"fergie" poems
*****
I like ***** I like ****
before you touch, you must get permits.
Nothing like a nice pair of assets,
oh how puppies make nice pets.
Bazongas are ***** that are large,
strippers and hookers, will always charge.
Nothing like the perfect *****
but only on the perfect woman.
******* are yummy dark or white,
but first you must wait for an invite.
Some girls even have a third ******
do not squeeze says Mr. Whipple.
I don't mind girls on the itty, bitty, ***** committee,
on a carpenters dream, I show no pity.
They could be called a bust, some call them cans,
a woman's squeeze box, all men are fans.
Chesticles is a term I have never heard,
but everyday, I learn a new word.
I like cones, I like jugs,
girls with big ones, I give hugs.
Al Bundy loved calling them *******
at the restaurant, I wish I was one of the recruiters.
A girl with a nice set of knockers,
might find herself with unwanted stalkers.
Fergie sang about her lovely lady lumps,
a good set of melons, still give me goose bumps.
***** always come in a pair,
why do bra's, they have to wear.
Even men who smoke lots of crack,
still can appreciate a good sized rack.
I don't care if there fake or real.
in a crowded room, I always cop a feel.
Girls love showing off some cleavage,
I wish I lived in a ***** village.
Babies need breast milk to make them stronger,
if the mom is hot, they may do it longer.
In conclusion, I love *****
with whipped cream or melting ice cubes.
Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 3:49 PM UTC
Best Week Ever
Just had my best week of all time,
I'm 42 but still in my prime.
Spent some time with Brittany Spears,
I left her begging and in tears.
After a night with Beyonce,
she wanted me to be her fiance.
Just one night with Pink,
now she can't even blink.
Had a date with Katy Perry,
she asked me to pop her cherry.
Spent some time with J-Lo,
she was more sloppy than a joe.
Rihanna likes to play rough,
**** she looks good in the buff.
Me and Fergie ate some black eyed peas,
then we were joined by Alicia keys.
Had a blast with Taylor Swift,
we did it on a ski lift.
Avril Lavinge wanted it never to end,
now she wants to be her boyfriend.
I turned Miley Cyrus back into Hannah Montana,
its a secret what we did with a banana.
Me and Kesha sang her hit Tik Tok,
then she ****** on my clock.
Selena Gomez is a witch no more,
I turned her into my little *****
Carrie Underwood won't slash my tires,
the heat between us started some fires.
Gwen Stefani left the singer from Bush,
she loved the way I smacked her ****
Lady Ga Ga showed me her poker face,
with her I reached every base.
Me and Lita Ford kissed each other deadly,
then she sang me a **** medley.
Madonna said I was her best,
we spent no time dressed.
I was man enough for Sheryl Crow,
let me tell you, she can really blow.
As the week ended, I had Shakira moving her hips,
then I woke up and it was an **** with Gladys Night and her Pips.
Sep 27, 2013
Sep 27, 2013 at 2:32 PM UTC
A Massey Fergie tractor
An old VW beetle
A worn out pair of boots
Manuela the 3 legged dog, and Senora
In their humble tumble home
The small concession to modern life
Just a mobile phone
Nothing special here
No status or wealth is evident
I love you Senor Mujica!
You do not change your way of life
Just because you're President
Jan 14, 2013
Jan 14, 2013 at 3:40 PM UTC
Pay attention everyone said Lilliput
I have an important announcement
We're going to have a wonderful picnic
For our family on Thursday , poppits only
The groans were heard all over the palace
Are we riding there , asked Horsey Anne
No we jolly well are not
And you scrum half Zara , are not either
We're motorcading it , without staff
Another really loud royal moan
We are each taking everything we need
And that includes you ex pork of York
'OOHH NNOO' she gurgly grunted
Less of that , and NO toe suckers allowed
Nor arrive in a kiddies helicopter either
And you Wills missus more clothing
You make my blue blood run cold
Next Thursday then , you picnickers
What have you brought asked Lilliput
Silver knives and forks hoarsed Anne
Paper plates grunted Flossy Fergie
Plastic cups , whimpered Wills missus
Lav paper for tissues, gidded up Zara
Big tablecloth bellowed Camilla
Have none of you brought food said Lilliput
'NO' they all mardily whinnied
None of us even thought about it
And you mumsy H.R.H. what have you brought
'NOBODY questions me , you pipsqueaks
LET'S ALL GO HOME NOW !
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 2:53 AM UTC
His proper name is *****
But early on,
he was christened
Fergie Fang.
Yes, and she called hers
Fergie Fang’s Fan.
Fantastic!
In later years,
during foreign affairs,
he became The Ambassador,
then was elevated to
His Royal Highness.
Preposterous of course!
Now, I simply call him
the meaning of life
and laughter.
And really, I don’t know
which comes first,
or after.
Dec 4, 2012
Dec 4, 2012 at 4:46 PM UTC
Fishing with Fergie
Stomping through sodden brown fields
rods bounce in tune to our march.
