
I mean we all have flaws,
no one's perfect.
Society fvcking with people,
boys telling girls to "twerk it".

Is this how things are now?
Everyone wants fame.
People can't remember Nakia,
I'm No Name.

i tried
i did my best
sacrificed
pleasure and
excitement
i did get results
it equates to
disappointment
i don't *******
know what
the heck do
i have to do
just to be happy
like everyone
i looked up to
i see them
having the things
i work hard for
they did not
even try like
they were born
with it and
it makes me think
if i'm here
in the world
just so the lucky
ones will have
something to
be better than.

Sunday I met you
and now it's Thursday
haven't left your bed
since

Spring weather so riotous
and erratic
love so dangerous it breaks
hearts and bedsprings
bent blankets and electric
tingles hands scraping
each other's bodies

this morning I woke up to déjà vu
—I was here before and I knew you
you’re that guy who twists the truth
who secretly falls for me like I do
oh I just love how you’re always too close
yet too far away to make me had enough of
wait, did I just say that I’m in love with you?
this is bad and will hurt as **** but I know I do
but you will deny me, that’s so typical of you
since you’re the sly fox
and I’m just a girl who’s addicted to untruth

I know that this is ******* you
I really feel your pain
Not physically or mentally but
through the inking you paint
on that page of your mistreatings,
of what this species did to your
Innocent and beauty being.
I'm truly cut deep by this and I,
know it's most probably an infinite nightmare and
I'm quite scared for the, future if this is how some men view a
woman and think they can run free and do a re-**** up
I'm really disgusted with dudes who reveal colours that
paint the world unsafe for our only hope of a loved one .

Man, **** 'em , but it really should be taught to all the lot
That it's okay sometimes to not know and learn from those who've got
knowledge on the thing , and not just push and shove 'em like a box
it's scary how the man has had this illusion that he's superior
now this same illusion is making hard headed animals
Loud nothings upon their heads ringing like alarms in mid
Dream sequence and these issues are just like a parable they knock
Out of the way and make no mistake, they take this thing little a lot
But what do I know. I just want change for our kings and queens
so godly they are hybrids and carry their dreams
in face of more adversity than we could ever endure
I'd to say, from deep inside my core of cores, on behalf of all the boars
that I truly apologize and prayers for y'all are more.
and that's just the two cents from your boy.

Her:


What am I to you?
Am I a raggedy doll?
That you continuously abuse?
To be stuck with this torture any longer,
I refuse.

Why treat me like this?
You made me take this risk,
Ruining my reputation,
lightheaded from hyperventilation.

Do you know that I hate when we argue?
Our days are becoming short,
Limited to a short few.

Why is conversing with you like talking to a white wall?
You nod your head and say okay
I'm just like... is that all?
You're never there to catch me when I fall.

Why don't you want to answer?
You got me crying like a little girl who lost her hamster.
I'm not perfect.
Judge,
I think we reached our verdict...

Being me simply does not do.
You want me to change,

I guess I have to.
so I'll ask again,

What am I to you?

Him:

What you are to me,
is a question you need
to not ask.
I love you how you are,
Don't jump to conclusions so fast.
I mask my feelings
through jokes and laughs.
But if you do the math...
it adds up to

Me+You,

**** what I do.
Just know that I love you.
despite the jokes...
If I hurt you,
I'm sorry... cause when you hurt, I hurt twice as much.
Cause I know I'm the one
that fvcked everything up.
I apologize, forgive me?

Cause if I lose you,
I lose my reason for living.

Listen to me body! I am your master.
Listen to me hands! I command you!

My eyes I demand that you dry. Stop showing this world how fragile we are.

Legs stop shaking and causing earth to reach for me.

Hands stop sweating. Your letting strength slip through our fingers.

Emotions we do not need you here. This house is to small for your boolshit!

Body I'm the master and you the slave
Don't forget that.

Stop exposing my weakness!

You cowardice flesh stop shivering its only pain! Hold still!

Tongue, shut the **** up! you hold your self still and keep my secrets.

