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"ernie" poems
Strange question indeed, So I asked one and all; Explain to me: “What's a plumber's ball?” Family and friends Heeded my call, But none could confine, Refine or define it, Yet Paul was sure He could design it. Still, none could satisfy My caterwaul: “What the hell is a plumber's ball?” Does it sweat the pipe Or wiggle the snake: Can it clamp the ****** For Heaven's sake? Could it snap on the cock-hole cover? All these queries Made me wonder. Has it something to do With hardness leakage, Or ******** the ball-cock To stop a seepage? Has it anything to do With a saddle valve dripping, Electric eels, Or two pipes mating? And, I heard of male and female fittings, And should I worry If I'm standing or sitting? If you're discharging the head Or elongating the pipe, Does the plumber's ball Help it snug tight? Is it in my tank, Or in my bowl, Beneath the floor Near the drainage hole? Is the plumber's ball In the back of the truck (Jeff laughed and said One could rub it for luck). I asked Michel If he could tell, He sensed it was something He could smell. I sought out Ray, Perhaps he'd know, But he was on call To restrain a back-flow. I couldn't ask Gary For his wisdom and sense, He was wigglin' the snake To unclog a wet vent. Henry, Rick, Scotty and Brian, Gave shameless answers I couldn't rely on. It's not a crapper, tail piece Or Johnnie-bolt, Or catch basin, reamer, O-ring or pipe dope. So I searched the Net With a fool's wonder, And read of ball-checks, Gas ***** and plungers. I know it's too late To ask Rolly or Ross, For both of them knew, And that's our loss. And Ernie's gone golfing So I can't ask the Boss. With final resolve I fell to my knees, To pray St. Ferrer With grace intercede. His silence left me In a state of depression; Had Ferrer washed his hands Of the plumbing profession? So nothing could settle My wherewithal, I still didn't know, What's a plumber's ball? Suddenly, it hit me, He's never wrong, The Dalai Lama of dip-tubes, I'll ask John. Where others did falter, John's a rock: He knows the difference Between a gas and ball **** With a knowing smile He embraced our Hall: Here, good friend, is your Plumbers' Ball.
0
Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 9:10 AM UTC
What's a Plumber's Ball
Strange question indeed, So I asked one and all; Explain to me: “What's a plumber's ball?” Family and friends Heeded my call, But none could confine, Refine or define it, Yet Paul was sure He could design it. Still, none could satisfy My caterwaul: “What the hell is a plumber's ball?” Does it sweat the pipe Or wiggle the snake: Can it clamp the ****** For Heaven's sake? Could it snap on the cock-hole cover? All these queries Made me wonder. Has it something to do With hardness leakage, Or ******** the ball-cock To stop a seepage? Has it anything to do With a saddle valve dripping, Electric eels, Or two pipes mating? And, I heard of male and female fittings, And should I worry If I'm standing or sitting? If you're discharging the head Or elongating the pipe, Does the plumber's ball Help it snug tight? Is it in my tank, Or in my bowl, Beneath the floor Near the drainage hole? Is the plumber's ball In the back of the truck (Jeff laughed and said One could rub it for luck). I asked Michel If he could tell, He sensed it was something He could smell. I sought out Ray, Perhaps he'd know, But he was on call To restrain a back-flow. I couldn't ask Gary For his wisdom and sense, He was wigglin' the snake To unclog a wet vent. Henry, Rick, Scotty and Brian, Gave shameless answers I couldn't rely on. It's not a crapper, tail piece Or Johnnie-bolt, Or catch basin, reamer, O-ring or pipe dope. So I searched the Net With a fool's wonder, And read of ball-checks, Gas ***** and plungers. I know it's too late To ask Rolly or Ross, For both of them knew, And that's our loss. And Ernie's gone golfing So I can't ask the Boss. With final resolve I fell to my knees, To pray St. Ferrer With grace intercede. His silence left me In a state of depression; Had Ferrer washed his hands Of the plumbing profession? So nothing could settle My wherewithal, I still didn't know, What's a plumber's ball? Suddenly, it hit me, He's never wrong, The Dalai Lama of dip-tubes, I'll ask John. Where others did falter, John's a rock: He knows the difference Between a gas and ball **** With a knowing smile He embraced our Hall: Here, good friend, is your Plumbers' Ball.
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95
the older generation thinks we're all meth-heads, ritalin-riddled serial killers, serious ingesters of buckets-of-blood thrillers, they look at me funny when I sag my pants look at me funny when I've got my girl in my arms and her hands on my zipper moving slowly to the biggest dipper, too loud, they say, too loud, too much cursing, too much blood and gore, too many games about getting money and running over grannies to get more; Ren and Stimpy, and Bert and Ernie, two homos that need to burn for their sin, the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
0
Mar 8, 2012
Mar 8, 2012 at 7:40 PM UTC
Old Farts can **** my ****
The Helos hovered silently as the Seals roped to the ground. They touched down on Sesame Street where the “Big Bird” could be found. The C.I.A. had tracked him Using feed from P.B.S. President Mitt o.k’d the hit when we tracked him to his nest. A blue grouch in a garbage can liay bleeding on the floor. That **** named Cookie Monster won’t eat cookies anymore. Ernie, Bert and rubber ducky Were in the bath they say When Seal team six broke through the door and blew them both away. Big Bird hid in Hooper’s store While all this had transpired. Then he laid down suppressing fire With a weapon he’d acquired Several Seals lay silent in that sleep that isn’t sweet. Snuffleupagus opened up and forced a Seal retreat. A stealth Helo exploded raining wreckage on the street. Maddened Muppets hurling Bricks compounded Mitt’s defeat. As of today Big Bird’s at large. Him we couldn’t whack. The briefing failed to tell us That a Liberal Bird fights back.
