"desperateness" poems
I hate myself
and my blandness.
I hate my hair
and my sadness.
I hate my nose
and my bruteness.
I hate my feet
and my bitterness.
I hate my legs
and my desperateness.
I hate my wrists
and my selfconsciousness.
Perfection
Beauty
Happy
Brilliance
Selfless
Excitement
Nothing.
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 2:39 PM UTC
The way he touched me
when we first got serious
was much different from how
he touched me at the end
of it all.
His hands used to be soft
and his eyes drank in
every curve of my body,
every freckle of my skin.
He would look up at me like
I was a new adventure,
and I knew that this whole
night of romance was for me-
he wanted me to really feel
how much he cherished me.
I miss those days
immensely.
At the end his hands were
much more rough,
his eyes averted mine.
He couldn't see me as a treasure-
I was just flesh under his own.
It became all about his lust,
his desperateness to feel something real.
And that night that held
a surprise showing of
grins and grimaces and
a couple almost-kisses,
it felt like home.
I am terrified to remember
that night because
I realized something:
His fingers grazed my skin
like they did
in the beginning,
he looked at me like I was new.
It's terrifying because
the only thing holding me together
is knowing that the boy I love
is nothing like the boy I left.
And now that I caught that glimpse,
and now that I know he's
exactly the same as he used to be,
my head is spinning and
my heart spasms in pain.
I was wrong and there are no words
to describe how sad that makes me.
But I made the choice
to walk away from the confusion
for enough time to realize
that I'm okay with being alone.
And even if I were to find someone new,
I would always feel like I was cheating,
like anything I could ever feel
for someone else
would be a lie.
And even if I were to be with him again,
I would feel like I was doing him
a disservice,
like even if I was loving him,
I still wouldn't be genuine enough
to make him feel loved.
I will always and forever feel like
I am cheating on the man I love.
And that's the price I will pay
for the immense disservice
I have already paid him.
Jan 28, 2013
Jan 28, 2013 at 5:45 PM UTC
You made me feel so desperate,
I was just the girl who wanted to live a simple life,
Fall in love,
Have kids,
Settle down.
You came- and showed me things I could have never envisioned,
You- made me dream,
You- lifted me up the chair I was stuck onto,
You- showed me the world that lived out of the little cubicle I was trapped in,
You- showed me the kind of love that made me feel light,
Thanks to the butterflies you caught in my tummy.
You- showed me love,
Then,
You- snatched it away
But,
But, you snatched your love away,
Mine is still enrooted within me,
My feelings,
My desperateness,
My dreams,
All of it is hovering- in the new cubicle you have locked me in.
I’m suffocating,
I can’t breathe without your love,
Despite it being completely bogus.
You have made me weak,
Weaker than ever,
Who gave you the power to make me weak?
Then I realised,
It was me,
It was me who gave you the power,
I- let you in,
I- accepted the ‘love’ you offered,
I- let you haul me out of that dark cubicle I felt less vulnerable in.
I let you destroy me.
Jan 30, 2017
Jan 30, 2017 at 10:07 AM UTC
I hear the motor humming in the background
I hear the chirps from the morning birds, and even they don't sound enthusiastic about the time of day
I can hear your mom scratching bug bites on her arm. She scratches, digs, and scrapes, as if she is expecting to find something.
Bottles of sweet tea sit rattling next to me, clanking with each bump in the road, with each jump of my heart.
I hear brakes screeching to a slow stop, with a desperateness that reminds me of my darkest moments, my cries that no one witnessed, the tears that fell without acknowledgement.
The sun has yet to warm the world this morning, but it still casts its light on my arms, making my sunburn tingle but reminding me I'm alive
I can smell your great grandmother's perfume from when she hugged me so tight, reminding me of a family I never had.
I can smell the ocean, feel the grit of sand in the car. No matter how hard you try, we all take a bit of the beach home with us. It's salty waters one day blend with our salty tears.
But all I care to hear
Are your sweet shallow yawns and breathing. As long as you're breathing that's always all I need.
I think I could very well tackle anything if I knew all the time that you were alive, content, and happy.
I feel the need to give you an apology, for what I truly do not know. But whatever it is, I am genuinely sorry. Please, never let yourself go. Learn to love yourself as I love you.
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 3:28 AM UTC
There’s a particular provocativeness
In dark purple under the eyes
In mascara and eyeliner caked under fingernails
In wrinkles between the brows
In opaque smiles
There’s a mysterious longing
In hands through hair
In lips chapped and the color of wilting roses
In fluttering lavender eyelids
In unconsciousness in the air
Nothing about this is beautiful
Your up-until-6am staring in the dark
Your scrapes and scratches
Your calloused fingertips
Your boney spine
Nothing about this is beautiful
Your frantic, wild talks about how you don’t know yourself
Your desperateness to understand your mind
Sitting sobbing sadness in the shower
Bruised knees pressed into your eye sockets
Hugging your folded legs
Feeling the hot water drain with your emotions
There’s a particular provocativeness
In being so ****** up that you know you’re unloveable
You’re an interesting specimen,
But this kind of life is not beautiful
romantic
you do not want this.