In fact body stop being so Human or I will fvckin **** you!!! Haaaaaaaaa!

Woke up late with
blood stains on
my face.

Don’t know what
the **** happened,

and I don’t even
care anyway.

Getting up and
getting around,

work is all I know
in this pathetic town.

It’s all the
same sh*t,
different day.

Who the hell
is still around

here anyway?

Stuck with a crazed
roommate,

who reminds me
of an ex

who just won’t

get the ****
outta my face.

I’ve had enough,

and man,

I give up,
like wow,

I’m getting
out of
this place.

I know this is the problem.. i am eating—kept on eating. I am overeating. My mind said stop but it feels like something is controlling me to keep feeding myself. Why do I always do this when i am longing?

I am procrastinating.. I can’t stop. I feel lazier more than usual. That’s what i feel. My mind said i need to fight it but i am too tired.

Do you think my mind is tricking me into thinking my mind wants to do it but the truth is, it really is the one controlling me not to fight it and I should be listening to my inner self and not the mind so that i will be able to control over my mind?

at the age of 6 my heart thumped and my pulse ran, trying to save itself from you.
i might’ve been young and you were too, but still my heart thumped.
i started to get the idea of your presence.
even though the memory faded and your face did too, i will never forget you.

when i reached the age of 8, i distinctly remember you asking my name. & my mind froze.
my tongue turned the other way, i had forgotten my manners but still in my mind i was responding.
even though we exchanged thoughts, and i had forgotten to tell you my name – i still remember you.
i always replayed memories we never made, sounds strange but i was only a kid, i was only subloving. my heart kept thumping.

and then when i was 10, i started to recognize the way you form your thoughts and paint them for the world to see.
i stared for hours at your masterpieces, i didn’t understand but still i wanted more.
i became addicted to your voice.
you were once hurt by words, words that cut through your skin like a thin blade. you were broken, yet you still lived.
my heart kept thumping for you. i respected that.

at 12 – beautiful age 12, i watched you as you sat on a bench sketching a tree in colors of black and white. i admired you. i liked the way you formed a smile, and i loved the passion in your eyes, and the ambition you had for life.
you gave your heart to art, and loved conversation.
even though right now we’re miles away, the memories will always stay.
we never spoke, but our eyes did, i remember us exchanging metaphors with our eye lids.
my heart has your name engraved.

then came 14, and i learned about real love. keep your cool love, don’t be scared to say **** love, express yourself even if nobody cares love, this is not forever love, you’re just a kid love.
you taught me that love.
although that love choked me, i still had that ‘i don’t care, **** it im young’ love.
you taught me to respect me, and love the ripples i feel when my heart hurts.
you deserve the thank you kinda love.
i was reluctant to embrace those feelings, but i guess right now i can hold myself down.

but my biggest mistake was forgetting 16, i started to fall in love with the way you articulated your words. your speech pattern was beyond my words.
your footsteps was all i wanted to follow.
my only wish is for you to see yourself through my eyes, through my world and you would finally understand why my heart was thumping.

im desperately waiting for 18.

i learned only one thing: nothing gold can stay. nothing lasts forever.

Her eyes worked perfectly fine.
But She was blind: maybe because she chose to be.
I lied, I cheated, I played silly games on Her every chance I got.
Yet, I told Her that she was my only One,
And she listened. (She wasn't deaf)
But ****! She was blind as *****!.

And now,

I got this beautiful Dime that I'm recently dating. Her names Casey. ****, everytime she smiles my kidneys faint.
Her sweet voice commands me to do almost anything.
Sometimes she doesn't pick up Her phone and in public she doesn't wanna hold hands too much. She lies about where she been last night...
She tells me I'm Her only One,
And I believe Her...

Will you let us ****?
Under the moon
where we lay our hands to each other
whispering loud noises of our heartbeats
colliding as our chest gets close to each other?

will you let me kiss those lips of yours
both horizontal and vertical ones?
Will you let me hear that wonderful sound
of your moan
as the night let the wolves howl in jealousy
of the love we make?

