I reach out and extend my hand
You take me on an expidition of my mind
But warn me of the demons I may find
Like a dream cast out into the day
We all dance around as we beguine to laugh and play
Avoid the ellaphant in the corner of the room
If you look hime in the eye he'll send us all to doom

Turn on all the party lights
You know this is the way we make it through the nights
Trapped beneath its entrancing ways
I wouldn't want a thing to break my gaze
Because in a way we've all got something we're running from
We've all got something we're yerning to become

As the ball dropped and the lights went out
I became lost so I started to fill with doubt
With a compass of morals and no marks on the map
How would I know where to even start
I beguine to feel myself tear apart

A void with the gravity of 1,000 burnt out sund
The black hole pulls me in on a chain
Maybe too late I've already missed my my train
It is not the words but the ones we do not speak
They are armed to the teeth like a gun
Turn on all the party lights
You know this is the way we make it through the nights
Trapped beneath its entrancing ways
I wouldn't want a thing to break my gaze
Because in a way we've all got something we're running from
We've all got something we're yerning to become

I feel a numbness bleed down my arm
Gripped in my hand was my hunting knife
Dizzy and delirious I was fearing for my life
The blanket draped over my head while laying in my bed
I was left wandering if I was dead
As the coroner looked into my eyes
I felt as my soul started to rise

Out of my body out of my mind
I shot off and left this whole world behind
My whole entire life flashed before my eyes
Apocalyptic epiphany to bring me to realize
I must start moving to move on
Before I could ever find my call
I was forced to face losing it all

Turn on all the party lights
You know this is the way we make it through the nights
Trapped beneath its entrancing ways
I wouldn't want a thing to break my gaze
Because in a way we've all got something we're running from
We've all got something we're yerning to become

After the light went out
I found my whole life turned upside down
I could not help but to beguine to frown
A duplicity of yen and yang happily depressed
The reality I have never confessed

Hoping that one day I can turn life around
So that I might beguine to smile
Or at least be properly expressed
I know exactly what I must do

Turn on all the party lights
You know this is the way we make it through the nights
Trapped beneath its entrancing ways
I wouldn't want a thing to break my gaze
Because in a way we've all got something we're running from
We've all got something we're yerning to become

Resurrected I come back to life
Covered with a chill dripping in cold sweat
The things I've seen I could never forget
Coming back down into a new year
I feel as though everything becomes clear

I have been here grom the beginning
I'll be here untill the very end
You are the one who holds the key
This is something I'll always see
I love you and watched as we both grow
It is killing me not to know

What a long strange trip it has been
I'll never regreat when it all came to beguine
This is the choice I made
To hoping we never fade

I've gone and laid it out as perfectly as I can
And we've both heard them all say it so many times before
I swear it I never have and never will be keeping score
Because if you where the one with me
I'd show you everything there is to see

I've always been here and could never sway
I could not beguine to imagine it any other way
I've always lifted you up when you are down
I'll chisel out a smile of every frown
You've always been there and could never sway
You said that you couldn't imagine it any other way
You've always lifted me up when I am down
Even managed to chisel a smirk of every frown
How could I picture it any other way?

Never have I ever believed in fate
  I could never seem to relate
Until the day I came into the sight of it all

Passing through the rear view
I'm plagued with these ghosts of you
You always seem to just barley slip through my grip
But could I ever catch you in time?

I've always been here and could never sway
I could not beguine to imagine it any other way
I've always lifted you up when you are down
I'll chisel out a smile of every frown
You've always been there and could never sway
You said that you couldn't imagine it any other way
You've always lifted me up when I am down
Even managed to chisel a smirk of every frown
How could I picture it any other way?

