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"distrusting" poems
Gettin’ sh!t on like I’m The Villian, got this queasy feeling on the line reeling, coming undone at the same time wound up and spun, I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing, want to throw myself up out of myself, can escape every position except the one I’m in, can’t escape yourself if knowledge is wealth, then I’m loaded & still spending my winnings, got Karma Credit but I’m morally cash poor, because I just fckt my girlfriend as if she was a ***** and I feel terrible or rather horrible about it, because i think I’m infected by what neglect did without a cure, no one is pure, at least I’m not that’s for sure, I'm tainted with devils in my head painted with what I spilled I’m red, sick with the sort of illness that can't easily be cured, in fact got a bad case of the blues, but instead of strumming a guitar I’m taking things too far, cut her so bad with my fingernails, that I fear it might leave a few scars, tied her up so tight, that her wrists turned purple, see she’s attracted to bad boys, and I warned her that that’s the type of attraction that can hurt you, little girl shouldn’t be out past her curfew, nothing good ever happens past midnight, but we’re both running from something, both stand outs in the in crowd still something doesn’t sit right, I’m uncomfortable, because I think maybe all humans are disgusting, maybe we just cause each other pain and trash the earth’s surface, maybe we deserve to feel guilty & that’s why we are all fcking distrusting, maybe I’m gonna fckn **** myself, but this is a card game so then again maybe I’m bluffing, maybe everything’s going to be alright, maybe I’m being uptight for nothing, but I’ll tell you what I feel like the **** of my own joke, but I don’t give a fck so instead of changing I’m just shrugging, mean mugging every person I pass suspicious of every bloke, because these days crime pays and everyone’s always up to something, and I just want to get ghost, but I can’t and I guess that’s the way it goes, so I’m sittin’ in the uncomfortable position, of being both a role model as well as a criminal, Gettin’ sh!t on like I’m The Villian, got this queasy feeling on the line reeling, coming undone at the same time wound up and spun, I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing… ∆ LaLux ∆
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Sep 17, 2018
Sep 17, 2018 at 7:18 AM UTC
The Villian & The Dealer
Gettin’ sh!t on like I’m The Villian, got this queasy feeling on the line reeling, coming undone at the same time wound up and spun, I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing, want to throw myself up out of myself, can escape every position except the one I’m in, can’t escape yourself if knowledge is wealth, then I’m loaded & still spending my winnings, got Karma Credit but I’m morally cash poor, because I just fckt my girlfriend as if she was a ***** and I feel terrible or rather horrible about it, because i think I’m infected by what neglect did without a cure, no one is pure, at least I’m not that’s for sure, I'm tainted with devils in my head painted with what I spilled I’m red, sick with the sort of illness that can't easily be cured, in fact got a bad case of the blues, but instead of strumming a guitar I’m taking things too far, cut her so bad with my fingernails, that I fear it might leave a few scars, tied her up so tight, that her wrists turned purple, see she’s attracted to bad boys, and I warned her that that’s the type of attraction that can hurt you, little girl shouldn’t be out past her curfew, nothing good ever happens past midnight, but we’re both running from something, both stand outs in the in crowd still something doesn’t sit right, I’m uncomfortable, because I think maybe all humans are disgusting, maybe we just cause each other pain and trash the earth’s surface, maybe we deserve to feel guilty & that’s why we are all fcking distrusting, maybe I’m gonna fckn **** myself, but this is a card game so then again maybe I’m bluffing, maybe everything’s going to be alright, maybe I’m being uptight for nothing, but I’ll tell you what I feel like the **** of my own joke, but I don’t give a fck so instead of changing I’m just shrugging, mean mugging every person I pass suspicious of every bloke, because these days crime pays and everyone’s always up to something, and I just want to get ghost, but I can’t and I guess that’s the way it goes, so I’m sittin’ in the uncomfortable position, of being both a role model as well as a criminal, Gettin’ sh!t on like I’m The Villian, got this queasy feeling on the line reeling, coming undone at the same time wound up and spun, I’m done playing but stuck at the table with The Dealer still dealing… ∆ LaLux ∆
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49
You and I are both cliches You with your girlish wit and obsession with everything masculine And me With my wounded feminist heart distrusting every man no matter his professed honor and respect of the feminine I can't help but get mad at you and you can't help but feel sorry for me You think I'm deprived And I know your depraved I just hope you finally learn your lesson when your heart has been shattered and your "girlish wit" taken advantage of But really I don't That would be too tragic and unfair I just want you to stop talking and spreading your false reality to all too eager ears And interrupting this class I liked until you walked in At least you're better than the men in here hanging on your every word
0
Jan 20, 2013
Jan 20, 2013 at 5:39 AM UTC
Feminine Cliches
They look at each other, blush, look away, It seems to be choreographed like a dance between them He looks at her, She glances, giggles He looks away This is the infamous tango of hearts They watch, They wait, They wonder Until one day, Someone makes a step that doesn't fit into the dance. A new boy, One who hasn't been observing their dance, He walks up to her as she giggles He smirks, saunters, and flirts The dance shudders, Stops. Her heart has been won He looks at her, She glances up, meets his eyes, Looks away. The dance is still being performed, This time though, it is a dance of friendship. Of Worry Of Desperation, both his and hers For months he's seen her like this The downcast look in her eye A sudden pain when she is touched An obvious flinch is she is so much as reached for She comes to talk to him They laugh Almost like old times Yet he can't mistake the pain in her eyes He moves to touch her A hand grabs her arm and jerks her away He looks She shakes her head He frowns, pleads silently She shakes her head again He nods, And he walks away He looks She is distrusting She got out, alone, The new boy, now old in her views comes to her The boy is is apologetic, The boy pleads with her She looks across the room to her boy, Not one she's dated, But one she shares an even more intimate relationship with One she trusts. This is the boy that has been with her all along, He who danced the dance with her through it all. The only boy that she could trust to know the steps She needs help now, so she looks to him He shakes his head, Now she is the one who frowns, He shakes his head again And she walks away. Away from her past And towards her future.