0
Oct 7, 2012
Oct 7, 2012 at 7:55 PM UTC
Assault on Sesame Street
Always there, Justin Tyme.  He's a good friend of mine. This morning I went into the kitchen and yelled "you're toast!" and then I ate it. A lovely response to a question:  "Does a bear **** in the woods?" I reply, "What about polar bears???" When people say, "Jesus is holy." Do you think he cringes? My girlfriend told me that I had scruples. I suddenly became scared and made a doctor’s appointment for an STD check. What did Ernie say when Bert asked to get ice cream? “Sure Bert.” I find it interesting when people say, "It's the quiet ones you have to "worry'' about. I believe it's the ones who blend in you have to worry about. "Awkward Silence" ?? What is so awkward about silence??? I believe people are awkward, not silence. ................................................... I need some bliss so,  I'm going to be ignorant. Along with his three Peeps, Hershey Kisses the Tootsie Roll Midgets. To display their different mediums of art, the sky is the Gods exhibit and we are the critics. For the Nondreamers: You may look down on me as If I appear to have my head in the clouds. Note to self: When you look up at the sky, I'm looking down on you. Some say I'm cheesy...may be that I'm just Krafty. I saw a sign on the freeway that said 'Exercise daily and walk with Jesus.' So I did. Jesus and I walked together laughing and smiling all the way to the lake front, but he kept walking...Then it dawned on me,  I forgot my aqua shoes. "I tend to add a hint of lemon while preparing my sought after traditional Christmas goose."   Here's a hint, don't ruin the hint. Ask a person with a lisp to say thimble and symbol...it sounds the same. We are all artists who never put ourselves out for display. Empty thoughts filled with absence. What's on my mind is nothing, but what's inside is pure bliss. I'm existing in the nonexistent. God needs glasses and hearing aids. Last night she nailed me harder than Jesus! (too soon)?? "I would be more than happy to give you an external hard drive." "Ah, give or take.'' I'm confused...what do I do?? Good Friday??? Good God! That's terrible.  Put me on a cross and I'll tell you how "good" my day is...maybe we should consider revising the name of this holiday? I'm a conductor who's lost his train of thought.
0
Jan 7, 2013
Jan 7, 2013 at 9:43 AM UTC
randumb thoughts
Always there, Justin Tyme.  He's a good friend of mine. This morning I went into the kitchen and yelled "you're toast!" and then I ate it. A lovely response to a question:  "Does a bear **** in the woods?" I reply, "What about polar bears???" When people say, "Jesus is holy." Do you think he cringes? My girlfriend told me that I had scruples. I suddenly became scared and made a doctor’s appointment for an STD check. What did Ernie say when Bert asked to get ice cream? “Sure Bert.” I find it interesting when people say, "It's the quiet ones you have to "worry'' about. I believe it's the ones who blend in you have to worry about. "Awkward Silence" ?? What is so awkward about silence??? I believe people are awkward, not silence. ................................................... I need some bliss so,  I'm going to be ignorant. Along with his three Peeps, Hershey Kisses the Tootsie Roll Midgets. To display their different mediums of art, the sky is the Gods exhibit and we are the critics. For the Nondreamers: You may look down on me as If I appear to have my head in the clouds. Note to self: When you look up at the sky, I'm looking down on you. Some say I'm cheesy...may be that I'm just Krafty. I saw a sign on the freeway that said 'Exercise daily and walk with Jesus.' So I did. Jesus and I walked together laughing and smiling all the way to the lake front, but he kept walking...Then it dawned on me,  I forgot my aqua shoes. "I tend to add a hint of lemon while preparing my sought after traditional Christmas goose."   Here's a hint, don't ruin the hint. Ask a person with a lisp to say thimble and symbol...it sounds the same. We are all artists who never put ourselves out for display. Empty thoughts filled with absence. What's on my mind is nothing, but what's inside is pure bliss. I'm existing in the nonexistent. God needs glasses and hearing aids. Last night she nailed me harder than Jesus! (too soon)?? "I would be more than happy to give you an external hard drive." "Ah, give or take.'' I'm confused...what do I do?? Good Friday??? Good God! That's terrible.  Put me on a cross and I'll tell you how "good" my day is...maybe we should consider revising the name of this holiday? I'm a conductor who's lost his train of thought.