I may never come to know
When we stopped seeing things eye to eye
And I may never stop wondering why
But I'll go and find the strength to move on
If that's what you really want

I could never bur the bridge on which you stand
Believe me I've gone and already tried that hand
Doused it in accelerant and dropped my cigarette
The flames grew as did my regret
Playing with fire you are bound to get burned
The scars are markings of lessons learned
I've found my own way to move on
Without letting go of the past
But I can't promise this moment will last

I've always been here and could never sway
I could not beguine to imagine it any other way
I've always lifted you up when you are down
I'll chisel out a smile of every frown
You've always been there and could never sway
You said that you couldn't imagine it any other way
You've always lifted me up when I am down
Even managed to chisel a smirk of every frown
How could you picture it any other way

At times the world may come to seem so bitterly cold
I've felt the weight and the pressure grows bridle and old
Maybe it is just the price of starting a life
To anguish and make it through the thicket of strife
But with another shoulder you can make it another mile
Don't worry you'll make it after a while
It gets so much harder from here
With a will you'll find the right path to steer

If the years pass and you feel you where wrong
Listening back through the lines of every old song
I'll pick you up until the very end
But you swore only as a friend
I held on to the time as long as I could
Still you swore you never would
So I told myself to let go of the past
If not now it would never last

I've always been here and could never sway
I could not beguine to imagine it any other way
I've always lifted you up when you are down
I'll chisel out a smile of every frown
You've always been there and could never sway
You said that you couldn't imagine it any other way
You've always lifted me up when I am down
Even managed to chisel a smirk of every frown
How could we picture it any other way?

The last Beguine

she died in 2013

That was the end of the Beguineing.

Come and take a walk with me if you will
But I'll warn you I'll never stop at the sight of a hill
Some days there may be mountains to climb
I'll continue to make my way
Until I find my self at the highest reach of the sky
If I told you I don't feel the same faced with each task it would be a lie

You know I have seen the cause and result of your scars
Every chance I get I try to wash it all away with wishes on all the stars
I'll set myself on fire and shoot across the midnight sky
Just for a chance to bring back your hope
I swear I'd do everything that I can to become your shooting star
Though at times I may need to send myself to distances so far
To make it so much better whenever I bring myself back down to earth
Just know this everything that I do is a product of these thoughts of you

When I was left desolate and all alone
Feeling the feeling as hope begun to escape
Lost as darkness begun to drape
That is when I found exactly where I belong
Living my life manifesting the meanings between these lines of each song
The only place ever where I felt there could be no wrong
Weather I am alone or manage to make my way with you
I'll find a way to heights brand new
Never leaving you behind along the way
Ill always give you the choice to go or to stay

With bare hands worked to the bone
Brick by brick I'll find a way to construct this home
Four walls that will all come to meet
With a spirit that could never claim defeat
Filled or empty some way I'll just know exactly how
To go on about my days
But I'd be lying if I said you'd never cross my mind
You are the source my happiness can find

No matter what the world brings my way
As the years beguine to progress
And everything we remembers beguines to suddenly change
I'll make sure to keep a copy so you will never become somebody so strange
I simply could not ever dare to beguine to let you go
With all the stories and events we have come to know
I wouldn't or even couldn't turn my back on you
I'd do everything to lift you up off the ground
Even when my pride is nowhere to be found

I will fill this rocket with the richest of fuel
Aim it at the sky destination outer space
If it can not be found here I'll search every reach of that place
For the key to lock away the secrets of  Pandora's box
If I can not find it I'll break off all of the locks
Unleash this devastating state that I've been left in
Wondering when the end of the world would finally beguine

I cant even manage to stand up anymore
An outcast on the sides of the lines that you drew
Silenced with out a voice left to intervene
These thoughts I need to say may be viewed as so obscene
I only ever wanted to do what was best for you
Every vision I've ever dreamed was to bright you to a higher places
I want to take you beyond the expanse of the highest space

Come and take a walk with me if you will
But I'll warn you I'll never stop at the sight of a hill
Some days there may be mountains to climb
I'll continue to make my way
Until I find my self at the highest reach of the sky
If I told you I don't feel the same faced with each task it would be a lie
Just know never to be afraid to ask me for a hand
I'll always do everything to make sure you can stand