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Oct 23, 2013
Oct 23, 2013 at 1:19 AM UTC
Dancing Through Life
They look at each other, blush, look away, It seems to be choreographed like a dance between them He looks at her, She glances, giggles He looks away This is the infamous tango of hearts They watch, They wait, They wonder Until one day, Someone makes a step that doesn't fit into the dance. A new boy, One who hasn't been observing their dance, He walks up to her as she giggles He smirks, saunters, and flirts The dance shudders, Stops. Her heart has been won He looks at her, She glances up, meets his eyes, Looks away. The dance is still being performed, This time though, it is a dance of friendship. Of Worry Of Desperation, both his and hers For months he's seen her like this The downcast look in her eye A sudden pain when she is touched An obvious flinch is she is so much as reached for She comes to talk to him They laugh Almost like old times Yet he can't mistake the pain in her eyes He moves to touch her A hand grabs her arm and jerks her away He looks She shakes her head He frowns, pleads silently She shakes her head again He nods, And he walks away He looks She is distrusting She got out, alone, The new boy, now old in her views comes to her The boy is is apologetic, The boy pleads with her She looks across the room to her boy, Not one she's dated, But one she shares an even more intimate relationship with One she trusts. This is the boy that has been with her all along, He who danced the dance with her through it all. The only boy that she could trust to know the steps She needs help now, so she looks to him He shakes his head, Now she is the one who frowns, He shakes his head again And she walks away. Away from her past And towards her future.
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60
Pixied fairies Druid pixies Swinging on breathe and trees Loosing themselves to each other Solace place No hate no greed No distrusting No talking of others Best friends verily in love Gangsters of mad Lovers Sitting on stilts of no guilt but hugs!!
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Jun 14, 2015
Jun 14, 2015 at 12:47 PM UTC
Druid pixies
XXXVI When we met first and loved, I did not build Upon the event with marble. Could it mean To last, a love set pendulous between Sorrow and sorrow? Nay, I rather thrilled, Distrusting every light that seemed to gild The onward path, and feared to overlean A finger even. And, though I have grown serene And strong since then, I think that God has willed A still renewable fear . . . O love, O troth . . . Lest these enclasped hands should never hold, This mutual kiss drop down between us both As an unowned thing, once the lips being cold. And Love, be false! if he, to keep one oath, Must lose one joy, by his life’s star foretold.
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2.2k
Sonnet 36 - When We Met First And Loved, I Did Not Build
Hateful tears slice my skin like razors in the bathtub I’ve been hurt by the bare hands that once bound us together too many times You were an angel to me and you loved me like a child But when I come home and your breath smells like cheap whiskey you twist and thrive underneath burning skin belonging to a type of corruption only the Devil could endure My bruised eyes are proof of your demons My broken arm is proof of your demons My always plentiful supply of makeup to cover your loving blue outline is proof of your demons My battered body is proof of your demons The pain doesn’t scare me. I accept it as my own. I understand your need for attention and your need to be left alone. I just haven’t mastered the ability to sense when you’ve been left alone with your thoughts for too long Flashbacks of your own childhood-the ********** that your daddy forced upon you The sound of skin tearing, the scent of blood. Your fathers voice. His silhouette hovering. You linger in the doorway for too long when I walk in. I look in your eyes; the **** videos play back to me. I know I shouldn’t touch-I remind you too much of your father. Threats to leave me, swinging your fists. Tomorrow you will say how mistaken you were-you thought I was your father you thought I was a monster but you know now that I’m the most intimate version of a mother you should know Curling up, weeping your apology. Comfort me, hold me, you beg. I know better than this. I picture my mother “Once and you leave him.” But its been 16 months now and i cannot leave a fallen angel. I can’t bring myself to walk out because I know you chose me. Distrusting; you chose me. You saw I had flowers splurging from my veins and all anyone else could see was self abusing thorns. The blood from your knuckles soak the blood resting upon my face It tugs and pulls and I bring you in Your beautiful, tear filled eyes make me feel special “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry, I love you” I’m sorry I love you.
