Does your knife still remember the taste of my blood?

She looks in the mirror;
Oh, how ugly! You say.

She touches her soft pink lips;
And you remind her of her ugly lies.
Ugly lies! Ugly lies!
Only trash coming from her heart.

She looks at her eyes;
Her dull, soulless eyes —
You tell her, how bland!
How flat and bleak!
It’s because of all the things
That she has seen.

She looks at her body;
You say, what an ugly mess!
You have all these fats
Placed in the wrong spots.
Why not starve yourself to death?

She turns around and looks at her back
You remind her
Of the ugly gnarled scars
And how she was backstabbed
By all that she loved
Because she is insecure
And will never be loved.

People say I'm intense and aggressive
Not camping, just scampering, rampant
I'm too quick to take care and I'm helping
The message is hell bent on answering
All of your questions so let up the pressure!

Chat, chat, chat and you think you're all that
Talk some smack just so you can get back
Launch an attack on the boy in black
That boy so sad he makes me mad
That boy is trash have you seen his raps?
He's so **** suss I really wanna clap
Left right, goodnight, put him in the spotlight
And scrutinise like I have that right

Aye, I bet you think you know me
When all you've seen is nothing really
Yeah, bet it turns you green
To know that I'm better than what you carelessly,
Push away, in rage, that's cute, so sweet
When you stay, enraged, by your own heartbeat.
When you fake til you make and that's why you grin
Guess you don't know that to lie is to sin

Yeah I was the kid who got left out and yes I was the kid who'd always doubt
I was the kid who had no friends and I was the kid who'd get left til the end
Chosen for games as the last called name,
If I couldnt be avoided like I carried black plague,
But look at me now, I stand so proud, and if you try to take this from me I will knock you down!

I bring the rain and you brought pain
So I gave it back like, keep the change
Hate it when you take it
Hypocritically making
Bad choices lately, despise me for saying

So you sneak like a snake and talk behind my back
But it never really cut me so I wouldn't say backstabbed
You never really mattered so I'll be fine
You can drown in your ball pit of lies

While I raise the storm and I right the wrong
While I pave the way and still remain calm
The black dog follows and hounds at my feet
But I am electric you can't bite me!

Stormbringer,
Stormbringer

You could call me Zeus I'm lightning when I move

Stormbringer,
Stormbringer

I'm a Godlike youth that you dream to pursue

Bolt from the clouds comes crashing down
Charging the air like a love affair
Handle with care? I was kicked down the stairs
They called me Zaps so be aware!

That's spaz backwards! Ha! So funny
Now that I'm electric I guess it means something
Now that I write hectic I guess it means cunning
Yeah I'm spastic with my bars but I'm shocking and I'm stunning

You wish you had the talent to grasp words with magnets
And have the power to change the charge like its only magic
And link negative to its own, and vice versa
Take a slasher of a song and make verbal ******

Call out the curses, fill them with hurt and close all your curtains, the sunlight is burning

Go outside and raise your head to the sky
Dark clouds race to claim it all as mine!

Stormbringer,
Stormbringer

Was the reject now I'm relevant

Stormbringer,
Yeah, Stormbringer

It's no dead ringer I was always a winner

Call me a sinner, I eat y'all for dinner
Those who call me a quitter, make claims that I never
Will get any better, when I'm rising forever
When I'm using my head and I'm light as a feather

I told you my name, don't use it in vain,
I gave you my hand, you can't do the same
So trust is reversed and storms start to churn
When I raise my voice it's a third degree burn!

I gave it non-stop what more could you want
When voices persist I'm getting *******
Continual fights and TV highlights
It took me a while but now I realise

Now I realise,
Now I realise!

I'm the Stormbringer....

Stormbringer, your head's like a spinner
Gasping for air, I crushed your throat from a distance, so killer, killer, killer...

Killer, killer, killer...

