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"deprecation" poems
"While I sit at the door Sick to gaze within Mine eye weepeth sore For sorrow and sin: As a tree my sin stands To darken all lands; Death is the fruit it bore. "How have Eden bowers grown Without Adam to bend them! How have Eden flowers blown Squandering their sweet breath Without me to tend them! The Tree of Life was ours, Tree twelvefold-fruited, Most lofty tree that flowers, Most deeply rooted: I chose the tree of death. "Hadst thou but said me nay, Adam, my brother, I might have pined away; I, but none other: God might have let thee stay Safe in our garden, By putting me away Beyond all pardon. "I, Eve, sad mother Of all who must live, I, not another, Plucked bitterest fruit to give My friend, husband, lover;-- O wanton eyes, run over; Who but I should grieve?-- Cain hath slain his brother: Of all who must die mother, Miserable Eve!" Thus she sat weeping, Thus Eve our mother, Where one lay sleeping Slain by his brother. Greatest and least Each piteous beast To hear her voice Forgot his joys And set aside his feast. The mouse paused in his walk And dropped his wheaten stalk; Grave cattle wagged their heads In rumination; The eagle gave a cry From his cloud station; Larks on thyme beds Forbore to mount or sing; Bees drooped upon the wing; The raven perched on high Forgot his ration; The conies in their rock, A feeble nation, Quaked sympathetical; The mocking-bird left off to mock; Huge camels knelt as if In deprecation; The kind hart's tears were falling; Chattered the wistful stork; Dove-voices with a dying fall Cooed desolation Answering grief by grief. Only the serpent in the dust Wriggling and crawling, Grinned an evil grin and ****** His tongue out with its fork.
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Eve
"While I sit at the door Sick to gaze within Mine eye weepeth sore For sorrow and sin: As a tree my sin stands To darken all lands; Death is the fruit it bore. "How have Eden bowers grown Without Adam to bend them! How have Eden flowers blown Squandering their sweet breath Without me to tend them! The Tree of Life was ours, Tree twelvefold-fruited, Most lofty tree that flowers, Most deeply rooted: I chose the tree of death. "Hadst thou but said me nay, Adam, my brother, I might have pined away; I, but none other: God might have let thee stay Safe in our garden, By putting me away Beyond all pardon. "I, Eve, sad mother Of all who must live, I, not another, Plucked bitterest fruit to give My friend, husband, lover;-- O wanton eyes, run over; Who but I should grieve?-- Cain hath slain his brother: Of all who must die mother, Miserable Eve!" Thus she sat weeping, Thus Eve our mother, Where one lay sleeping Slain by his brother. Greatest and least Each piteous beast To hear her voice Forgot his joys And set aside his feast. The mouse paused in his walk And dropped his wheaten stalk; Grave cattle wagged their heads In rumination; The eagle gave a cry From his cloud station; Larks on thyme beds Forbore to mount or sing; Bees drooped upon the wing; The raven perched on high Forgot his ration; The conies in their rock, A feeble nation, Quaked sympathetical; The mocking-bird left off to mock; Huge camels knelt as if In deprecation; The kind hart's tears were falling; Chattered the wistful stork; Dove-voices with a dying fall Cooed desolation Answering grief by grief. Only the serpent in the dust Wriggling and crawling, Grinned an evil grin and ****** His tongue out with its fork.
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70
A fatal flaw of selflessness that is humbling on paper but self-destructive.
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Nov 27, 2014
Nov 27, 2014 at 4:52 AM UTC
Self-Deprecation
Take a look At this decade's eternal light. Youth, beauty, happiness. In theory. Is that how it was for our parents? Top tags on this website #depression #suicide #heartbreak Are grandma's photo albums fairytales Or has something changed Without shame Unmarked blame Just a change Perseverance died At the doorstep of sarcastic self-deprecation, Cool-to-be-lame facades, Glorified depression, growing vines on glowing laptop walls With a generation, fetal position, ripped jeans and eyeliner, inside Self proclaimed **** If you say it first Those twisted lips of others Won't press on such a fresh wound And here we lose the metaphor Cut yourself So everyone else Is picking at scabs No one would hurt another Who hurts themselves Unless they're an *** So the words are silenced Are you stronger? Happier? Healthier? And so we can always be safe In our self loathing Until puppy eyes and perfect pictures Leave us hungry Hurt by the people who don't mind being ***** Gaining assets, stealing rights from under Our droopy dismal noses snapshot Caption: **** up, let down, repeat. Hate me. -politicians and companies will bash your head on rock bottom Looking up in disbelief at chemical burns from Big Mac's We'll look back down to pout about our pain. The only way to save ourselves? Perseverance Positivity Hope Though I conveyed none of those emotions in this poem. **** me. I'm a hypocrite. But my point still stands. Perhaps even stronger.
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Apr 2, 2014
Apr 2, 2014 at 2:34 AM UTC
I'm Scared, Scarred, and Scrooge-like
reverence in poetry.                             everything to every person. reader claims they can                         a necessary skill for uncover the reverence.                         successful hypothecating and in the scripts that                       (buying)poetry-creation outta nothing, life straight hands me,                          tell them what thy want to hear, for collection & correction,           and they’ll call you laureate,                       secretarial transcribing,                        instead of good listener binding, typo correction                       or just a keen observer-fakir mundane are the tasks,                          just take what they give ya, that’s all them muses ask,                     dress it like Joseph in a don’t interfere, taken what’s given,     coat of many colors, bow, curtsy, show respect,                     don’t let on your plagiarism treat its aspects/instincts correctly       is all them, redressed legally you’re just the pass through agent,   true you, gotta be smart about it, patient for no payment expected,    variant spellings, swinging verbs, be our adherent, not our truant,      be discreet, they’ll call your script we appoint don’t disappoint,          a real keeper and give love or sun, accept our patent, render legit        mucho poem emojis accoladeya as for this reverence thinge        devil in a blue dress, walk the streets if I do my job ok, on any day,     grabbing snatches of overhearings, any poem could save a life,        pressed into a single tunic, you think, if I get the commas placed,         he a genius, knows my thinking, just right, the periods period,     exactly,  what a great poet and while obeying the speed limit    con/hu-man par excellent them muses so **** pleased     even fool muses, too full themselves, by this true confession released, muses who think we stink and and self deprecation,                     couldn’t do it without them they call me reverend,                   great pretenders by stealing imagine them silly folk,                everything in everybody and calling a big fat liar.                       all thieves and cape riders, reverend, duh, the end                 original liars, pants on fire before midnight and after 3:20am April 7~8, two oh nineteen any message you send becomes my intellectual property, fool....
