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"filed" poems
Papers, Papers, Papers Whiter than aching teeth, Whiter than whites of tilted eyes, Whiter than funeral wreaths. My hands shake as I write this, Filed away myths; Stolen lined sheets  My index finger chained by red tapes, words mix and ground breaks, I'm the one the world forsakes Yellow maize, littered leaves, all twisted into black ink and clean sharp white paper blades. -------"I am in a bit of daze," I tell myself, "look at those flaccid bits; there lay the logs who use to be the jungle of my childhood dreams." ------"Don't be amazed," I replied, "these leafless branches and twigs are for  your Papier-Mâché degrees." So I listen to my second self once, the more logical cynical satirical one, Treading on the plot of their paper works, playing crosswords as anxiety uncork my thoughts turn to the bankable orcs, just as my career forks Maybe I should be like my mother, Marking numbers on a deck of cards-- waltzing with Chance. Maybe I should be like my father, Toiling for some rich men's grandson-- seething in Trance. Maybe I should be like the Other, Going along with the system-- thanking myself beneath a cap, a diploma, a piece of paper. I wore these books like bank notes tuxedoes, I was promised the world by the credits I borrowed. Must I go along with the mechanism of their game, or should I rise up against all odds Opposing, debating, rebelling against this bundle, this trouble, funneling me into no-tomorrows Or must I write it all down, in my prayers against their lawyers, who need no reminds Or must I shred, smear, and tear the papers with my own bare hands But what will I ever be to them, friends? A papercut, perhaps.
0
Aug 19, 2018
Aug 19, 2018 at 9:33 PM UTC
Papercuts
Papers, Papers, Papers Whiter than aching teeth, Whiter than whites of tilted eyes, Whiter than funeral wreaths. My hands shake as I write this, Filed away myths; Stolen lined sheets  My index finger chained by red tapes, words mix and ground breaks, I'm the one the world forsakes Yellow maize, littered leaves, all twisted into black ink and clean sharp white paper blades. -------"I am in a bit of daze," I tell myself, "look at those flaccid bits; there lay the logs who use to be the jungle of my childhood dreams." ------"Don't be amazed," I replied, "these leafless branches and twigs are for  your Papier-Mâché degrees." So I listen to my second self once, the more logical cynical satirical one, Treading on the plot of their paper works, playing crosswords as anxiety uncork my thoughts turn to the bankable orcs, just as my career forks Maybe I should be like my mother, Marking numbers on a deck of cards-- waltzing with Chance. Maybe I should be like my father, Toiling for some rich men's grandson-- seething in Trance. Maybe I should be like the Other, Going along with the system-- thanking myself beneath a cap, a diploma, a piece of paper. I wore these books like bank notes tuxedoes, I was promised the world by the credits I borrowed. Must I go along with the mechanism of their game, or should I rise up against all odds Opposing, debating, rebelling against this bundle, this trouble, funneling me into no-tomorrows Or must I write it all down, in my prayers against their lawyers, who need no reminds Or must I shred, smear, and tear the papers with my own bare hands But what will I ever be to them, friends? A papercut, perhaps.
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40
The world is in full color, the sky still sporting tones of pink as it grows dark every word spoken is like a tiny love note to me, i wonder if im too sentimental ive got galaxies in my heart and im afraid of all the stars burning out too fast (talk about heartburn,,,,,,, hah) maybe one day we'll all go to space together what do diamonds shine like on the surface of the moon?   11 pm, watching the cars go by ive never been a fan of light pink until i realized it felt like home love feels like pastel colors, like the comforting presence of the moon in the night sky, the calm quietness of underwater is it possible to die from cheesiness? im worried i might start throwing up glitter (even though that would look pretty cool) everything feels lighter and softer than usual it almost feels as if im surrounded by bubbles youre like crystals, beautiful and perfect no matter what shape or form and im floating on air im going to cry? but in a good way everything feels like pastel colors and sparkles and so much sugary-sweetness its almost TOO much but not quite filed under: "Love Aesthetic (tm)" im going to literally scream and explode into rainbow confetti im so gay
0
Apr 28, 2015
Apr 28, 2015 at 11:25 AM UTC
[screams "im gay" into the night sky]
The first suicide hit like a bullet BANG One of us dead, and at his own hand The tension in the hallways filed into the ears of all those who walked through its thick silence It was a struggle to move through the heavy weight of a quiet hallway People cried, whether they knew him or not Teachers made promises, “It’s worth it,” he said “I swear to you, it’s worth it.” A moment of silence for the boy who is no longer living, Whose hidden pain was known by none Whose family will never be the same Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary The second suicide hit like a rock THUNK The hallways rang with growing confusion, At every turn, each whisper faded into the next in a mirage of sadness But mostly confusion Letters were handed out, but there was no time for more tears and speeches They had postponed the moment of silence for the girl who is no longer living, Whose hidden pain was known by none Whose family will never be the same Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary The third suicide did not hit SWOOSH It was not silent anymore There was laughing and talking, as the excitement of yesterday’s football victory buzzed throughout noisy hallways The letters were passed out late and no one read them Teachers continued with their lesson plans Students continued with their joke making and picture taking Because people don’t have to keep caring after strike three There was no moment of silence for the boy who is no longer living Whose hidden pain was known by none Whose family will never be the same Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary This is our dystopia