Jun 9, 2015
Jun 9, 2015 at 12:06 PM UTC
I have a friend
Who is beautiful
And kind
But I am losing her
To the dark side
No not to anything life threatening
Yet
It is this thing called
Popularity
And she wants it
And I'm pretty sure she would do anything
Not to feel invisible
That is a long list
I am worried
Every time I see her
She is more and more distant
She is crazy
Like before
But in a way that is different
How you act with your new friends
Conflicts with some of my morals
You can't seem to think
About academics
Or family
Only your social circle
I am worried
Someone is going to take advantage of your desperateness
To be Seen
And you are going to get hurt
Honestly the only thing that keeps me
From hiding in bushes outside of the houses
You go to parties in
With a chainsaw
Ready to rush to your rescue
Is that you don't tell me when they are
And also I don't currently have a chainsaw in my possession
I am worried
That I am going to lose you
Nov 23, 2014
Nov 23, 2014 at 12:32 AM UTC
Quite strange and funny, the feeling,
Of not having the thing, you most desire,
The thing, you are obsessed with,
Feeling of desperateness and need,
Overtaking you,
Quite funny the feeling,
When the few day passes by, the pain
Evaporates just like dust in the open air,
Making you wonder, for what you were after,
Therein lies the truest answer of your desire.
Dec 1, 2010
Dec 1, 2010 at 5:50 AM UTC
Something I think young men and women ought to know.
Every woman or man is replaceable in a relationship unless we decide to make them irreplaceable.
You see? The guy or lady you are in a relationship with had options but chose you.
It becomes a problem when you interpret his her love as just a sign of desperateness.
Often, people ( young people) begin to feel too important when their partner loves them so much and begin to stand on that same love to toy and maltreat the one who shows the love.
Be careful, the one who loves you so much may need you so much and may be deeply hurt when you disappoint.
But also remember that there are options and you were chosen.
Just because it is not right for your relationship partner to keep jumping from one person to the other doesn't mean that you make him/her feel and look a helpless prisoner of your love world.
Jan 28, 2016
Jan 28, 2016 at 5:51 PM UTC
did my promise,
my sincerity,
feel good in your hands?
did it sit well
in your broken heart?
did my desperation,
my lovesickness,
sparkle in your eyes?
did it settle your
twisting stomach?
did my nervousness,
my helplessness,
melt your boarded-up
and frozen, broken heart?
did it make you blush?
did my desperateness,
my constant attempts,
warm your icy soul?
did it taste good
on your sly smile?
even though you’ve
lost another one of
your leads, you still
refuse to play that
you’re in love with me.
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 9:08 PM UTC
It's an illness, and what a wicked one. It lasts five stages. Through four stages it tortures you the best it can. It tortures you with nostalgia and melancholia. I will tell you about these four stages, until you finally reach the fifth and last stage, the stage that will feel like redemption to you. Brace yourself, this illness can **** before you reach the final stage.
Stage 1, denial / delusion
In this stage, you will deny what happened, and will live in a fantasy your poor mind created for you to keep you alive.
You know exactly what has happened, you know the truth. However, this hideous creature, this torturous illness won't let you "get over" the truth that easily. It will torture you with false hopes, wrecking your mind because each and every night, you will wonder if what has happened was real or just a bad nightmare of yours.
If you made it, be lucky for a second. Stage 2 is awaiting you.
Stage 2, wrath
In this stage, you will feel an ager, a rage you never felt before. You will have the urge to destroy and to burn, not only things, but also you, the memories, and just everything and everyone surrounding you.
The illness wants to destroy you, and it gives you ire so you can "prepare" yourself for what will come for you. Destruction in the finest, most painful ways, you can't even imagine.
You survived Stage 2, now let's take a look on how desperate you can become in Stage 3.
Stage 3, negotiating
In this stage, your desperateness to wipe the slate clean will show. The illness makes you parley with the wildest, most unreal people you may meet in your life, only to undo what has happened.
You would sell your sould to the devil.
You would give your life to the Grim Reaper.
You would… You might even want to make a deal with me.
I think we should stop about what you would, it might get to horrendous for you. So we reach Stage 4, the stage that has the highest verisimilitude to **** you.
Stage 4, depression
You will cry waterfalls of tears, so be careful that you don't drown in the sea of hot, salty water your ever so beautiful eyes created.
This stage of torture is where the illness got quite creative. I'm sure you heard a lot about depression, but in reality it is even worse than the worst you expected. It might feel unreal from time to time, but I tell you, it is real – savagely real.
It might **** you, so try your best to survive this stage. That's the only admonition I can give you.
You survived? Congratulations! Hereby we reach
Stage 5, acceptance
In this stage, the final stage, you finally reach the redemption you craved for so long. You will finally be able to leave behind what has downed you so much. You will be able to fly again, your wings are back.
However, be careful. This stage is the shortest of them all.