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Apr 8, 2019
Apr 8, 2019 at 5:24 AM UTC
reverence in poetry. (2) everything in every person.
reverence in poetry.                             everything to every person. reader claims they can                         a necessary skill for uncover the reverence.                         successful hypothecating and in the scripts that                       (buying)poetry-creation outta nothing, life straight hands me,                          tell them what thy want to hear, for collection & correction,           and they’ll call you laureate,                       secretarial transcribing,                        instead of good listener binding, typo correction                       or just a keen observer-fakir mundane are the tasks,                          just take what they give ya, that’s all them muses ask,                     dress it like Joseph in a don’t interfere, taken what’s given,     coat of many colors, bow, curtsy, show respect,                     don’t let on your plagiarism treat its aspects/instincts correctly       is all them, redressed legally you’re just the pass through agent,   true you, gotta be smart about it, patient for no payment expected,    variant spellings, swinging verbs, be our adherent, not our truant,      be discreet, they’ll call your script we appoint don’t disappoint,          a real keeper and give love or sun, accept our patent, render legit        mucho poem emojis accoladeya as for this reverence thinge        devil in a blue dress, walk the streets if I do my job ok, on any day,     grabbing snatches of overhearings, any poem could save a life,        pressed into a single tunic, you think, if I get the commas placed,         he a genius, knows my thinking, just right, the periods period,     exactly,  what a great poet and while obeying the speed limit    con/hu-man par excellent them muses so **** pleased     even fool muses, too full themselves, by this true confession released, muses who think we stink and and self deprecation,                     couldn’t do it without them they call me reverend,                   great pretenders by stealing imagine them silly folk,                everything in everybody and calling a big fat liar.                       all thieves and cape riders, reverend, duh, the end                 original liars, pants on fire before midnight and after 3:20am April 7~8, two oh nineteen any message you send becomes my intellectual property, fool....
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33
Death lies at a bottomless cliff Gorging the valley till the earth splits And marrow spills through black haze chatter Between bones of ancestral desires His voice came through to me one night A wisp that seeped past glass and flesh To trickle deprecation And lay my fitful mind to rest "All you are, all you to blame No innocence You gorge yourself to death All you are, all you to blame No innocence Where men exist"
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Sep 28, 2013
Sep 28, 2013 at 7:36 AM UTC
no innocence
Emotionless, flowing through a crowd of faceless souls A net of interactions that I am no longer a part of Each second I feel less and less, until I'm an empty vessel On the edge, brain going toe to toe with the devil Rotting amygdala in the cranium, insanity Not a single shred of dignity or humanity Running off no sleep, tobacco and black coffee No spirit left, except the pack in my back pocket I want nothing, but need everything all decisions past made to lead to serenity Going with the flow has left me alone with no one Why am I still here, where the hell am I going Long nights, long days, pretending I'm something I'm not Self deprecation and loathing patterns, indigenous thoughts Result is cold and heartless, riskless life to avoid the loss No solution horizon, mentally falling apart Fed up, hallucinations gone and messed my head up Yesterday is forgotten but tomorrow already dreaded Depression has blossomed, guilt trips and sunken ships Internal warfare, life is chaos amongst the midst
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Oct 1, 2013
Oct 1, 2013 at 4:16 PM UTC
Heartless
It is another one of those early mornings when hatred spews out of my body and aims for itself, I never miss. I have always been good at reaching targets, even better when I myself am bullseye. I shoot directly for the mirror. Into my thighs, my chest, this mountain range of a body. I send my angry in a direct path towards my folds, my stomach, my skin, in all that is human. I launch bombs on my own territory like it's what I've been sent to do, like I was made to destroy what I have spent my whole life building. I ask why it so easy to rip apart the things I've put together myself. I ask why it feels so normal to want to break down the rafters of the only shelter I will ever be able to use for protection. I blame everything else before I blame me. I blame the girls with bodies like sunsets, that contrast my mid-day average sky of a figure. I blame the dresses that I cannot fit into, the way they **** the life out of me every time I can't stretch them past my hips. I blame genetics with absolutely no knowledge of science behind me. I want to blame society for the hate that has been multiplying inside of me but at the end of the day I am still the one who does the math. It is still me who pours self-deprecation over my head to shower in all of the things I cannot wash out. It is still me who incites hurricane upon every part of myself that is impossible to change by nature. I am the one who detonates my disappointments like the explosion will somehow change the way I look, like the aftermath of destruction will leave me with anything but empty and wreckage. I often forget that it is me who spoon feeds myself memories of failure at every meal. It is me who hands over guilt every time I reach for the snooze button to fall back asleep. I even shove myself in fault to depression, cover myself in darkness and then wonder why there is no light to be seen. I am the culprit in it all. In the mornings when my mind is still circling to figure out where it left off, I point it in the direction of negative. I take all of the crooked and pile it up to remind myself of the mismatch. When I take aim at my reflection, I never miss. I direct the ****** of my mistakes, vulnerability and insecurity directly towards my image. I have become the hitman of my own assassination. My fall into disaster is wholeheartedly my own doing. I am the best of the best when it comes to this form of damage. I never miss.