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34
As a teenage boy I used to fall asleep at night listening to the graveled voice of Ernie Harwell fashion for me word-images of the exploits by a band of superheroes called the Detroit Tigers. In those semi-lucid moments before slumber, I could see the shimmering outline of my destiny: you see all American boys are meant to be Tigers. So imagine my confusion, when I fractured the right talus bone my Junior year of high school, even putting on weight around the middle, where no athlete worth his pin stripes would gain. My karma had begun to take on mass. I began to acquire knowledge, as the only perceived defense against some parallel universe impinging upon reality. Oh, I had everyone convinced, even my keenest teachers believed I was destined to make my mark in scholarly pursuits. But no one saw the crying ego of one meant to be a Tiger, nor how that bottled up the emergence of the Man. Never reconciled, the Man curled up in fetal dormancy. Lifespan became synonymous with interstellar drift. And every encountered star of knowlege was dwarfed, having long ago collapsed of its own gravity. Still the heavens of knowledge are auspicious, so I looked outward, when all the answers lay concealed within. Only as my life left the outskirts of occluded reality did I then begin to inherit from my instinctual id, begin to listen to disconsolate internal voices, who had known me all along, perhaps better than myself. The thing is ... the stage has long been set on middle-age, what props lie about are encrusted with patina, laden with a dust impossible to gauge or preempt, made worse by the lack of cast, save one. Neither Beckett, nor Pinter, could have absurded this. So, when my acts strike you as quixotic, when I cut with a penknife through propriety, it's because I finally remember what it meant to be a Tiger.
0
Dec 1, 2012
Dec 1, 2012 at 7:15 PM UTC
We All Die Unhealed
As a teenage boy I used to fall asleep at night listening to the graveled voice of Ernie Harwell fashion for me word-images of the exploits by a band of superheroes called the Detroit Tigers. In those semi-lucid moments before slumber, I could see the shimmering outline of my destiny: you see all American boys are meant to be Tigers. So imagine my confusion, when I fractured the right talus bone my Junior year of high school, even putting on weight around the middle, where no athlete worth his pin stripes would gain. My karma had begun to take on mass. I began to acquire knowledge, as the only perceived defense against some parallel universe impinging upon reality. Oh, I had everyone convinced, even my keenest teachers believed I was destined to make my mark in scholarly pursuits. But no one saw the crying ego of one meant to be a Tiger, nor how that bottled up the emergence of the Man. Never reconciled, the Man curled up in fetal dormancy. Lifespan became synonymous with interstellar drift. And every encountered star of knowlege was dwarfed, having long ago collapsed of its own gravity. Still the heavens of knowledge are auspicious, so I looked outward, when all the answers lay concealed within. Only as my life left the outskirts of occluded reality did I then begin to inherit from my instinctual id, begin to listen to disconsolate internal voices, who had known me all along, perhaps better than myself. The thing is ... the stage has long been set on middle-age, what props lie about are encrusted with patina, laden with a dust impossible to gauge or preempt, made worse by the lack of cast, save one. Neither Beckett, nor Pinter, could have absurded this. So, when my acts strike you as quixotic, when I cut with a penknife through propriety, it's because I finally remember what it meant to be a Tiger.
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36
reposting a poem from 3 1/2 years ago, when I knew how to write    <> organizing the day, while the baby room renter in the adjacent,, makes dreamy rock n' roll noises, siren calls to stay~lay in bed, tho status of semi-alert, ready to relieve Ernie and Bert, who have the first shift covered soon on guard duty, scheming about dis n' dat, you are sleeping, dreaming, wide awake seeing, multitasking with eyes closed simultaneously. lesser of a poet, more a notate-er, list keeper, note taker, arguing with yourself inside the head, actually feeling the thoughts coursing, lurking, seeing both sides now, parentally, washing the dishes of the hours and years ahead. while the woman-mother makes her soprano dreaming noises, you laugh at the orchestra of ******* sighing somnolent noises, a cadenza of love dancing in your irresistible wide awake dreams. paying the bills, lying in the dark, you wonder-worry about the agenda unknown that will overgrow you, fast creeping up the grain of your skin, ivy on stone skin walls. lala lala you borrow baby's lullaby, yourself for to calming, keeping time, silly rhyming, organizing the days ahead in you head, while, recording the harmonies of sweet sensory inputs. the dark provides the cloak where you alone feel and hear the worry and laugh lines knitting into a single stitch of parenting. 1/20/2013
0
Aug 30, 2016
Aug 30, 2016 at 4:39 PM UTC
Parenting (the baby monitor)
It was late into the night When Bert Ernie and I Were traveling across the plans of Nebraska Much to my surprise Bert looks me straight in the eyes And says Mike, I gotta question to ask ya With Big Bird wrapped up in the trunk You'd think that he'd already thunk About this night long before it already happened When we took Oscar the Grouches can lid And whacked Big Bird smack dab in the head Then tied him up tight while he was napping We rolled him out to curb Believe me it looked quite absurd Ernie grunting with Bert complaining as feathers went flying But as would be our fate Able to make our planed escape When Count Von Count took time out to do some feather counting So this is now where we are Bert, Ernie, Me, and Big Bird in the trunk of our car Not really knowing where it is we are heading Our thinking went only as far As nabbing Big Bird and the get away car Putting Ernie in charge wasn't such a good idea is what I am betting Ernie says he's figured it all out Bert says we need this, but still has his doubts Cause Bert owes back pay alimony and Ernie his ****** We head to Ernie's planed drop off spot And of course it's swarming with cops While our inside man " The Monster " gave us up for Cookies They let Big Bird out of the trunk Who proceeded to slap us punch drunk Then straight to the judge to pay for this hideous crime I can't think of any worse fate I now know this was a fatal mistake The sentence... Banished to Sesame Street for life, now that is hard time