Many people before you have failed before reaching this salvific stage.
I hope you won't underestimate the illness. You might have reached redemption, but it only waits to strike again and to devour you.
Be careful, even for I will watch over you.
May 17, 2014
May 17, 2014 at 5:08 AM UTC
I feel like we're drifting apart.
I know you feel it too
We're stuck, helpless in our love, unsure of what to do
Seeking solace in nostalgia, I feel you reaching for my hands, lonely in their despair
Oh, how I miss that summer love, painted bright by sunny days
Those memories of sandy toes, as our excitement choked on salty sea air
Our sun kissed lips stole love in between laughter, made our knees weak in anticipation for more
I wish I could live in my denial
Blame our reality on winter, blame the shorter days, blame the longer nights
Blame anything, anyone
Turn our backs to one another as we struggle to find the words that'll fix us
As we try to read this stranger we once called love
What happened to us vs the world?
We were indestructible, impenetrable
Blind to the fact that we signed off for our own downfall
Perfectly imperfect, our desperateness to make it work
The little lies we'd tell ourselves, strangling the life out of hope
We nod and agree, let anger dwindle into empty solutions
And our hearts quietly weep, screaming for love in all its absence
I wanna say it was a foolish whim
A scapegoat we needed to evade reality
But I refuse to believe that this is all for nothing
You bring out the realest parts of me, knock down my walls with the flick of your finger
Your love engulfs me whole, caresses my broken parts
Gives my soul a place to be, a home I never dreamed I'd call my own
***** living for our summer love
I want you, all of you
The messy fights and silly spats
The goofy snort of laughter saved only for you
The late nights of fun, the mornings of regret
Our pounding heads, hazed by drink and drugs, yet solid and sure in knowing we're loved
My heart is yours beloved, to keep with my blessing
All my love too, cos, without you by my side
Only god knows what I would do
Nov 8, 2020
Nov 8, 2020 at 1:23 AM UTC
Lost in this lake of blue
No way to contact you
Without a way back home
I'm stuck here thinking about you.
Long past the craze of desperateness
and strength of will
I've given up and closed my eyes
to the blinding light of the sun.
I see you behind my eyelids.
A trick of my mind but
one I'm willing to indulge in.
Aug 27, 2013
Aug 27, 2013 at 1:22 PM UTC
you are frenzy and anxiety,
regret and desperateness.
I ache for July's leisure and
freedom as you take my hand, dragging me into
pools of begrudging acceptance of my
inevitable fate.
august you are the day that is never supposed to
come,
the distant "someday" that I have only pretended to be
interested in meeting.
you are the eternal setting sun,
the closing month of summer that
paints the sky oranges and pinks and reds with the
blood of the dying season.
august you are the warrior that charges into
fall, the goodbye that comes too soon, the future that I
must face.
We may only be strangers, dear August, but I wish we never had
met.
Aug 5, 2015
Aug 5, 2015 at 5:36 PM UTC
Slowly I walk towards the wall. Someday, somehow, some say, we will all face him. He is not me, not like the one I imagined but instead a reflection of a fragment that has disappeared ages ago. And I know one thing for sure: long before my first and last breath, everyone is here.
A last stand… Beckoning.
A blurry scene collapses like a rose’s thorn crushed by a hammer, and it’s heaven. Fresh air breezes throughout the field like a thousand winters summoned in a hot air balloon; one pop, and it might burst.
Instead it dies.
Blackness fades into nothingness as light bends darkness when desperateness serves greatness. A tiny yet almost invisible terrifying spot of delight. All will come true and limits are met only when reaching the neverending centre again and again.
The concentric circle.
Never have I felt this much euphoria as time feels decay; the process of giving and taking, for eternity. And never have I dreamed so much desolate fueled nightmares until tonight. A night to remember for the ages as ages tend to burn with backwards conspiracy.
A feast for the new millennium.
Tragic meets company as destiny embraces chaos when a tall figure stands opposed to a small ocean vessel. Waving fiercely, with strong arms. Screaming against the absence of light. But not tonight, not anymore. Maybe never, yet always.
The destined traveller.
Always wandering but never here as the room grows from specs to pyramids; standing great and longing connate justice. Ever towering, never to look down, yet always pondering. In spite of desire, thirst is not quenched, however the stalactite still grows slowly.
The remains.
Nothing is sacred and with the fidelity of strangeness interwoven its frontier is bubbling with the force of insecurity; the final pillar of a marble treehouse. Leaning. Never to leave, never to stay, but always here.
Forever.
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 5:12 PM UTC
her beauty
controlled the sun itself
for with every smile that shaped from her mouth
came a new ray of light from the atmosphere
her lips
released pure gold
for with every word which was spoken
your ears would squeal with delight
her eyes
gifted your soul
for with every look she gave you
your heart would swell larger than the universe
her everything
was perfect
yet i pushed it away
within my desperateness
goodbye to her
Aug 20, 2018
Aug 20, 2018 at 12:56 AM UTC