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Jan 9, 2015
Jan 9, 2015 at 3:05 PM UTC
Aim
It is another one of those early mornings when hatred spews out of my body and aims for itself, I never miss. I have always been good at reaching targets, even better when I myself am bullseye. I shoot directly for the mirror. Into my thighs, my chest, this mountain range of a body. I send my angry in a direct path towards my folds, my stomach, my skin, in all that is human. I launch bombs on my own territory like it's what I've been sent to do, like I was made to destroy what I have spent my whole life building. I ask why it so easy to rip apart the things I've put together myself. I ask why it feels so normal to want to break down the rafters of the only shelter I will ever be able to use for protection. I blame everything else before I blame me. I blame the girls with bodies like sunsets, that contrast my mid-day average sky of a figure. I blame the dresses that I cannot fit into, the way they **** the life out of me every time I can't stretch them past my hips. I blame genetics with absolutely no knowledge of science behind me. I want to blame society for the hate that has been multiplying inside of me but at the end of the day I am still the one who does the math. It is still me who pours self-deprecation over my head to shower in all of the things I cannot wash out. It is still me who incites hurricane upon every part of myself that is impossible to change by nature. I am the one who detonates my disappointments like the explosion will somehow change the way I look, like the aftermath of destruction will leave me with anything but empty and wreckage. I often forget that it is me who spoon feeds myself memories of failure at every meal. It is me who hands over guilt every time I reach for the snooze button to fall back asleep. I even shove myself in fault to depression, cover myself in darkness and then wonder why there is no light to be seen. I am the culprit in it all. In the mornings when my mind is still circling to figure out where it left off, I point it in the direction of negative. I take all of the crooked and pile it up to remind myself of the mismatch. When I take aim at my reflection, I never miss. I direct the ****** of my mistakes, vulnerability and insecurity directly towards my image. I have become the hitman of my own assassination. My fall into disaster is wholeheartedly my own doing. I am the best of the best when it comes to this form of damage. I never miss.
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8
dependent, dependent, dependent. i hate to be dependent. it's something that shows weakness. it shows i can't defeat this. sorry, sorry, sorry. you tell me not to be sorry. even though i try my best. i never succeed, so i cannot rest. stupid, stupid, stupid. i feel like i am stupid. obviously i'm the least of all. no one cares when i take a fall. weakling, weakling, weakling. i am truly just a weakling. melting from your sweetest words. hoping my promises have been heard.
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Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 9:04 PM UTC
self-deprecation in three
What a great unhappy waste of muscle mass and jawline Impetus in a mess is what begs question of these confines If things were not coming apart in the ways we all saw under the surface would our brave little boy have robbed himself of his life toward purpose as misguided as this? Twenty three years staring into mirrors with two **** brown globes of lightning filling up with self deprecation is a waste? Somehow I knew you'd say that and the news wrapped in words wrapped in plastic glances like the spear tip to plate armor aimed and stabbed from a distance too great Colored nails, black or pink, or **** and gnarled Painted face, totally, or face too **** and concave Chest heaving open or covered from the world Downtown or eating cereal in sweats from a mixing bowl On your couch Be the bullet for all of us who took one Be the blade for those whose voices drained by knife And be the voice just by living Even if hidden, My Love, You're real!
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Jan 22, 2014
Jan 22, 2014 at 1:43 AM UTC
Mama Yemaya Diaspora
Tell me when it was The first time you learned to hate yourself The first time you tripped over your own fault lines And started taking caution in every step When did it happen? Was it at 10? When your shaking hands couldn't hold still And the shame of them drove you into isolation Maybe it's because others noticed Or because they did their best to make it clear you were different I don't think you know That the rhythm you had and still have Is unlike the rest It is crooked and uneven but beautiful nonetheless You didn't know it then And accepting unsteadiness is easier said than done Tell me when it was The first time you learned to hurt yourself Could it have been at 13? When the weight of too much pressure motivated you to lose it To the point where bones stuck out more than your voice Loud girl became quiet that year And then even more so the next When your changing body didn't morph the way you would have liked it to Left you shaped uncomfortably A little too top heavy The kind that drew unwanted attention At a time when standing out was the last thing you desired You turned skin into a battlefield into remnants from too many losses Wrists became front lines, then hips, then neck until You became too much destruction to keep the war going You learned that it is impossible to win in a fight against yourself Tell me when it was The first time you learned to forget yourself Was it at 15? When the sacrifice of your body wasn't enough To make a careless boy love you It was a silly thing to give it all away When you barely had enough of you for yourself Your efforts changed after that Trying too hard turned into not trying at all Feeling too much turned into feeling nothing at all You learned to repress and erase And start over in the morning You have been heavy from trying to hide away for so long Tell me when it is The first time you learn to love yourself Will finally be after all of the years of disappointment? Of self-deprecation? When you realize you deserve more Than to be the dust swept off to the side Deserve better than to be an ashed out version of your potential You were not meant to be wasted You were not meant to be washed out and pushed down You were meant to stand tall The first time you learn to love yourself Will be when you realize flaw is inevitable When your skin turns itself different colors And nothing can be done to change it You will then learn acceptance The first time you learn to love yourself Will be when you stop comparing When you look in the mirror and see only yourself in the reflection Nobody else You were meant to be here You were meant to embrace it all This body This skin This image The only one you will ever have The same one you will have to love And eventually you will, You'll learn how to.