I have had so much time for these wounds to heal
Still that never changes the way that I seem to feel
Every time I am cursed with the bless-id sight of you
The scars that once where no longer even there
Beguine to surface to a wound brand new
Bludgeoned and broken down to the bone I beguine to bleed
You'd think by now my mind would have already cultivated that seed

I have found that I've become anchored to this past of mine
I am sure that if I managed to break free I could make it fine
If only there was a way that I could find to know
If you really ever wanted to let go

Yes I have heard all of the words that you have had coming out of your mouth
They still play in my mind like songs blaring on the radio
Often I find myself wondering if you still meant what you once said
It all keeps repeating over and over trapped inside of my head
Memory probably totally lost to you by now
You've moved on and found another life but I don't know how
Whenever you are still always wandering through my mind

I have begun to break free of this cocoon I wrapped myself in
The only way to move on Is to become something new
So I can find a way to forgive those lines that you drew
This transformation will surly be the way to set myself free
I look up and instantly fix my eyes upon the sun
Overwhelmed by the light I know I couldn't possibly be done
As the energy shines down and wraps itself around me within its warmth

I have found that I've become anchored to this past of mine
I am sure that if I managed to break free I could make it fine
If only there was a way that I could find to know
If you really ever wanted to let go

I set my destination for the farthest reaches of the sky
I've seen it so many times the spell that I was under
A dream that I had while I was in slumber
The ground began to escape from my feet
Suddenly I was surrounded by horizons of blue
Filled with fear of when I'd next meet the ground
Until I finally came to realize the destination for which I was bound

Revitalized and ready to go
Like no time other that I have ever faced before
I feel there is no need to even settle the score
As once again and for real
I have found a way to beguine to feel

I finally have found a way to break free from this cage I put myself in
As the ground finally takes part with my feet
I can feel myself rising up in the air
But this time I feel no beware
Of the consequences of colliding with the ground
I'll be making my way out of this town
I find myself escaping to a whole new height
Oh what a view from this risen sight
looking down and watching over it all
I'll be ready to let go if I ever fall

I have drug my feet my whole life
Everybody seems to step right on my heel
Don't blame me if I can't feel
They set me up from the start
So I guess I'll just blow the scene apart

You can kick me when I'm down but wont ever seem me frown
No I have been made to keep stronger then that
You can not make me your door mat
I've been the victim for too long
So I went and wrote this song
To release the product of my rage
I'll bleed it out on every page **

I've got yours as you slide the knife into my back
The things that they say the ways that they sway
Towering over them all I could feel as I started to fall
To the ground I rest just a moment maybe two
But I have to get up there are things yet to do

I let loose within the crowd
Grit my teeth through the loud
Watch as they pull the wool right over my eyes
Because you think I just don't realize

I can see so much deeper then your face
Behind your lies I see nothing more then a disgrace
  I sensed it since the moment you walked in
Stuck sickened waiting for your ******* to beguine
I can see everything that you are doing to me
Is this really what you want
I've given you the knife so you might as well slit my throat
Yeah you cut me right ear to ear
Then you run off taking my last beer

With all jokes aside
I'm sick and tired of this land slide
The avalanche of all your hate
You where never the ones assigned to delegate

I've got yours as you slide the knife into my back
The things that they say the ways that they sway
Towering over them all I could feel as I started to fall
To the ground I rest just a moment maybe two
But I have to get up there are things yet to do

For so long I struggled and wondered why
You always seem to be beating me with this stick
******, broken down, bruised, and sick
It's like there is surly a target painted on upon my back
Just waiting for the next surprise attack

Every time That we may cross
I'll offer to shake your hand and move on
But maybe the moment is gone
You are always cutting me down
To bring me back down to size
That makes you no sort of prize

I've got yours as you slide the knife into my back
The things that they say the ways that they sway
Towering over them all I could feel as I started to fall
To the ground I rest just a moment maybe two
But I have to get up there are things yet to do