0
May 8, 2014
May 8, 2014 at 12:40 AM UTC
This is Our Dystopia
The first suicide hit like a bullet BANG One of us dead, and at his own hand The tension in the hallways filed into the ears of all those who walked through its thick silence It was a struggle to move through the heavy weight of a quiet hallway People cried, whether they knew him or not Teachers made promises, “It’s worth it,” he said “I swear to you, it’s worth it.” A moment of silence for the boy who is no longer living, Whose hidden pain was known by none Whose family will never be the same Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary The second suicide hit like a rock THUNK The hallways rang with growing confusion, At every turn, each whisper faded into the next in a mirage of sadness But mostly confusion Letters were handed out, but there was no time for more tears and speeches They had postponed the moment of silence for the girl who is no longer living, Whose hidden pain was known by none Whose family will never be the same Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary The third suicide did not hit SWOOSH It was not silent anymore There was laughing and talking, as the excitement of yesterday’s football victory buzzed throughout noisy hallways The letters were passed out late and no one read them Teachers continued with their lesson plans Students continued with their joke making and picture taking Because people don’t have to keep caring after strike three There was no moment of silence for the boy who is no longer living Whose hidden pain was known by none Whose family will never be the same Whose future which once was mystery, is nothing but imaginary This is our dystopia
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38
In tunnelled darks, pastes of reminisce Outward disjoint points to irrelevance Spooned and coned in cold mountaintops The darks of sorrows and trails of struggles Persistence patterns of self satire in gloom Sunken in identity crisis of broad oceans Stormy seas spotlighted by beatific stars Trajectory of spilled ice in recurrent motions A mere past cocooned by fears and tears Clouded in thoughts that cruise and decline Greyed white imprinted by sudden sadness Madness echoes on arched ancient bricks Checkered maniacs of fulfilled passions Filed and iced in cased prolific memories Cascades of sunshine tickles to warmth Orchards of glow that bloom and grow Picked, ticked and unpacked from boxes Attacked, nurtured and stored in bliss Eventful lessons unfolds in untold augury A mission as the known permeates and fade Windowed eyes all line up in parade Mirrored lights digest the haunted haste A stranger to self, an ally to another A dance of bright entwine a twist of blur
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Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 11:48 AM UTC
Checkered Darks (Lyrical Poetry Additional Audio)
Hello We haven't talked in quite some time I know I haven't been the best Of sons, hello, I've been traveling in the desert of my mind And I Haven't found a drop Of life I haven't found a drop Of you, I haven't found a drop I haven't found a drop Of water Water I try desperately to run through the sand As I hold the water in the palm of my hand 'Cause it's all that I have and it's all that I need and The waves of the water mean nothing to me But I try my best and all that I can To hold tightly onto what's left in my hand But no matter how, how tightly I will strain The sand will slow me down and the water will drain I'm just being dramatic, in fact, I'm only at it again As an addict with a pen, who's addicted to the wind As it blows me back and forth, mindless, spineless, and pretend Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today End of my ways as a walking denial My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case But you specialize in dying, you hear me screaming "father" And I'm lying here just crying, so wash me with your water Water Hello I haven't talked in quite some time I know I haven't been the best Of sons, hello, I've been traveling in the desert of my mind And I I haven't found a drop Of life I haven't found a drop Of you I haven't found a drop I haven't found a drop Of water Songwriters: Joseph Tyler Harris Addict with a Pen lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc
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Dec 20, 2017
Dec 20, 2017 at 8:13 PM UTC
Lyrics to "Addict With a Pen" by Twenty One Pilots
you went sledding with the kids while I filed the paperwork and cried I used to be your lady boy shining in green pit-bar light as you kissed me like the kids were with my mother stuck at the bottom of the treehouse slide in a pile in mud laughing when in reality they were just budding inside of you fertilized with apple liquor and the perfume smoking from my chest as you unbuttoned the first few revealing the scar left by my brother's first pocket knife the skin of my young years the skin I am wearing now cut by these ******* papers as you freeze tearlessly in a pom pom hat teaching our babies how to make the perfect snowball
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Feb 4, 2016
Feb 4, 2016 at 10:18 AM UTC
snow
I was a shirt filed with straw and rags. Pants that hang loose. Jeans cuffed pinned uncomfortably. Nothing to think of; a hat filled with straw. The inability to walk. Pinned to a board. Hickory oak. Chest disproportionate to a small waist. Sleeves flung in the wind. Left standing still; a face motionless. Pinned to hickory oak. A shadow left in an empty field, the boundaries of a checkerboard shirt. The insecurity of straw hands. Pickett fences to the feet of crows, Still she'd visit often. Distance cut short by dark heavy wings. She'd caw in my silence, Not knowing the ability to smile I stood against purpose. She refused to run, poking fun at my hat. The clothes that hung loosely in the wind, scurf tied tightly around my neck. Feeling her ***** the strings of my chest. Strands of straw filled by her need to find a home. Was there anything there at all before that moment. Becoming shelter to the way she pried.