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Nov 9, 2013
Nov 9, 2013 at 9:29 PM UTC
Abuse or Approval?
Hateful tears slice my skin like razors in the bathtub I’ve been hurt by the bare hands that once bound us together too many times You were an angel to me and you loved me like a child But when I come home and your breath smells like cheap whiskey you twist and thrive underneath burning skin belonging to a type of corruption only the Devil could endure My bruised eyes are proof of your demons My broken arm is proof of your demons My always plentiful supply of makeup to cover your loving blue outline is proof of your demons My battered body is proof of your demons The pain doesn’t scare me. I accept it as my own. I understand your need for attention and your need to be left alone. I just haven’t mastered the ability to sense when you’ve been left alone with your thoughts for too long Flashbacks of your own childhood-the ********** that your daddy forced upon you The sound of skin tearing, the scent of blood. Your fathers voice. His silhouette hovering. You linger in the doorway for too long when I walk in. I look in your eyes; the **** videos play back to me. I know I shouldn’t touch-I remind you too much of your father. Threats to leave me, swinging your fists. Tomorrow you will say how mistaken you were-you thought I was your father you thought I was a monster but you know now that I’m the most intimate version of a mother you should know Curling up, weeping your apology. Comfort me, hold me, you beg. I know better than this. I picture my mother “Once and you leave him.” But its been 16 months now and i cannot leave a fallen angel. I can’t bring myself to walk out because I know you chose me. Distrusting; you chose me. You saw I had flowers splurging from my veins and all anyone else could see was self abusing thorns. The blood from your knuckles soak the blood resting upon my face It tugs and pulls and I bring you in Your beautiful, tear filled eyes make me feel special “I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry, I love you” I’m sorry I love you.
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26
Broken hearts are lost, confined and chained to the wall by a chain link fence so sharp and strong; disabling a soul from moving on. Combustive beating heart, distrusting evil **** she ****** me over and drifted away like a formaldehyde ****
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Jun 19, 2010
Jun 19, 2010 at 8:29 PM UTC
Toxic Drift
I get sick of cliches, I get sick of  the tropes I get sick of affected twits and how love had them on the ropes If I let myself breathe the same air as everyone else I'm gonna choke I can't help but breathe her in and feel I've gone beyond the scope Of my, simple visions of destroyed inhibitions and I, can't help but get nervous how she changes up my focus Can I, convey this handedly while knowing understandably That I'm leaning on a danger to a core that I've exposed We've leaned down for contact, she pushed me I push back The pressure on our hearts has potential for explosion The languish I had locked inside interior erosion Implodes, he dotes of notes he'd wrote to quote a query quietly Distrusting of emotions, just a quiver can inspire me Fearing no enemy, fearing no evil entity Fearing only connection and if I'm wasting my energy Love brought me happiness but it stirred up the cobwebs Little demons laying dormant til I explored them in every form in every figure in every norm til they've distorted my performance But as pandora's box was 1st class special ordered to my doorstep I dove in straight for signs of hope, a passing look could soon afford this. She voices her fears, connections lost by the distance I'll bridge the gap to defend her, no need she says with persistence She's scared of monotony, she gets scared of the tropes She gets sick of affected twits and how they leave her with no hope If she's forced to breathe the same as before she's gonna choke I leaned in for contact, I push her, she pushed back We're two shades of the same Wavelength Our angles just refract.
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Apr 21, 2014
Apr 21, 2014 at 12:42 AM UTC
Two Shades of the Same Wavelength
I get sick of cliches, I get sick of  the tropes I get sick of affected twits and how love had them on the ropes If I let myself breathe the same air as everyone else I'm gonna choke I can't help but breathe her in and feel I've gone beyond the scope Of my, simple visions of destroyed inhibitions and I, can't help but get nervous how she changes up my focus Can I, convey this handedly while knowing understandably That I'm leaning on a danger to a core that I've exposed We've leaned down for contact, she pushed me I push back The pressure on our hearts has potential for explosion The languish I had locked inside interior erosion Implodes, he dotes of notes he'd wrote to quote a query quietly Distrusting of emotions, just a quiver can inspire me Fearing no enemy, fearing no evil entity Fearing only connection and if I'm wasting my energy Love brought me happiness but it stirred up the cobwebs Little demons laying dormant til I explored them in every form in every figure in every norm til they've distorted my performance But as pandora's box was 1st class special ordered to my doorstep I dove in straight for signs of hope, a passing look could soon afford this. She voices her fears, connections lost by the distance I'll bridge the gap to defend her, no need she says with persistence She's scared of monotony, she gets scared of the tropes She gets sick of affected twits and how they leave her with no hope If she's forced to breathe the same as before she's gonna choke I leaned in for contact, I push her, she pushed back We're two shades of the same Wavelength Our angles just refract.
