"closeup" poems
It’s a struggle waking up everyday
It’s a struggle having to smile
It’s a struggle to hold back familiar tears
I’m tired of living a lie
I entertain these bizarre thoughts
Dreams and scenarios in my head
Such a mess, such confusion
The same thing over and over again
I wish I could stop obsessing
I wish I actually had a life
God, I wish I could let you go
And finally cut all ties
But in reality, I know what I’ll do
It’s gonna be hard to closeup
I’m sick of always having around
You’re just a toy I’ll never give up
Nov 8, 2014
Nov 8, 2014 at 5:09 PM UTC
**the banner photograph that the poem references is off now, but...
The poem is about a photo I took, outside looking in, where the window and an interior mirror, both reflected me, outside, outwards, but caught the interior of the house within, and the interior of our lives, which was my intent, but the poem came later....
a self portrait,
a reflection
in a window, in a mirror.
a man stick figure
within and without.
me hidden, armed,
iPad spyglass
one upon the other,
unaware of observation,
introspection / extrospection.
man, external,
grilling striped bass,
woman, internal,
kitchen caught slicing heirlooms,
a dressing awaits,
peach salsa,
the seagulls inform me.
Outdoors, indoors.
bay,
in the background.
living room, kitchen,
in the foreground
couching, crouching, cooking,
a closeup and landscape,
of two lives.
so the photo treatment,
introspection / extrospection,
upon reflection,
a poem ouside-insight.
a moment to reflect upon a reflection of a moment.
this how I see things,
and why not you too?
Double vision.
outside, looking in, inside, looking outward.
then,
at the point of intersection,
a memory recorded,
always recording,
paths, moments,
worthy of note.
such a note, here,
record of a photograph.
preserving my preservation.
tho photo blurry,
what you see,
is what I see.
lives of symmetry
summer symmetry is my life.
life is my summer symmetry.
exactly.
August 2012
Dec 31, 2013
Dec 31, 2013 at 2:14 PM UTC
Fade to scene--pallet: blue and green--wide shot; mood: serene.
Establish view; a stock or few; pan right to view a distant two.
A hazy rim; we cut to HIM--so clean and prim--just as we hear the hymn...
A tear rolls down his chin. The brightness dims; music shifts to grim.
Cue the screams; cut the scene.
We're back in the now and the mood is mean.
HE'S back in a view--pallet: black and blue--the shot askew.
The mood's muted; sounds of shooting. Cue dialog:
"Look what you did..."
Camera jerks; extreme closeup: a smirk; let the ANTAGONIST work.
The wire crew's here. HERO sheds a tear. Signal stuntman on the tier.
Orchestra on my mark...
Deliver line then cut to dark.
Light's back to reality. The view won't change, you see.
There's no crew or doubles. Just a wide sea of troubles.
No second shots; no calling "CUT"; it's all open-shut.
It's not like a filmmaker's lens; it's not just pretend.
Let me script this out what you're all about:
An overconfident lout, but backlit with doubt.
All part of a cast, direct you like I did the last.
I see that you're furious, but you're hardly fast.
Now I'll produce the fear as the shoot draws near--
I've got the schedule set; we're not finished here!--
You're calling "cut," but I'm just cutting you more,
And then I'll edit you out on the cutting room floor.
I appreciate that you feel you've come so far,
But never forget this is MY movie, and I'm the STAR!
Aug 30, 2014
Aug 30, 2014 at 6:42 PM UTC
I was once just the moon sitting alone in a cold shadow
Then my Sun appeared, rising and lighting me so
His warmth wraps around the earth to make me burn and shine
To be lit up and seen as beautiful is more than devine
I sat alone in cold emptiness for so long never knowing your heat
Now I am shining brightly and your burning fire never missed a beat
I know you have a cycle and schedule and I do as well
Maybe if I help you and vice versa we will beat this hell
You the light, me the dark, and the earth our child in between
Who would have thought the old dark moon would become the sun’s queen?