0
Mar 22, 2017
Mar 22, 2017 at 7:11 AM UTC
Scarecrow
EVERYBODY got ‘em a cell phone pissant with not a nickel to pay his rent got him one i ain’t got one or the quarter to use this pay phone sittin’ there behind me waitin' for me to feed it and hear that jingle like some slot machine that always pays out temptin’ me like some shiny new toy but i got two pennies and i ain’t even rubbin' them together back then, back when nobody had no cell phone i filed pennies down on the street to make them the size of dimes when one of them dimes could by me a marshmallow pie from a vendin’ machine at the bowlin’ alley that ain’t there no more but some cell phone store is but that don’t matter i don’t want no cell phone i would like me one of them marshmallow pies and an extra quarter to give this hungry phone yesterday, some lady give me three quarters and i give two of them to Jose to call his mama and sister he gave me two smiles i kept that other quarter to make a call but couldn’t think of no number or no soul want to hear my voice so i give that quarter to a little boy who was all alone and didn’t have no cell phone
0
Nov 7, 2011
Nov 7, 2011 at 8:33 PM UTC
the pay phone for the weary and cell-less**
i don't want to have these bipolar conversations where i threaten, and apologize, and demand, and apologize again i don't mean to take you through the ringer to make you see violence and mood swings i don't mean to scare you when i don't take my medicine i don't mean to scare you when i cry for hours i don't mean to scare you when i scream and punch things i never meant to do those things like keying your car i never meant to drop everything and go across multiple state lines with no plans at all i never meant to hurt myself until my arms were coated in scars for all of the times i self-medicated poked myself with needles and drank away my pain, i'm sorry i shouldn't have taken so many xanax you're right i was wrong again i never meant for you to be my caretaker i hate those words caretaker i should be able to take care of myself i'm sorry i am not managing this illness i am very very ill i'm sorry for the times i couldn't get out of bed couldn't eat, couldn't move couldn't go to work i'm sorry for the times i made tons of post-it notes filled journals with ideas bought calendars and organization tools i'm sorry for getting your hopes up i really thought i could do it this time i'm sorry for my diagnosis i'm sorry i didn't understand how serious this is i didn't ask to be bipolar i didn't ask to be born i make cases for myself in my head but they're all filed as crazy i'm sorry i was delusional paranoid and afraid i'm sorry for the drug binges i'm sorry for melting fading burning and still coming back alive these low lows and high highs you've been through the ringer when you're only supposed to be support, a resource of compassion... you had to be a caretaker you didn't ask for this and neither did i i sometimes questioned if it was harder on you to live with someone with bipolar disorder than it was for me to live with bipolar disorder you wanted to save me but you realized that i can only save myself now i'm drowning and my lifeline is gone i'm trying to learn to swim i just hope i do it before i sink i'm sorry for all of the ****** poetry i made you read i'm sorry
0
Dec 25, 2016
Dec 25, 2016 at 1:40 AM UTC
Bipolar Disorder
i don't want to have these bipolar conversations where i threaten, and apologize, and demand, and apologize again i don't mean to take you through the ringer to make you see violence and mood swings i don't mean to scare you when i don't take my medicine i don't mean to scare you when i cry for hours i don't mean to scare you when i scream and punch things i never meant to do those things like keying your car i never meant to drop everything and go across multiple state lines with no plans at all i never meant to hurt myself until my arms were coated in scars for all of the times i self-medicated poked myself with needles and drank away my pain, i'm sorry i shouldn't have taken so many xanax you're right i was wrong again i never meant for you to be my caretaker i hate those words caretaker i should be able to take care of myself i'm sorry i am not managing this illness i am very very ill i'm sorry for the times i couldn't get out of bed couldn't eat, couldn't move couldn't go to work i'm sorry for the times i made tons of post-it notes filled journals with ideas bought calendars and organization tools i'm sorry for getting your hopes up i really thought i could do it this time i'm sorry for my diagnosis i'm sorry i didn't understand how serious this is i didn't ask to be bipolar i didn't ask to be born i make cases for myself in my head but they're all filed as crazy i'm sorry i was delusional paranoid and afraid i'm sorry for the drug binges i'm sorry for melting fading burning and still coming back alive these low lows and high highs you've been through the ringer when you're only supposed to be support, a resource of compassion... you had to be a caretaker you didn't ask for this and neither did i i sometimes questioned if it was harder on you to live with someone with bipolar disorder than it was for me to live with bipolar disorder you wanted to save me but you realized that i can only save myself now i'm drowning and my lifeline is gone i'm trying to learn to swim i just hope i do it before i sink i'm sorry for all of the ****** poetry i made you read i'm sorry
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105
The original photograph Daguerre type ebbing away as though in water, memories filed like potassium deposits duotoned  as droplets of likeness a prophecy of developments awaits
0
Feb 1, 2014
Feb 1, 2014 at 1:26 PM UTC
The orgins of photography
I saw you standing there And I had a smile on my face Like you were an angel That was gone save my life But I knew better then to look in those eyes Cuz they only pretended that you loved me somehow But I overlooked the truth Cuz I was filed with lies and twisted words Then I realized, you’re not an angel, you’re the devil And now, I know why I believed you Cuz you used too be God’s favorite Till you burn it down to flams
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Feb 7, 2015
Feb 7, 2015 at 2:41 PM UTC
bad boy
I’m just so tired of every day. I’m so tired of the gray and the way my body begs me and begs me for just a few more hours of darkness. And I never know if it’s asking that because it feels tired, or because it’s afraid that my thoughts and monsters might drag it out passed its’ limits like it normally does. It’s such an odd thing. I’m terrified of darkness, and sometimes it’s all I crave. One half of me begs for summer days filled with shooting clouds and soft blankets that are hard to lay on because I’m sweating. The other half wants nights filled with angry music and dark clothing. Piercings and dyed hair, shoving my mouth against a stranger with tingling finger tips from what ever my ‘friend’ had given me only minutes before. One wants a calm surreal happiness. The other wants to get revenge on the world. Exhaust her body until it is filed down to skin and bones. Big heavy bags underneath my eyes that hold nothing but the reminder that I will always be tired. Splotchy cheeks, oh that’s right, I was crying last night. It doesn’t make sense. I feel so much more strongly on one side even though the other is so much better. For me. For me for me for me. But is it what I deserve? Is it what I see myself really wanting? Who knows. I don’t want to care about me. I want to throw myself away, and in the meantime, hold someone else. Of course I wouldn’t drag them down with me… Or maybe I would. Maybe I don’t deserve people. Or at least I should avoid them. But I can’t be alone, because a lonely life is a pointless one. And if I am pointless, then I am wasted space, and I should not wave my arms around in the air anymore. My lungs should not do their regular function, and maybe, just maybe, my heart could be given to someone who would put it to much better use. My skin feels overused and overdone. There’s sand in the cracks of my hands and I swear I will never feel satisfied in anything that I ever do. I am not soft to the touch. I am rough. No one wants to put their hand in mine, and wear me like I am the sea. No one wishes they could spin me around and push me off, so that I would beg and plead for the right direction towards them. No one wants me to love them like I so badly want someone to love me. And I won’t have it. I will never have it. I am not meant for anyone, because I am not meant for myself. That is the problem. It’s right there. It’s right in my own face. I am not meant for myself.