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Mar 14, 2013
Mar 14, 2013 at 7:41 PM UTC
The Kidnapping Of " Big Bird "
It was late into the night When Bert Ernie and I Were traveling across the plans of Nebraska Much to my surprise Bert looks me straight in the eyes And says Mike, I gotta question to ask ya With Big Bird wrapped up in the trunk You'd think that he'd already thunk About this night long before it already happened When we took Oscar the Grouches can lid And whacked Big Bird smack dab in the head Then tied him up tight while he was napping We rolled him out to curb Believe me it looked quite absurd Ernie grunting with Bert complaining as feathers went flying But as would be our fate Able to make our planed escape When Count Von Count took time out to do some feather counting So this is now where we are Bert, Ernie, Me, and Big Bird in the trunk of our car Not really knowing where it is we are heading Our thinking went only as far As nabbing Big Bird and the get away car Putting Ernie in charge wasn't such a good idea is what I am betting Ernie says he's figured it all out Bert says we need this, but still has his doubts Cause Bert owes back pay alimony and Ernie his ****** We head to Ernie's planed drop off spot And of course it's swarming with cops While our inside man " The Monster " gave us up for Cookies They let Big Bird out of the trunk Who proceeded to slap us punch drunk Then straight to the judge to pay for this hideous crime I can't think of any worse fate I now know this was a fatal mistake The sentence... Banished to Sesame Street for life, now that is hard time
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37
Take me to where the streets have no name, darling. Take me away, from tears, from joy, from hell, from being under raised. Take me away, take me away. Take me very far away. You might even go until you find someone else. You might even go until you find yourself. It's the trip that's important, not the fault of being away. It's the trip that make you stay, it's the trip that make you who you are today. You might wanna tell the world what problem's you noticed around. You might wanna tell me what I'm supposed to to while you're gone. This is just jibbish, this is stupid, this is futile. This is not good at all. This is just frank and ernie on a trip to dubai. This is kent and barbie together in a vault. This is dragons and donkeys making babies in the dark. This is drinks and cigarettes proposing to girls. This is the moon and the sun forgetting the world. This is life, this is death, this is all that we are.
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Jul 13, 2013
Jul 13, 2013 at 2:36 PM UTC
Born under stars
I'm not running for office, got nothing to sell. But if you've got a few minutes I have a story to tell. See there once was a man no different from you, With so many clothes he didn't know what to do. Yvonne grew tired of his clothing arrray, And she let it be known one fine laundry day. She felt she had taken all she could take, So she balled up her fist and gave it a shake! "Ernie, I've had it!" she said with a shout. "You can do your own laundry from here on out!" Well the day finally came he could find nothing clean. Ne'er a shirt, nor a sock, nor a single blue jean! Did our hero grow grievous? Oh contraire! With a quick trip to Thrift Town he had plenty to wear. Countless days later Ernie's attire still clean, Yvonne fell to wondering what could this mean. As she entered the laundry room scratching her head. Her blood began to boil, her face to turn red! The washer was silent, the dryer was cold. But the mystery at last began to unfold. Twenty three pair of Levys there on the floor, Told the tale of Ernie's journeys to the local thrift store. Yvonne shouted, "Dear God, I simply can't win!" And started doing Ernie's laundry again... There's a moral to this story set down here in verse, It's a tale of two evils. You decide which is worse. Doing laundry for Ernie who's not a bad a guy, Or a pile of ***** Levys that mount to the sky!!!
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Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 2:14 AM UTC
YVONNE'S LAMENT
The puppet strings That light Your banana yellow Face strikes A hollow pang. Your roommate Speaks with the gloomy Eloquence Of a Greek tragedy, Or an American vision Of a corrupted Greek tragedy, Or maybe a lonely English Counterpart well you get the Point— Two lovers Wrought in silk and wool Sweaters Forever unaware Of the fact that no matter How devoted They are to each other’s Well-being, Their eyebrows will forever Never touch.
0
Sep 15, 2014
Sep 15, 2014 at 2:55 AM UTC
Ode to a Grecian Ernie
1 I look at my shredded fingertips, turning gray from Ernie Ball string, from obsession playing the instrument. I look at the only evidence of any of that ecstatic crucible into my hands, the technicolor of each pile of felt-tip paintings, the endless rows of recording that I can only navigate by seconds, and by minute, and I am deflated. not a single work was finished. again, nothing could be used. 2 I look at the hours flaying me on my acoustic guitar, and the days trapped in each sheet of sketches spent sleep deprived and starving, alone, not bathing or speaking; just drawing. drawing until the pain reached too high a threshhold to be able to endure, but i did again and again this in between those great periods of being an invalid, in the hope of something to be proud of. I decide I'll go for a walk to the 7/11. I buy a 40 dollar bottle of my favorite Whiskey, of Jameson and I get a pack, not the usual kind, not my favorite-- Marlboro Red One-Hundreds, but I get a pack of Parliament Light One-Hundreds this time. I go home, and I drink. half the bottle. light a cigarette, play one of my favorites-- those songs from the 1990's. I sit down on the floor of my bedroom and I cut open my arms with a pencil.