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28
Stabbing stabbing, Never wishing he had, Everything that makes him sad. Once betrayed now he has his own goal, To put in end to the ones that made him pay the toll. People are disgusting, Not only that but they are distrusting, Always needing revenge for the most pointless of crimes. Out doing each other because why not be better then what we were originally, Why even try? What bad taste, That left in my mouth, As all positive thoughts will head south. Everyone hates someone but why does anyone care? High on your narcissism you think no one compares.
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Aug 11, 2012
Aug 11, 2012 at 10:14 AM UTC
High On Your Narcissism
To live Seems to mean To struggle. Buddha teaches that when we Release all of our desires Our expectations Our assumptions Then too shall our suffering pass. There is a part of me which Cheers And yet another which Rails In response to this. It seems on the surface to ask Us to cease to be human. But isn't that what the search for enlightenment Is about? To become something more than human? To elevate into a higher No-Thing? However In this search we forget that The quest itself is A desire An expectation An assumption That there is something to Work Towards. Only when we release Even this need to be Something other than what We are Does that mysterious Phenomenon happen. Or does it? It seems so easy at times To let go Let it all slip from my grasp And find that place Which is No place And All places at once. Something always calls me back And I find myself Toiling Stumbling Struggling Suffering And I have to ask Why? What pulls on my silver cord And grounds me back to this Fleshly cage With all of its Aches and pains Tortures and torments? I don't understand Maybe I'm not supposed to And this grasping For knowledge On the whys Of human suffering Is just another thing I must lay by the wayside Say Adieu And never look back. If only it were that effortless Perhaps I am distantly related to Lot's wife. Destined to become a pillar of salt When I cannot turn my back on That which I love. Disobeying the Divine Distrusting that there should be no Last sight It seems straightforward The Divine sees what we mortals do not But if we are all a part of the Divine Is it impossible for us to know it all as well? This appears to be the case for the masses And for me As I am not a Bodhisattva Yet.
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May 2, 2010
May 2, 2010 at 9:22 PM UTC
Sadhu
To live Seems to mean To struggle. Buddha teaches that when we Release all of our desires Our expectations Our assumptions Then too shall our suffering pass. There is a part of me which Cheers And yet another which Rails In response to this. It seems on the surface to ask Us to cease to be human. But isn't that what the search for enlightenment Is about? To become something more than human? To elevate into a higher No-Thing? However In this search we forget that The quest itself is A desire An expectation An assumption That there is something to Work Towards. Only when we release Even this need to be Something other than what We are Does that mysterious Phenomenon happen. Or does it? It seems so easy at times To let go Let it all slip from my grasp And find that place Which is No place And All places at once. Something always calls me back And I find myself Toiling Stumbling Struggling Suffering And I have to ask Why? What pulls on my silver cord And grounds me back to this Fleshly cage With all of its Aches and pains Tortures and torments? I don't understand Maybe I'm not supposed to And this grasping For knowledge On the whys Of human suffering Is just another thing I must lay by the wayside Say Adieu And never look back. If only it were that effortless Perhaps I am distantly related to Lot's wife. Destined to become a pillar of salt When I cannot turn my back on That which I love. Disobeying the Divine Distrusting that there should be no Last sight It seems straightforward The Divine sees what we mortals do not But if we are all a part of the Divine Is it impossible for us to know it all as well? This appears to be the case for the masses And for me As I am not a Bodhisattva Yet.
