My sad mentality
Destroys my reality
Annihilates my honesty
All I have got is privacy
Not a shed of sociality
My life's complexity
Against myself a conspiracy
Emphasizes my stupidity
Locks up my humanity
Self pity is my speciality
It seems a necessity
Which confuses my phsychology
And Leaves nothing I wanna be


My life's history
I have waited patiently
To write in my corrupting diary
For I am no deity
If there was something godly
I'd have been killed furiously
That conclusion comes logically
Though simultaneously
I have lived happily
My neurology
I have kept in secrecy
Cause with my souls delivery
To the devils cookery
They feasted immediately
On my souls purity
My life's mystery
Won't be uncovered easily
For I life silently
In my ****** up fantasy
Which left nothing I wanna be

I have waited impatiently
For others to grow up with me
For without being remotely angelically
I have behaved, we'll almost elderly
Or I have tried to behave intelligently
Never drunkingly
And quite rarely
Entirely freely
On this I look quite positively
For it has allowed me
To stand against the waves unwaveringly
Looking upon life much more detailedly
Seeing more nuanced on life's complexity
And for the ability to do this comfortably
I must thank my family
While I can say all the above truthfully
There is plenty to say negatively
For standing against the norm unrockingly
Can at the best of times be quite lonely
And most the time I looked desperately
After those who floated by me oh so freely
While looking so unfathomably
Completely, worryingly, unanimously happily
At a world driven by the greedy,
Disgustingly, horrifying monsters of humanity
This have tortured me existentially
At times I have felt ****** up mentally
But as time passed slowly
Step by step I realized surprisingly
That it has left me allmost exactly like I allways wanted to be.

Cute right,
How you would always visit me with a single red rose.
I used to add the delicate flower to the vase full from your previous visits.
Now I look to the single rose in the vase as its ghostly form dwindles.

Funny right,
How you would tell me you wanted to be better as you inhale from your cigarette.
I would always lecture you of the harm you were doing to yourself,
But now I stay silent as I twist my body away from the smoke that escapes your lips.

Ironic right,
How your lips would fill me with warmth when your finger tips felt so cold.
I used to describe you as more of a concept than a person.
Now I think of you as more of a metaphor than my boyfriend.

Peculiar right,
How you would hide your phone under your pillow as you promised transparency.
I used to toss and turn to get comfortable with that extra weight on our bed,
Now I sleep perfectly as I turn and settle facing away from you.

Bitter right,
How you’d smile as you would so cryptically point out my floors.
I used to look up at you as you critiqued me so detailedly,
Now I look to my shoes and let your words fly straight over me.

Curious right,
How you would tell me you were all mine as you moved your hands away to rest in your pockets.
I used to create intricate plans to gain your touch and affection,
Now I shift in my seat as my body instinctively flinches from your touch.

Reasonable right,
How I stood up, the chair scraping against the tiled floor as I placed my napkin on the table and turned to walk to the door.
Before you might have chased me to the door and led me back inside.
But now you remain seated as I leave and call a taxi home.

Pathetic right,
How I let one tear fall from my eyes as I watch the city pass my eyes through the window of a taxi.
Before I could never make it past the gates.
Now I inhale a deep breath and promise myself that I won’t look back as I throw the last red petal out of the car window.