Let me hear you scream of my name
for the night is ours
and tomorrow
we're not the same.
This just a dream.
As the Sun rise
I'll wake up
knowing you are never mine.

haha
**** yov.
you know it triggers me
and im not doing so well right now




so tempted to go
on one ice coffee a day right now

dontdothatdontdothatdontdothatdontdothatdontdothatdontdothat­dontdothatdontdothatdontdothatdontdothatdontdothatdontdothat

but­ i wanna.

sometimes I chill and crave your kisses.
****, man my thirst is gettin' in
but the pride between us both is really bloated so I miss shxt
and the past got now determined so the boy can't do shxt then
mammi, you shine and glisten
and your aura's so ignant
so can you please do this favor for me and help approach this distance
**** all others that **** sense
'cause we're legit the real logic
and all others can jump fence
but I admit this a real problem and reality I must accept,
ma, your soul, me it's calling and I fiend for your lovely

yo', but I digress...

it was all my fault
          you were drenched in crimson
you just laid there
motionless
not a single
strand of your
snow white hair
left unpainted
with red—
     so still
  so pitiful
            so unnerving
so remorseful
         so convenient
                and so **** sad
      that you're still bleeding.
             clutching to
                  what's left
of your poor
          masochistic breath
                         as if
                 you're too sure
     that this time
              i'll hear you out...
   why won't you be?
          i was so sure
                  you'd be shouting it out
       anyway.    
just
like
how
you
scream
             'go to hell'
    or
           'go **** yourself'
                         or
  'die now please'
                                            or
        'you look like a taxi in that suit'
              or
                      'i hate you'
         or
                                          'i love you'
                  you'd scream everything.
    always.
                  like when you said
         'i'll always be there for you'
   and
          'i hope you never come back'
                           when you were hurt
                 you'd shout curses
                      like a prayer
      when you were drunk
   you'd screech songs
             like a drifting car.
                   but right then
                                      you whispered.
         and you whispered so softly
   it was more unbelievable
              than the fact that
      i heard it more clealy
           more soundly
                                     than the time
                    you screamed
    'i'm done putting up with you.'
          "tell me a little lie"
                 "and tell me you'll never"
     "ever leave me this time."
              and you were so peaceful
   this one single exeptional time
          as you tried ever so
                    unsettlingly
              to catch your breath.
        i simply couldn't resist.
                  "i promise."
   "i'll never leave you."
                        "ever."
     "cross my heart and hope to die."
               but you never
          did listen did you?
it was all your fault
i'm drenched in crimson

i ache for you lips
not to kiss mine
but to explore everything
between my thighs

i ache for you hands
not to hold mine
but to touch all the places
which in world i hide

i ache for your voice
not to say something sweet
but to moan my name
as i **** you in repeat

Life is temporary

So do whatever the **** you want

Too good at dying to not live long
Too bad at living to never get it wrong
Too high to riot, too ****** to breathe
Too caught up with words to tell the meaning beneath
Too broke for pride, too stubborn for mercy
Too grungy to be dapper, too skinny to be ****
Too old for small thoughts, too young for big words
Too scared to seek clarity, drowning in these words
Too lit to blank out, too ***** for long hours
Too weak to make an effort to have you in my arms
Too late for apologies, **** your assurances just leave the keys at the door

I think I’m going crazy
The voices in my head are getting louder
Unable to think thoughts
Other than what will happen if i eat food
Because somewhere in my brain
Something is telling me
if you gain weight, you will just get bullied again.
You don’t want to go through that again, right?
Nothing but thoughts about food
Cutting
And pills.
So, thank you for all your support so far,
But i am taking a break.
I don’t know how long it will be.
Maybe a week. Maybe 2 months.
Who knows.
I just want to get the voices
In my head
To shut the **** up.
I will be back.
Thank you all so much.

They say the worst heart break was the first,
Not the second, nor the third,
Not to question the fourth,
And the fifth, never heard,
There's not much on this list,
Even if there was a sixth,
So the question is,
Why the **** does this still fvcking hurt?