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"battlewounds" poems
My mind is a battleground I fight all day and all night this is your own fault My body shows my battlewounds Scars and bones and scratches you did this to yourself I need to eat but you can't It's just food but it's not My minds thin but you're fat This is breaking me I'll fix it for you I'm going too far you're not far enough I need to turn back that's not an option Release me not happening I've gone too far push it a little further I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I think you've gone too far
0
Dec 17, 2014
Dec 17, 2014 at 12:39 AM UTC
Arguments with Ana
Water. Low-calorie, no-calorie, sugar-free and…water. I was never like the other girls. The beautiful, tall, and skinny girls I was not perfect Instead I had the words ugly, worthless, fat, and unloved branded on my face The words empty, broken, dumb, and unwanted covering my entire body Skinny was never a word that described me Until I stopped eating Calories 200 400 600 800 I lost 5 pounds, then 10, then 20. Striving to be double digits and not triple. Eating in front of a mirror. Crying over a bathroom scale, Cause i only felt pretty when i was hungry. 200 400 600 800 repeat 2, 4, 6, 8 To me, being perfect was more important of being healthy It was a never ending cycle of "Will I eat today?" I was trapped in the walls of my mind with the door wide open Why didn't I just walk through the door? In my mind I couldn't fit calories 2, 4, 6, 8 need to lose weight 2, 4, 6, 8 I lost all of my friends because instead of going out and enjoying life I stayed home, adding all of the calories I had eaten that day Instead I stayed home in fear of gaining weight from that one slice of pizza keep going through the days 2, 4, 6, 8 My scale became my best friend Watching that number go down was my fun on a Friday night Drinking water on an empty stomach was my feeling of enjoyment But no matter how low that number got it was never enough It was never enough until I had finally collapsed 2, 2, 2, 2 fast Female, 14 years of age, height 5"3, weight 65 pounds I had done it I was so skinny I was dying I was dying because society told me that I wasn't good enough I was dying because society told me that I wasn't pretty nor skinny enough I was dying because I was afraid that one day people would see me The way I saw myself I fight all day and all night             this is your own fault My body shows my battlewounds Scars and bones and scratches             you did this to yourself I need to eat    but you can't It's just food       but it's not My minds thin          but you're fat This is breaking me             I'll fix it for you I'm going too far                you're not far enough I need to turn back                   that's not an option Release me                      not happening I've gone too far                         push it a little further My weight became the only thing I cared about I was failing all of my classes becase the only numbers I cared about Were the ones that would appear on my scale telling me how much more I needed to lose until, I had nothing to lose I didn't see a future I had already lost my friends My GPA My family And myself All for what? I lost everything to be like the other perfect girls The beautiful, tall, and skinny girls 0 Pill Dead
0
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 4:45 PM UTC
Ed
Water. Low-calorie, no-calorie, sugar-free and…water. I was never like the other girls. The beautiful, tall, and skinny girls I was not perfect Instead I had the words ugly, worthless, fat, and unloved branded on my face The words empty, broken, dumb, and unwanted covering my entire body Skinny was never a word that described me Until I stopped eating Calories 200 400 600 800 I lost 5 pounds, then 10, then 20. Striving to be double digits and not triple. Eating in front of a mirror. Crying over a bathroom scale, Cause i only felt pretty when i was hungry. 200 400 600 800 repeat 2, 4, 6, 8 To me, being perfect was more important of being healthy It was a never ending cycle of "Will I eat today?" I was trapped in the walls of my mind with the door wide open Why didn't I just walk through the door? In my mind I couldn't fit calories 2, 4, 6, 8 need to lose weight 2, 4, 6, 8 I lost all of my friends because instead of going out and enjoying life I stayed home, adding all of the calories I had eaten that day Instead I stayed home in fear of gaining weight from that one slice of pizza keep going through the days 2, 4, 6, 8 My scale became my best friend Watching that number go down was my fun on a Friday night Drinking water on an empty stomach was my feeling of enjoyment But no matter how low that number got it was never enough It was never enough until I had finally collapsed 2, 2, 2, 2 fast Female, 14 years of age, height 5"3, weight 65 pounds I had done it I was so skinny I was dying I was dying because society told me that I wasn't good enough I was dying because society told me that I wasn't pretty nor skinny enough I was dying because I was afraid that one day people would see me The way I saw myself I fight all day and all night             this is your own fault My body shows my battlewounds Scars and bones and scratches             you did this to yourself I need to eat    but you can't It's just food       but it's not My minds thin          but you're fat This is breaking me             I'll fix it for you I'm going too far                you're not far enough I need to turn back                   that's not an option Release me                      not happening I've gone too far                         push it a little further My weight became the only thing I cared about I was failing all of my classes becase the only numbers I cared about Were the ones that would appear on my scale telling me how much more I needed to lose until, I had nothing to lose I didn't see a future I had already lost my friends My GPA My family And myself All for what? I lost everything to be like the other perfect girls The beautiful, tall, and skinny girls 0 Pill Dead
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