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samaranya
samaranya
20/F/jakarta in the middle of the night / i thought of life / and love / but i do not / have any of those two
hey, everything will be alright. don’t need to smoke secretly anymore no need to cry in the bathtub, and try to drown yourself everytime. you will be happier, believe me. noone will look at you differently, they accept you now, no need to cry after school anymore. little one, no need to cut your hair off believing that it will bring you luck. you don’t need those sleeping meds soon enough your insomnia will flee. no more vomiting after every meal, you will accept your body eitherway, and you will love it more each day. be strong, past me. your depression won’t go away, im sorry. there are no more summer rains that you could dance in. i still like sky ferreira, i swear. you will bring peace to yourself, with your big heart and tough soul. no need to bleed for every little mistakes. i promise you, right now, i am better. little one, look at me. you only have future you as a role model. for you, i changed please, no more sadness, no more blood i swear, it gets better.
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Mar 6, 2020
Mar 6, 2020 at 4:05 PM UTC
six years ago today
it has been a theatrical performance a greek tragedy, one might say. everynight i celebrate praying to dionysus and resting in his temple drinking the fruit of pleasure. i’ve been drowning myself with anger, aphrodite is not on my side didn’t get her blessing at all it has been so awful my life could be as compliated as the iliad i harvest from hegemone’s plants the leaf that makes me at ease, a form of running away slowly. the story of my tragedy will be engraved in all of your memories soon enough i will be in hades’ realm perhaps grow some flowers, with persephone blooming them easily. but in this life, the life that imitates an art form in the form of a tragedy, a theatrical one will be remembered as a great performance, by me, and myself only.
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Mar 1, 2020
Mar 1, 2020 at 7:05 AM UTC
a form of emotional art.
it's not that i don't trust you fully i know you and her are friends, really but i don't trust the sun you are under i am scared you will love her and i will be neglected again going through my life in pain it'a just my self confidence lacking i don't want to start crying
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Mar 13, 2018
Mar 13, 2018 at 8:06 PM UTC
trust
i imagine your lips must be as soft as a feather. every night i dream of you, in my dream we are both lovers, draining the night away with our acts. i imagine your body, with my hands on it. wishing i can actually touch it. your face made my head spin in lust, i am drowning in my own ***** thoughts.
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Dec 30, 2017
Dec 30, 2017 at 4:22 PM UTC
miracle
P r e t t y   p e o p l e W i t h   p r e t t y   w o r d s B u t   t h e y   a r e   u g l y T h e i r   s p e e c h   i s   s l u r r e d They never show Their real emotion While people watch Their every motion Everything they have Is fake If they'd notice They would break They're living in A fake reality They need to wake up To actuality We always talk Behind their backs If they knew They would crack They think we love them They think they're pretty But they really don't Deserve our pity P r e t t y   p e o p l e W i t h   p r e t t y   w o r d s B u t   t h e y   a r e   u g l y T h e i r   s p e e c h   i s   s l u r r e d
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Dec 27, 2017
Dec 27, 2017 at 11:31 AM UTC
PRETTY PEOPLE
I wouldn't even recognize you, nor you I. How we have changed and grown, how the years and loves have formed us. How the trials have toughened or beaten us. I hope you are well. I hope that the world has not stricken the love from you, and that the lives which surround you and which you surround still smile upon your kind soul. I hope you have not been beaten too much. I hope you have faced down more trials than have faced down you, and that the things which you have conquered have been strengthening instead of diminishing to your spirit. Of all hopes, I hope that you still find a reason to smile every day.
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Dec 27, 2017
Dec 27, 2017 at 1:14 AM UTC
To The Lovers I've Lost
my anxiety is killing me how many nights i've gone through without sleep i cannot comprehend the feeling inside the stairs i take are too steep my legs are weary, they won't climb up my anxiousness drowns me in darkness, yet i'm in drought hearts racing, thoughts running, eyes searching for something grounding every little mistake i make makes me so jumpy only the pills she gave me can calm it although i chug them down my throat my own mind says those **** won't help me that it won't cure me and now here i am, sitting mindless and thoughtless and with nothing to hold onto
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Dec 6, 2017
Dec 6, 2017 at 6:27 PM UTC
ease
in my next lifetime, i will find you, and i will try to make things work, and will fight until my last breath. in my next lifetime, i will love you like i never did before and cherish you always. in my next lifetime, i'll make sure that we will meet and fall in love with eachother again, more than this life.
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Dec 5, 2017
Dec 5, 2017 at 9:48 PM UTC
life
We care more about aesthetic obsession than matters of the heart.
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Jul 4, 2017
Jul 4, 2017 at 8:28 AM UTC
Today
as the blade dances on my skin, as the pills slide down my throat, as the smoke of the cigarettes fills my lungs, i find peace. then i realised, death is my one true friend
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Jun 12, 2017
Jun 12, 2017 at 11:42 AM UTC
an epiphany