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Jan 25, 2015
Jan 25, 2015 at 10:17 PM UTC
Learn
Tell me when it was The first time you learned to hate yourself The first time you tripped over your own fault lines And started taking caution in every step When did it happen? Was it at 10? When your shaking hands couldn't hold still And the shame of them drove you into isolation Maybe it's because others noticed Or because they did their best to make it clear you were different I don't think you know That the rhythm you had and still have Is unlike the rest It is crooked and uneven but beautiful nonetheless You didn't know it then And accepting unsteadiness is easier said than done Tell me when it was The first time you learned to hurt yourself Could it have been at 13? When the weight of too much pressure motivated you to lose it To the point where bones stuck out more than your voice Loud girl became quiet that year And then even more so the next When your changing body didn't morph the way you would have liked it to Left you shaped uncomfortably A little too top heavy The kind that drew unwanted attention At a time when standing out was the last thing you desired You turned skin into a battlefield into remnants from too many losses Wrists became front lines, then hips, then neck until You became too much destruction to keep the war going You learned that it is impossible to win in a fight against yourself Tell me when it was The first time you learned to forget yourself Was it at 15? When the sacrifice of your body wasn't enough To make a careless boy love you It was a silly thing to give it all away When you barely had enough of you for yourself Your efforts changed after that Trying too hard turned into not trying at all Feeling too much turned into feeling nothing at all You learned to repress and erase And start over in the morning You have been heavy from trying to hide away for so long Tell me when it is The first time you learn to love yourself Will finally be after all of the years of disappointment? Of self-deprecation? When you realize you deserve more Than to be the dust swept off to the side Deserve better than to be an ashed out version of your potential You were not meant to be wasted You were not meant to be washed out and pushed down You were meant to stand tall The first time you learn to love yourself Will be when you realize flaw is inevitable When your skin turns itself different colors And nothing can be done to change it You will then learn acceptance The first time you learn to love yourself Will be when you stop comparing When you look in the mirror and see only yourself in the reflection Nobody else You were meant to be here You were meant to embrace it all This body This skin This image The only one you will ever have The same one you will have to love And eventually you will, You'll learn how to.
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73
perplexity and confusion through  deep chasms of self-deprecation we trudge world weary and troubled furthermore we play philosopher (of dim shadows) or worse fortune-teller (of self) creating self-fulfilling prophecies that tell of tears and framed laughter (within society’s  embrace) turmoil coupled with turbulence                                         (what if? what if not? why me? why not me? wreaking havoc in the present                                                       clouding all sense of joy and peace) not realizing that the past is dead and gone in future times - que sera sera, there is no point fretting and fuming worrying and burying happiness six feet under ghostly nonexistence                        ***that is why I choose to  **** all negative thought*** Copyright © Vijayalakshmi Harish
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Oct 9, 2012
Oct 9, 2012 at 5:27 AM UTC
Emotional Suicide
i’ve let ghosts grow inside me for too long in a greenhouse of self-deprecation i fed them sunlight in the form of grief, water in the form of tears, and tilled soil with heartbreak now, i will cut them at the root, tear at the stems with my voice until my hands are bloodied by thorns i will no longer be diaphanous, i will let my limbs stretch and take up space i am human i am an original orchestration of carbon and screams; i was made to survive
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May 3, 2016
May 3, 2016 at 9:18 PM UTC
survivor's guilt
He touched our hands But unconcernedly this famous man And would not look us in the eye For fear of contact or what might be worse, connection And we could hardly blame him, for after all He had each day been singled out for close inspection By ones like us, in awe of his celebrity Circled in the shade of his perfection Hoping for the star-dust sprinkle of acuity Or sparkling eyes, admission to his inner cult and clan He wore blue jeans And scuffed sneakers as a badge of proof Of his coolness and unconcern While we his audience with concealed attention Enviously eyed his hairy confidence, unconsciously Imitating in each phrase that low convention Made small adjustments to our store-bought suits and ties And nodded several times in bright pretension Made small amendments to our smiles and lies Flicked photo-phones in pursuit of custom and routine He gave a speech A flippant interview, this famous creature A well tossed phrase, a rounded cliche Poured forth like brandy in a glass, convivial Or apple cider-ed vinegar in pewter mugs A sardonically French-accented phrase habitual Well humored, heavy lidded with testosterone At interlocutor women with the pens and pads Delivered in a low and purring monotone For all the world as lovers, each to each He stretched a smile A modulated shift of teeth and beard "Genius? Not I"  with deprecation "My shallow intellect, so poor and so ephemeral" Delivered in a tone that mocked inclusion While we assumed an elegance, unintentional A nonchalance that shields the wide charades Unmoving in our breathless, but conventional Genuflection to the the notion that pervades                                                       Our addictive appetite now sated. For a while.                                                                                                                                  He kissed their cheeks And stroked their arms, with sensuous ambivalence But absently, as if he cared so little In his farewell. 'A bientot' he said and 'Au revoir' And slipped away amongst the moving Milan crowds Creative and creator, irredeemably a star With, in his wake the smiling scriveners staring At his retreating back in Stark excitement In the middle of the circling and squaring, at The alpha-wolfic effigy. The Shepherd and his sheep.