0
Oct 23, 2012
Oct 23, 2012 at 8:55 PM UTC
no
I’m just so tired of every day. I’m so tired of the gray and the way my body begs me and begs me for just a few more hours of darkness. And I never know if it’s asking that because it feels tired, or because it’s afraid that my thoughts and monsters might drag it out passed its’ limits like it normally does. It’s such an odd thing. I’m terrified of darkness, and sometimes it’s all I crave. One half of me begs for summer days filled with shooting clouds and soft blankets that are hard to lay on because I’m sweating. The other half wants nights filled with angry music and dark clothing. Piercings and dyed hair, shoving my mouth against a stranger with tingling finger tips from what ever my ‘friend’ had given me only minutes before. One wants a calm surreal happiness. The other wants to get revenge on the world. Exhaust her body until it is filed down to skin and bones. Big heavy bags underneath my eyes that hold nothing but the reminder that I will always be tired. Splotchy cheeks, oh that’s right, I was crying last night. It doesn’t make sense. I feel so much more strongly on one side even though the other is so much better. For me. For me for me for me. But is it what I deserve? Is it what I see myself really wanting? Who knows. I don’t want to care about me. I want to throw myself away, and in the meantime, hold someone else. Of course I wouldn’t drag them down with me… Or maybe I would. Maybe I don’t deserve people. Or at least I should avoid them. But I can’t be alone, because a lonely life is a pointless one. And if I am pointless, then I am wasted space, and I should not wave my arms around in the air anymore. My lungs should not do their regular function, and maybe, just maybe, my heart could be given to someone who would put it to much better use. My skin feels overused and overdone. There’s sand in the cracks of my hands and I swear I will never feel satisfied in anything that I ever do. I am not soft to the touch. I am rough. No one wants to put their hand in mine, and wear me like I am the sea. No one wishes they could spin me around and push me off, so that I would beg and plead for the right direction towards them. No one wants me to love them like I so badly want someone to love me. And I won’t have it. I will never have it. I am not meant for anyone, because I am not meant for myself. That is the problem. It’s right there. It’s right in my own face. I am not meant for myself.
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10
Snorting Line White snow piled high broken up into single filed lines, across her coccyx and snorted of her ***
0
Jun 29, 2014
Jun 29, 2014 at 12:44 AM UTC
Drug Use #2
You tore her apart for your own joy,
 Her soul lies vacant and fragile,
 Yet she faces the axe for getting *****
 As no case ,can be filed. 

You still roam around and live your life,
 While she carries a perennial pain,
 Who gave you the right to commit such a heinous crime,
 And leave her miserably insane." 

Unfortunately the past cannot be altered but we can certainly look for a brighter future. 

"I hope one day,  there will be no stare, 
I hope one day ,no one will care,

 Whether the fabric ,is short or long,
 Visible garments ... Whether a mini skirt ,or a cloak,
 Clothes aren't right or wrong,
 It's your mind ,facing a deadlock. 

I hope one day , no news of **** 
I hope one day,no obscene tape
 Is it so hard to achieve
 A world  free of harassment and eve- tease?"
0
May 23, 2016
May 23, 2016 at 12:23 PM UTC
Perennial ****
On winter nights beside the nursery fire We read the fairy tale, while glowing coals Builded its pictures. There before our eyes We saw the vaulted hall of traceried stone Uprear itself, the distant ceiling hung With pendent stalactites like frozen vines; And all along the walls at intervals, Curled upwards into pillars, roses climbed, And ramped and were confined, and clustered leaves Divided where there peered a laughing face. The foliage seemed to rustle in the wind, A silent murmur, carved in still, gray stone. High pointed windows pierced the southern wall Whence proud escutcheons flung prismatic fires To stain the tessellated marble floor With pools of red, and quivering green, and blue; And in the shade beyond the further door, Its sober squares of black and white were hid Beneath a restless, shuffling, wide-eyed mob Of lackeys and retainers come to view The Christening. A sudden blare of trumpets, and the throng About the entrance parted as the guests Filed singly in with rare and precious gifts. Our eager fancies noted all they brought, The glorious, unattainable delights! But always there was one unbidden guest Who cursed the child and left it bitterness. The fire falls asunder, all is changed, I am no more a child, and what I see Is not a fairy tale, but life, my life. The gifts are there, the many pleasant things: Health, wealth, long-settled friendships, with a name Which honors all who bear it, and the power Of making words obedient. This is much; But overshadowing all is still the curse, That never shall I be fulfilled by love! Along the parching highroad of the world No other soul shall bear mine company. Always shall I be teased with semblances, With cruel impostures, which I trust awhile Then dash to pieces, as a careless boy Flings a kaleidoscope, which shattering Strews all the ground about with coloured shards. So I behold my visions on the ground No longer radiant, an ignoble heap Of broken, dusty glass. And so, unlit, Even by hope or faith, my dragging steps Force me forever through the passing days.
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3.8k
A Fairy Tale
On winter nights beside the nursery fire We read the fairy tale, while glowing coals Builded its pictures. There before our eyes We saw the vaulted hall of traceried stone Uprear itself, the distant ceiling hung With pendent stalactites like frozen vines; And all along the walls at intervals, Curled upwards into pillars, roses climbed, And ramped and were confined, and clustered leaves Divided where there peered a laughing face. The foliage seemed to rustle in the wind, A silent murmur, carved in still, gray stone. High pointed windows pierced the southern wall Whence proud escutcheons flung prismatic fires To stain the tessellated marble floor With pools of red, and quivering green, and blue; And in the shade beyond the further door, Its sober squares of black and white were hid Beneath a restless, shuffling, wide-eyed mob Of lackeys and retainers come to view The Christening. A sudden blare of trumpets, and the throng About the entrance parted as the guests Filed singly in with rare and precious gifts. Our eager fancies noted all they brought, The glorious, unattainable delights! But always there was one unbidden guest Who cursed the child and left it bitterness. The fire falls asunder, all is changed, I am no more a child, and what I see Is not a fairy tale, but life, my life. The gifts are there, the many pleasant things: Health, wealth, long-settled friendships, with a name Which honors all who bear it, and the power Of making words obedient. This is much; But overshadowing all is still the curse, That never shall I be fulfilled by love! Along the parching highroad of the world No other soul shall bear mine company. Always shall I be teased with semblances, With cruel impostures, which I trust awhile Then dash to pieces, as a careless boy Flings a kaleidoscope, which shattering Strews all the ground about with coloured shards. So I behold my visions on the ground No longer radiant, an ignoble heap Of broken, dusty glass. And so, unlit, Even by hope or faith, my dragging steps Force me forever through the passing days.
