Am I a fool for believing in love
or am I just Me trying to strive
Eitherway a beast awakened
Eitherway I felt the pain
Oh I've been asking, Dear Lord
*If love is cheap then why can't I afford?

Amongst the crowd, I blaze it across and up
Down the middle, a mechanically knit hug
With its broken handle
And popping arm crossstiches
To fasten the shame
To hide the tears inside me
That have not evaporated

In my jacket, I am me
3XL and slowly dying
Of a death that no one knows
Or a change that could end the world's colds
No one knows because no one knows care

Eitherway, the fantasy *****
So for reality, I conform
And learn to hide
My curves that have been
Rolled against the mud I never wanted
Shot into the toilet that the water dwelled in stench
Bruised in the way of another but never for a child. Brutal for a teenager

Because love was tailor made
For someone else
Time was made to order
For the busy and no time for me
Because friends beat you up
For being a giant that doesnt fight back

Locked secrets
A past and a pension
Within my body
That I am willing
I am so wishing
To be a shadow
In my black jacket
A face not from the many
But being trampled on the floor
Yet phasing through
Like the timeless, like a ghost
Seldom gone but never present

You cannot die on me,
Let us dive right into your fears.

You cannot die on me,
I cannot save who does not cry for help.

You cannot die on me,
I have not even touched you yet.

You cannot die on me,
It is the good part you will miss.

You cannot die on me,
My fins and tail cannot be with no owner.

You cannot die on me,
This is my sea, I will let us both breathe.

You cannot die on me,
I have turned into your life vest.

You cannot die on me,
I will follow you eitherway.

You cannot die on me,
I will not give up this daydream.

You cannot die on me,
I have stayed alive for you.

An I without me?
Well it could possibly
Be this minus a personality

For if not here yet I be
Maybe then I shall see
What it is to be an I without me

"But I am here!" I do say
"I can hear me when I say"
"There is no I without me"

Well honestly
It is kind of tricky
Now you are the me
and the listener,
Well, that makes 3!

"An I without me!?
Surely that cannot be!
Unless you and me is a we!"

That does not matter
For eitherway
As all of you me's fade away
What is left is not to see
But rarther all that can be
As the one between
You and Me.

they tell me repeatedly
we only help the wound grow
by licking it again and again

it doesn't heal like that

they also tell me I must accept
what I feel about you
and then forgive you!

it makes things better, they say

what they don't explain, however,
is why I haven't got another option?
and how long am I supposed to wait eitherway
when I have already tried everything?

am I supposed to wait even?

Obliterated!; all that remains is a blank slate.
Unfeeling, uncaring but somehow still living in a fearful state
The pit in my stomach falls deeper with every breath.
Each breath harder to take as each memory is wiped away.
Delete every dream and want, they're a waste.
Destroy every hope and make sure you know your "destined" fate.
Delete every touch and kiss with haste.
You don't want to but it'll be done eitherway.
It used to be subconscious, now it's taken on a life of its own, sentient.
No longer dependent; it takes everything away.
My mind is no longer my own; my control and life slowly washed away.

i am at with thy sleeping bag


As i stand here in this dark night of rain
nowhere but these hard cold walls
just for me to lay the icy drops  run down
my dirt covered face

other stay where they are placed
im hungry but i dont want to ask people
for change i would rather not been looked down on
with such unprovoked hate and rage
either way people will still  judge me
when i would
rather feed on the
sandwich discarded from since i don't know when
As i reach within this black and gold plated bin  
Whilst i was it down with my 9%

they see a needle and without a thought twice relate it to me just
Because my clothes are ripped and i have no money or a place to live and yet i still try to make lemonade with what i was given but you still you see what I've built and demolish and break it just because i didn't

quite make it in
to you're sliver spooned toffee nosed society sorry i was quick to judge and assume
and that eitherway
was not right of me i do apologise ever so politely
you may have had if not the same but worse of a start off in life than me

either way one thing we do have that we share is we both have the ability
to laugh kid,care,love and joke  and the will to share so...

if you have a penny a pound or a sandwich
spare or and hour to talk and problems to share then grab you sit your self down next to where  ill be where i always am with my dogs and belongings in that  door way there.


Written by
daryllsmith

hey, everything will be alright.
don’t need to smoke secretly anymore
no need to cry in the bathtub,
and try to drown yourself everytime.
you will be happier, believe me.
noone will look at you differently,
they accept you now,
no need to cry after school anymore.
little one, no need to cut your hair off
believing that it will bring you luck.
you don’t need those sleeping meds
soon enough your insomnia will flee.
no more vomiting after every meal,
you will accept your body eitherway,
and you will love it more each day.
be strong, past me.
your depression won’t go away, im sorry.
there are no more summer rains
that you could dance in.
i still like sky ferreira, i swear.
you will bring peace to yourself,
with your big heart and tough soul.
no need to bleed for every little mistakes.
i promise you, right now, i am better.
little one, look at me.
you only have future you as a role model.
for you, i changed
please, no more sadness, no more blood
i swear, it gets better.

"If you want a picture of the future/
Imagine a boot stamping on a human face, forever..."/

theyll shoot me i dont care/
theyll shoot me in the back of the neck/
i dont care down with big brother/
they always shoot you in the back of the neck/
i dont care down with big brother/
dont hug me im scared/

Two years old, held/
By the Ministry of Love/
Against his will; FREEDOM IS/
SLAVERY drilled into his skull; WAR IS/
PEACE - yeah, tell that to his scars; IGNORANCE IS/
STRENGTH? You couldn't feed that to the proles! BIG BROTHER IS/
WATCHING YOU ******* in your cell again, twisting his black moustachio/
The Man is not a man, but a figment: an imaginary friend to Party animals/
Enemy of the State; workeatsleep, but don't you dare wake up/
Eyes wide shut: life is blackwhite bootface crimestop/
Telescreen watchmen twentyfour/se7en for/
Signs of broken down mindcon-ditioning/
We all non-live in a Miniluv pyramid/
Scheming our escapes: daydreamin'/
Of meeting in the place where there ain't no darkness/
Sitting, weeping in the harsh white light.../

Crying hysterically/
A bundle of bones in filthy underclothes/
Grey all over with an ancient, ingrained dirt/
These starving brutes will shootout of the cage like bullets/
They can get inside you; leap on your face, & bore straight into it/
But who cares? Down with Big Brother! They'll shoot you eitherway/
Even if you betrayed the whole universe, including Julia/
The worst thing in the world is in Room one-oh-one, but/
What happens when they finally pull the trigger?!!/

BANG!/

Forget the spirit of man; I believe in God/
True Power isn't merely mentaltorture or physicalforce/
You can't make me perfect - two plus two makes four/
Thoughtcrime on my mind, & it can't be controlled/

Thirtythree years old, held/
By the Ministry of Love against his will/
Brain still not washed enough to blow out of his skull/
Stuck in purgatory, rodents gnawing at his soul... just waiting for the Day./