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May 6, 2013
May 6, 2013 at 6:46 AM UTC
This Famous Creature
He touched our hands But unconcernedly this famous man And would not look us in the eye For fear of contact or what might be worse, connection And we could hardly blame him, for after all He had each day been singled out for close inspection By ones like us, in awe of his celebrity Circled in the shade of his perfection Hoping for the star-dust sprinkle of acuity Or sparkling eyes, admission to his inner cult and clan He wore blue jeans And scuffed sneakers as a badge of proof Of his coolness and unconcern While we his audience with concealed attention Enviously eyed his hairy confidence, unconsciously Imitating in each phrase that low convention Made small adjustments to our store-bought suits and ties And nodded several times in bright pretension Made small amendments to our smiles and lies Flicked photo-phones in pursuit of custom and routine He gave a speech A flippant interview, this famous creature A well tossed phrase, a rounded cliche Poured forth like brandy in a glass, convivial Or apple cider-ed vinegar in pewter mugs A sardonically French-accented phrase habitual Well humored, heavy lidded with testosterone At interlocutor women with the pens and pads Delivered in a low and purring monotone For all the world as lovers, each to each He stretched a smile A modulated shift of teeth and beard "Genius? Not I"  with deprecation "My shallow intellect, so poor and so ephemeral" Delivered in a tone that mocked inclusion While we assumed an elegance, unintentional A nonchalance that shields the wide charades Unmoving in our breathless, but conventional Genuflection to the the notion that pervades                                                       Our addictive appetite now sated. For a while.                                                                                                                                  He kissed their cheeks And stroked their arms, with sensuous ambivalence But absently, as if he cared so little In his farewell. 'A bientot' he said and 'Au revoir' And slipped away amongst the moving Milan crowds Creative and creator, irredeemably a star With, in his wake the smiling scriveners staring At his retreating back in Stark excitement In the middle of the circling and squaring, at The alpha-wolfic effigy. The Shepherd and his sheep.
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50
You’ve said all along my unfounded fear in my own ability was exactly that. Unfounded. Not true. I’ve tried to be to do to want to desire. But yet… I fail. I fall. Down. Your love props me up changes my self deprecation, loathing and delusions of inadequacy. A smile from you, a hug a gentle touch… kind words of support encouragement motivation the falling stops ever so briefly and once again I start to believe.
0
May 27, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 1:44 PM UTC
Believe
This is for the girls who lie awake at night, Pulling at the blankets to keep them warm, Drenched in sins of deprecation. Tossing and turning on their twin size beds, because there is not enough room to fit expectations, let alone their own. This is for the girls who stare at themselves in front of their mirrors, Pinching at the extra layers of skin that hang around their tummies. Rolls of "fat" as they call it, I prefer the term "beauty." This is for the girls who have shoulders are backs plastered in scars. From the bras that were one cup size to small, overly adjusted and tightened straps. This is for the girls who fall prey to the fallacies of magazine stands, captivated by the cold letters bleeding off the covers: "Three hundred, sixty-five ways to style your hair!" "How to get the perfect **** "Turn off the lights to look good naked!" "How to make him love you!" Pull apart the flesh, look beneath your skin, you are not defined by the number of eyes that manifest lust towards you, you are not the hands that plead to saunter their way toward your hips, You are not the number of inches that space out your thighs. Or the visibility of muscle that line up on your stomach. You do not need to look good naked, don't turn off the lights. Your **** looks fine Stop falling victim to the media To the photo shopped ads of puppets who look nothing like you Because your real and if you want a man to love you, he must learn to accept you with your extra flaws, our scars, and rolls of fat. Because that sack of bones known as a model on a Cosmopolitan cover will not keep him warm. It is inscribed in the atoms that make you a person you are a three dimensional beautiful masterpiece you are not a computerized pixelated image reshaped and resized retouched and revised stop letting society dehumanize a woman your a woman all the fury to slither through you limbs until you shake with and anger and purpose, acknowledge the value of your worth for you are more that just a waste of paper and space, you are space, you are human, your alive, and beautiful
0
Sep 1, 2014
Sep 1, 2014 at 11:57 AM UTC
Untitled
This is for the girls who lie awake at night, Pulling at the blankets to keep them warm, Drenched in sins of deprecation. Tossing and turning on their twin size beds, because there is not enough room to fit expectations, let alone their own. This is for the girls who stare at themselves in front of their mirrors, Pinching at the extra layers of skin that hang around their tummies. Rolls of "fat" as they call it, I prefer the term "beauty." This is for the girls who have shoulders are backs plastered in scars. From the bras that were one cup size to small, overly adjusted and tightened straps. This is for the girls who fall prey to the fallacies of magazine stands, captivated by the cold letters bleeding off the covers: "Three hundred, sixty-five ways to style your hair!" "How to get the perfect **** "Turn off the lights to look good naked!" "How to make him love you!" Pull apart the flesh, look beneath your skin, you are not defined by the number of eyes that manifest lust towards you, you are not the hands that plead to saunter their way toward your hips, You are not the number of inches that space out your thighs. Or the visibility of muscle that line up on your stomach. You do not need to look good naked, don't turn off the lights. Your **** looks fine Stop falling victim to the media To the photo shopped ads of puppets who look nothing like you Because your real and if you want a man to love you, he must learn to accept you with your extra flaws, our scars, and rolls of fat. Because that sack of bones known as a model on a Cosmopolitan cover will not keep him warm. It is inscribed in the atoms that make you a person you are a three dimensional beautiful masterpiece you are not a computerized pixelated image reshaped and resized retouched and revised stop letting society dehumanize a woman your a woman all the fury to slither through you limbs until you shake with and anger and purpose, acknowledge the value of your worth for you are more that just a waste of paper and space, you are space, you are human, your alive, and beautiful
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38
A sense of utter loss within, ignoring the world outside that of the mind, Wandering in the paths of insanity Blasting thoughts, and a rising, formless desire to be lost in the darkness all around, yet still sensing the borders that are immersed in a sludge of sin All goes on within the invisible world hidden from any earthly eyes. Unimaginable to all but one, yet receiving glimpses of similarity that strike the uniqueness back from reality. Giving form to words, images that could never be painted but are forgotten instantaneously. The vastness that might only be the result of a chemical imbalance. Such that these words become aimless, mindless wanderings devoid of any meaning to the universe. It is but one fools perspective that the discourse is one of wisdom, that it is unique And yet still, the self-importance clings and the lines of discernment become inevitably blurred. The fabric is torn and marred, trampled under the hooves of cattle down below, where the dust is pounded into miniature swirling clouds, and the grass roots are torn up to be left flapping helplessly in the screaming winds of commotion. There is a lack of conviction in every word that is spoken as if the bubble of thoughts has become disconnected from the machinery and floated into boundless space. Once the fuel has flown, the unworthy tongue sets in, drawing from the toxic piles of sundry that lie skewed asunder destined to be burned, though they still exist to create thick curdling smoke that chokes out any form of life and causes the filth of hypocrisy to flow forth in abundance. Sinking into the mire, the narrow way shrinks to the eye of a needle And all hope seems lost. This is deprecation.
