"disavowed" poems
You will never know
The peace of acceptance
Once you are finished
Put to earth
Life was harsher than the dirt
Parents made you feel worthless
Cause you wanted to wear a short dress
Because you felt different
Cut off
Disowned
Disavowed
One friend after another disappears
And no one hears
The sobs
No one feels the salty tears
No one holds your hands
Or offers you a hug
You were ******
By the those who demand
You conform
Where there was no warmth
The clock cuts you bitterly
Condemning you to be lonely
And I cry all the more
Knowing you won’t be the only one
Not the only daughter wanting to be a son
Not the only male that wants to be female
Not the only soft face harden
Or hard face softened till the sorrow overflows
Till everyone you know closes the door
And you disappear forever more
Jul 16, 2015
Jul 16, 2015 at 7:05 AM UTC
12/30/2013
I Met the **** Hater
Have you ever seen someone so beautiful
that you felt like crying?
Have you ever felt so utterly Disgusted by someone
that you wished they were dying?
Do you think I feel gay guts and gayness in my genes?
Or did society manufacture me - one of their gay liberal machines.
I'm not sure which is better,
Either way you'll make me a martyr.
But I'll be your Hester Prynne baby
with my Big Gay Letter.
I cannot erase
that look on his face.
when he told me **** **** Go Away.
I'll punch you in the face just for being Gay.
A separation of message and mind.
Hateful judgment is not hard to find.
When I stand in the shower,
or sit down on a park bench,
I'm a **** to him clear as gay.
It's like he thinks I ate some magic flower.
My girlfriends don't fare much better - to him called a bar *****
This guy is the part of society that makes being gay scary to say.
He thinks Gays making out in public can't be allowed.
He thinks Legalized gay marriages should be disavowed.
He thinks Animal *** ********** and ****** are because of gays.
He thinks Gay **** between two women might be more okay.
He thinks *** should **** more gay people.
He thinks Criminalizing ****** would make things more equal.
He thinks Adam's choice of Eve or Steve is all that matters.
He doesn't care about myself, or your heart's fragile rathers.
This man is the **** Hater.
Not a rare breed at all.
He could be your waiter,
or your teacher,
maybe even your sales assistant at the mall.
I Met the **** Hater,
while I made out with a guy at the bar.
The **** Hater was kinda old, yet strong and tall.
But I didn't fall
down.
or become dehumanized.
When I caught a glimpse of his face
and saw that utter look of Disgust
that I just cannot erase.
I saw it in his face - the **** Hater's
'Homo Hate.'
Dec 30, 2013
Dec 30, 2013 at 6:58 PM UTC
The weight of life is reduced to a cloud
As raindrops of lysergic acid run free.
Their pitters and patters equally loud
As all of the colours that melt around me.
The womb of the universe beating its drum
And setting a pace for the flowers to bloom.
A force with such strength that all nature succumbs
As peacefulness floats in kaleidoscope flumes.
Empathy blossoms, arousing a smile,
That creeps from my lips to the end of the room,
Searing itself on a cosmic denial
That beauty like this shouldn’t gestate from gloom.
Floating, not unlike a dandelions seed,
Thoughts of anxiety flee to the Earth.
They carry but vapidness with the sweet breeze.
In nebulous nebulas they are dispersed.
Now what remains as a warm neon cloud
Is beauty profound and purpose pristine.
Unwanted, the ego is left disavowed
Dancing in memories of amphetamines.
Left in its place was the beauty and I.
Climbing like vines as it forces the walls.
Pushing them down with an ******** sigh,
Revealing a cosmos that rhythmically calls:
‘Freedom is such a deplorable word.
It offers ambitions too fruitful to take.
Though comfort or not,
As with fictitious plot,
It’s only as real as it’s fake.’
Aug 29, 2018
Aug 29, 2018 at 4:02 PM UTC
I lie in bed, under cover,
fear rising up through the pores of my skin;
it leaks from my hair.
My door is locked; there are no monsters under my bed.
The only demons here live inside my head,
in muscle, bone, cell memory.
Tall and impenetrable is the brick wall that locks me out, that locks me in.
Sarcasm drips from the corner of my mouth, first laughing, then crying,
my face stuck in a perpetual open mouthed gape of surrendered indecision.
Anger trickles through my toes, almost imperceptible,
a shallow breath slowly exhaled, a child hiding in the dark.