You can dig the hole if you want
I can see where you wish for me to lie
For so long I just lived and tried to deny
You tried to play it all off just a joke
A lye that almost made me ******* choke
Because your actions so much louder then a word
I'm sick of all these deceptions that I've heard

I've drug my feet all my life
So go ahead kick me in the heels if you'd like
But don't go wondering how you wound up here
No need for fear you should have expected my spike

I'll lay the bodies upon the floor
Spread gasoline from the door
I can't believe you did this to me
So angry I'm too blind to even see

Right now I am not so sure that I really even know
The way that the surface may actually appear
The roads ahead may bend and break
Shifting me off of my course to parts unknown
For the time that I have I'll just sit back and try to enjoy this ride
Never really necessarily seeking a place to reside
Just living the moments trying to make the best of each situation

I have packed and locked away all of these emotional bags that I have
Taken the mental cobwebs right out of my mind
Left shattered little pieces of the past behind
Set out so desperately seeking the path to another life
Though at times the road may leave you feeling so alone
I know the truth, that there is always more room to be grown
I know the truth, that these roads can take you anywhere

At times I will admit I feel as though I have gone and lost my way
The fog settles and beguines to touch the ground
darkness falls and beguines to spread all around
Still with my will I will take this journey one step after another
Never letting go of hope with each new back slide
I'll light up the way with a box of matches and tank of gas
A line made of fire my demons could never pass

I have felt it from the time that I first set out
I've just never been the one to shout
I always find them crawling right at my back
Climbing out of the corners preparing for any chance of an attack
The second that I let my guard down
They will take me to the bottom left to drown
Set behind in a self destructive way
Honestly this is no place for me to play

I will not let it draw me back in
I would not even know where to beguine
I hold no resentment for the past
even though I'd love it if the moments would last
But there is no need to look back in shame
There is nowhere to place any of the blame
What a beautiful memory now that we have

I'll have expression painted across my face
It is not safe the ways that I think
Crossing off existence with the flutter of every blink
I have made this life what it has come to be
I am so sorry that sooner I could not see

Just as soon as I beguine to move my lips
I go and get mixed up stuck stuttering with my tongue tied
Tripping all over my tone afraid to loose my speech
Praying to something I don't know to make my reach
I crawl my way across the ground
Oh how I've beaten myself up all over again

Bite your tongue boy is all I was ever told
Never a saying could get more old
Always being told to watch what you say
Being reminded of it every single day
We all have a freedom of speech
But freedom really isn't free

Every action faces consequence
You cant ever pull without a little push on the other side
These words that we speak will determine the rise or the fall
These words that we speak will determine the population of us all
Face your fate to overcome your greatest fear
Never loose yourself through the bitterness within a year

Finally I think I have conjured the strength to stay
I have found the proper way to make it on my own
I have found the way to unleash the power with in these words
I'll broadcast my message to the world
Just to make sure it makes it back to the start

Bite your tongue boy is all I was ever told
Never a saying could get more old
Always being told to watch what you say
Being reminded of it every single day
We all have a freedom of speech
But freedom really isn't free

We are all caught up in the meaning between the lines
We fall victim and start our book that redefines
Forever altering the word of another
Until eventually their voice we smother
lost somewhere in translation
We all start to insinuate and assume
We pull ourselves into the same doom
Misleading the words of another
How could you do this to your brother
We all deserve our chance at what we must say

At times I will admit I am feeling a bit lost
Overwhelmed and feeling like I have no clue
With out a since of  direction I just don't know what to do
The path I walk stretched with wet cement
In time I will be set where I stand
Ready to face the punishment wherever I land

I walk blindly avoiding the signs
Stumbling and falling between the lines
Fate was never a friend of mine
I should never have expected this of you

Whenever I've got my back up against the wall
And it becomes me against them all
I will mark my place in the sand
Against all odds I will prove I can stand
Through the tests and trials of our time