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Aug 17, 2013
Aug 17, 2013 at 6:16 PM UTC
Deprecation
A sense of utter loss within, ignoring the world outside that of the mind, Wandering in the paths of insanity Blasting thoughts, and a rising, formless desire to be lost in the darkness all around, yet still sensing the borders that are immersed in a sludge of sin All goes on within the invisible world hidden from any earthly eyes. Unimaginable to all but one, yet receiving glimpses of similarity that strike the uniqueness back from reality. Giving form to words, images that could never be painted but are forgotten instantaneously. The vastness that might only be the result of a chemical imbalance. Such that these words become aimless, mindless wanderings devoid of any meaning to the universe. It is but one fools perspective that the discourse is one of wisdom, that it is unique And yet still, the self-importance clings and the lines of discernment become inevitably blurred. The fabric is torn and marred, trampled under the hooves of cattle down below, where the dust is pounded into miniature swirling clouds, and the grass roots are torn up to be left flapping helplessly in the screaming winds of commotion. There is a lack of conviction in every word that is spoken as if the bubble of thoughts has become disconnected from the machinery and floated into boundless space. Once the fuel has flown, the unworthy tongue sets in, drawing from the toxic piles of sundry that lie skewed asunder destined to be burned, though they still exist to create thick curdling smoke that chokes out any form of life and causes the filth of hypocrisy to flow forth in abundance. Sinking into the mire, the narrow way shrinks to the eye of a needle And all hope seems lost. This is deprecation.
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52
Questions curdle Each disdainful day A glowering cloud The threat of rain Pounding footsteps Troughs of anguish Wavering moments Images of altercations The pleasure of detesting Chocolate cake Flavoured with money Resentful ripples Washed up on rocks Drowning sounds Solemn and deep Slowly sinking Disconcerted water birds Shimmering reflections Echoes in the darkness Displaced by contradictions Clanging, banging Bouncing ***** Dissolving memories Misplaced optimism.
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Oct 6, 2014
Oct 6, 2014 at 12:04 AM UTC
Deprecation
This air has gotten far too thick to breathe. My lungs can’t bear another deep sigh, So I’ll hold on tight til this smokey oxygen clears From my once loved, decaying town. Selfishness, self interest, self deprecation. It’s all you or it’s no one. My atmosphere is everyone else’s lives, Tangled up in it so much I start to believe it’s mine. But it’s not, and I won’t accept contentment. It has not served me well. It does not work out fine. What they bring? It’s not what I need. A fresh start on a sandy beach, How cliché, you always were, But this heavy air is bringing me down. I’ve memorized every dying face in this ghost town. Put me on the next plane with you To that contrived peace of mind. Your wanderlust inspires; I’ll follow you to unknown. I’d rather not know where I was going Or where I’d end up Then face the faceless narcissists without you.
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Nov 25, 2013
Nov 25, 2013 at 2:31 PM UTC
Faceless Narcissists
A cloud surrounds me. Suffocates. The lies, they feel so real they must be I can't see anything else anymore so Clearly, so they must be Everything I've forgotten, every scar that I had gotten, and the words, the stares, new knife-marks in my skin I know the Truth, but I can't always discern the lies. It only takes one, to get in, penetrating my skin. And downward, I spin. Into the darkness, the abyss. I can't get out Drowning The words and I think I'm the end of everyone's stares. It only takes one thing, to hear, and my mind runs wild. An inescapable spiraling of words and thoughts of self-loathing. It's a tangled web of heart-broken conditions, misintentions, these afflictions, did you know heartbreak is a diagnosable thing? It is. I decided. My heart was breaking. My heart is break ing. Tangled misintentions, a wave of self-doubting afflictions, all conditions of this mess we've woven. A web we've spun from our brokenness, and in the madness my minds screams, This is all your fault Never good enough Too much, or Too little You'll never be whole Broken beyond repair or care This is all your fault Time to leave Always say never Because you aren't fit for any Endeavor It's better if you leave You aren't good enough to believe Just go Never good enough The lies are so thick I can barely breathe Scars aren't really healed if you're still bleeding from the slashes. Cut hearts and, broken wrists. And none of it's true and part of me knows it, inside but the lies keep on coming and sometimes self-deprecation, feels good self-imposed asphyxiation, fills you up more than air in your lungs could Because pain is an addiction when we won't believe who we are. When I don't believe. I'm just creating more scars. And the lies wrap me up, suffocating in this web of misintention, but a moment of clarity reveals all these afflictions, I sense the darkness creeping in surrounding and impounding my heart. Drowning out the Truth, masking the lies, telling me I should believe I'm worthless. And the lies make sense I'm suffocating inside I cry out, inside my heart and my mind Tell me the Truth, I can't discern the lies. That infiltrate my soul, I've heard them so many thousands of times But the scars haven't healed and I'm still bleeding from the slashes I need a reason to sing, I need someone to bring me out before the swirling darkness settles in and poison takes over my veins. **** out the venom Or I'll die here alone And I cry to hear the Truth that overpowers the lies. I was alone in a claustrophobic cloud of hateful invention. And two hands reached in, grasped my shoulders, turned me round. Looked past my eyes and straight into my soul. Gentle and loving, I hear, I will fight past the lies to tell you the Truth. You're Mine
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Nov 15, 2013
Nov 15, 2013 at 1:28 AM UTC
To Heal Asphyxiation