I shout out and you twirl around
Rotating one-eighty like you're an owl
You look at me foul like a fowl out of bounds so
This is just something for which you're renowned
Back in the day when you used to clown
Now that I'm clowning you're the one running around
What have I done? This isn't fun!
Come at me strong, or come at me none

Back in your cage, the one that you made when you went insane and told me to stay,
Never have I ever followed in your ways
Never would I ever listen to you persuade

You'd need some skill, and not fumble your speech
I've seen examples, week after week
Calling me out saying that I'm a creep
When I used to feel to get by I must sneak

Now the tides turned, I'm friends with Poseidon
I'm a demigod and you're just a pirate
Plundering the ***** of your best mates
What? You don't like the **** I say?

Aww...

But I am no fraud
I am my own mob
I'm raising my head,
To inflict what I got!

Intro: 2Pac

There's gon' be some stuff you gon' see
that's gon' make it hard to smile in the future.
But through whatever you see,
through all the rain and the pain,
you gotta keep your sense of humor.
You gotta be able to smile through all this *******.
Remember that.
Mmm, yeah.
Keep ya head up.Yeah.

Verse One: 2Pac

Our lifestyles be close captioned
addicted to fatal attractions
Pictures of actions be played back
in the midst of mashin'
No fairy tales for this young black male
Some see me stranded in this land of hell, jail, and crack sales
Hustlin' and heart be a ***** culture
or the repercutions while bustin' on backstabbin' vultures
Sellin' my soul for material wishes, fast cars and *******
Wishin' I live my life a legend, immortalized in pictures
Why shed tears? Save your sympathy
My childhood years were spent buryin' my peers in the cemetary
Here's a message to the newborns, waitin' to breathe
If you believe then you can achieve
Just look at me
Against all odds, though life is hard we carry on
Livin' in the projects, broke with no lights on
To all the seeds that follow me
protect your essence
Born with less, but you still precious
Just smile for me now

Chours: Johnny P, 2Pac

Smiiiiiile for me , won't you smile (smile for me now)
Just smiiiile (smile), smile for me
(What cha lookin' all sad for, ***** you black, smile for me now)
Smiiiiiile for me (***** you ain't got nothin' to be worried about)
Won't you smile (no doubt, smile for me now) just smiiiiile
(And the next generation)

Verse Two: Scarface

Now as I open up my story
with the blaze a your blunts
And you can picture thoughts slowly
up on phrases I wrote
And I can walk you through the days that I done
I often wish that I could save everyone
but I'm a dreamer
Have you ever seen a ***** who was strong in the game
overlookin' his tomorrows and they finally came?
Look back on childhood memories and I'm still feelin' the pain
Turnin' circles in my life came to dealin' *******
To many hassles in my local life, survivin' the strain
And a man without a focus, life could drive him insane
Stuck inside a ghetto fantasy hopin' it'd change
But when I focus on reality we broke and in chains
Had a dream of livin' wealthy and makin' it big
And after all my momma's thankin' God for blessin' the child
All my momma gots to do now is collect it and smile
Smile

Chorus (without 2pac)

Verse Three: 2Pac

**** the world as we ???? and witness furious speeds
of nasty questions keep us all stressin', curious G's
Backstabbed and bleedin', ******' thoughts laced with ****
Learnin', duckin' stray shots, bullets be hot, they burnin'
Inhalin' sherm smoke, visualized the flames
Will I be smothered by my own pain?
Strange whispers, cowards conversate, so quick to dis us
Takin' pictures for the feds, and desperate hopes they'd get us
Hit us off, give us plenty centuries, forgive my sins
Since I ain't in many penitenturies the best revenge is **** friends
We military minded soldiers, bustin' shots blindly
Tryin' to find Jehovah to help me
Somebody save me
Lost and crazy, scared to drop a seed hopin' I ain't cursed my babies
Maybe now ****** feel me now, picture my pain
embrace my words make the world change
And still I smile *****

(Scarface talking)

And now a moment of silence, let us pray
And as you journey into outerspace
may the angels help to lead the way
shine up on your soul to keep you safe
And all the homies that done passed away
They there to greet you as you pass the gates
And as you headed to the tunnel's light
I hope it leads to eternal life
We say the prayers for our homie 'Pac
Smile

