"Why" is the only word that comes to mind......
Indescribably looking at the world as it tilts, I just have to wonder
Have to ask "Why", Why was it that I hadn't had enough time to Remake my decisions?, Why was it that I hadn't had enough time to Build a better bond with Armani "Rocky" Hankins, with my friend, I'd Called "brother" If I ever meet you in person DON'T GIVE ME YOUR SYMPATHY!! Don't make me stay up at night questioning you Everyday, replaying the same **** scene, the same sounds and things I'd seen, BOOM!! his body drops as his mans holds him like Jesus Holding the cross while his friends scream "ARMANI GET UP!!" "BRO, COME ON, GET UP!!"(X2) and every time!! EVERY ******* TIME!! After that, I couldn't stop dropping my head because I didn't want to Look into that sky, I didn't want to see his face again, I didn't want to Believe, I couldn't believe he was dead!, For so long I'd forced myself to Eat at the longest of nights that never seemed to get brighter, Questioning you! Hating YOU!! YOU ******* ***** STAY AWAY!! Stay Away From My Loved Ones! Stay Away From Me!! NEVER LOOK BACK!!! Keep Moving Forwards And Backwards And Paradoxically As You Always Do!! JUST ******* MOVE!!!!!!
Sincerely,
Joshua Green
Mar 15, 2017
Mar 15, 2017 at 2:14 PM UTC
I know what i need and not what i want/ Ironic, emotion is my one enemy// The one thing i wish i could destroy// Is the one thing that builds me as a man// Or should i say boy/ because i don't know what i want// I am in a loop and knowing for a simple fact that my one problem/ Is actually showing myself is hard// Harder than trying to break a brick wall// I am busy losing myself trying to help others// I am in a constant turnstile, swiping my card// Hoping that i can get to my train and ride away/ Down dark tunnels and find that bright light/ Leading to the surface// I still wonder what it is i want/ Constantly repeated in my subconscious, the same nuisance of a phrase// "It hurts"....."Its hurts so much"
Jan 18, 2017
Jan 18, 2017 at 3:16 PM UTC
If only i was as wise as i'd been told// It is not the most heart aching thing to say// But to say "I Hate You" in my head// "You Are A ***** in my head// It is something i always shy away from// To know the simple ideal of over bearing anger// For myself and throwing it, blaming it on my mother// what a pain i am// To myself, to mind// who could tell me otherwise// My mother whose done so much// deserves much more from me// And yet i am such a child// Being with friends and letting substances control my every being// As said by a "wise man"// You become the company you keep// But this is much more than just company// My mother is my love// My mother is the one who knows me// And yet does not, but tries and does// She is the only person capable of piecing together// A chard up puzzle with burn marks and making it seem brand new// This is for you mom.......
Jan 6, 2017
Jan 6, 2017 at 10:20 AM UTC
Scared much never// But misunderstood mostly//
I am the Joker before Batman trying to to be myself//
while he bullies me and throws his forceful words// assuming,
that i'll be okay i play his game// i throw myself at the caped crusader//
Homing in, on his emotions rather than his location//
Knowing he is weak as I// He is as sick as I// "Mine" is the word//
He repeats in mind, as he screams// "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CITY!"// as i say in repetition// "God help me"// hoping i'm heard// when i feel i am everything but heard//
Scared much, NEVER!!//
But misunderstood, MOSTLY!!//
THESE ARE THE CRIES OF THOSE URKED
THESE ARE THE TEARS OF THOSE BLEEDING
THEIR EMOTION IN PEN AND THEIR HEARTS OF GOLD
TURNED COLD...........
Jan 6, 2017
Jan 6, 2017 at 10:02 AM UTC
He broke the lapse of life by using his disability
Losing his voice and gaining an sense of mortality
Weaving the threads of life, while smashing thunder to ground
Like caskets slammed and thrown 6 feet under
This God turned man had found his own thread
And yet realizing his fate, realizing his quietus, this God turned man
Had created signs, As if he saw the casket slam
In his face, this God threw signs left and right no questions
Asked, giving hope to the hopeless while losing it himself
Aphatos found what he'd thought was a gift this man
Found his voice.......Wishing he never had
Dec 7, 2016
Dec 7, 2016 at 2:22 PM UTC
Anger itself speaks for us
So please fear, what can be handled cuz'
Reality shows red and its never meant to really feel but always kill...............THE ANGER MANIFESTS, ITS SURREAL!!!!!!
Nov 15, 2016
Nov 15, 2016 at 2:01 PM UTC
You're my Achilles Heel
I catch a glance and instantly
My thick flesh starts to peel
I look at you and in an instant
My heart feels; so distant, i fell in love
And yet you threw it all away
These past years depression and anxious tensions
Came in hard and then hid away
I guess the phrase "I Love You"
Is to cliche; Cuz everyday we come in contact
You drift away; So **** IT!!"
