Start with the breath,
Shaky lately, it changed with the stains a painting formed on my chest came leaking, sneaking black bubbling death
It foamed up towards the roof of my vest,
Cough is hoarse excuse me my poorly conveying the truth I confess that maybe I've trained my brain to ignore the distress culminating the gruesome express

Eyesight now, and my Eye's feel numb
Two flocks fly in the light of the sun, side by side in a sign like a gun that stops my stride in time with the young, I wonder why and who had time to train these geese to write ******* W's alright, soon it fades from mind a two days wait until it's time to light up the night blunt try somma my cut the line trust is high up sigh at thoughts thought in my mind fuzz fought climb up bought thine scuffle what ******* geese fly in V's I'm blind cuz.

Minds in circles my muscles in decay my brain can't keep track of the ******* days
I'd buy the parcel from hovels of dismay trade for ants to keep mortality at bay
I'm afraid I wished for death too often, it waits till I'm content to grant it's bubbles while I'm coughin.

Im not gon' write a poem about you.
Uh uh.
I'm not about to allow you to make me FEEL
And allow you to fill
Me up
In such a way that my subconscious has to throw you up and onto a page
Nope
I'm not about to write a poem for you
Nooo siree, you see I've made that mistake
Prior.

When I was young and silly and hopeful.

I went and bought a fancy pen
The kind that writes so smoothly and makes my cursive extra pretty, but you know it bleeds?

I thought the ink that dripped from MY pen once it soaked through
It would sort of seal  us in the paper
Like I said, I was mistaken so
No.

I'm not about to write a poem for you TOO

And just leave myself exposed?
I mean who knows
if I replace those little tiny "o"s for hearts over my "i"s when I dot em that soon you could care less
For the stress on my esteem after you're mean leaving the apples of my cheeks with salty tears streaming down them
So naw'l
I refuse to tell the world how you made me blush when your lips found them.
Or how we had so much in common
It was raining but we just kept walking
You made me laugh until I was coughin'
I ain't gonna do it
I've learned its better to not let you soften-

my heart

But instead I mold bricks
cause it seems noone wants to actually bring any GOOD to it.
Seems 9 times out of ten all they want to DO
Is to do IT
when all I want is you to put
my hand in yours and stare into my eyes and search my heart and not my thighs
I'm not gonna try

And make this something more than what is was.

Just because of what I felt the warm and fuzz of flirty words spoken over Patty melts?
It was nice.
But I dont think that warrant's you a poem.

Not an admonition of my humanness
Not another proclamation of my foolishness

for allowing myself to think,
dare  I say hope
that those two hours of my precious life were 2 not wasted?
And Not worth the energy for me to store the memory
in the best way made for me to preserve it?
A poem?
How am I supposed to know that you deserve it?

But how can I resist within that moment?

After reflectin' on my day I find my mind keeps
pressing replay
on those two hours in Ferndale
And how we talked until nightfell.
Forgot to feed the meter cause what is time?
Hell I was frozen by you, guy.
I digged my nose into your life and just kept goin.
  
You had the audacity to inquire about my dreams and all my passions
and what makes me get up outta bed every morning

So I HAD to ask you back

And I listened
And I enjoyed what you said
And as we parted ways I had to immediately LIE
and document it in my head
Under "non-important"

It was nice

But don't let yourself get excited

Felt like I was on cloud 9 but gotta hide it
Come off the high
Cause what if in the end it's unrequited?

and I'm upset with you
Regretting you
No.
HATING you for letting me feel slighted
Yeah you tried it.

I mean YOU didn't.

At least not yet...

I just don't wanna write another poem that I'll want to forget.

Nah, those ain't his kids, but **** they might as well be
He kept food on that table, made sure they was nice and healthy
They got a dead-beat father, but such a stand-up daddy
He can't figure out why his children's mom is so unhappy
He notice little things, she's startin arguments more often
And he ain't comin home to that plate of food like before when
everything was new and every night was tender love and care
Now he layin down on this side, she way the **** over there
Can't even look in his eyes, missin the way she stared
as he told her how he felt while his fingers ran through her hair
No communication, they whole relationship's hi and bye
He used to hate shoppin with her, now everything's buy and fly
The other day he asked himself, "You just sittin here cryin, why?
Them tears won't make you see things clear, ***** dry your eyes
Y'all best friends, this was built on a lot of lovin
You wanna get back to the top? Get to the bottom of this"
It don't feel too good on the wake up
No breakfast cookin, you could smell the scent of break-up
Time just runnin by while his heart is yellin "Wait up!"
How they still together but he prayin that they make up
It don't feel too good in the evening
No dinner cooked, you could smell the scent of deceivin
E'rybody home, still he feels all alone
And he did what no man should ever do, he went through shorty phone
Smiley face, L-O-L
"I miss you, when I'm seein you again boy, what the hell?"
And he replied, "Hey boo, you know I miss you as well
I just can't play this game no longer, now give that boy his farewell"
And she replied "I know but.." - homie could read no more
Threw her iPhone on the floor and let out the most hurtful roar
Then she walked in the door and said "Baby, are you okay?"
He said, "***** I ain't your baby, what games is you try and play?"
Held up her phone like "Really? This what you doin while I'm away
bustin my ***, takin care of them bills that you never pay?"
And all she had to say was "You went through my phone?" It's fine
He's screamin "How 'bout the kids?" She yellin "Well those is mine!"
The love turned into hate and the hate turned to despise
all in a matter of seconds, he wanted her not alive
Threw his hand around her neck and squeezed, she coughin for her breath
He lost it, wants to lay her in that coffin for a rest
Suddenly, she starts to feel the air restorin in her chest
His lil' boy is on her right side, his daughter on her left
They cryin, she cryin, he cryin, what a mess
Lookin around like "Man, none of this **** is right" and so he left
Filled his gas tank up and then came flyin out that Hess
Drivin while he's stressed, no kinda destination but my guess
is he ain't care where he was goin and how long it took to get there
His heart and soul was weak, he on the local streets in fifth gear
I was wrong though, he knew where he was goin and just why
He pulled up to that lake where they had met that one July
Lookin in his rear-view at a life that looks so dry
The water seem refreshin so he floored it, and told the world goodbye
His loved ones filled his wake up
Tears steady drippin, people trippin on the way up
They view him in that casket hopin maybe he would wake up
His suit is extra sharp, they did a good job on his make-up
Don't feel too good on this evening
A lot of dinner cookin, smell a scent of flowers breathin
Packed funeral home, still he feels all alone
Cause he did what no man should ever do, he went through shorty phone