(Smile for me)
(All ya need to do is smile)
(Woooo smile for me)
(Come on smile for me)

the sum of my parts
is not greater than i am as a whole, no,
i am not simply a collection of scars
and ******-up storylines, oh,
i
am more than
the gristle and bone
the fibers interwoven through my arms
my lily-white striped clavicle
this corpse is my throne

i am not simply a ******
i am a ****** with a history
i am mauve valleys' majesty,
i am more than just my regrets
and my atrophies
and if it's not commendable, well, at least it's a story.

i,
simply because of my condition,
have lived through more than you could imagine
i have burned down in the depths with fire-skinned demons-
with messes deeper than your credit-card sins-
and i
have managed to get through it

these are my battle scars
i've fought ******* wars
and yet you shun me as if i'm not a hero
as if i'm not honorable for just making it
but i know you simply don't possess the tenacity
or the strength of wit
to deal with my ****
there's no reason to reproach
the type of behavior which keeps me alive
when i've done greater things than you ever will

stop staring
like i'm some sort of reject
like i'm something to pity
like i'm something worth nothing
like i can't recover
this is just a bad habit
and though you may find it disgusting i know i
can find worse dirt staining your mind

even if i leave this life
without a square inch of me unscarred
i have never backstabbed
i have not given in
while your inky secrets stay unspoken,
mine are imprinted upon my skin
and darling, that's all there is

if i am hateful, i will show you so
i have nothing to hide
my mouth isn't lipsticked shut

so what
if i cut
i'm still a good person
and though my battle is visible
there is nothing more around the corner
i am here to stay
so are my scars
and that's all there is to say

No matter how much you deny,
A lot of people don't know,
What really does go,
On in your mysterious mind;

They say you're ordinary,
Sweet, simple and soft;
But I know you better,
You're enigmatic and a hopeless fool;

I see right through you,
I see right past your innocent smile,
I see right past your sweet voice,
I see that you're a lonesome being with no choice;

To you, trust is a treasure,
Which has no measure;
To you, trust is a luxury,
That you cannot afford to lose;

You have a biased view,
About this world;
You think everyone is waiting,
To hurt you real bad;

You think the world wants,
You to fall deep into a bottomless pit,
You think they'd love to see,
The light in your eyes unlit;

According to you,
Sharing your secret,
Is like giving away,
Your credit card;

You may be a strong person,
But right now,
You're cautious, fearful and downright scared,
You're scratched, bruised and disfiguring-ly scarred;  

You'd rather ****** your own family,
Than share your deepest thoughts,
You'd rather become a detached, holy saint,
Than give anybody the access to your heart;

To you, trust is a treasure,
Which has no measure;
To you, trust is a luxury,
That you cannot afford to lose;

But my dear, don't you see,
That you're a trapped bird,
Locked in a golden cage
Totally not free;

But my dear, don't you know,
That we, your people, aren't your real foes;
Your real nemesis, my dear,
Is you;

At first, your thoughts may seem mild,
But after a while,
They'll start running wild,
Staining, tainting and darkening your pure, pure soul;

Your poisonous thoughts will,
Take away the goodness of your heart,
Take away the humanity within you,
And carefully replace it with -

Fiery, scalding, burning anger,
Cold, grudging bitterness,
And a deep, carnivorous hunger,
To annihilate the ones who love you;

So, stop being so mistrustful,
Open out your heart
Slowly at first,
Then all at once;

Do not fear being backstabbed,
Because no matter what,
There shall always be people,
Who will be there for you;

Do not fear getting heartbroken,
Because, my friend, you're so strong,
And there are thousands of others,
Who'd help you mend your heart;

Do not fear everybody,
There might be ten people,
Who might hurt you,
But a thousand more who love you;

Contrary to what you think,
Pushing away the world,
Will make you sadder,
Not safer;

No matter what we do for them
No matter how much we care
In the end they always backstab.

My stomach aches.
It's been quite a while since my stomach ached
and I knew, something was wrong
with me.
Demons dangling.
soul shivering.
heart breaking.
life crushing.
I didn't know what happened to me
back then,
and just roughly do I know it
now.