That's how i feel, my heart becomes a cage
And my mind has gained mass appeal..............
Apr 21, 2016
Apr 21, 2016 at 11:05 AM UTC
Depression hit me harder than I'd thought this time, the loss of a brother pushed me to my end, since the day we met it was conditioned as a heart that learned from mistakes, the friends made were the stakes at high and the loss of self and gain of lesson was the turning point of a heart........and yet, he, no I dwell on the past, I drown myself in regrets of what I could've done and what I could've said, I had no idea that this would hurt, I'd no idea that my heart would ache more and more as I thought about you, I, I drowned in what other called depression, I called it drowning in your heart, I made excuses and made endless distractions abroad because I wanted to run away.......he felt the need to cope, so he bought drugs and told himself he'd be okay, he made everyday the same in his mind even though every day is meant to change, he felt his heart was tragedy and his mind was creatively crashing.......he, no, I told myself every aspect of the heart was a lesson, and every aspect of the mind was a growth, but how can that be when you drown in the unthinkable, you push yourself to see the unbelievable, he hopes for better days, endlessly knowing and knowing deeply he had no options in choice, he had no voice because fear of disappointments pushed him to sorrows.........I as a kid had no way of showing how I felt because tears were my friends and beatings were the antagonist, I threw endlessly screams and howls at the wall and tears flew, my blood flowed like it would in my body and it hurt, this boy who had endless love for change, learned pain is a must in the creative and even more so growth through pain.......he made endless quotes and endless stories endless songs and poems explaining his hopes and his sorrows as if writing a book of his life which couldn't be explained this boy became the steering wheel for a breed of children who knew hurt and put it aside to learn from what they saw, they learned what abuse was, they learned loss, when they lost themselves. And they loves to learn those adoring pretending basterds, hope for the best is what they'd say but advice given to them would not be looked upon as helpful, they had levels of pain and love which never countered their pain......so tell me the truth realizing that your heart and mind are loving and learning will you be quiet to the fact that holding him back will make the boy unhappy, wanting to grow and yet having a brick wall in the way.......telling me this boy is ambitious, yet apparently to gain and loss would he even be so......
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 8:46 PM UTC
Words are harmless, so they say,
That's where the problem starts;
Sticks and stones
May break our bones
But words will break our hearts.
Words are harmless, so they say,
And point you to their charts;
It's harmless fun,
No damage done.
But... Who will mend our hearts?
The x-rays show no damage
Where words have scathed across,
But it still feels hard to manage,
And leaves you at a loss.
Words are harmless, don't complain,
That's where the problem starts.
It's quite absurd-
A single word-
Enough to break our hearts!
But words are harmless, they maintain;
The subject of their parts,
No less or more,
So let them pour
From all our broken hearts
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 8:42 PM UTC
No more excuses, no more laughs and fake smiles/ I've got to change, I'm so stuck in the past and dwelling on the future that I can't even choose where my present will be/ I've choked up and looked at myself as a clown and haven't even chosen my path, I'm straying from the given path and getting off at the wrong stop/I have to change for the better and no it's not for Rocky, it's not for my mother, it's for me, it's so I can adore what I'd become, so I can love myself like I love my mother, so I can love myself like my friends and enemies love each other, unconditionally/ ironic right, hate turns to love and love turns to hate, but me the one person I'd rather not be is me, I hate myself with a passion because I always disappoint and never intend to/ I break down on the inside and crying is the thing I'd hate but love to do because it will let me know that I've become more than a man, I've become a man whose dreams became reality/ I'll become that person that's not looked at as another statistic, I'll be the kid everyone looked at as better day, the kid everyone put a burden on and he led them in the right path/ he helped them like they helped him, stories will be told of his ***** ups and then his strives will be brought up like water to a dry ocean/ he ***** up and then he arrives with a different way of thinking, his love becomes reality and he explains it through his actions not his words/ lust becomes his enemy and he eventually destroys it, it may have seemed to him like an endless maze of sorrows and endless ************ with nothing but desires unfinished/ but now, now this boy will become something better, his heart will become his desire, his love for a better self becomes his true friend and he does not stop till he feels his heart, he does not stop till that dark heart beat becomes apart of his mind state and motions/ for the better this boy WILL change in the aspects of Gods love, he will not hesitate and be afraid he will look at the ocean and not see darkness he will see his reflection and see his light shine through, he will see his heart beat louder than a whale squeal, he will become the one outstanding piece in a puzzle he will cause love to be his motive and will not change that motive until love is being until love is seen in the opposite *** and that love shown is given on a wide scale/ he may choke in certain aspects or maybe all, but he will not change his being, he will become the boy who became a man for the better.........
Dec 1, 2015
Dec 1, 2015 at 8:39 PM UTC