I know that I never thought it was really a serious possibility
My life had once been meaningless, just an exercise in futility
Now I knew my purpose and was proud to be lit up by solar light
Tearing away from you during a rare eclipse never really feels right
Somehow my lunar intuition awakened and I am able to see
Part of being the moon and the sun is never being totally free
I exist to orbit, to serve and reflect your beautiful sunny glow
You exist to give order, give life, and align it all just so
Sure I enjoy being an occasionally lit beacon in the starlit night sky
I willingly but willfully hand over control and never ask why
I know deep inside my moonstone core that you will always return
One lunar cycle and then I get my awesome sunburn
I doubted if the universe would ever designate me time and place
Then all of a sudden you pulled me in to make my suborbital with grace
You touch every rock, crater, and imperfection with with your warming light
Earth which binds and separates us sees full lunar glory some select nights
Nobody would have ever thought I was beautiful before you lit me up
But since you came along NASA created satellites just to get me closeup
I will never mind being here and reflecting the perfection of you
Besides you owning my heart and soul we get to share quite the view
When people thank me for being the moon I say thank my dear solar love
Because of you I am special and I get to be a real part of this heaven above
To Shawn, With Love
May 11, 2014
May 11, 2014 at 12:43 AM UTC
It’s been two decades and I’m still sweating out this fever
My eyes haven’t stopped watering since my family tree fell over,
branch by branch we collapsed into the river,
rushing faster and faster to mutually assured destruction,
no one is getting out alive here
No one is getting out alive here in this world,
so we might as well get it while the going is going because one day the going is going to stop and we’ll be left holding on to as much as we can,
We’ll feel so sorry for ourselves then
I’ve walked with snakes on my shoulders for as long as I can remember,
All my hearing has amounted to hisses,
and all of my bones have broken to bend and expand to hold all of the feelings I’ve eaten
Made love with the ****** and prayed to every angel I’ve seen in my paralysis,
In my dreams I see flowers,
Red like blood,
but clean like a mended heart,
Slowly but surely I’ll likely tear myself apart
But I like it like this,
It gives me a reason to wonder,
and wander,
So I’ll continue to wonder,
and wander
We all just drink to get drunk,
We’re all just ghosts without a house to haunt,
I’ve been feeling this sickness creep up into my throat,
and it’s been drying to get out, and I think I’ll let it
I’m still learning what falling in love feels like,
Still coming to grips with realities that don’t involve bruised eyelids and unforgivable I told you so’s,
Sometimes it feels like I’m coming to the end of my rope but then it frays all over again and I’m stuck trying to wind it back up,
How selfish to think I can fix something that’s too broken
Cut to my grandmother getting dolled up for her closeup because the church taught her how to become her own messiah, now she doesn’t know how to love the right way,
I’m starting to think that none of us do
I’m starting to run with the wolves,
The moon speaks in tongues to me,
I keep asking her to take me back where I belong,
Every painting hanging in my room is blank,
Blank and powerful,
but afraid,
I’m starting to think we all are
I’ve been sweating everything out,
It’s taking longer than I want it to
I just hope that by the time I’m laying on my deathbed,
I’ll be as dry as this all bled me
May 7, 2018
May 7, 2018 at 7:30 PM UTC
All my candle wax has gone down half way
In two days
When there lit I'm in such a daze
There aroma is sweet
They help me cheat
Cheat my way through life, I close my eyes under my sheet
And pretend I'm roaming the streets
Its scent intoxicates
I take the bait
Willingly
Chillingly
I'm in the world I want
Oh and trust me it taunts
I think about changing my life when I wake up
But, I know I will just closeup
In this dream land
I speak
I don't seem weak
But I come back to my senses
I throw the sheets off of me, I look around, there are my imaginary fences
I blow out my candles
I say farewell
Now back to my life, mind, that I call hell
Jul 25, 2013
Jul 25, 2013 at 12:48 AM UTC
Heroes never try too hard
A gentleman gives up
A lady shouldn't be so bothered
Take a bow, pathetic one
This is your closeup
Jul 12, 2013
Jul 12, 2013 at 5:17 PM UTC
The first time in my life, I start turning the lens back into the dreams. Point the telescope a full 180 away from the moon, so the moon can see a **** good closeup of the craters on my face.
I go to sleep
asking for it.
My dearest demons, tear me apart. I am ready to die. I have done everything I could...
And here you come:
traipsing down the stairway to heaven, stepping extra hard
on the creaky ones.
I think it reminds you of the way I used to whine for you.
To you. My dear. MY dear.
Help me God, I whisper into your ear as you sleep,
Hoping you would wake up in my dreams and save me,
How the hell could a person ever feel so ******* weak.
A bitter branch, that wanted to be a tree trunk. That tried to become enormous.
That only got cut down in the end.
That's how I feel. Not what I am.
Part of the poem, not of the slam.
Separate worlds inside one room.
Wanting to capture the flower in bloom.
Enormous tree, watered regularly by the gardening company hired by the CEO
of the real-estate company.
The only company I really have in this lonely lake of scheduled sprinklers
are gardeners giving me much more than thanks.