I used her, when I first met her
like a doll, like a puppet
a toy for pleasure, a plaything for my lust.
Later on I
adored her,
protected her,
trusted her,
loved her,
but I never said 'I love you',
till it was too late.
It was a sunny day
when you backstabbed me.

Sis say I've changed now,
but I am still the same man;
I just learned to understand valuing what I have
and not giving it away
carelessly.
Shame you, shame your decision
shame me, shame my tolerance
shame him, shame his sadism
shame you all and your egoism.
Lost my love, lost my job, lost myself
I'm trying to make better,
to grow,
fighting the enemy hidden
within us.

He rose out of the ashes of corruption
He pledged to protect our beautiful nation
Befriend by many leaders
Trump proved himself as those around him backstabbed
a bright person to bring light
upon a clash of crocked ideals
Never selecting a "paid" vocation.
He uses his heart and pride of country as payment
as he smiles as those who fear and run from the truth
their feet run on the pavement
As they try to save what little they have left
in a dark legacy
Say what you want
they can never replace a true and noble warrior
Who took the oath of leadership
Over the strongest Nation in the world
The flag waves high in pride
as he steps on the White House Lawn
In earned light and proud stride.
I support him.
Trump.
Our "Cheif of Nations In Command"
of honest power and dignity
I shower him with respect and praise
as he earns a rose, the regal flower.
As he makes a path, for all, a brighter day.

I dont care for for ppl who lie
Dont say you like me but want to be with someone else
Dont tell me its over and keep going
Stop pretending to be my friend if you talk about me behind my back.
Dont make me look bad to make yourself look good.
So over all that ive cut ppl out of my life
Its lonely but not wasting my time with ppl who can't be trusted
Sick of being backstabbed my kindness mistaken as weakness
im open and honest why do you lie

When the shoreline isn’t
the third floor, lightning won’t fly
at all or at once.

the trees turn to plastic
trees when Africa’s carved.
We won’t 'hurt' them that much.

I remember anticipation sneaking slowly
when we all had butterflies
in the stomach.  

Remember the one who showed you
what was new? The one who gave
you chills down the spine?

When the trees of earth are the
algae of the sea, moss will be
endangered species

when the best mutation is gills,
the pastime will skid from consumption
to survival instinct.

when the institution holds the
artist down and uses
two rolls of gorilla tape

As long as everything remains
the same we won't have
to realize we're backstabbed.

The universe crystallizes and
the sea turns to muck; theoretical
garbage and ****.

The clouds melt into the grass
The mountains drop and when
There’s no peak to see what’s left,

I'll be on top of my mountain
I got no hand in the outcome
And so I’ll turn at last.

Silver roses breaking hearts.
Beds with silver linings
And piles of piles.
Waiting all day in place
For a person.
Take a number,
stand in line.
You're not the first person here.
He takes up his instrument,
And plays one song.
The only song he knows.
The song of life.
Playing E sharps and B flats,
He composes as he plays.
But he's not improvising.
(He play's what's meant to be)
His song sounds different to all
Because their lifes goes to the music.
If he plays a bad chord,
You get backstabbed.
It he adds a sixth,
You lose a love.
If he plays a major,
You have a laugh.
If he plays a m7,
You fufill a dream.
But sometimes bad chords sound best.
And sometimes good chords make disharmony.
But then again,
Why do you care?
You don't decide your life,
He does.
Everyone is under his control.
Including him.
His song is powerful.
Even if he isn't.
His music is what sets him apart.
But he's just forcing you to hear his song.
You can't stop listening.
Even if you try.
He adds twists
And turns
And buckles
And cliffs
And jumps
And unrealistic explosions.
But, he doesn't know why he's even there.
He thinks,
"Why can't someone else play this?"
He's confused,
Is it true or is it not?
Or are his thoughts controlled by want?
He doesn't know,
So he continues on.
His song dies down,
Ending anti-climactically.
But as his story ends,
It starts again.
It turned out,
Time was cyclic.

What the hell?

Just what the hell.

I trusted you,

Even I you've backstabbed me before.

I gave you a second chance,

And the only thing you do

Is shatter it further

All you could do,

Is make it worse for me.