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49
What I have can’t be fixed by a doctor How do you tell someone “I don’t know where it hurts” Or more accurately “It hurts everywhere; where should I being?” Because how do you tell someone that the pain of inadequacy Mirrors a blow to the head in its intensity But far surpasses it when it comes to longevity And as far as timing is concerned Every watch I’ve ever had has broken So how do you tell someone that the lies are never easy But the ones you tell to yourself crash over you like waves And drag a small portion of you away each time they recede It’s like a game of Them vs. Me And what makes the defeats unbearable Is the fact that they don’t even know they’re playing I’ve been keeping score And keeping score And keeping score The walls are filled with white lines One Two Three Four Slash Maybe if I point to my chest and say, “Here” Someone will understand It’s a pain that feels like everything I’ve ever wished for Has solidified and turned to stone Making a home somewhere in my ribcage And it’s expanding I write bravery on my skin because I have none I make deals with  a god I know doesn’t exist Just so when I’m unable to hold up my end of the bargain I have someone to blame for falling through on his And I still can’t figure out if it’s funny or sad That the only man I want to kiss me never will And the last one who did traded in his lips for his hand So he can high-five me like we’re friends on the same team Never making mention that we kissed on the floor of his room Until we were breathless While breakup songs played in the background Taking up just as much space as we did Became witness to our nervous hands fumbling over each other’s bodies Turning our kiss into a ********* I have heard that silence speaks just as loudly as words But silence builds up in my mouth like a traffic jam And my jaw is begging to break from the weight So maybe now’s the time to scream Time to shout Because I've been keeping all my thoughts filed away Under the title, “When The Time Is Right” But there’s no time like tonight
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Oct 25, 2012
Oct 25, 2012 at 12:07 PM UTC
Untitled 16
What I have can’t be fixed by a doctor How do you tell someone “I don’t know where it hurts” Or more accurately “It hurts everywhere; where should I being?” Because how do you tell someone that the pain of inadequacy Mirrors a blow to the head in its intensity But far surpasses it when it comes to longevity And as far as timing is concerned Every watch I’ve ever had has broken So how do you tell someone that the lies are never easy But the ones you tell to yourself crash over you like waves And drag a small portion of you away each time they recede It’s like a game of Them vs. Me And what makes the defeats unbearable Is the fact that they don’t even know they’re playing I’ve been keeping score And keeping score And keeping score The walls are filled with white lines One Two Three Four Slash Maybe if I point to my chest and say, “Here” Someone will understand It’s a pain that feels like everything I’ve ever wished for Has solidified and turned to stone Making a home somewhere in my ribcage And it’s expanding I write bravery on my skin because I have none I make deals with  a god I know doesn’t exist Just so when I’m unable to hold up my end of the bargain I have someone to blame for falling through on his And I still can’t figure out if it’s funny or sad That the only man I want to kiss me never will And the last one who did traded in his lips for his hand So he can high-five me like we’re friends on the same team Never making mention that we kissed on the floor of his room Until we were breathless While breakup songs played in the background Taking up just as much space as we did Became witness to our nervous hands fumbling over each other’s bodies Turning our kiss into a ********* I have heard that silence speaks just as loudly as words But silence builds up in my mouth like a traffic jam And my jaw is begging to break from the weight So maybe now’s the time to scream Time to shout Because I've been keeping all my thoughts filed away Under the title, “When The Time Is Right” But there’s no time like tonight
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53
(Inspired by article below) I. Continuity your filibuster egg of sand dazzled curiosity with creaky shell of hints heaped upon the tedium of knowledge's unfurl undeterred by encyclopedic impatience Assurances of rip(Van Winkl)ed economics shooed paper strings of revelation like anarchy-powered taxes summoning a foreword to anachronistic campaigns of environmental friendliness II. Meanwhile years have been filed down to flashes of chronology for continuity's organic rebus However long it took the economic karma to fall into the abodes of hedonistic pharaohs it was instant Skin that ruled behind the constitution of allergic breath bailed on the bones against their most sublime intentions Limbo-treading landlords huddled in their mummified freeze after breadline bashers scolded them with the spoils of a new brand of pyramid scheming Robbers of the coffin palaces stole the intimations of identity theft from today Immortality and freedom were compelled to share a meaning like estranged siblings or bound dynasties I(a). Abydos how you coyly toyed with us with a diversion bordering on monolithic 04 23 14
0
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 12:58 PM UTC
VALLEY OF THE OTHER KINGS
i am convinced now that no passion exists like that between a man and his craft. no love like the love for solitude, by which one can enter a world all his own, and plunge to its unfathomable depths, carelessly disregarding his return. no quest otherwise compares- oh how could it? when countless years of history can never be retold, never be reenacted with different players and different settings? a man plays a role for a day, a month, a year, a decade, then withers in the sun, a palm in the desert. no amount of memories can be remade, and no amount of care is remembered. he is destined only to be vessel of loneliness for others to mistakenly join and unjoin. but in his craft a man loses himself. he has only his love to invest and only his love to be returned. when stricken with failure he selfishly laps it all up, gathers it close to his heart, and holds it as treasure, locked and filed. he searches for the bottom with lighted torch, the end with relentless fervor, finds no evil along the way to be a hindrance, has no expectation dashed and destroyed. his eagerness for success drives him deeper. his delusions of grandeur, perpetually emboldened. come find me, i am waiting for you the solitude beckons him into its fissure, the cleft in the crust of civilization, indescribable and hardly intelligible to others. yet its perfection is infinite as the stars are remote. with enthusiasm does a man pursue that perfection, does he pray to be with that god, Lord of his life and Giver of his breath. he is a post for flags to be hung, seen only by those who wander the same mountains, searching for a chasm of their own. he is unaided in his walk with the stars, windowless and guided by celestial phosphorescence. a man needs silence, darkness beneath his eyelids, and space in his bed to breathe.