0
Jul 2, 2017
Jul 2, 2017 at 8:44 PM UTC
the suicide
I used to climb Trees Out in broad daylight, where we used to ride bikes, My home time was defined by streetlights, fistfights and first times.   I used to play kick stone. outside on the roads of my home.  Scared of the dark when I was home alone.  A sombre tone in those days.  My cul-de-sac was a continent, you couldn’t count the times  we jumped hedges and jumped the brooks, wider berths as we grew and beamed with confidence. He grew up on the other side of the brook to me! Exploration into dilapidated buildings, to seek out lost felines for the £10 reward.  One guy got stung by a bee nine times,  he lived to tell the tale of course. Thinking back sometimes,  It was us who had nine lives, playing on the tramlines and and swimming in high tides. colliding with live wires and life lessons, We built sandcastles and burnt them down, in spaces of seconds. Lost in imagination. I stayed in the sea until my fingers wrinkled,  but this happened more often in the bath if i’m honest. It seemed so simple,  within the borders of our town, in those days. The good old days, or so they say -  but i don’t disagree with the sentiment of it all, if i’m honest.  It’s a ghost town now, Treehouse's and broken fences, Sweet shops and trips to the dentist. A playground apprentice, like Dennis the menace,
 Ernie and Bertie, maybe. The bell rang more times than I care to remember. It symbolised the beginning of the next class rather than the end. To some at least, i’m not quite sure precisely who. But it always started in September.  Those were the days,  Kiss chase and roller skates  missed chances and romances. First dances and your first falls. The sycamore tree got smaller, but remains the exact same size. The boys got a little bit taller, some of us guys even became wise. Life is full of surprises.  We flew apart.  The sun went down and we grew up. And now I don't climb Trees anymore.
0
Jul 20, 2015
Jul 20, 2015 at 1:51 PM UTC
I used to climb Trees
I used to climb Trees Out in broad daylight, where we used to ride bikes, My home time was defined by streetlights, fistfights and first times.   I used to play kick stone. outside on the roads of my home.  Scared of the dark when I was home alone.  A sombre tone in those days.  My cul-de-sac was a continent, you couldn’t count the times  we jumped hedges and jumped the brooks, wider berths as we grew and beamed with confidence. He grew up on the other side of the brook to me! Exploration into dilapidated buildings, to seek out lost felines for the £10 reward.  One guy got stung by a bee nine times,  he lived to tell the tale of course. Thinking back sometimes,  It was us who had nine lives, playing on the tramlines and and swimming in high tides. colliding with live wires and life lessons, We built sandcastles and burnt them down, in spaces of seconds. Lost in imagination. I stayed in the sea until my fingers wrinkled,  but this happened more often in the bath if i’m honest. It seemed so simple,  within the borders of our town, in those days. The good old days, or so they say -  but i don’t disagree with the sentiment of it all, if i’m honest.  It’s a ghost town now, Treehouse's and broken fences, Sweet shops and trips to the dentist. A playground apprentice, like Dennis the menace,
 Ernie and Bertie, maybe. The bell rang more times than I care to remember. It symbolised the beginning of the next class rather than the end. To some at least, i’m not quite sure precisely who. But it always started in September.  Those were the days,  Kiss chase and roller skates  missed chances and romances. First dances and your first falls. The sycamore tree got smaller, but remains the exact same size. The boys got a little bit taller, some of us guys even became wise. Life is full of surprises.  We flew apart.  The sun went down and we grew up. And now I don't climb Trees anymore.
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55
I am from my father’s warm cooking, From my mom and grandma’s baking. I am from the soggy, overdone noodles, that, though disgusting, I was proud of because I made them myself. I am from lemonade stands with my sister, Keeping careful watch to see that she didn’t run into the street. I am from drinking most of our product that we were supposed to be selling, And making my mother pay twenty-five cents to do the same. I am from lights on my face as I slipped into the life of another person, proudly singing a song. I am from “break a leg,” and “you can do it.” I am from dancing badly and the music that compelled me to do so. I am from Emergency Room trips, From falling and stumbling and crashing into things. I am from the bonfires at the camp I hated (sparkly, mesmerizing, didn’t feel as nice as it looked) I am from Ernie and Bert’s pointless arguments, From my old fears of Cookie Monster, and crying when he came on the television. I am from June and Mortimer’s branch. From the crazy heritage from my dad, and the Native American woman and the English man who are my great-great-great-great grandparents. I am from the chemotherapy and radiation that didn’t work, and crying when I heard that the boy I had never met had died. I am from Milo and the Phantom Tollbooth, From the adventures that I enjoyed with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I am from the books that I read at a very young age that made me love the letters on the pages. I have boxes, filled with memories. A birth certificate, shoes that barely fit two of my fingers. I am from the stories that were told, and the unwritten tales yet to come
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Oct 10, 2014
Oct 10, 2014 at 2:17 PM UTC
I am from
I am from my father’s warm cooking, From my mom and grandma’s baking. I am from the soggy, overdone noodles, that, though disgusting, I was proud of because I made them myself. I am from lemonade stands with my sister, Keeping careful watch to see that she didn’t run into the street. I am from drinking most of our product that we were supposed to be selling, And making my mother pay twenty-five cents to do the same. I am from lights on my face as I slipped into the life of another person, proudly singing a song. I am from “break a leg,” and “you can do it.” I am from dancing badly and the music that compelled me to do so. I am from Emergency Room trips, From falling and stumbling and crashing into things. I am from the bonfires at the camp I hated (sparkly, mesmerizing, didn’t feel as nice as it looked) I am from Ernie and Bert’s pointless arguments, From my old fears of Cookie Monster, and crying when he came on the television. I am from June and Mortimer’s branch. From the crazy heritage from my dad, and the Native American woman and the English man who are my great-great-great-great grandparents. I am from the chemotherapy and radiation that didn’t work, and crying when I heard that the boy I had never met had died. I am from Milo and the Phantom Tollbooth, From the adventures that I enjoyed with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I am from the books that I read at a very young age that made me love the letters on the pages. I have boxes, filled with memories. A birth certificate, shoes that barely fit two of my fingers. I am from the stories that were told, and the unwritten tales yet to come
