"cptsd" poems - Hello Poetry

5 months ago I discovered I had cptsd- I have a new name to claim and to become accustomed to. my mind is wired weird now. and I can't blame these happenings on chemical imbalance anymore this true has held my throat shut. Everything I knew about myself vanished, but everything I knew about myself now made sense. Every step forward was inside of quick sand. Every step out of it was dragging around ***** My mind was sheet white and clean slate. These triggers always align my eye sight even words can engrave themselves inside of my head-space. I am everywhere at once. Here's the thing, my prefrontal cortex is stunted and it's all my childhood's fault. I would hold resentment or place the blame on my alcoholic father, or on my abuser- but I don't have the time or the patience to entertain anger. So instead I am sad. Grudges have been my calling card since birth and I'm tired of wearing them like a scarlet letter. A giant red stain, but in my eyes and on my face, everyone knows I am damaged everyone knows I am deranged. I walk on spiders trying not to squish them knowing **** well, they could **** me if they wanted.

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Oct 12, 2017

Oct 12, 2017 at 7:37 PM UTC

amanda-stoddard

SeePTSD

5 months ago I discovered I had cptsd- I have a new name to claim and to become accustomed to. my mind is wired weird now. and I can't blame these happenings on chemical imbalance anymore this true has held my throat shut. Everything I knew about myself vanished, but everything I knew about myself now made sense. Every step forward was inside of quick sand. Every step out of it was dragging around ***** My mind was sheet white and clean slate. These triggers always align my eye sight even words can engrave themselves inside of my head-space. I am everywhere at once. Here's the thing, my prefrontal cortex is stunted and it's all my childhood's fault. I would hold resentment or place the blame on my alcoholic father, or on my abuser- but I don't have the time or the patience to entertain anger. So instead I am sad. Grudges have been my calling card since birth and I'm tired of wearing them like a scarlet letter. A giant red stain, but in my eyes and on my face, everyone knows I am damaged everyone knows I am deranged. I walk on spiders trying not to squish them knowing **** well, they could **** me if they wanted.

35

My eyes are always searching For those hidden paths, Escape routes Through the ghost towns That I am tearing down With slow hands

0

Dec 19, 2020

Dec 19, 2020 at 3:38 AM UTC