The cool porcelain of disavowed feeling snakes between my fingers,
settles in my palm.
Who protects me from my own rage?
Nowhere left to hide,
smashing dishes under cover.
Nov 16, 2012
Nov 16, 2012 at 12:51 PM UTC
Every day she plants the starseeds
that grow into wishing flowers,
their petals fall down to the earth
and we call them meteor showers.
We beseech the celestial wanderers
and when our words reach her ears,
she makes all our biddings come true,
but each one is stained by her tears.
She yearned for one to call her own
in her garden above the clouds,
but to think of herself and not of the world,
her duty is disavowed.
And so the lonely Starwarden
only smiled on us from above.
She could not keep the wish of another
just because she wished for love.
Jul 18, 2017
Jul 18, 2017 at 11:42 PM UTC
Best friends until the end
Well our time is was on an extend
I am starting to apprehend
That all you are is pretend
I never thought you would stab me in the back
That hurt worse than a smack
Your heart is black
You are on the wrong track
Did I ever know you?
Was everything you said untrue?
You use to be the one I ran to
I wish you felt the pain you put me through
I could write a book of the lies you told
And there would be millions sold
Espically your secert that I left untold
But my I am not uncontroled
You should be more wise
You have all these allies
From all your lies
I hope someone knocks you down to size
You may be the poor victim right now
Even thought I was the one that disavowed
But don't forget now
Someday karma will hit you with a pow
Jul 25, 2013
Jul 25, 2013 at 10:55 PM UTC
Remnants of firecrackers litter parkgrass, splitting seams once encasing them;
exposed twine ribs attached, stretched out beneath shade like sunken reliquiae
dashed against the earth, as freedom is, withered paper husks abound.
What explosions in the sky were heard
above the quietus of patient submission?
Tracing the dotted white clouds to our horizon with thread and colored cloth,
held breath until nighttime, expelling then
-- as wind does each languishing puff of smoke--
from our lungs, sordid smells of Summer; vanquishing the past.
Isolating each other, like memories on kodak prints
we separately cling to that sleek filmy acquaintanceship of proximity and hue
-- disavowed pariahs and hearts lit anew.
Fused inside one sallow skull-box, which doubled once for holding shoes, we linger.
Ideas, impulses and infringements on the eye, until-- once--
bound, unbroken, encased and unspoken,
our ribs unwind with dew-- after,
unstitching seams outlined from heaven and inundating visions with brightness
we descend.
Violent fumes of childhood intercede amidst our shaking fuses lit.
--and BANG!
Jul 7, 2011
Jul 7, 2011 at 4:19 PM UTC
perfumed delusion, unruly exclusion
time bombs ticking and toking
vibrant illusions, visual pollution
cutting all the ribbons and strings
you tried to tie me up in, you tried to rub the salt in
to my many many wounds
I felt so lonely in crowded rooms
crowded stadiums, your eyes never met me once
I was too nervous to confront your fronts
shy away from topics that we needed to discuss
performing necromancy trying to keep this dead love up
checking the pulse, it's so gone now
we are both adults, you remain disavowed
Feb 10, 2022
Feb 10, 2022 at 12:14 PM UTC
Your subjectless Objects of capital, the agency bereft GDP drones, O! America,
They are spilled on the pavement, an upturned ice cream cone of discontent
puddled and lackadaisical, they fester beside the hydrant.
Your news agencies and malls, the damp dishrags of industry,
snagged on the nail of defenselessness and exploitation, only infect the wound.
Each mess of a person, walks through the sugary malaise of your suffering
dragging it on to the next in communal forbearing; its contagion, its disease
is so many cysts on the mind of those syrupy vacuoles for capital; the private,
malignant caverns of dewy-eyed trust in humanity, insipidly drawing the rancor to a boil,
without understanding a thing.
You pride yourself on much, without eyes for the condition of your people,
O! America.
People, shackled in your jails, are so many ideas bubbling as to the cruelty of your nature
punctured by the ignorance outside.
Draped in your obnoxious flag, the cites are as malicious as the countryside, toward life, toward knowledge.
You prop-up the price of their crops, the know-not-whys, who plunder the earth to prolong population growth and consciousness-decline.
America, you eradicate discontent with cattle cars, filled with questioning life forms, gasing our minds and burning our bodies with your arrogance.
Like a popcorn bag steaming in the microwave; you have been left alone too long, and have developed a flame-- an inextinguishable flame of reason.
