"enduced" poems
You see I didn't know
What an asparagus plant
Looked like
Until today
And the fact that you
Would understand
My horror
When faced with
That ignorance
Is one of the most
Liberating things
In the world
And even if
All the meaning
We derived
From the other night
Was drug enduced
And maybe mistaken
I still can't wait
To show you
That asparagus plant
And watch your eyes
As they watch me
Aug 26, 2013
Aug 26, 2013 at 10:40 PM UTC
when you are hit with that insult you fantasize about 24/7 i will try and laugh, and maybe a giggle escapes. With all my efforts of trying to escape, trying to hide how much damage you have enduced, how much of my soul you have just stolen from me, i will disasterly fail. And the pain will seep through my eyes. and i will once again fail to surprise myself. For all your insults havent made me stronger, oh all your insults have just stripped my confidence, away. Fo all your insults have done is make yourself a bigger ****** all your insults just let everyone see how unworthy of a life you really are. But that statement would be a lie. For all your insults have done is damage me to a lce no ne will be able to repair but me. nd when you wonder, mother, why i am the way i am. Please do not look at me for answer's look in the mirror and, then, i beg of you glance at society. Because when society has reached the point of utter disgustance that suicide is something you simply insult someone with is funny, when society reaches the point of utter dissapointment that so mny people feel the need to die to escape, you should not be blaming anyone. Society itself should be looking at what we have made of ourselves. society itself should be looking at how the bad parenting reflects so much. because it only takes one insult, to send so many people over the edge.
Jan 30, 2013
Jan 30, 2013 at 10:12 PM UTC
Winter has coaxed
its radiator enduced
ether
and the time has come
for colds, snot
and sinuses.
Blackness
gathers us
to our tangerine
oasis - and
living room
televisions.
I left,
to walk through the
winter city.
I saw
empty car parks and
Christmas lights,
and thought London
was dying.
A fox grappled
with a tesco's
plastic bag.
I walked through
a winter forest.
I saw creepers
on gravestones
and
Victorian gore
settled into the earth.
I put my ear to the ground
to hear the worms
eating dead bodies
and all the while
the stars turned
overhead
like a millers wheel.
Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 5:44 AM UTC
God I'm
crazy and
weak.
I wish I still
believed and
could pray -it
really did
help-
A godless
world is exactly
what you'd imagine
it to be -partially
because we
live in it-
I hate
that once
a month I'm
stuck being a
girl with girl needs
and girl whims
I hate that
it makes me
actually miss
you when you're
gone: acknowledge,
assess, process,
exactly
how long it's
been
Maddening.
I imagine
disgusting globs
of whatever
stuff you claim
to have so much of
sloughing
off,
crawling away
half dead in the
cold coming to
the window to
tap, or perhaps
the door
to
knock like a
lonely soul and
you know
I've a psilocybin
enduced empathetic
streak embedded deep,
couldn't possibly
leave a thing to
freeze on its
own,
but
still yet
intruding
against my
will:
This is
the only
explanation:
I could not
thus feel
otherwise
by myself,
nevertheless
being mired
in such muck
I hate
being stuck
with the absence
of you for days
at a time
-especially with
these blobs
reminding of how
once
you were willing
to drive to
Tom's before
I had to cath him
at 2:30
in the morning
Just to smoke
and talk
a little
while
I doubt any of that
even matters now
God...
I must
be crazy
going crazy
acting crazy
I hate it.
I also hate
hating things.
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 19, 2014 at 1:02 AM UTC
My ****** left knee.tribute. A testosterone. All or nothing gonna punk your *** Make you eat grass. Coccussion dealing. See pretty stars. Have you barkin at ants. Down on one knee how many fingers do you see.
High speed collisions. Last second decisions to duck or not to duck. That is the question. A small tribute to pay would not have it any other way.
Whether tis nobler in the mind to go ***** to the wall a nothing or all
Venture. Get you fitted later for dentures. Pickin up chicklets of
the floor. No mouth piece ?. But I. Didn't know. ****
Sorry.
Trauma enduced D.J.D. degnerative joint disease. Right knee with severe cartilageneous breakdown.
Jun 9, 2013
Jun 9, 2013 at 1:25 PM UTC
i crush up the pills
place them in 2 nice little white lines
darling im sorry
i promise this is the last time.
my face is burning
i feel so alive
i love you
but im feeding you lies.
for try as i might
and try as i will
my love for you
dosnt comapre to the love i receive from the pills
so ill leave the warmth of your arms
to the comfort of my drug enduced bliss
replace your lips
with a empty kiss
and ill forget everything we had
pretend we never were
i told you to begin with
i am far from anyones dream girl
for my grasp on reality is deluded
tainted by self enduced hate
please dont think its your fault
this is just my fate.
and ill leave you a letter
apolgising for all the lies
then give into my obbession
pill bottles at side
and an array of colors is all ill see
as i swallow them all
i create my destiny.
Jul 10, 2013
Jul 10, 2013 at 7:05 PM UTC
RELAPSE
The time when it feels like life is throwing you fire
That moment when you decide to temporary mentally retire
In hopes to repair and recover
Before you got to get your thoughts together
A timer ticking, with less than four days.
Then you realise 2 days have slipped in a foggy haze
Another 12 hours disappear in a blink while I’m stuck in this maze
Mind jammed on repeat, running same old relays
Life on the brink, Useless skits stuck on replay.
Disaster strikes it’s second hit,
With the bowel empty, out of ****
tired and wired
In some serious need.
Next door possesses my ****
clock strikes 2am,
no hope for the action called- boomerang
thoughts doing laps- thinking-
Why did I leave it there for so long?
Drug-enduced thoughts shift the blame,
How could they do me so wrong?
By not returning Billson after borrowing,
Leads to plan B’s decease.
The creation of black death to ease the worrying.
Now in search for some other sweet release.
Should have prepared a stash of sleepers
But I’ve used them all up,
Option C – A pill with effects like ******
Zanexe don’t stand a chance anymore,
Immune to those dowsers, always needing a top-up.
The familiar stench of the chemicals on my skin,
Reminds me of all the times I swore I hated this sin.
Yet here I am again, where on earth do I begin?
Perhaps when I had my first lapse,
6 days ago, 2 points and didn’t collapse.
Which fertilised the seed planted by an addict
1 month off a year clean…
I was truly recovering
Then hell froze over turning my skies unclear,
That tickle got me thoughtful with the unspoken words - ‘I gotta have more’.
For of cause tomorrow I know I will be sore,
With that familiar dismantling pain,
For I have walked this road before.
For it I search, an act previously well-rehearsed
Found and purchase ordered,
I reach into my purse,
And as easy as that, transaction recorded.
- LetterGoddess
May 13, 2019
May 13, 2019 at 12:50 PM UTC