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38
i sit in my room, staring at the wall. photographs of all shapes and sizes and colors form an intricate and irresistable road map for my eyes. they scan and scrutinize the wall; each picture draws a colorful and fragmented memory-- the top of the ferris wheel at six flags with the ernie to my bert, sticky and hot, but so happy; driving through the neighborhoods while bass-pounding mirror-wriggling music assaulted our ears and the hot summer wind whistled through us; that aching, all-consuming grin i just could not erase after misha let me sing a verse with him; over a decade of confusion and consternation about a god who always seemed to be too busy to answer the sincerest prayers of a naive and innocent child; the heart-startling jolt of awakening to screams and cries for countless miserable mornings; the bitter tears spilled so often at the realization that assuming the best of others often leads to nasty scars. the pictures are tacked to the wall, an exotic map of my adolescence. the items overlap and intertwine, they are all connected and dependent.
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Apr 23, 2013
Apr 23, 2013 at 9:29 PM UTC
the map
A pity Yvonne alas has passed on in a most regrettable way. She wasn't quite a snit cuz she jus couldn't **** and hadn't been many a day. So she sent Ernie out for enimas no doubt and while he was still on the road, Yvonne took a chance by dropping her pants while running toward the commode. In a tangle of jeans, frustrated screams and a splintering bathroom door, Her *** met the glass as intestinal gas burst forth with a thunderous roar. The bowl couldn't take the force of the quake, It rained down like porcelain Hail. Some people say five miles away it hit six on the Richter scale. I miss dear Yvonne, now that she's gone, taken from us much too soon. Sometimes I cry as I gaze up in the sky and wave and she orbits the moon.
0
Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 1:11 AM UTC
THE IMPACTION OF BELOVED YVONNE
Our family had an old blue bus, It pretty much held the whole of us, Mom and Dad, six kids and Gyp, (Out pug dog went with us on many a trip.) We all thought it was pretty cool, Back before the seatbelt rule, To sit on the engine between the front seats. A blanket on top helped absorb all the heat. In the wintertime though, we thought it was nice, When our fingers and toes were frozen like ice, To warm up on the engine of the old blue bus Just Mom and Dad and the rest of us. We went on more family trips than most Dad drove that blue bus from coast to coast Kids will be kids, and boys would be boys Dad got annoyed when we made too much noise. “Do you want me to stop this ****** bus?” That scared us to silence, calmed down the fuss. On the longest trips with lots of kids, Mom took Mason jars with tightly ******* on lids. Sometimes Dad would drive through the night, We’d wake up at morning light Never knowing quite where we would be, Carlsbad Caverns? Washington, DC? At the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, At the Grand Canyon, South Rim, looking down. In New York City, a little lost, Finding out what slots in Las Vegas cost, A coal mine in Kentucky, Disney World for some of us, You’d never know where we might go in the old blue mini-bus. Sometimes on the weekends, Dad tied canoes on top, We’d put them in the river, and he’d tell Mom where to stop, Most times she would be there, but one time she went too far, Since those were the days before cell phones, We were up the river without a car! There were ball games in Chicago, ERNIE BANKS was in our bus!! He didn’t show up in the picture, but you could see the rest of us. Lake Bloominton, Clinton, and Mackinaw, Oh the things that blue bus saw! Boys Scouts, Cub Scouts, birthday trips with friends Eventually the bus wore down, but the memory never ends. I suppose somebody bought it – that old blue mini-bus, But they never had as good of time as Mom and Dad and us!. Phil Lindsey 12/30/16
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Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 7:25 PM UTC
The Blue Bus
Our family had an old blue bus, It pretty much held the whole of us, Mom and Dad, six kids and Gyp, (Out pug dog went with us on many a trip.) We all thought it was pretty cool, Back before the seatbelt rule, To sit on the engine between the front seats. A blanket on top helped absorb all the heat. In the wintertime though, we thought it was nice, When our fingers and toes were frozen like ice, To warm up on the engine of the old blue bus Just Mom and Dad and the rest of us. We went on more family trips than most Dad drove that blue bus from coast to coast Kids will be kids, and boys would be boys Dad got annoyed when we made too much noise. “Do you want me to stop this ****** bus?” That scared us to silence, calmed down the fuss. On the longest trips with lots of kids, Mom took Mason jars with tightly ******* on lids. Sometimes Dad would drive through the night, We’d wake up at morning light Never knowing quite where we would be, Carlsbad Caverns? Washington, DC? At the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, At the Grand Canyon, South Rim, looking down. In New York City, a little lost, Finding out what slots in Las Vegas cost, A coal mine in Kentucky, Disney World for some of us, You’d never know where we might go in the old blue mini-bus. Sometimes on the weekends, Dad tied canoes on top, We’d put them in the river, and he’d tell Mom where to stop, Most times she would be there, but one time she went too far, Since those were the days before cell phones, We were up the river without a car! There were ball games in Chicago, ERNIE BANKS was in our bus!! He didn’t show up in the picture, but you could see the rest of us. Lake Bloominton, Clinton, and Mackinaw, Oh the things that blue bus saw! Boys Scouts, Cub Scouts, birthday trips with friends Eventually the bus wore down, but the memory never ends. I suppose somebody bought it – that old blue mini-bus, But they never had as good of time as Mom and Dad and us!. Phil Lindsey 12/30/16
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A pity Yvonne alas has passed on in a most regrettable way. She wasn't quite a snit cuz she jus couldn't **** and hadn't been many a day. So she sent Ernie out for enimas no doubt and while he was still on the road, Yvonne took a chance by dropping her pants while running toward the commode. In a tangle of jeans, frustrated screams and a splintering bathroom door, Her *** met the glass as intestinal gas burst forth with a thunderous roar. The bowl couldn't take the force of the quake, It rained down like porcelain Hail. Some people say five miles away it hit six on the Richter scale. I miss dear Yvonne, now that she's gone, taken from us much too soon. Sometimes I cry as I gaze up in the sky and wave and she orbits the moon.