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85
A glow shining from the inside out As beautiful as the purple magnolias of Asia Yet as rare as a bright orange Alaskan sunset So long separated by time and distance I almost do not recognize the vision set before me Reality with the ability to transform Distrusting my eyes Afraid they may conspire to betray me To lead me to the path of blunder Surrendering me to lies and ruin Outward perception distorted by fear Is it the meadow of flowers I paint in my dreams? A winsome smile forces my lips to part Thoughts of pleasant changes captured within me I am unable to free them but doubt still lingers Apprehensive of the mendacious nature of my heart She unwittingly deceives Loves without regard to reciprocation She dominates I am no match for her strength I am subject to her will Mental chains of steel I use to restrain But the arrows of cupid still calls The beauty of two beings intertwined beckons A longing to live in the painted canvas Perfect hues, perfect shades
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Aug 11, 2010
Aug 11, 2010 at 7:05 AM UTC
Dancing Butterflies
I wanna witness... The energetic synergy within the city limits Pulsing with adrenaline as yesmen do business With mysterious gentlemen in worn and weathered tenements Indifferent of the minutemen surrounding the premises. A genesis and exodus of textbook corruption Eruptions of Congressmen abruptly interrupting The voice of the denizens; citizens distrusting The integrity of every legislation made in history And the mystery surrounding all those slimy politicians Discussing their envisionments and policies like madmen Disgusting in their ways, protecting church and state, In the government we pray: Amen.
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Mar 19, 2016
Mar 19, 2016 at 10:45 PM UTC
I Wanna Witness...
Another case of missing you And all I have are empty pill bottles And broken picture frames Scattering my carpet I've lost the will to suffer the poison of my mind And the frailty of my heart Loose-leaf love notes lay unwritten Begging to be finished The ache that writhes inside my chest is your absence And the miracle of your voice Faded daydreams fight through the nightmares Yearning for sincerity in their actions Inside misty lullabies are arising heart palpitations And thoughts of "what could've been" Ephemeral kisses mask my lips Raging for redemption Unaligned stars failed to hold us together And seal our dearest fate Trite misunderstandings hide my frowns Beneath the surface of reality Half-bitten apples like fragments of my heart disperse on the floor And attract anxious ants Hallow stomaches crave more than the necessity of nutrients It requests psychological fulfillment Swallowed confessions you continue to choke on And repeating apologies Distrusting anchors hold me back from the words I wish to say Begging for love An ocean, of salty tears Drip onto the tastebuds that always adored you And suddenly- nostalgic eyes are all I see In the mirror
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Mar 8, 2014
Mar 8, 2014 at 7:24 PM UTC
Misty Lullabies, Faulty Alabis
why do you pretend to be so tough, projecting a hard exterior, when i so clearly see the little girl behind a paper tiger. a little girl who wants to be loved unconditionally, protected fiercely, embraced heartily in her father’s arms, is that what i see in you, a reflection of me, a little boy, afraid, alone, craving intimacy, fearing, distrusting to love and be loved. take my hand, let me lead, let me be the man, missing from your life, let me be an example, to witness, to rebuild the trust, that has been lost, remove your armor, slowly, piece by piece, let me see the child that you protect so fiercely. learn to trust, allow yourself to be vulnerable, you have to give to get, trusting another is difficult, you are not to blame, there is no shame, being a child soldier, in an adult world, a veteran of lecherous wars, having your emotions manipulated selfishly, mangled carelessly, becoming cynical, suspicious in order to survive, leaving you disillusioned of the world, disgusted in those you need and want, depressed with the reality of a ruthless society. we are older, wiser, bolder, the wounds have crusted over, healed, leaving scars as reminders, of what we want, but can not get without giving, patiently tilling, turning another’s heart in the spring to harvest in summer. it is frightening to show our true selves to another, perilous in what is required to develop the craved intimacy, frightening in escalating, arduous in sustaining, and reciprocating personal level of self disclosure. we anesthetize ourself with drugs and alcohol, or distract ourselves with mundane things, quotidian tasks, to numb the deep need, the intense yearning for emotional connection, the warmth and security of being held like a child in mother’s arms. you have to give to get, to love to be loved, to accept to be accepted, for “the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return (1).” (1) Nate King Coles (Nature Boy)
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Dec 1, 2019
Dec 1, 2019 at 12:37 PM UTC
tough chick