This isn’t profound, really it's profanity.

I’m far from crazy but on the brink of insanity.
I can’t think straight, sometimes, but I can never stop till he stops calling for me.

All of my addictions, yeah they really caught up to me.
Coughin' out what’s written like the words come from God or something.

I don’t know though, really I am lost.


Like in the jungle of my thoughts and the trees keep branching out
and the growth will never stop.
The greenery is beautiful; when it rains it pours.
When it stops raining I start begging him for more,
until I realize the rain is what I need to enjoy the scene.

The seasons are essential in order to dream.

exit coma and earnestly yours
all ears but no tongue to tell me yr boiler still won't work
patience is not a telescope i can see myself through
passed out on the floor of a concert hall, 3 broken bones n i'm coughin cherry wine
tylenol headaches make wine taste bettr
i am real. i do not feel safe.

I tell the chick my deposits
Finished school I might be headed off to college
Hope I don't die soon to lay in my coffin
Smoking so much **** just got my lungs coughin
I'm zoned, and I'm gone
Even tho this **** is wrong
I'm still hitting out of the ****, and getting high all night long
I'm smoking with my peps like you never thought I would
Cops bust the party but we still toking its all good
Living life without fear
Came from blue wearing voks at lainer
But it ***** and that's why you know why I don't wanna go back
Failed 2 years there and now I'm passing can you believe that
Cause in class I be maintaining
The work and they say I'm doing amazing
But there's still problems, and troubles
Just living life through the *******, and the struggle
But I can't complain, it will be there just like my chores
Stuck in my mind with no exit doors
But I try and I do good
But a black man to the world is misunderstood.

Thought I could drink away all my sorrows in one night/
I thought I could forget about  the frontier of that fight/
I got caught up with all this that that small mistake,
took over my life/ Wish i never screamed at johnny my
only son/ Wish that I could have told him "live life kid, have fun"/
But only thing i told him was "GO AWAY YOU STUPID ****!!"/
And seconds later heard my revolver get clutched/ I ran to the
room n then before i could stop it i heard the gun bust/ It was the
end of my only son johnny/ I was stuck, my mindstate was on replay n
my heart started to decay/ i started screaming n' swinging, man i was in a rut/ ****!!! I grabbed the gun cocked it back n let the bullet run/ I felt the bullet pierce my sternum, n my body became numb/ I stumbled onto the bed n I started to bleed out, I started coughin up blood n then I started seein clouds/  I saw different things n those things I did not expect, I saw my boy Johnny n he said "dad you've failed the test"/ n then I said "Johnny what the ****!?!, why'd you **** yourself??!"/ then he hesitated, looked at me n he had said " depression hits hard when you've got no one to help you out, especially when what you've wished to come your way has left you in doubts!!"/ "so please take it with a grain of salt n learn to live like it's your last"/ lookin at the way my body was it just made me laugh, cuz I hadn't even peeped that that bullet practically hit your ******* chest/ so please take a listen n please give me a smile, cuz loving what you've lost is like hating what you could never bring.............

I'm try to talk to you, or rap to you, or say something that will last with you or stick with you, and maybe imma be that rapper that get to you. Written truths in a booth are rare, tryn find themselves at the top until they realize its just rainy clouds and colder air. All of em animals, cannibals, eatin children, rechannel em till theres nothing left, cant handle em. look, I'll be honest I ***** from waking up cause I'm nauseous coughin up ranchy *** popper rocks in the sink on the hook.

Broken promises and broken homes make for happy typical teenage rebellion.

When the revolution starts you'll probably snitch to the closet cop trying to save yourself from any kind of risky change.

While some create wildfires in the mind, while they create art or inspire the culture, you feed off the hype and try to play along like you're not a victim of fashion.

When the **** hits the fan you'll be the first to blog about the wave of crazies making life hard for everyone else while wearing a *** Pistols shirt and a bobblehead of Che Guevara waves in your stylized room.

You speak of Kafka while coughin on the name brand cigarettes you call depression.

You're a bi-polar baby using the newest app to transmit the **** you force us all to swallow and yet you wonder why everyone grows tired of you.

Chalk outline in the inner city and a candlelit vigil makes for a nice twitter post but it takes a twit like that to stand on the graves of the dead and talk about politics because a few hundred die but what matters is your opinion in the public eye.

You're the reason why Ziggy broke the band up. A freak of culture with a connection to the internet. When the revolution starts you'll be late to the party and you'll miss the bus but lie about how you were there in the front line- but tell me cupcake how can you support civil unrest when you sleep 8 hours a night and take a nap during the day?

perchance 'twas no feline
that killed my little robin
but plastic polystyrene
that was to be his coffin

i saw him there a-coughin',
his red breast there a-bobbin,
as if he was trying to swallow
but something wouldn't follow

so again, man's the killer,
earth-pollution, natural spiller,
poor robin was no tom-cat's dinner
but a victim of the human sinner