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Apr 16, 2015
Apr 16, 2015 at 2:27 AM UTC
THE IMPACTION OF BELOVED YVONNE
From the early, early morning through the late, late night, The tweekers keep on coming and it just ain't right.   Yvonne gets up early and she's feeding the fish, And here comes Ernie, he's wanting his "ish".   So she breaks him off a little so that he won't gripe, Now here comes Pino wanting something in the pipe.   And next comes Debbie just a shaking that *** She's supporting the casino selling half price gas.   Then comes Clifford call him Big Daddy Mac, He got the Clabber Girl can goin' clackity - clack.   From a quarter to a half, to a teener or a ball, She's got more traffic than the Hill Top Mall.   Now the daylight's fading and the night's coming on, On and on and on and on and on,   The Tweeks have worn a path in the ********* lawn. Yvonne can't take it, she's headed for the hills,   Yelling back at Ernie, "Yes, I took my friggin pills!!" Betty, Sally, Gary, and James,   The faces keep changing but never the games. They promise to pay you. They only need a puff,   A little more please, that's just not enough. And they bring you lots of things that you just can't use,   Like fake gold chains and someone else's shoes. A cordless drill I got no way to charge and brand new jeans three sizes too large.   "Say hey yo bro, I bet you need one of these". It's a freaking leaf blower when I ain't got any trees !!!   Yeah, they call their hustle and they're good at what they do. You know that they are 'cuz they always hustling YOU !!   HERE COME THE JUDGE !  HERE COME THE JUDGE ! COURT'S IN SESSION NOW.  HERE COME THE JUDGE !!
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Apr 17, 2015
Apr 17, 2015 at 11:58 AM UTC
A DAY IN THE LIFE....
From the early, early morning through the late, late night, The tweekers keep on coming and it just ain't right.   Yvonne gets up early and she's feeding the fish, And here comes Ernie, he's wanting his "ish".   So she breaks him off a little so that he won't gripe, Now here comes Pino wanting something in the pipe.   And next comes Debbie just a shaking that *** She's supporting the casino selling half price gas.   Then comes Clifford call him Big Daddy Mac, He got the Clabber Girl can goin' clackity - clack.   From a quarter to a half, to a teener or a ball, She's got more traffic than the Hill Top Mall.   Now the daylight's fading and the night's coming on, On and on and on and on and on,   The Tweeks have worn a path in the ********* lawn. Yvonne can't take it, she's headed for the hills,   Yelling back at Ernie, "Yes, I took my friggin pills!!" Betty, Sally, Gary, and James,   The faces keep changing but never the games. They promise to pay you. They only need a puff,   A little more please, that's just not enough. And they bring you lots of things that you just can't use,   Like fake gold chains and someone else's shoes. A cordless drill I got no way to charge and brand new jeans three sizes too large.   "Say hey yo bro, I bet you need one of these". It's a freaking leaf blower when I ain't got any trees !!!   Yeah, they call their hustle and they're good at what they do. You know that they are 'cuz they always hustling YOU !!   HERE COME THE JUDGE !  HERE COME THE JUDGE ! COURT'S IN SESSION NOW.  HERE COME THE JUDGE !!
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Ernie’s big sister was a ***** or so your old man said although he didn’t say what she did or what she was for you often saw her go out in the evenings from the downstairs lower flat on the corner dressed in a short red skirt with a slit at the back and high heel shoes and her hair up high in a beehive style or you’d see her by the entrance to the Square standing there talking to some guy with that come **** me look in her eye but no one told you what a ***** was or did that part of the action your old man hid you thought she was a small time actress like the ones you saw on the big screen who stood in saloons when the cowboys came in or was a moll who hung on to some gangster’s arm in those black and white films you saw on winter afternoons but when you went by her standing there or she spotted you up on the balcony of the flats she’d wave or smile but seldom spoke other than to say hi there kid or how’s your old man and off she’d go with her tight skirt with the slit at the back and her wiggling *** and high heel shoes and her hair piled high with that come have me later look in her eye.