A cloud surrounds me. Suffocates. The lies, they feel so real they must be I can't see anything else anymore so Clearly, so they must be Everything I've forgotten, every scar that I had gotten, and the words, the stares, new knife-marks in my skin I know the Truth, but I can't always discern the lies. It only takes one, to get in, penetrating my skin. And downward, I spin. Into the darkness, the abyss. I can't get out Drowning The words and I think I'm the end of everyone's stares. It only takes one thing, to hear, and my mind runs wild. An inescapable spiraling of words and thoughts of self-loathing. It's a tangled web of heart-broken conditions, misintentions, these afflictions, did you know heartbreak is a diagnosable thing? It is. I decided. My heart was breaking. My heart is break ing. Tangled misintentions, a wave of self-doubting afflictions, all conditions of this mess we've woven. A web we've spun from our brokenness, and in the madness my minds screams, This is all your fault Never good enough Too much, or Too little You'll never be whole Broken beyond repair or care This is all your fault Time to leave Always say never Because you aren't fit for any Endeavor It's better if you leave You aren't good enough to believe Just go Never good enough The lies are so thick I can barely breathe Scars aren't really healed if you're still bleeding from the slashes. Cut hearts and, broken wrists. And none of it's true and part of me knows it, inside but the lies keep on coming and sometimes self-deprecation, feels good self-imposed asphyxiation, fills you up more than air in your lungs could Because pain is an addiction when we won't believe who we are. When I don't believe. I'm just creating more scars. And the lies wrap me up, suffocating in this web of misintention, but a moment of clarity reveals all these afflictions, I sense the darkness creeping in surrounding and impounding my heart. Drowning out the Truth, masking the lies, telling me I should believe I'm worthless. And the lies make sense I'm suffocating inside I cry out, inside my heart and my mind Tell me the Truth, I can't discern the lies. That infiltrate my soul, I've heard them so many thousands of times But the scars haven't healed and I'm still bleeding from the slashes I need a reason to sing, I need someone to bring me out before the swirling darkness settles in and poison takes over my veins. **** out the venom Or I'll die here alone And I cry to hear the Truth that overpowers the lies. I was alone in a claustrophobic cloud of hateful invention. And two hands reached in, grasped my shoulders, turned me round. Looked past my eyes and straight into my soul. Gentle and loving, I hear, I will fight past the lies to tell you the Truth. You're Mine
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63
I sit in bed My head flooded with images of you You With your curly brown hair and gorgeous, deep eyes With your love of coffee and adoration for music How you play the guitar How you'd always make me laugh And last but certainly not least That smile I have fallen hard for you and I fear I will not escape the never ending pit Yet I am not good enough Not for you I'm imperfect compared to your cheeky smiles and sense of humor I'm nothing Yet you are everything to me I find myself, soft tears slowly exuding Because I realize that what I speak is truth, At least to me I'm imperfect and you will never love me I fear... Every doubt tears me up inside and it's hard to control self deprecation It takes over me And I fall into a deep sleep Alone
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Oct 17, 2012
Oct 17, 2012 at 8:03 PM UTC
His Perfection; My Imperfection
Tryna brave the belly of the beast But this enemy of me Has got hands- I’ve never metaphor for anxiety Like this one Imposter syndrome- I was only a dark forest away from who I needed to be But feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy Are twisting clouds so forebodingly  Mara’s army fires arrows Raining streams of self-consciousness Like I wasn’t ready to self destruct on impact - detonation I laugh and share memes of self-deprecation Social media the new god Where we worship ourselves By constantly trying to impress everyone else Venmo me Dopamine tributes With the truth in a cave of depression and Isolation Maybe Holly’s right And I do need to be here She shines the light On the darkness In the hospital wing 5th floor at Evanston But I’m afraid I’ve grown too codependent On this astral plane I’ve projected And romanticized these Ambien nights Only to awake neglected Screaming out her name In sleep paralysis On a dark night- When I’m manic I try to live it out like I’m in a movie Projecting inner struggles As external conflicts To make the scene more interesting Until I’m in this final battle alone like Odysseus Lost all my friends when the monster ate our ship and I took em for granted caught up Between a rock and a hard place- Depressed and Hyper-sexualization when spring is here again I’m in the first act dip edging the ****** Stimulating the simulation
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May 9, 2021
May 9, 2021 at 3:43 AM UTC
Imposter Syndrome
Kozarev, you are like a summer's day: Bright and brilliant; exotic and vibrant. Smart and gallant; generous and elegant. Our story is flickering like these smooth bushes of May; ah, but why I saw thee not today, I knew not why. How could I dream of thee not? Ah, my dreams are bad. Nature hath probably cursed whom; whenever they enter into my mind at night. I hate their promises, and their tongues- they are forever and ever slandering my faith-by chanting about thy presence, their mouths are fraught with lies; leaning to me like those filthy, ungodly, savagery; if I was to catch thee not- why should have they insisted so? I am jealous of those hidden faces, unknown Behind thy walls, impatient to grasp thee with a bite of lustful words, swearing at thy benevolence, for I canst be more so, and more generous than thou hath thought. My blood boileth with sickly temperaments- whenever I am bound to one thinking Of thy prudence, and tactfulness Towards the glamor of insipid dames. My soul becomes problematic, and forested in severed distraction and dismay by averted lips of choking and gasping all day! Ah, yes, suffrage shall be beneath my eyes, until no more breath is perhaps to remain, and only wreaths of crossness Frantically treading about the paths of my gouty lungs; wreaking away bit by bit their brevity, washing off every virulent trace of devotional identity, and gravity. This is harassing me-the knowledge of being unable to see thee once more, this evening, perhaps- and I am twisting and glaring at these painful thoughts like a dream. And you, you are-as the butterflies start to file Out of their realms and into our world You are just like their epic poems; fruitful and delicious indeed- but humble as those thorns, smiling at the sun though wounded; and laughing by the smallest of whose delight. Kozarev, you are my man; and as you dance along the gravel paths by handsome moonlight, you are even more glittering than which; and with thy stateliness You will but own my heart once more, lifting it up from every dim deprecation and fruitless laudation it hath hitherto ventured into. And I love thee and might just love thee more every day; more than every promise my poems can say, I adore thee and cannot live without thee Swift and marvelous is my love, blessed and ingenious as it shall ever be. I love thee, Kozarev. Obicham te.