They cut my branches. My unsightly twigs are mulched. I share my tears with them. They take a lunch break. We're going pretty steady.
Day in. Day out. Day in. Day out. Tick tock. Lub Lub. Goodnight. Help-
Oct 25, 2014
Oct 25, 2014 at 10:37 PM UTC
I'll be Norma because I'm
an Old Soul,
and you'll be Joe just because
you're Joe.
However, I would
never shoot you
in my pool.
I love you enough to
let you chase after Bettys
because I know
I'm crazy like Norma Desmond
a lot of the time
and that is just not good for you.
I'm never ready for my closeup,
******
I don't have a pool either.
Aug 1, 2012
Aug 1, 2012 at 11:33 PM UTC
is not afraid of anything
not insects, crawling biting things
not mountain tops, from many fall
not heights, though very tall
not grizzly bears with claws so sharp
not steep and rocky dangerous scarps
not loneliness, although it hurts
not being stranded in dry deserts
not getting lost or feeling pain
not being stuck out in the rain
not being giving up upon
not staying awake until the dawn
not fighting or losing a good friend
not reaching her untimely end
not falling and scraping herself up
not being seen from very closeup
not losing her family or losing her phone
not living or dying completely alone
not being made out as a fool
is not afraid of anything
but you.
Apr 28, 2012
Apr 28, 2012 at 8:29 PM UTC
He sits on his chair of unearned power
Time caused his temper to spoil and grow sour;
Faulting those lower in the hierarchy,
He rests, contented in his monarchy;
He wreaks havoc on anyone with dreams;
Though his entity divides at the seams
King of his castle, he sits unconcerned
Playing with fire, about to be burned
He has not learned: what goes up must come down
Breathing in water, and soon he will drown
He pushes others down to lift him up
He is bitter and decaying closeup
Written and read in a voice of deadpan:
The crimes of a diabolical man
May 14, 2019
May 14, 2019 at 9:35 PM UTC
I loved you
You didn't feel the same
You were acting like you did to
It was all a big game
Yet you continued to play
With the strings of my heart
And when I lay
With you, I was falling apart
I continued to see where things would end up
But nothing came from it
And in the end I saw it closeup
You where a lying piece of ****
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 2:27 AM UTC
A river of scents and cymbals, a closeup look at tomorrow
the land and people borrow, collaborating hymnals
Stayed inside the darkness, somewhere in there is light
sensations are like coasters, before peace there is a fight
Paths beaten for understanding, on an imaginary cutting edge
manufacturing mental landings, between the visions there is a wedge
Impromptu races can teach us how to deceive
decoys in the mind show us what to retrieve
a blind world will never know how to conceive
a gemlike planet and a pressure relieve
Jan 10, 2015
Jan 10, 2015 at 4:52 PM UTC
I'm starting to wonder,
If you ever cared.
Beneath your smile is there something under?
Am I just a huge burden you endured.
You used to be the best in my eyes
But now you're different.
There's something you're trying to disguise.
You no longer show any sign of interest.
I know I'm annoying to everyone.
You can leave if you want to,
Leave what has already been done.
You can exit without leaving a clue
Because I won't be chasing after you,
I'm busy picking myself up
The pain I've been put through
The scars are hidden unless you go closeup
Wounds wil always heal
But scars are there forever.
It may sound surreal
But there is no error.
Sep 24, 2015
Sep 24, 2015 at 1:24 PM UTC
Odd standing alone
Before becoming
One of them
Their gathering looks
Warm from the outside
Will I become singed
When leaning into the
Friction they generate
Trying to hide
From each other
Being with them feels
Like I might
Shed some armor
And give up
That loneliness
Of staying outside looking in
Each one is hard to hate
Closeup,
How long must I wait
To be noticed
How shall I
safeguard myself
Without degrading another
Lean in, stay curious
Feb 18, 2018
Feb 18, 2018 at 1:18 PM UTC
Paralyzed
Got things to do
Got to make myself care
Got to make my limbs move
Taking the next step
Operating
Motivating
No more waiting
I am numb
But there's an underlying dread
An underlying nausea
A sense that something is ...off
Something needs tightening
Something is stuck
Something is bent
Something's not right
Polish it up
Tighten the fasteners
Grease the hinges
Straighten what's bent
Scrape off the contacts
Re-flow the cracks
Moisten my lips
Take a deep breath
(From down in the belly)
Try to articulate
Try to be calm
Take a step back
Take a step back
Deflated, spent, and numb
The thrumming of the drum
Will keep my unwilling feet moving task-ward
Closeup on upturned thumb.