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Nov 16, 2012
Nov 16, 2012 at 2:37 AM UTC
ERNIE'S BIG SISTER AND YOU.
“I spent the rest of the day smoking joints and listening to music. There was very little else that I had going for me. I was left hungry for something I could not put my finger on so I wondered the streets until dawn. With my head down I tried to feel confident but could only manage to fake it. A cloud of thought grew out around me, only broken by the introduction of some new stimuli as I walked. And very little stuck with me on my journey unto dawn. “ I read that in a book. I think it’s Joyce. But that would be convenient wouldn’t it? “Tell me, do you have a better idea?” I wonder, is there one Or are we all just products? such a tired cliché… I’m the miser’s purse Dionysus Something Something, we don’t care, You and I, Where this goes. Do we? Have a drink on Bukowski though Despite my lack of common tact I do have dreams you know. And where were you when Burt and Ernie told us our Sponsors And Images with discreet meanings rested in our hearts? We Don’t need to read ****** “If you won’t stop screaming I’m gonna have to call security.” She said to him. His glare ****** her way. “Secure this,” He said. He ****** his hand into his coat producing from it a photograph of dollar. He handed it to her asking “can you break this?” She looked at him in fear and confusion “Sir this isn’t legal tender.” “well I say it is” he said. But that was it, as security immediately burst into the room and the scene devolved into panic and screams. <div text="He perceived an abrupt break in the energy, an ebb, stagnation. Everyone appeared to know where everything should go from here, But pretty soon he saw realized they were all talking out their ***** and he turned to leave."></div> When we’ve reached that beautiful peak I want you to throw the radio in the tub. element.style { mood: toska; languge: english; background-position: -40.7127 -74.0059; why-am-i-doing-this: IDK; }
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Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 12:52 PM UTC
How Do I know When We’ve Reached That Peak?
“I spent the rest of the day smoking joints and listening to music. There was very little else that I had going for me. I was left hungry for something I could not put my finger on so I wondered the streets until dawn. With my head down I tried to feel confident but could only manage to fake it. A cloud of thought grew out around me, only broken by the introduction of some new stimuli as I walked. And very little stuck with me on my journey unto dawn. “ I read that in a book. I think it’s Joyce. But that would be convenient wouldn’t it? “Tell me, do you have a better idea?” I wonder, is there one Or are we all just products? such a tired cliché… I’m the miser’s purse Dionysus Something Something, we don’t care, You and I, Where this goes. Do we? Have a drink on Bukowski though Despite my lack of common tact I do have dreams you know. And where were you when Burt and Ernie told us our Sponsors And Images with discreet meanings rested in our hearts? We Don’t need to read ****** “If you won’t stop screaming I’m gonna have to call security.” She said to him. His glare ****** her way. “Secure this,” He said. He ****** his hand into his coat producing from it a photograph of dollar. He handed it to her asking “can you break this?” She looked at him in fear and confusion “Sir this isn’t legal tender.” “well I say it is” he said. But that was it, as security immediately burst into the room and the scene devolved into panic and screams. <div text="He perceived an abrupt break in the energy, an ebb, stagnation. Everyone appeared to know where everything should go from here, But pretty soon he saw realized they were all talking out their ***** and he turned to leave."></div> When we’ve reached that beautiful peak I want you to throw the radio in the tub. element.style { mood: toska; languge: english; background-position: -40.7127 -74.0059; why-am-i-doing-this: IDK; }
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. In da mornin yeah (  Dis very one ) We were like kids comin on Into the great adventure Of life and love • Goin Eenie , meenie ; minie  ..: AND  .. mo // Yeah baby Stay with me Gonna be good times You 'll see :: .ernie meenie minie AND mo // High hill song Early riser Gotta know what's goin on Gotta be a new man Come the new dawn • Eenie Meenie Minie AND Mo X
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Oct 1, 2016
Oct 1, 2016 at 12:28 AM UTC
eenie .. meenie. ... minie ... AND. ... mo
Tom and Jerry, Laurel and Hardy, Batman and Robin, Fred and Barney, Frodo and Sam, Bert and Ernie too, Tom Sawyer and Huck, adventures anew. Lone Ranger and Tonto, Snowy and Tintin, Chip and Dale, Snoopy and Woodstock grin, Archie and Jughead, Holmes and Watson wise, Lucy and Ethel, their antics arise. Larry, Curly, and Moe, a comical trio, Mutt and Jeff, Luke and Han Solo, Lois and Clark, a super pair indeed, These bonds of friendship, on screen we read. But as the credits roll and the pages close, A question lingers, as doubt grows: Are these friendships, so perfect and true, Reflections of bonds between me and you? Real friendships are messy, they ebb and flow, Not always in sync, not always aglow. Yet in their imperfection, we find A beauty that's real, one of a kind. So cherish your friends, both near and far, For in life's story, that's who you are. Fiction may inspire, but reality's test Proves true friendship is earth's real quest.
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May 17, 2017
May 17, 2017 at 6:31 PM UTC
Friends