You have been disavowed too LITTLE.
You must not be allowed to expand any further, lest the impoverished bag of flesh which is mankind will burst.
But still you stagnate, until your violence curdles with drones and bombs patrolling our synapses.
Our brains digest your violence against us and **** it out with an abused dialect of greed and hate.
Then you ask us only that we eat from your refuse heap of burnt kernels from the “truth” of market economy.
You taste like cancer. You rot the mouth of competent men, and satiate the anxieties of those who would turn against you-- with a refreshing ice cream cone of absentmindedness
dropped on the ground and melting.
But the stains you made will always taint the sidewalk of man.
Jun 20, 2011
Jun 20, 2011 at 12:26 AM UTC
Time slipped away in the spring, in the muddy puddles and the rain, in the sweet-smelling flowers and the rain.
It rubbed circles into the small of my back,
whispered bittersweet apologies and tacked a sticky note to my corkboard.
“Remember to call.”
I forgot.
And I sit under the blooming tree
my bare feet soft against the grass
Time left me in the summer, in the sunny skies and the rain, in the sweltering heat and the rain.
It ran somewhere unknown, far, far, far away,
while I treaded chlorinated water and prayed that the fall would come sooner.
“You can call whenever.”
I didn’t.
And I sit beside the verdant tree
my bare feet hard on the pavement
Time was gone in the fall, in the whispered breeze and the rain, in the crinkling leaves and the rain.
But I had company in a glowing screen,
And as days turned to weeks turned to months I forgot about time altogether.
“Someone is calling.”
I hung up.
And I sit far from the dying tree
my bare feet resting on the couch
Time slept in the winter, in the miserable cold and the rain, in the blustery wind and the rain.
Numbers and names disavowed,
As “today” and “tomorrow” become “now” and “later”
“What is the word called?”
I don’t know.
And I cannot see the empty tree
my bare feet asleep on the carpet
Time has returned in the spring.
It looks me in the eyes,
profuse apologies pouring out from its lips.
“But you didn’t call.”
I blink. Didn’t I?
Apr 28, 2021
Apr 28, 2021 at 12:52 AM UTC
whittled down and disavowed
by an overreaching society
the pomp
and zeal
with such appeal
and airs of impropriety
unbelievable populace
chickens
chickens
chickens
free of heads
still peck, peck, peckin' ya
copulate, then like you less
pickens'
pickens'
pickens'
slim as anorexia
Act Now!
Don't Wait!
the finish line?
keep runnin' straight
you can go to class
...don't be late
or just go tip the magistrate
pointless?
I doubt it very much
more fish in the sea
spontaneous lush
oink less
piggy hush!
buy, buy birdie!
consumerism's sturdy
making up makeup
makin' me look perdy
hopin' I don't wake up
Live as hard as you can
just to die before you're thirty
if practice makes you perfect
then perfection makes you *****
May 14, 2013
May 14, 2013 at 12:15 PM UTC
If you think it will stop
Don’t
Hold on to the railing
Jump
Over the edge
Onto the sidewalk
Separated from streets
Marauding, rubber tires pummel
Surveying alleyways neglected and
Trash cans brimming with disregard
It’s lonely here, as if each pebble were a
Reveler
Ambivalent toward you
Unkempt and stiff
As if petrified and disavowed at once
Ignored, timid
Apathetic discharge
Free,
Fallen
From a short, raised canopy
Of steel
And wood and
Bones and
Dust
Chalk; dried on a lesson
Conveyed
Battalions, battalions
Marching
Avid miscreants
Scurrying
The masters couldn’t paint as fast
And each trifling matter
Marches past with
Battalions
Battalions
Battalions
And Stones
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010 at 6:49 AM UTC
Sometimes
I feel old and faded
derelict and degraded
overly saturated corrugated cardboard left all alone...out in
the rain too long
or dry and brittle curling up ..creating
a bowl-like middle
adding to the strain like it really matters that that then gathers more dust...more lint
And those
now earth-bound vagabonds
whose time came
and then went
drifters
passing through
as they always do when they ... the fallin
the no longer needed the no longer wanted disavowed
no longer allowed
to hang around
And so apropos
The way leaves go
wherever the wind may choose to blow them to
always a few ...who find shelter
out of ....the vagaries
of the wind and in
that shallow bowl
I formed
Then like it or not
they may stay ...