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May 3, 2013
May 3, 2013 at 7:41 AM UTC
Obicham Te
Kozarev, you are like a summer's day: Bright and brilliant; exotic and vibrant. Smart and gallant; generous and elegant. Our story is flickering like these smooth bushes of May; ah, but why I saw thee not today, I knew not why. How could I dream of thee not? Ah, my dreams are bad. Nature hath probably cursed whom; whenever they enter into my mind at night. I hate their promises, and their tongues- they are forever and ever slandering my faith-by chanting about thy presence, their mouths are fraught with lies; leaning to me like those filthy, ungodly, savagery; if I was to catch thee not- why should have they insisted so? I am jealous of those hidden faces, unknown Behind thy walls, impatient to grasp thee with a bite of lustful words, swearing at thy benevolence, for I canst be more so, and more generous than thou hath thought. My blood boileth with sickly temperaments- whenever I am bound to one thinking Of thy prudence, and tactfulness Towards the glamor of insipid dames. My soul becomes problematic, and forested in severed distraction and dismay by averted lips of choking and gasping all day! Ah, yes, suffrage shall be beneath my eyes, until no more breath is perhaps to remain, and only wreaths of crossness Frantically treading about the paths of my gouty lungs; wreaking away bit by bit their brevity, washing off every virulent trace of devotional identity, and gravity. This is harassing me-the knowledge of being unable to see thee once more, this evening, perhaps- and I am twisting and glaring at these painful thoughts like a dream. And you, you are-as the butterflies start to file Out of their realms and into our world You are just like their epic poems; fruitful and delicious indeed- but humble as those thorns, smiling at the sun though wounded; and laughing by the smallest of whose delight. Kozarev, you are my man; and as you dance along the gravel paths by handsome moonlight, you are even more glittering than which; and with thy stateliness You will but own my heart once more, lifting it up from every dim deprecation and fruitless laudation it hath hitherto ventured into. And I love thee and might just love thee more every day; more than every promise my poems can say, I adore thee and cannot live without thee Swift and marvelous is my love, blessed and ingenious as it shall ever be. I love thee, Kozarev. Obicham te.
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62
Kindness It is not hard to get lost in your own self-deprecation, But this is easily remedied by re-evaluating the situation. See your woes from the prospective of those causing you anguish, And ask yourself, what has happened to them to make them so selfish? Abolish Blame & adopt generosity of heart, You’ll start to see a small act of Kindness is a good way to start, Then adapt this gesture to reach out to others, To strangers, friends, your sisters & your brothers. By choosing to act in kindness and not with a selfish attitude, You’ll feel your spirit lift & with it flies your selfish outlook and your low mood, Your eyes will start to shine from helping another soul, Because you simply stop thinking about you, and focus on all other individuals. So, Be Kind, be brave, be honest & true, and if you know your morals are good, you will certainly bring out the best of you. Learn to love life and care for all living things you find, Because the secret to happiness is simple, you only have to be kind.
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May 28, 2016
May 28, 2016 at 6:07 AM UTC
Be Kind
What I do take, makes tomorrow. Goodbyes, do not happen, until the next day. Closed eyes. Goodbyes. Until next times. Why sleep, only to wake in analysis. Red eyes; because sleep is for death. When your arms go numb, you find release. Dark circles. Light moans. Sleep deprivation. Self deprecation. REALationships. A man stuck in the clouds, because walking on solid ground, will eventually become worn; cracks form and spread, and that is time. Time makes no mistake. Time shows the etch lines, sketched in a face. The rings on a log. The ***** jewel. Words that still resonate.
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Jul 28, 2012
Jul 28, 2012 at 10:06 PM UTC
Account For Being Tired
Self Righteous indignation, separation, and a flare for othering the man who strove to bridge the gap between himself and the world made himself an island to be safe from the chaotic trade winds Here, he felt, hell, he felt stronger than he was accustomed to but this only tempered his approach kept his destructive tendencies at bay and filled his time His ennui and his thirst for consequence His self deprecation, his lust for power, his empathy unbidden He knew of his own privilege, he knew other's pain was greater than his He knew other's success, and had tasted glory in doses unsatisfying He was meant to be satisfied with stagnation and was tailored to disapprove of the play by play but was forced to place bets on the rat race and to have his mind occupied by symbolism while he realized the cross was only two lines placed adjacently He was forced to explain to his lover, what love means, and how to believe What it meant, how it was, and why it was held in such high regard He comforted an ailing cherub, watered her roots with his own excretions For in appeasing her, he cut into himself All he wanted was to be big enough, to cut himself down enough that when he gave of himself, he could give what would have been his all while still holding on to what could be all he was.
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Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 2:05 AM UTC
Why should I believe in love baby?