In front of her,

Her, the woman I fell in love with

Really?

That's what you're going

To keep doing?

Fine then.

Never again.

they ask me questions like "why is it so hard for you to trust?"

i don't reply.

i merely think...
well, i was ***** at 5.
i was abandoned by my father, sometimes my mother & my family.
i have been cheated on by "lovers" & backstabbed by "friends."
every time i trusted: i got *****, i got abandoned, i got cheated on & back stabbed.
every time i trusted, i got hurt.
how are you ask me why it's so hard for me to trust...

******* and your pretty little face.              You led me on.
          I thought we had something going.
How could you do this to me!?
                                            I never knew this side of you. I hope you die.
         ******* and your pretty little face.

You pulled every heart string I had.         
                                         I gave you everything, my honesty, my love.
All you did was take take take this suburban heart of mine.        
                                                                           Only to throw it all away.
Now you’re all alone.

No one hears you cry in the dark of night

No one knows your name anymore, and I don’t care
    
                      You scream out! Now there’s no one to hold your hand.

There you are sitting alone avoiding fleeting glances in a sea of apathy

You think you know what’s best but you never gave me a chance

all i have is my laughter
because i'm the idiot with trust issues
the idiot who trusts everyone and
they hurt me every time and
i still come back for more!
it's my fault:
i let him bend me over,
hand locked in my hair,
grinning and lovebit and vulnerable.
and right then he ****** a knife into my back.
i can still feel the blade
twisting and snarling and making fun of
the girl with the ****** holes
framing her spine.
no i know, it's my fault
because i trust no one even though i trust everyone
and i trust that i'll trust again
for you i was a flame...
and i can be again i know i can
because i live in this bruise of a cycle
and i can't seem to break out of it
so i get backstabbed and live to tell the tale,
again and again and again

Forgiveness chills
  

I’m lying in my bed the yellow lights are off

My television is on but I’m listing to my radio

Wearing

Black basketball shorts and a white T-shirt

Feeling kind of sick in my heart

I’ve been passing away for years

But I’m afraid to share my fears

To anyone most people don’t care about what I have to say

Especially if it’s about my problems

This pen is my blood and the paper is my flesh

This is my world

Nobody can tell me what to say, how to think, or how to feel

I’m not soft, or gay; not a *****

I can cry all day if I want too

I’m my own man and ill stand my ground for what I believe in

First thing I want to say I miss you daddy

But when you came over last summer I was 20 years old

I still hated you for what you put me, my brother, and my mom through

I wondered to myself how she could forgive you after all you did

You weren’t really there for me growing up because you were drunk

You made me feel worthless with your words of encouragement

When I was 9 years old why did

You always compare me to the other kids?

Wasn’t I good enough just being your son?

If I’m your favorite why when I didn’t know something or disappointed you, hitting me was your only option?

Wasn’t I smart enough for you?

Why couldn’t I watch cartoons when I was over your house at 10 years old were I too immature for you?

Do you know that I still watch cartoons now at 21?

Am I being childish for enjoying the amusement from it?

My brother thinks I am but he’s holding on to the past

Sometimes I watch TV to escape my problems

And some things I do not want to talk about because it’s too hard for me to express my true feelings

And I tend to judge myself really quickly I don’t think I have to say doesn’t matter because my needs wont be met, because people just don’t care I am always second place, if I try to change that I’ll be acting selfish to my friends and family, plus they just don’t understand me so I am like ***** it why does it matter and I develop a not give a **** attitude towards the situation

What can I do

I can’t change people’s opinions about me?