Hidden away
catching more
of those infinitesimal
all but invisible particulates
as they pass our way
so you might say
we form a bond
a compilation
a strange mutation
Imbibing
longer and longer
those times
of total saturation
the very manifestation
what one may describe as a little tribe...that by the weight of fate
and our bonded state we hunker down
here to stay
upon
this piece of ground
And together we start each doing their part
to speed us on
Upon our way
to our future of decay and yes ..its true
I once felt so..
overly saturated
cursing
the corrugated
the very way
that I was created
bemoaning how
I had faded
But in the end
I did not die alone
I did not die
we ...
did not totally decay nor did we fade away we found life
and meaning when
this little tribe found that we were bound
This little mound
To be
Exactly what
all these lost derelicts
These young seeds.......needs
to create life
And to give
Color to reason
And a new season
To live ....life.
And in a way ...to
Find salvation in decay.
Aug 11, 2018
Aug 11, 2018 at 1:43 AM UTC
Time..
slipping
from the parapets
a rorschach night
laid out below
If mine
is but a little while
then yours is not
for me to know
so, glittering
away, we leapt
from all convention
disavowed
restoring
golden folklores
with our whispering
of owls
Nov 4, 2023
Nov 4, 2023 at 4:38 PM UTC
To be necessary is
to have purpose in essence.
Disavowed from senses
of contingent dependence.
Disallowed from connection
in simplest of form,
the necessary are
to be dead and too born.
Existing in realm
of support for all else,
with no reason at all
in helping themselves.
To be necessary is
to have purpose in essence;
contingency aiding
with iris virescent.
Dec 7, 2016
Dec 7, 2016 at 7:07 PM UTC
Cover up the moon and the stars
A hurtful veil over my widening sky
A vengeful malicious intent
A never reason
It should be raining
Listen to the murmur in the crowd
The way the thunder grows louder
And the skies grow dimmer
As we await the storm
Cover up the sun
The clouds grow gray in anger
And the atmosphere becomes thick
And the land becomes dark
It should be raining
A ****** shroud
All that dream are disavowed
The thunder claps grow loud
The clouds are angry
Because they never could be the sun
It should be raining........
Apr 10, 2016
Apr 10, 2016 at 11:59 PM UTC
Everyone has an idea
what music is
to them.
Still, with knobs tuning in
to different concerts within
variegated steel vehicles
that drive toward chagrining
clock radios on Sunday's dresser inside
disavowed hotel rooms with flashing, red
lights and sound
reminding us all
where we are—what for
a time we hold to be real.
But all concepts from shaking heads
forming to join a choir that sings
a hymn to 'here' and flashes,
in the face of fear
a light from stars beginning with one
collision, across time then
claps its hands in unison
with 'now'
Jun 20, 2012
Jun 20, 2012 at 4:13 PM UTC
DRINKING NEW DAWNS
Foundations forming as minds wide open are blindly accepting of challenges or change
Unestablished, not even finding middle ground, lost in between either up or down
With no guiding light loose minds quickly become lost in the dark ,scruples are still not trained
Slowly feeding the frenzy finding bright while blocking out black,washing memories before they're allowed
Rituals become normal with time, as simple as walking new desires can be stalking but reality can not be feigned
Well laid plans systematically rundown,lost perceptions now lounging,responsibility now so easily disavowed
Reckless rambling instead of learning to live ,strategy's played out in days forgoing any planning while existing unconstrained
Now lost never knowing the promise that could have been ,unpaid debts to yourself don't carry much clout
Bargaining with time is certainly not fine,life slowed down enough to see some light relax the fight and define constraint
Now with new beginnings realizing how far behind we have fallen,rising daily to find a new route
Life opening up, stalled visions now surrounded by light, a better bet when we know the odds,new views to be entertained . R.C.
Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 10:44 AM UTC
See the hollow ruins lying on my face
They are constructs of guilt, masks of disavowed grace
Listen to my heart and the tones of its moans
It shifts back and forth like the saddest metronome
She looked like the product of a naughty night’s vice
Hung out in the crooked parts of town and bedded men not too nice
My hands raised her from squalor and carried her home
Whereas I was made of flesh bindings, she was chrome
Over love, the decadence took precedence
Her lavish comforts enclosed by a white picket fence
As my walls broke down, hers added cement
I gave her mansions of love and she gifted me a poorly pitched tent
My breath was choked, my mind confused
Twilights strung together and morosely fused
On a particular night, she marched towards, I, a speck
Dug her claws into my back and whispered poison towards my neck
“How does it feel kissing paranoia’s twitchy lips?”