why do you pretend to be so tough, projecting a hard exterior, when i so clearly see the little girl behind a paper tiger. a little girl who wants to be loved unconditionally, protected fiercely, embraced heartily in her father’s arms, is that what i see in you, a reflection of me, a little boy, afraid, alone, craving intimacy, fearing, distrusting to love and be loved. take my hand, let me lead, let me be the man, missing from your life, let me be an example, to witness, to rebuild the trust, that has been lost, remove your armor, slowly, piece by piece, let me see the child that you protect so fiercely. learn to trust, allow yourself to be vulnerable, you have to give to get, trusting another is difficult, you are not to blame, there is no shame, being a child soldier, in an adult world, a veteran of lecherous wars, having your emotions manipulated selfishly, mangled carelessly, becoming cynical, suspicious in order to survive, leaving you disillusioned of the world, disgusted in those you need and want, depressed with the reality of a ruthless society. we are older, wiser, bolder, the wounds have crusted over, healed, leaving scars as reminders, of what we want, but can not get without giving, patiently tilling, turning another’s heart in the spring to harvest in summer. it is frightening to show our true selves to another, perilous in what is required to develop the craved intimacy, frightening in escalating, arduous in sustaining, and reciprocating personal level of self disclosure. we anesthetize ourself with drugs and alcohol, or distract ourselves with mundane things, quotidian tasks, to numb the deep need, the intense yearning for emotional connection, the warmth and security of being held like a child in mother’s arms. you have to give to get, to love to be loved, to accept to be accepted, for “the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return (1).” (1) Nate King Coles (Nature Boy)
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8
Entanglement of the fourth First there is the lie, the start, the easy process. Once you take the first step you seem to control fate But sure footing is only an illusion, like the fabrication you made Second. You become affirmed in your fantasy and it Becomes a game, a pastime, and addiction. But only to those Who are acquainted at a distance. Always Third. The Transparency of self is complete and the tales are told to those who know the truth. Colors fade Vibrant curtains put up to mask a decrepit house. Spiders weaving to resurrect a hollowed out shell with thread, when a pillar is required. Where fire should cleanse, instead secrets lie This must be revealed. Fourth. Elaborate design turns to intricate demise. The artwork created becomes the tomb of the weaver. The webs become ropes and the beloved become the distrusting and they pull tighter and tighter, when the ropes should be cut. There will be pain. There will be sorrow. But these webs only inspire predators and fools. Four fold. me
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Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 8:22 AM UTC
Web Four Fold
I am the end of the world, falling from the edge of a cliff. The captain of a sinking ship I am Woeful cynicism Smitten of your ghosts and visions I am A prisoner of the flesh, in the fishing nets of contempt I am Consumed by the lust of distrusting ***** giving two ***** against their word I am The blur, in the rear view when nothing is near you but a hisssss from the silence of the radio hating you I am ****** But reserved and undeserving Shaking my fist Scurrying for scalpels in the subtle tactics of arachnids Slicing the webbing upon the antics of the tragically romantic Heavy static Attracts the stasis of all the places, loathingly desired in the wish for death Always admired the tried and true, even desired to fly the coup and maybe **** a flock or two, as i too, could be you with my blood on the floor Loved and adored only after ever more, in the after life of a burned out light I Mock The empathic stalking of my superiors in their inferior fandangos of foolish angles, strangling the dangled meat made from the proteges of kings Meandering the wingless cities in piecful paradise Locked In the blaspheme of loose rings from the corpses of dope fiends I am Not
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Dec 1, 2012
Dec 1, 2012 at 11:27 PM UTC
Knotting off
Tired of waiting Tired of looking I'm movin' on I'm gettin' gone Sick of distressing Sick of distrusting I'm giving in I'm gonna win Fed up with mourning Fed up with not learning I'm making mistakes I'm making escapes Done with running Done with coming I'm opening up I'm growing up Here I stand and here I'll stay Now it's time to see Your glory You've got the pen, Lord It's time to write my story.
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Mar 6, 2014
Mar 6, 2014 at 11:48 PM UTC
Tired
You dig too deep when there is no need to, depleting My resources, ignoring (perhaps unaware of) what is in front of You, why don’t you want to see! I was hopeful, even in mild anguish, But I do not want to be another, who does this, But you scare(d) me. Real bad Nerves, after so many hesitations from aggravation Like an animal distrusting, will run. Do I taunt her? Only to hide promises. Do I not have what I offer? Why must words seal. Mistakes often made, I hope I made one than. The Agreement is not fulfilled. Yet… When you are in the room, you are the only Person, always the only one –always so singular. You are like a force of nature The essence of vitality, too extravagant for Time, you belong in another among Greek goddesses And a higher world of Spirit Maybe morals too, but I do not know Whether they exist, or are only ideals. You are an ideal woman, you are Ideal. Does this drive me from you? That I, rebel of convention, dejected of state And you enforce, unknowingly, what I resist. To conquer, yes, it would be wrong. To conquer you, Would be to fall in two, a trap I hastily avoid. I do not speak of love, but assumptions So hindering to our development—so… Stagnant, repugnant and UGH, that feeling. I am independence’s lover And through love of you, I fear I channel: you must be independent Even of me, totally. Fie! Am I too await this conclusion of all that I...? Hark! Think not of that future, potential unknowable Time. I cannot grip it, nor make it mine And this I must think of you too, Fearful that I am too comforted by abandonment And commitment renders me impotent And so the struggles last, and love waits unresolved. Too hasty at best, and too stupid in truth, Love unlearns to re-teach old lessons