Feb 9, 2016
Feb 9, 2016 at 12:40 PM UTC
This is not what I expect'd from the fall
Life took turns that I could not have foreseen,
Asking me, begging me, forcing me: "preen".
People, gone; as though life's no love at all,
For the ones I might need, ones I might call,
In darker hours. But why not intervene?
I gleaned knowledge I did not want to glean,
Of time, of love, and of death's quiet call.
I also, although, did not expect light,
Nor strength, nor courage. I was gathered up
By one, well aware of my hopeless groans.
Renewed with Spirit, I leaned in to fight.
Pulled in, that I might witness You closeup.
This season no longer seems one unsewn.
Oct 3, 2017
Oct 3, 2017 at 5:00 PM UTC
To everyone she seems pretty lame,
laying on the ground, not enjoying the fame.
Today is the day that the girl tripped and fell,
she is the laughing stalk, the one that sells.
She was tripped by the bully, her stuff on the floor,
oh, how she wished she could run out that door.
She doesn't know that someone actually cares,
but all that he does is stare.
When the girl fell,
he saw it well.
It was all like she goes a walking,
and somebody's stalking.
He comes up behind her, and made her fall,
they all laughed as she hit the wall.
It was all like she falls down,
and a giant frown,
comes upon her face,
oh, what a disgrace.
She wonders what she did to them,
why they all hate her?
All but one...
and that's the one special boy who cares.
The one boy walks up,
catching a glimpse closeup.
She welcomes him in,
as her world is somehow thinning.
His voice whispers insidious,
making her feel hideous.
Oh how the pain is somehow baring,
he lied about caring.
When the girl fell,
he saw it well.
It was all like she goes a walking,
and somebody's stalking.
He comes up behind her, and made her fall,
they all laughed as she hit the wall.
It was all like she falls down,
and a giant frown,
comes upon her face,
oh, what a disgrace.
She wonders what she did to them,
why they all hate her?
All but one...
and that's the one special boy who cares.
Everyone thinks she is crazy,
her life is all hazy.
Everyone stays away,
oh, how she prays.
She's talking to her demons,
how she wished she was dreaming.
The boy isn't here,
wishing she could just disappear.
Engulfed in her own presence,
she wishes she learned a lesson.
The demons fill her head with thoughts,
tying her stomach into knots.
Filling her head with sights,
that only come when she's alone at night,
They tell her of her dreams,
life isn't as it seems.
When the girl fell,
he saw it well.
It was all like she goes a walking,
and somebody's stalking.
He comes up behind her, and made her fall,
they all laughed as she hit the wall.
It was all like she falls down,
and a giant frown,
comes upon her face,
oh, what a disgrace.
She wonders what she did to them,
why they all hate her?
All but one-
and that's the one special boy who cares.
But the sad thing is-
He's just her imagination-
May 15, 2016
May 15, 2016 at 10:02 AM UTC
I can't sleep because everything is on fire. I look outside, and there it is- the fire. I turn on the TV, fire. It's in my lungs and clinging to my clothing. It's stinging my eyes and giving me a headache.
It's been dark tonight but now the light has started creeping through the windows to remind me, everything has to continue. I have to go to school. My husband has to go to work.
I want to get in my car and drive somewhere that the smoke hasn't touched yet. But it's everywhere. It's to my left and right, it's up and down, closeup and at a distance.
I want to yell "Fire!" but no one will let me. I want to escape but no one will show me the exits. I'm tired of watching everything burn away and smolder and ache and choke and wheeze.
Feb 21, 2021
Feb 21, 2021 at 3:15 AM UTC
I can still climb into the moment, when I knew what I had found.
Being lifted up so high, that I could barely see the ground.
We think ourselves into the good times, so many when we were new.
Spreading them all around us, our custom relationship glue.
As time passed our love crashed, and we began to drift apart.
Since I couldn’t stop what I felt for you, so I went about breaking my heart.
The in and out, the back and forth, it took me down so deep.
But every time as if on cue, love would make me leap.
Back to you got harder and colder, with every time I fell.
In spite of that, the love I felt, kept me under your spell.
Removing myself from everything, the love I shared with you.
Taught me all about myself, and things I needed to do.
Our time together gave me tools, that I never had before.
No longer fearing anyone, passing through my door.
Love from a distance is a peculiar thing, it’s not like closeup love.
One learns to just send it out, and trust in god above.
Sep 7, 2024
Sep 7, 2024 at 10:14 PM UTC