0
Apr 12, 2014
Apr 12, 2014 at 2:18 PM UTC
the perfectionless perfectionist
i am convinced now that no passion exists like that between a man and his craft. no love like the love for solitude, by which one can enter a world all his own, and plunge to its unfathomable depths, carelessly disregarding his return. no quest otherwise compares- oh how could it? when countless years of history can never be retold, never be reenacted with different players and different settings? a man plays a role for a day, a month, a year, a decade, then withers in the sun, a palm in the desert. no amount of memories can be remade, and no amount of care is remembered. he is destined only to be vessel of loneliness for others to mistakenly join and unjoin. but in his craft a man loses himself. he has only his love to invest and only his love to be returned. when stricken with failure he selfishly laps it all up, gathers it close to his heart, and holds it as treasure, locked and filed. he searches for the bottom with lighted torch, the end with relentless fervor, finds no evil along the way to be a hindrance, has no expectation dashed and destroyed. his eagerness for success drives him deeper. his delusions of grandeur, perpetually emboldened. come find me, i am waiting for you the solitude beckons him into its fissure, the cleft in the crust of civilization, indescribable and hardly intelligible to others. yet its perfection is infinite as the stars are remote. with enthusiasm does a man pursue that perfection, does he pray to be with that god, Lord of his life and Giver of his breath. he is a post for flags to be hung, seen only by those who wander the same mountains, searching for a chasm of their own. he is unaided in his walk with the stars, windowless and guided by celestial phosphorescence. a man needs silence, darkness beneath his eyelids, and space in his bed to breathe.
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54
I Promise this is the last time I Promise this trash bag isn't filed with empty beer cans and I Promise this stain on my sheets is something healing like apple juice. I Promise I woke up before noon today I Promise I wasn't awake waiting wanting to hear from you I Promise I am not writing about you again. I Promise today I woke up stronger than when fell asleep I Promise today the sun reminded me of a safe place and not of the sun we sat under when you said "this isn't the same anymore" I Promise today I am getting better. I Promise you I am trying I Promise you your name doesn't taste like vinegar I Promise you weren't the only reason I was breathing. I Promise my parents didn't pay for bail for a drunk and disorderly I Promise my eyes don't feel like Velcro stuck together when I shut them I Promise these words are sincere. I Promise there aren't pins and needles sewing me together I Promise there is time left for me I Promise there is love in my heart and I remember what that feels like. I Promise. But when you said "I Promise" I Promise you were lying. If you meant what you said Then these promises would be true, But they're not. I Promise this isn't a goodbye letter.
0
Nov 23, 2015
Nov 23, 2015 at 11:11 AM UTC
I Promise
http://hellopoetry.com/search/poems/?q=Betterdays **as is my wanton wont, when stumbling upon a new voice, the passed baton is herein handed off** am old man. my poetic voice is just memories that are repetitive lies and lines. speak in simple sentences declarative. this is nature's way. darkness approaching is indeed my au courant poem, mon actuellement. I have seen better days. I have read betterdays. now I am upset, distraught. here come another young hot bright votive voice, and I am being asked to believe that there are still words that raise hopes of betterdays. her bed chip crumbs, delighting, leave crumbs of pleasure in my soul. l like her big word poems, that leave me, fill me by: *siphoning all in a parched gluttony leaving behind a viscous residue and few glassine portals into a reflective world* better yet I love her mothering little god poems, letting me remember little boys who once loved a father *little god love radiant is thy smile, smallboy love, exudes from you, like a flower god's nectar, bestowed, with negligent love, upon a mother's world. i will drink my fill, everyday, whilst i can, for far to soon will you grow up.* don't speak eastern Australian, tackers and doona's, no clue, blue cats are a foreign breed, but the cat of this starfish mother, shares my literary tastes: *him, nestled, on the second, to uppermost stay, of the third bookshelf, in the study. he has filed himself, between, ogden nash and proust and it is there, he plans to stay.* let me not go on and in deeper, lest I delay you from her pleasuring thy tasted untested senses. so here I am all grumpified (at my age, you can make up your own words) unsure if un or satisfied, knowing that a woman, word whips me into a soothing frenzy of creamy morning coffee verbosity, a captive taker of life's ungrandest moments, poems of them, make to glory come. somewhere in the world, a woman writes of plain goodness of simple strife and simple lives, makes methinks that there could be betterdays still ahead, better poets surely, than me, and the day starts well
0
Mar 29, 2014
Mar 29, 2014 at 8:50 AM UTC
betterdays (read the new poets March 2014)
http://hellopoetry.com/search/poems/?q=Betterdays **as is my wanton wont, when stumbling upon a new voice, the passed baton is herein handed off** am old man. my poetic voice is just memories that are repetitive lies and lines. speak in simple sentences declarative. this is nature's way. darkness approaching is indeed my au courant poem, mon actuellement. I have seen better days. I have read betterdays. now I am upset, distraught. here come another young hot bright votive voice, and I am being asked to believe that there are still words that raise hopes of betterdays. her bed chip crumbs, delighting, leave crumbs of pleasure in my soul. l like her big word poems, that leave me, fill me by: *siphoning all in a parched gluttony leaving behind a viscous residue and few glassine portals into a reflective world* better yet I love her mothering little god poems, letting me remember little boys who once loved a father *little god love radiant is thy smile, smallboy love, exudes from you, like a flower god's nectar, bestowed, with negligent love, upon a mother's world. i will drink my fill, everyday, whilst i can, for far to soon will you grow up.* don't speak eastern Australian, tackers and doona's, no clue, blue cats are a foreign breed, but the cat of this starfish mother, shares my literary tastes: *him, nestled, on the second, to uppermost stay, of the third bookshelf, in the study. he has filed himself, between, ogden nash and proust and it is there, he plans to stay.* let me not go on and in deeper, lest I delay you from her pleasuring thy tasted untested senses. so here I am all grumpified (at my age, you can make up your own words) unsure if un or satisfied, knowing that a woman, word whips me into a soothing frenzy of creamy morning coffee verbosity, a captive taker of life's ungrandest moments, poems of them, make to glory come. somewhere in the world, a woman writes of plain goodness of simple strife and simple lives, makes methinks that there could be betterdays still ahead, better poets surely, than me, and the day starts well