Maggots dance in Tupperwared silence
till we crouch out the wind.
Salmon. Majestic, leaping salmon.
Surging to spawn in embryonic memories.
Enticed by streamers and nymphs, Griffiths Gnats and Woolly Buggers,
battle Trylene Big Game Mono, lean silky body trembling, taut.
One day, we agree, one day.
For now we watch the luminous tip of the Bodied Waggler,
feeling for strain as the maggot twists and stretches
Pierced by the bait-cast, come and get it.
Tench or bream, (but not pike, please no pike).
Bite, come on, bite. BITE. I know you’re there in the murk.
Tea, passed steaming hot with a plastic taste.
Earthy fingered sandwiches. Our eyes never move.
Was that a tug? Yes? YES!
Pull hard! Reel in, quick.
Snap!
Next time, my friend. Next time.
Nov 27, 2013
Nov 27, 2013 at 11:08 AM UTC
She caught
you fair and
Square
The never____
((Singlehanded))
(Jingle Cock-pit landed)
The napkin
crossed legs
Married
her favorite drinks
((Uncrossed or divorced))
Bachelorette
Never drink
and ride her
Corvette
50 unlisted shades
green drinks
Spiked
Too envy_______*
Personality can win
One *** single
Emmy
So Cool and collected
He's so hot saturated
Her College Humor
Mom got ulcers
Such a bust of
tumors
Bring on the
Buzz Feed
Amazingly enough
Drinks are our
Drug need
Single she had ti
Married to regret it
Amaretto went
Solo
Card game
Played upon like the
City Ghetto
In your mouth
Smirnoff___Off the record
The turn-off
He tried to win her
Such Sweet nuts
The olives Italian
Hey Juice horse
Stallion
The
Gala Ha
Ha baba
Shrimp and sheep
Pretzels lime twist
This is NY
we never sleep
Dogs Yen of Yorkie
Liqueur lime
his crime
Gala Forgie
Quicker and
City slicker
One drink
to pick Fergie
Big Daiquiri
Hot stuff singer
Never a
solitaire game
He got stiff
Frangelico
Of the Pinnacle
The ***** Princess
Lost her dress
Playing Russian
Roulette
Magically Mike
Came all over
Collette imaginable
His drink was
the hottest rated
Never by one
Bad drink
Sip to your drinks
Gala party tricks
May 11, 2018
May 11, 2018 at 12:11 PM UTC
We walked in and you were groggy
Laying in bed.
I wanted nothing more than to lay with you.
But instead I sat on the floor, pretending to admire the ceiling.
How ironic that you were wearing my favorite shirt of yours
White with blue and orange stripes.
It's the only thing about that evening that went as I had planned.
And even that was short lived.
Hayden felt at home and I felt alone.
Mike was somewhere in between.
I couldn't tell if you were surprised that I was in your room.
Maybe you were too tired to think.
But I wasn't.
So I sat there, next to the poster of Fergie
Pretending to admire the ceiling
Wondering if you'd let me clean the cobwebs in the corner.
It was a beautiful ceiling
Intricate and gold.
I couldn't imagine your room being any other way.
Fergie's *** was rubbing it in my face.
I followed everyone downstairs
they were waiting for a movie
but I was waiting for you.
I was afraid you had gone back to bed
You changed your shirt but didn't bother to fix your hair.
I like white button-ups
but not as much as the stripes.
You have very boney knees but I don't mind.
I wished I could say something clever like I normally do.
But I just can't when I'm around you.
My thoughts were wasted or already used by someone else.
That was humiliating.
You wanted to drive with us to my house.
But you didn't bother put shoes on.
We held eye contact and it looked like you forgot how to smile.
That was the highlight of my evening.
"This house is beautiful"
was the first thing I said.
Hayden said something like "It's old as hell"
And you both went on to joke about the ghosts that built it.
Jun 30, 2014
Jun 30, 2014 at 2:46 PM UTC
Beauty.
Undeniable.
To be longed for by many,
At times including I.
Motivations unknown,
Like a dove she has flown
In and out of the clouds of my life.
To come back wanting?
To leave longing?
The questions unanswered.
To her heart they long after
Hope time is not squandered
for her they long after,
but what shall I get?
Jan 1, 2013
Jan 1, 2013 at 8:59 AM UTC
Where is the motivation?
Finished high school, we got thru it.
Wanted to be a colleger, fought for the best
The best here ain't even the worst there.
Got it! Wanted to revive it.
But voices got shut. Actions, restrained.
Every bit, stained.
Worst is an understatement. Corruption, immense
It's got up to animals getting a share.
Electricity is like a goal in fergie-time, rare here.
Got 99, battery saver turned on
Can't classify my fam as poor, still struggles to pay low bills.
Exams are fire, but we're readers.
Not reading the right things tho.
*** for marks? A normal thing
Illegality? It's legal here.
Nonsensitiveness? Get in here!
Did I ask "where is the motivation? "
Oops! Where are the necessities?
May 22, 2018
May 22, 2018 at 1:28 AM UTC