Rooted deeply feeling as though there is no escape
I have no bearing on direction to make my way
Thoughts that make me feel it would be safer to stay
Because you are the only thing still on my mind
So really would there be another destination to find
Somewhere out there where nobody knows my name

I walk blindly avoiding the signs
Stumbling and falling between the lines
Fate was never a friend of mine
I should never have expected this of you

I should know better that you have your own life
It just seems so crazy the way things change over time
Look at how different we where back then
Before we knew any of this would ever beguine
Now we have become so distantly close
I could never get enough of your dose

No matter what destination I choose
Every time it just seems to end the same way
Something always draws me back in your direction
I could never escape the bonds of feeling this connection
Suddenly I feel as though finally I can see
Everything that could and would potentially be
Between the concepts of you and me
Together we could set ourselves free

Never did I expect to end up here
Through the trials of each new year
I Tried my hand at calling you a friend
But the reminders never seem to end
They show me what we once had
A recollection driving me so mad

I know it may not be my place
To gently lay lips upon your face
But it is a thought I can not escape
It brings out old wounds that beguine to gape

I can not let you go
I want so desperately to let you know
Everything that you mean to me
If only through these eyes you could see

For a lifetime I'll be by your side
There is no other place for me to reside
I have come to this conclusion so long ago
Together so much stronger we could grow
This love that I proclaim for you
This love old begging for chapters new

I can not help but to follow my heart
It can't help but to fall all apart
As I long for my loves embrace
I did not intend to become a disgrace
I can not help who I am
I can not help but to dam

Never did I expect to end up here
Through the trials of each new year
I Tried my hand at calling you a friend
But the reminders never seem to end
They show me what we once had
A recollection driving me so mad

Even so long after the fall
I can't help but wanting it all
I can't help but come to realize
You are where my everything lies
Can't live as long as we face separation
A patriot man who has lost his nation
I can't help but come to realize
You are where my everything lies

I stand right here on the boundaries of fate
And I can't escape the feeling you just can't relate
I know deep down there is something of you
That possesses something of me
A bond I could never break free

I don't know anything else I could or would rather do
Then to be the one who watches over you
I know we have had some troubles in the past
Things are different so I know now we could last
It just means that we have got history
I'm tired of this future being filled with so much mystery
You've been the only thing in this life to stay consistent
  And I bet you will find that ironic

Every time we ever broke down or dared to fall apart
I'd forgive you before it had a chance to start
Each time I was the one to be at fault
I would move mountains just to spark a result
I'm sorry for the way I smothered the flame
I wish we could start over but life's no game

Every time I close my eyes and beguine to dream
I face a flood fighting my way up stream
Against all odds I'll bring myself to your side
The demons at my back will never break my stride
I'd stop at nothing to give you it all
I'd escape the fear of the fall

If I was a lion who hadn't lost his courage
Then maybe I would still have the strength to scourge
Just know I only intend the best for your life
I'd never aim to cause you any strife
You are the only place in which I can set my pride  
I'll stand still and start to stagnate
Impatient for fates weight to decide

I stand here on the boundaries of fate
And I believe one day you may relate
I know deep down there is something of you
That possesses something of me
A bond we could never break free
I believe we where set for destiny

I line them all up and I lay them all out
I've grown accustom to the games we play
As every day the world revolves on repeat
Though it happens the same each time
I'll never claim defeat of your little crime
Because it was rigged from the start

Through the blackest hours of the dark
I'll never loose sight of the spark
That always seems to bring me right back to you
Really is there anything else I am left to do

I never meant to become such a pest
It will happen to the best
or so I've heard
Maybe just another faded word

I can not help the way that I am drawn into the light
I am overwhelmed by the surrounding sight
As visions beguine to take hold of my mind
I loose track of the words I struggle to find
An experience I desperately try to articulate
If I had the words there would be no reason for debate

   As the world comes to a close
I cant escape the feeling that I have come so close
Just to see everything within the boundary of my reach
I cant help to feel as though our contract I have breached
Because there was always something I envisioned more