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83
A Four day concert, created by Roberts, Rosenman,  Kornfeld, and Lang Was originally supposed be a three-day  music festival, and up it sprang But the citizens of citizens of Wallkill, N.Y. did not want their nice quiet town filled With drugged up hippies that would overrun, and with this idea they were not thrilled With many battles and protests, Wallkill passed a law on July 2, 1969 banning The would be concert from going forward leaving the town quite less enchanting Almost not getting off the ground, hippies all over demanding refunds for their tickets Stepping forward, Max Yasgur offered his 600-acre dairy farm so no one would picket The new location for the Woodstock Festival would be Bethel, New York No one from the other town would not have complaints or come uncorked Despite the many problems of people threatening to quit Woodstock got off the ground despite things still being chit This concert was poorly planned with two major setbacks, as news spread that it was free There were congestion of cars that policeman had to turn away, for as far as one could see Organizers lost huge amounts of money while hippies walked through gates without paying But it was estimated that 500,000 people made it to the concert and they came in swaying The music seemed to play non-stop as people sat and listened and some would play It was very muddy from all the rain of what it did from much of the concert everyday Listening to greats such as Creedence Clearwater Revival, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, Sweetwater Can’t forget, Grateful Dead, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Jefferson Airplane and Ten Years After The concert ended and picking up the pieces began, that wasn't just the trash that was left behind It was the lawsuits that many filed against the organizers since beginning to end put many in a bind The greatest music festival in history later put to a movie that is divine Something that will forever be talked about from the summer of 1969 Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved
0
Dec 29, 2013
Dec 29, 2013 at 10:15 PM UTC
Woodstock
A Four day concert, created by Roberts, Rosenman,  Kornfeld, and Lang Was originally supposed be a three-day  music festival, and up it sprang But the citizens of citizens of Wallkill, N.Y. did not want their nice quiet town filled With drugged up hippies that would overrun, and with this idea they were not thrilled With many battles and protests, Wallkill passed a law on July 2, 1969 banning The would be concert from going forward leaving the town quite less enchanting Almost not getting off the ground, hippies all over demanding refunds for their tickets Stepping forward, Max Yasgur offered his 600-acre dairy farm so no one would picket The new location for the Woodstock Festival would be Bethel, New York No one from the other town would not have complaints or come uncorked Despite the many problems of people threatening to quit Woodstock got off the ground despite things still being chit This concert was poorly planned with two major setbacks, as news spread that it was free There were congestion of cars that policeman had to turn away, for as far as one could see Organizers lost huge amounts of money while hippies walked through gates without paying But it was estimated that 500,000 people made it to the concert and they came in swaying The music seemed to play non-stop as people sat and listened and some would play It was very muddy from all the rain of what it did from much of the concert everyday Listening to greats such as Creedence Clearwater Revival, Santana, Jimi Hendrix, Sweetwater Can’t forget, Grateful Dead, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Jefferson Airplane and Ten Years After The concert ended and picking up the pieces began, that wasn't just the trash that was left behind It was the lawsuits that many filed against the organizers since beginning to end put many in a bind The greatest music festival in history later put to a movie that is divine Something that will forever be talked about from the summer of 1969 Copyright 2013 All Rights Reserved
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26
he Was an abusive man and led her by the hand Took her to a room and beat her till she was black and blue In fear she didn’t know what to do , so she called the ABUSIVE HOTT LINE – they told her to come in and she’d be fine. With this group there was no hesitation They filled out the reports and took her to the police station. A restraining order was filed to protect her and her child. He had done this many times before and they let him walk out the door. No others had filed charges against him and he’d walk out with a grin. But with her he could not be within fifty yards Otherwise he’d be charged. The ABUSIVE LINE is open to everyone Don’t wait till they have a gun. The abuser wants to be in control of your mind, body and soul. To them it’s the greatest power to control your every hour. And put fear in your mind and keep you meek so you stay in line No matter where you live you will find an ABUSIVE HOT LINE.. Reach out while you can and get yourself a helping hand. © L . RAMS 041415
0
Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 8:38 PM UTC
abusive hot line
The apartment hasn’t been cleaned for so long and has housed a depressive in it for the same length of time so that there is a glaze of slime-dirt on the floor, made of dried coffee, hot chocolate, maybe some **** or some spillage from a tube of steroid cream to treat an inflammation that never really goes. The rate of ooze changes?. Clean textiles are piled up on the floor, never having been folded, and mix here and there with ***** practical fatpants that make me look like a geologist and white-white cotton blankets that can be washed on HOT with lots of bleach that I purloined from some mentalhealthfacility. The inbox is full of—is bristling with—remonstrances from Programs for the Nondoer—you haven’t filed, haven’t turnstiled, haven’t had your hologram chip assessed by central CENTRAL intelligence, what is wrong with you. Upon stepping outside there is a beat during which I think maybe somewonder might swirl and buoy but no, just wethumid and ***** sidewalks cruddy and Haitians and quasi-Haitians muttering “taxitaxitaxi” in front of their Gypsy conveyances with their dubious certifications. I should go for a ride in one, a dubious passenger for a dubious palanquin. I tried the library but it was too hot and decrepit and too filled with Books For African-Americans, which always ****** me off; are only African-Americans going to read Wright or Douglass or Brooks? Everyone is overrated, anyway, movies and theater and the moribund beat of commerce, and as the dangerous autos pass, sometimes not running you over, you can see morechange in the pockets of the shareholders of BeePee and Iacocca Coach-Wirx. Any friendliness exhibited seems to contain an underovertone of You’re Not Included Whiteboy White ****** Ghost ***** all archaic names I’ve been almost astounded to be called usually while balancing on tiptoe on some lurching, roaring dieselbus, grinding past off-off-off brand groceries that do a dubious business. While making my police report I wink at a sevenyearold boy and I get a lustrous wink back butalas this is not enough to beat back those slurrycolored brainfazes.