“To look out from such a height and spit on all the tiny blips?”
She banished me from riches and abode
Stole my smile and had my chariot towed
Like Lucifer, my angelic wings had been clipped
On my soul’s sanctity, a golden Goddess sipped
Mar 31, 2016
Mar 31, 2016 at 12:58 AM UTC
I left the scent of bleach
To the palms of my father
And disavowed his residence,
A rock atop, “Mount Redeye.”
Let him keep the – sore back,
Torn ankle and manic boss too.
In adamancy, I mention this,
Special sort of, “resolute,”
While sipping nectar
Blanketed ether
Come the first minute
I ought be somewhere else.
And it’s when our sun greets,
The, “guilt,” the, “grief,”
Or tomorrow’s, “acquiesce,”
That I’d taste an awkward
Twitch of, “failure,”
Unbecoming last night’s plum;
Something lesser than sweet,
And a torture at tip of tongue –
An existence’s, “respect,”
Fermented, “20 years,” overdue,
Come peak, the admission of
My unrelenting weakness.
And though I’d never really
Known, “Him,”
I knew what he did,
I did what he did,
And’d lasted only days,
Having worked if only hours.
I’d left jobs before; he couldn’t.
I’d walked before; he wouldn’t,
And how my sweet amnesia failed;
But rather, scarred; burnt sacred,
Blunt, and brim of soul, prior
Sobriety and when I wept, “Father.”
Jun 22, 2015
Jun 22, 2015 at 7:40 AM UTC
Passion … Indulgence … gave way to illusions
Decisions excluding correct moral solutions
Inhaling, exhaling just breathing it in
Lost in the moment … trapped by a whim
Intoxicated … Deluded … caught in the romance
Deception unfurling diabolical plans
Destruction … seduction … led to compulsion
Regression … digression … complete disconnection
Eroded completely … no more than a shell
A traumatized victim of my self induced hell
Stumbling … falling … twisting and turning
Losing my grip on reality’s sermon
Where is my Hope? Is there mercy yet found
To undo this offence? Have I been disavowed?
You trusted … I lied … You loved… I denied
You called … I refused … Not You … only I
Passion … Substitution … the only conclusion
Sacrifice led to correct moral solutions
Inhaling, exhaling … just breathing it in
Found at that moment … your love led me in
Apr 28, 2012
Apr 28, 2012 at 3:57 AM UTC
- Joseph Childress
Concrete benefits, nature of the jungle
Cities and suburbia, survival of the fortune
The owls growl now, no more asking “Who”
The town runs wild, the eye watches the jungle
Abstract revolution, power of the people
Mafias and militia, conquering division
Rebel of the mind, hands still chaining
Gangs grow larger, conquering the people
Misogamist marriage, fatality of the lovers
Polygamists and virgins, electrically connected
****** innuendo, pushing and pulling
The pace moves quicker, bindings of the lovers
Unthinkable thoughts in the valley of a dream
Inventive venting on impossible creations
Utopian physics, disavowed in the matrix
The strings vibrate, the theory of a dream
Apr 24, 2014
Apr 24, 2014 at 4:34 PM UTC
One
Turns two
Fun turns blue
After I leave you
Two creates
Words with weights
As one still masterbates
Wasting the potential children's fates
Three"s a crowd
Because egos are proud
Try and test what"s allowed
Cross the line and you"re disavowed
Four doubles the date
And now begins the debate
And it would have been great
Except the translator showed up too late
Five forms a final team
No more need to swim upstream
Finally poetry to boost your self esteem
Then you sadly realize...twas just a dream
Feb 11, 2013
Feb 11, 2013 at 3:05 AM UTC
haunted, i am haunted by the sliver of your lovely
born in chains to fit my weakness, disavowed of any heartbeat
to a different drum.
you are the sum of my addition . want me more
than you
can have
me -
then have at me.
lets jab at happiness. the wicked and the silence.
form new chains to slip our wrists; a few clouds of many dark things
that go hum.
you are the mumble. with diction.
haunting more
than you can haunt
me
and want me.
Oct 25, 2012
Oct 25, 2012 at 1:00 PM UTC