That’s why I write instead of speaking my thoughts

I can gather my scrambled up emotions together

Because If I say exactly what’s on my mind most likely it going to be negative and hurtful or sometimes my accent gets in the way and I get frustrated and I loose my temper because I’m sensitive so usually I hold stuff on the inside

Until I

Explode with anger and I end up feeling misunderstood

And people think I’m crazy

And I have to apologize for my actions

That’s ****** up

I can’t be nice all the time

I deserve to be heard and seen in my family

But the way that you and mom raised me to never be disrespectful to my parents or other adults

But I’m so angry

I wish that you were a better father

Maybe my child hood would have felt less isolated

But I sit here in this cold hard corner in my

Mind

I might as well be locked up in a cage

With nothing but stale bread and water to eat

I used to starve myself from food and love

For myself growing up

I

Thought that I deserved to feel like dirt

I am a bad child that cursed his peer’s everyday

Because I felt different and I couldn’t speak English clearly

But my brothers had no problems fitting in

I never had real friends they either backstabbed me or they only wanted me for my money

My mom couldn’t really be there for me because she had to work during the weekdays

Maybe I was being to clingy but what do you expect

When people you love either leave you or let you down all the time

Plus I was separated from my mom for 4 years

She and my

Grandmother were the only ones there for me

When you were absent from your responsibility

But they couldn’t teach me how to be a man

I wish that someone would have told me growing that I’m ok to just being myself

I can cry and if I make a mistake I shouldn’t beat myself up

Don’t be mad at yourself or your life, you’re not a loser,

And you’re not Gay for being sensitive or compassionate,

Love yourself first no matter what bad things people say about you you’re a good person and you’re not crazy

Go get whatever you want in life

(Shannon) you can have anything or anyone if you try hard even if you fall a 100 times

Just because you don’t get things done as fast as other people doesn’t mean that you’re slow or weak

Dad you should have been there by my side

Telling me all those things but you’re not here

When I speak to you on the phone I don’t listen to you not just because I want to be stubborn but because I don’t trust myself enough to embrace your love and your advice



I always second guess your words to see if they’re genuine

Because I’ve been hurt so much that I don’t know who to Trust?

Sometimes I don’t act myself because I’m always worried about what other people think

Wondering if they like me for me or what I have sometimes

I’d bend over backwards so I can make people happy



Now I consistently analyze people’s words and actions to see if it’s an act.

Dad I need your help can you give me another chance to forgive you and other people for hurting me?

Its hardest things for me to do

I’m scared that if I let go how things are going to change

Will anyone I know be there to catch my wondering soul?

If I release this control I think I have over my life will happiness come knocking at my door?

Will I finally find out what love is?

Then maybe I’ll love myself and my life?

Should I take a leap of Faith?



I love you dad please forgive me

So I can forgive myself

Thank you.

Written By
© Shannon Pollard

Dear life....
...just for a day i don't wish to be misunderstood
...just for a day i don't wish to be judged
...just for a day i don't wish to be backstabbed
...just for a day i wish to be loved
...just for a day i wish to forget about my problems
...just for a day i wish to experience some moments of happiness
...just for a day i wish to feel at peace with myself
...just for a day i wish to truly live
Do you think you could grant me all of these wishes?
Or is it too much to ask?

My life's a steep regression

As a plummet to depression

No longer one, but a multitude -

Little pieces of devalued

Shattered, skewed and tiny

Pieces of what was once shiny

That has now faded - dark

It's time to go embark

The ship of life at sea

Where the waves can go have me

And I can spiral down

Maybe slowly drown

In the heavy weight of mind

Of people who were once kind

Yet backstabbed me to hell

Wounds heal? Time will tell

I want to end the hate

But realise that fate

Has something else in store

As I walk out by the door

En route, I walk and fall

And I break, get up and crawl

To what should be my end

But once I took the bend

All hell broke lose together

Could I really, truly sever

The link I have to life

To rid myself of strife?

It all look, now, so real

Yet, strangely I could feel

A warm, sticky sensation

My life's final cessation

And I see my end is near

I freeze in pain and fear

Of what I would now miss

As I sink into abyss

Numb,
like the cement on the ground beneath me,
stepped on, trampled,
worn down.
It can't stand anymore,
cracks threatening to open even more,
to spill out all its guts,
and tell the world what really lies beneath it all,
with its hints of emerald peeking out, excited to see what's in store,
naive.

If only it knew what awaits it outside,
the terror of imminent screams that will pierce its mind
and stay in there, a pinball bounced
back and forth
back and forth
in a pinball machine;
of the agony that will claw its way in and stay there,
the way lions pounce on their prey, bring them down,
and stay there gnawing on its meat, the bones that are left,
and the vultures joining in the pickings.