0
May 8, 2013
May 8, 2013 at 2:09 PM UTC
Today
The apartment hasn’t been cleaned for so long and has housed a depressive in it for the same length of time so that there is a glaze of slime-dirt on the floor, made of dried coffee, hot chocolate, maybe some **** or some spillage from a tube of steroid cream to treat an inflammation that never really goes. The rate of ooze changes?. Clean textiles are piled up on the floor, never having been folded, and mix here and there with ***** practical fatpants that make me look like a geologist and white-white cotton blankets that can be washed on HOT with lots of bleach that I purloined from some mentalhealthfacility. The inbox is full of—is bristling with—remonstrances from Programs for the Nondoer—you haven’t filed, haven’t turnstiled, haven’t had your hologram chip assessed by central CENTRAL intelligence, what is wrong with you. Upon stepping outside there is a beat during which I think maybe somewonder might swirl and buoy but no, just wethumid and ***** sidewalks cruddy and Haitians and quasi-Haitians muttering “taxitaxitaxi” in front of their Gypsy conveyances with their dubious certifications. I should go for a ride in one, a dubious passenger for a dubious palanquin. I tried the library but it was too hot and decrepit and too filled with Books For African-Americans, which always ****** me off; are only African-Americans going to read Wright or Douglass or Brooks? Everyone is overrated, anyway, movies and theater and the moribund beat of commerce, and as the dangerous autos pass, sometimes not running you over, you can see morechange in the pockets of the shareholders of BeePee and Iacocca Coach-Wirx. Any friendliness exhibited seems to contain an underovertone of You’re Not Included Whiteboy White ****** Ghost ***** all archaic names I’ve been almost astounded to be called usually while balancing on tiptoe on some lurching, roaring dieselbus, grinding past off-off-off brand groceries that do a dubious business. While making my police report I wink at a sevenyearold boy and I get a lustrous wink back butalas this is not enough to beat back those slurrycolored brainfazes.
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1
I have not been well lately But I have a secret to tell you It’s a success story: my most secret success You see, I’m very skilled in crafting holes And I’ve punched a massive hole Right through the middle of my life Please, don’t mistake this accomplishment for the result of talent This is a skill and it takes practice to master I went to college and learned to turn theories and ideals from basin to sieve I learned to critique everything hopeful And punched a hole right through the heart of hope I honed my ability to close out creativity I built a track down which to guide concrete linear thoughts And I learned to use said thoughts as a battering ram with which to Knock a hole in the barricaded door to dissatisfaction And, though this skill is often practical As you know, one cannot walk around wearing an open hole So, a corresponding skill has successfully emerged In parallel with nurturing voids I have learned to conceal each and every hole Sometimes with a thick canvass and Sometimes with a paper-thin veneer I may have learned to wrap a package And to tie a bow With the express purpose of packaging The broken gift of life Full of ugly holes And, now, all that is left to complete the perfect ending to this success story Is to grow old in a neatly kept apartment Filled with the unseen haunts of relationships neatly hole-punched and Filed in a hidden mental cabinet Next to a night stand where I keep my phone and glasses And across from the bed There will be a glass trophy case Full of trophies denoting various acceptable successes But, just between you and I The largest trophy denoting the largest success Will be a lifetime achievement award Bestowed for hollowing out what could have been A beautiful life.
0
Feb 21, 2013
Feb 21, 2013 at 4:07 PM UTC
Unwell
I have not been well lately But I have a secret to tell you It’s a success story: my most secret success You see, I’m very skilled in crafting holes And I’ve punched a massive hole Right through the middle of my life Please, don’t mistake this accomplishment for the result of talent This is a skill and it takes practice to master I went to college and learned to turn theories and ideals from basin to sieve I learned to critique everything hopeful And punched a hole right through the heart of hope I honed my ability to close out creativity I built a track down which to guide concrete linear thoughts And I learned to use said thoughts as a battering ram with which to Knock a hole in the barricaded door to dissatisfaction And, though this skill is often practical As you know, one cannot walk around wearing an open hole So, a corresponding skill has successfully emerged In parallel with nurturing voids I have learned to conceal each and every hole Sometimes with a thick canvass and Sometimes with a paper-thin veneer I may have learned to wrap a package And to tie a bow With the express purpose of packaging The broken gift of life Full of ugly holes And, now, all that is left to complete the perfect ending to this success story Is to grow old in a neatly kept apartment Filled with the unseen haunts of relationships neatly hole-punched and Filed in a hidden mental cabinet Next to a night stand where I keep my phone and glasses And across from the bed There will be a glass trophy case Full of trophies denoting various acceptable successes But, just between you and I The largest trophy denoting the largest success Will be a lifetime achievement award Bestowed for hollowing out what could have been A beautiful life.
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