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Feb 13, 2010
Feb 13, 2010 at 7:25 AM UTC
Love unlearns so it may re-teach all lessons
You dig too deep when there is no need to, depleting My resources, ignoring (perhaps unaware of) what is in front of You, why don’t you want to see! I was hopeful, even in mild anguish, But I do not want to be another, who does this, But you scare(d) me. Real bad Nerves, after so many hesitations from aggravation Like an animal distrusting, will run. Do I taunt her? Only to hide promises. Do I not have what I offer? Why must words seal. Mistakes often made, I hope I made one than. The Agreement is not fulfilled. Yet… When you are in the room, you are the only Person, always the only one –always so singular. You are like a force of nature The essence of vitality, too extravagant for Time, you belong in another among Greek goddesses And a higher world of Spirit Maybe morals too, but I do not know Whether they exist, or are only ideals. You are an ideal woman, you are Ideal. Does this drive me from you? That I, rebel of convention, dejected of state And you enforce, unknowingly, what I resist. To conquer, yes, it would be wrong. To conquer you, Would be to fall in two, a trap I hastily avoid. I do not speak of love, but assumptions So hindering to our development—so… Stagnant, repugnant and UGH, that feeling. I am independence’s lover And through love of you, I fear I channel: you must be independent Even of me, totally. Fie! Am I too await this conclusion of all that I...? Hark! Think not of that future, potential unknowable Time. I cannot grip it, nor make it mine And this I must think of you too, Fearful that I am too comforted by abandonment And commitment renders me impotent And so the struggles last, and love waits unresolved. Too hasty at best, and too stupid in truth, Love unlearns to re-teach old lessons
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My eyes open to darkness As I frantically reach for safety. It was only a dream, I think, When I finally grasp my duvet. Tears glaze my tired eyes; These nightmares are all too familiar. My mind never rests. My anxiety never alleviates. Life's not been easy. I've seen so much, experienced Such grief, such tragedy. I want to be comforted. I want you to be here. You know how to make me strong. But I can't find you, even though I keep reaching for you. You're stealthy, you've slipped away. I'm lost in my nightmares; You've left me alone. I just wanted the security of your presence. I just wanted to hear your heartbeat. To feel your chest move with every breath. To listen to your deep voice soothe me. To have your hand wipe my tears. But I have to comfort myself, For you will never be back. And I will resort to being distrusting, Closed off, Emotionless, So I don't have to feel this emptiness. This loss of you that you promised I'd never feel. My eyes close, another tear spilling down my cheek. As I try to travel to the nightmares in my dreams, To drown out the nightmare of my reality.
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Apr 16, 2014
Apr 16, 2014 at 10:58 AM UTC
Nightmare
Let the dust settle Down on our rusted hearts Let the sky rain Down on our diluted dreams Let the glass break Down on our forsaken heads Let the doubt pour Down on our distrusting minds Let the love seep Into our lost lives Let the hope invade Into our fearful thoughts Let the joy cross Into our hateful words Let the truth leak Into our liars' souls Let us be happy And change our worlds Let us be honest And break the dam of paranoia Let us be real And alter our facades into nothing Let us let loose life And ignore the death that tries so hard to capture us Let Us Smile. Please.
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Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 11:47 AM UTC
Let Us Smile
I Gave Up A Long Time Ago, It Just Took Me A While To Realise. I Have Lived My Life Without Living It At All. Full Of Mistrust, Regret And Bitterness, I Lived My Life In The Space Of No More That Two Decades. That May Seem Premature, But I Have Felt All The Feeling This World Has To Give. And My Mistake's Outweigh My Triumph's, My Losses Outnumber My Win's And Second To None Is The Lack Of My Achievement's. I Have Nothing To Show For My Short Time Spent On This Earth, All I Can Pretend To Own Is This False Pretence Of Knowledge, Or Those Once Loved. But Not Even My Knowledge Mean's Anything, For I Know A Little About A Lot, But Really All That Mean's Is I Know Nothing About Everything. So I Have Accepted My Life Is No Life At All, With Nothing Left To Lose I Shall Cary On, Living My Life, The Only Way I Know Alone, Distrusting And Bitter.
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Feb 27, 2012
Feb 27, 2012 at 6:47 PM UTC
Giving Up
Somebody Take Me by Ryan P. Kinney and J.M. Romig You shook me up And poured out my mind Cooked me ‘til I crystallized Crushed me up and smoked me You got high on my experiences Took my stories into your body You loved it Then the bad trip came crashing in The heartbreaks, the beatings, The suicidal thoughts I made you paranoid, cynical, and distrusting Every loss peppered with a smile Each warm, glowing moment Tainted with the debauchery of the act You’ll pay for all this in rehab Blood and tears diluted with stale coffee and ****** cigarettes (They all taste the same) Go ahead, Detoxify. Spit me out No matter how you try to purge You’ll never be rid of this poison
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Dec 16, 2015
Dec 16, 2015 at 11:51 PM UTC
Somebody Take Me
I cage in God. With glorious bars Too small for his fingers He releases his singers Plucking chords made of nerves Swelling with each note served Undefined voices will swirl With planetic like twirls Filling my senses with increasingly Distrusting incentives.