Maybe it's just me,
but hopefully the green shall retreat back slowly, and come out when it's time.

For now the world is shifting, no longer of
feverish giggles of obnoxious, sticky children,
the passionate embraces of lovers,
and the glimmer of joy that seeps out of the wrinkles of a friend's face,
but of
loud, rude remarks of unruly brats that have been exposed to too many sins,
cheating lovers, here one night, gone the next, leaving only broken hearts, tears, and empty tubs of ice cream,
and gruesome blooming bruises that cover your face, as well as matching cuts that cover your "friend's" own face, and both of you backstabbed by each other, hurt, and with vengeance flowing out of you like tributaries.

So go. Leave, and come back once the time is ripe, and things are the way they should be.
The world and I are just going to hurt you anyways...

She don't know how much it hurts,
It gets to me more than anyone else,
All the past decisions and hurt come flooding back,
One wrong thing said makes all that happen,
It don't take much to lose trust and faith,
It hurts to carry all the burden and pain,
To not be able to let it go,
To think about it all day every day,
Everything she does is why I am the way I am,
All I've been is hurt and backstabbed,
Don't know what to do with all the pain but take it out on myself.

I love my body.
The way it's imperfectly perfect,
slightly curvy around the edges
inevitably flawed,
tortured and tormented
whiplashed and backstabbed
but still and always a great piece of art.

I love my face.
The way its burdened by two chubby cheeks,
bears a thousand emotions no one can perceive,
how marvelously it masks my mind,
ignored and ridiculed
yet still chooses to smile.

I love my skin.
The way it is cold and warm at the same time,
pale, puckered with fear
tanned, tarnished with regret,
scrutinized and scarred
but still glows.

I love my hair.
The way it never listens to anyone but itself,
acts as a tangled mess,
an untangled spirit more or less,
chopped off, pulled at
yet subjects to shine magically.

I love my lips.
The way it speaks with kindness,
guards silence and is often
mistaken for its innocent kisses,
parched, bled and muted
but still a fiery, crimson code of concupiscence.

I love my fingers.
The way they wish to be intertwined with yours forever,
snaps, shushes and points
at the slightest arguments that arrives
with such brevity and righteousness
always kept crossed for better things to come by.

I love everything about myself.
I am proud of my body and everything that comes with it.
What I don’t like though
is the way you make me feel about myself.

do you ever consider how others might feel?
or did you think they were like you, twisted and made of steel?
not everyone is an open book, as I hope you come to find
you can never really tell what goes on in someone's mind
today might be their worst day ever
but I don't think you considered that, it's too much of an endeavor
maybe the one they loved the most has died
maybe they closest friend backstabbed and lied
maybe they have bills that they're struggling to pay
maybe it's a challenge to flash a smile and say "I'm okay"
did you ever consider that?

Yeah, I have trust issues.
You would too after being backstabbed as many times as me.

Everyone, who you thought of as trustworthy, stabbing at the same time. For your entire life, until adulthood.

Then the blades break, left under the skin as a constant reminder.
A reminder of what happens when you trust others.

So, yeah, I've got trust issues.
Because trust is an illusion.

With every heavy wave I crash
Every wave contains pain
The high tides of my life drown me and drag me down to the fathoms below
A father who betrayed my mother and left
An ex who took things too far
Being beaten by people I had faith in
Being backstabbed by people I trusted
I'm fifteen and this is my life so far
Pain,loss,depression and sin
But somehow my beauty lies within
The waves get bigger but I still tread water
I'm still able to keep my head above
The taste of the salt water in my mouth makes me thirsty for something clean
I don't want this pain and sorrow anymore
I want to be set free
I want to be able to stand on the dry sand and look at the beauty of the sea
For beauty grows from pain
And pain my beauty may be
The suffering waves from my past
Have created this beautiful me
I am like the pearl that stays in the darkness
Until she is beautiful enough to Be set free and see the light
And thanks to the the darkness the future seems bright
I'm no longer drowning
I'm no longer holding my breath
I no longer need to tread the water
And I no longer wish for my death