Through the blackest hours of the dark
I'll never loose sight of the spark
That always seems to bring me right back to you
Really is there anything else I am left to do

I never meant to become such a pest
It will happen to the best
or so I've heard
Maybe just another faded word

Through the worst hours of the end
I'll be right there by your side to defend
From the beginning of the start
Before and after it had a chance to fall apart
I will not walk away from this
I can not escape the visions I've seen of bliss
The possibilities of you and me

I've gone and tied my tong right into a knot
Lacking something everything starts to rot
I am the executioner of my own punishment
As I try to keep everything internalized
By now I thought you would have realized
The trail left between the lines
The trail that best defines

Through the blackest hours of the dark
I'll never loose sight of the spark
That always seems to bring me right back to you
Really is there anything else I am left to do

I never meant to become such a pest
It will happen to the best
or so I've heard
Maybe just another faded word

I have come this far and set the direction that I choose
I am the only one to risk what I can potentially loose
So if you go your way separate from mine
I'll be the one to decide weather to cross that line
As I fall apart under the pressure of the shame
I never intended for you to take the blame

Maybe we are meeting again at the wrong time
But the future I am sure holds secrets of the sublime
I have seen it all from the beginning to the end
Still I'll hold you up and call you a friend
So long as I have you by my side
I have no need to find a place to reside

You are the only future I can come to see
It could be just you and me
Together we'd make a family
Because so long as you will always be within my clasp
I can not help but every moment to grasp
For a chance to bring myself back to you
A feeling I have held for so few

I can't believe it has already been a year
I still cant seem to shake the fear
As I find this house is no home
When you have left me here alone
Sure enough I put my own back against the wall
Expecting to hear your footsteps down the hall

I have felt the pressure of that gun in my hand
The weight can bring you to your knees failing to stand
As faster the light life flashes before your eyes
A recollection that brought me to realize
Exactly next where I must go
As I set that gun on the floor
I'll be headed straight out that door

I've already soaked everything in gasoline
When I spark the match there is no looking back at the scene
There is no need for possession as I beguine to leave
It only brings memories that will come to deceive

And I can't find myself ending up back here again
It is something I can't promise I'll survive
I'll always feel this way so long as I'm still alive
But it eats away at me from the inside
Trying so desperately for these feelings to hide

I've felt the knife you've been hiding right at my throat
Honestly you would not even need a scapegoat
They will probably think I did this to myself
So hang your alibi high up on a shelf
I'll even hold your hand
I'll guide your blade on my own
Because I could never escape the labyrinth of this heart
I always cut myself short when we're apart

I take a hit for the past
I submit for the ones who do not last
I have learned to grow here on my own
But I never stop wishing I wasn't alone

You where always the one for me
If things where different then maybe you could see
I only ever want the best for you
No mater what that means I must do

I love you so I already know
One day I'd have to let you go
That was something I already did
Tangled emotions that I hid
Eventually start to rise
Then suddenly I start to realize
How badly I want to make you my wife
You have woven yourself straight into my life

You where always the one for me
If things where different then maybe you could see
I only ever want the best for you
No mater what that means I must do

So many times before we have been apart
But you've always been in possession of my heart
Even when the sun sets and you don't stay
Never these feelings will you sway
Because I know the stories still have just begun
As long as the tomorrows have a rising sun

All the things conflicting that I could not say
Are the thoughts of a protective way
I only ever wanted to fill you with bliss
Even in the moments you have me feeling dismissed
Every moment that I beguine to think
I cant help but put you first

You where always the one for me
If things where different then maybe you could see
I only ever want the best for you
No mater what that means I must do

Never regret what is to come
I'll always remember exactly where you are from
Offering a love that has no fill
I'd do anything to be your magic pill
Even when you give my heart a little tease
A love where you can come and go as you please
I'll never give up on you
Until the ending of all our days
I'll remember everything through the haze