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Oct 4, 2011
Oct 4, 2011 at 8:23 PM UTC
In My Mind.
A tempest is brewing Beneath our soles. Coerced many massive mountains but sundering them not;                                      consuming them. With eons unequaled, With few fathoms measurable yet measuring the unfathomable. Unrealistic fables, As a dragon in a cavern, Perhaps infernal heathens...                                     ludicrous claims, yet No soothsayer's transmutations, No reviser's adaptations, Nor squabbling between politicians could surmount to the tensions amassing beneath us. Are we at pinnacle of the world? Only if one's ego is at True North, Merely the surface, unfurled forth. But as molten iron dwindles slowly outward into hardened crust As does man's manifested quest for greed and lust So if a monolithic magma pool ever decides to ****** Hopefully it will gather a rather miraculous gust (it must!) Distrusting the wicked, while sparing the just As quickly as water turns ephemeral steel to rust.
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Jan 13, 2013
Jan 13, 2013 at 11:13 PM UTC
An Ode to the Core
A lifetime suffered a lost love be found wearing no mask but lovers wore many each time we crossed roads again. Now a mandatory sinester splinter requiring mask as chip to buy food, is implemented overnight. I was hunted down trashed for years and wished I wore masks for safety. prayed long my enemies be isolated from staining my treasures with distrust. dreamt to be loved regardless of race creed nationality or social status; we all seem faceless prompting equality but, are we just one race? Are we really faceless underneath macabre fear stained masks? Now everyone good and evil tastes a bit of their own enforced medicine on locked down mode eat sleep isolating themselves just like they did me this offeres no justice no relief This pandemic universal malady seeing no class no status our abodes or manssions are prisons prisons for our mind! clipping our last freedom wings we are so tired of wars after wars. Louis Amstrong song "What a Wonderful World" just keeps popping in mind at 6:49 AM George Noory radio show Have we surrendered our freedoms for safety to live life free-less? Do we then deserve any? Isolated years endured has saved me from untimely death where enemies ploted profiting from my demise. I remain aware awake enough to understand there's a cat inside this Pandora's box lid closed up quickly. Governments hording many a secret unreleased but what is the mystery? The value of liberating truth is the price placed on a lie sold to us all for mare peanuts to keep us asleep sheeply masked obeying or else face illness untimely death, distrusting all even ourselves, is the new way of life the big change. Can the world ever trust anything anyone entity government friend family stranger? We aren't cowards nor lack courage we are exausted enough to give up surely temporarily though for the human spirit relentless is resilient outwordly born free like you, like me, like us. ditch the masks accept no chips Let's grab this weird dictatirial change by it's ugly covert horns. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Karijinbba 05-11.2020
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May 12, 2020
May 12, 2020 at 2:14 PM UTC
Grab change by it's horns
A lifetime suffered a lost love be found wearing no mask but lovers wore many each time we crossed roads again. Now a mandatory sinester splinter requiring mask as chip to buy food, is implemented overnight. I was hunted down trashed for years and wished I wore masks for safety. prayed long my enemies be isolated from staining my treasures with distrust. dreamt to be loved regardless of race creed nationality or social status; we all seem faceless prompting equality but, are we just one race? Are we really faceless underneath macabre fear stained masks? Now everyone good and evil tastes a bit of their own enforced medicine on locked down mode eat sleep isolating themselves just like they did me this offeres no justice no relief This pandemic universal malady seeing no class no status our abodes or manssions are prisons prisons for our mind! clipping our last freedom wings we are so tired of wars after wars. Louis Amstrong song "What a Wonderful World" just keeps popping in mind at 6:49 AM George Noory radio show Have we surrendered our freedoms for safety to live life free-less? Do we then deserve any? Isolated years endured has saved me from untimely death where enemies ploted profiting from my demise. I remain aware awake enough to understand there's a cat inside this Pandora's box lid closed up quickly. Governments hording many a secret unreleased but what is the mystery? The value of liberating truth is the price placed on a lie sold to us all for mare peanuts to keep us asleep sheeply masked obeying or else face illness untimely death, distrusting all even ourselves, is the new way of life the big change. Can the world ever trust anything anyone entity government friend family stranger? We aren't cowards nor lack courage we are exausted enough to give up surely temporarily though for the human spirit relentless is resilient outwordly born free like you, like me, like us. ditch the masks accept no chips Let's grab this weird dictatirial change by it's ugly covert horns. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Karijinbba 05-11.2020
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