awh, Little, you’re so sweet
waiting for daddy by the door
lavishing him with love and kisses

awh, Little, you’re so sweet
you want to play
daddy will
after he sits on the couch
and rests for a bit

awh, Little, you’re so sweet
turning on Disney
getting me sweet tea
and a plate of cookies

awh, Little, you’re so sweet
covering me with a blankie
cuddling up with daddy
and watching tv

awh, Little, you’re so sweet
i am so lucky
to have you

I wish I could be as vibrant and bold as a sunflower
Wish my petals could stretch towards the sun
in hopes of growing. I wish these pale painted
faces would stare in awh instead of disgust.
I wish I was as yellow as a sunflower
or maybe an oddly pink tone fleshed with red
I want my color to be praised not discussed
like dirt being picked out of fingers

I have come to the realization that I am a sunflower
Beautiful, bold, and magical
My brown petals stretch out from limb to limb
meeting at my bud with a smile so dazzling
and eyes small but fill with love and hope.

I am a sunflower in the boldest of ways possible
like coffee with no sugar no cream. I am loved like Jupiter
loves Juno, My brightness is appreciated like a full moon
at 12 midnight. I could fill a whole field with my petals
just for your grazing but you don't deserve it.

I am a sunflower. What are you?

it was as though the language
of stars was translated to me.
i realized my past was not

my destination.

(how can you see your path
when you always look behind you?)

It took my love, It took me down
Called my inside to be found
And I saw my reflection in the mirror of your face
Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I write what's changing the ocean inside?
Can I hold the reasons for my life?

Mmm, mmm, mmm

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes it bolder
Even music gets older and I'm getting older too

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes it bolder
Even music gets older and I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too

Awh, take my love, take me down
Awh, you called my inside to be found
And if you see my reflection in the mirror of your face
Well, the landslide brang it down

And if you see my reflection in the mirror of your face
Well, the landslide brang it down
Oh, the landslide brang me down

I get the crust and the gristle of a thistle once a missile shooting out into the sky and I cry, wonder why. Never sure what I feel for the meal of a deal and then words more like air slip the breeze in my hair, butterflies in the skies killing what kept my alive. Oh too bad, well how sad, if the songs last lines din't matter it'd harm, it'd make the soul so very mad. Here I fall, there I stand like a robot dancing to the tunes. It's demand. Hear I laugh, hear I cry. I hear the screams and feel the burn, so why? Why unsure, of what's telling me my life is so impure. Threatened heart, from the strings that wrap it, tearing it apart. Feel the clench of a bundle of what you yourself have drench and so benched. And you threw to me the horror show, I never so have thought would reckon me to be. I, to be, it's master and it's longing family, here I cry. Hear "I" cry. For I exist in heart, but never, not in mind. There I stand once again as a memory of all that I pretend. If I tried, to be real, the pieces fall apart inside. So I hide, then I quiver and I shake as 'me' is inside. I can touch to the shelter covered in the unbelieving, underachieving to be who I know I am to be. Or at least what you see. I crush the old me and start anew, though I grew. I, immortal to myself have stomped the true. And I become something greater than simple little shrew. Do not lie! For I see with one eye, the look through me. What you see is a host, not the ghost, that lives on. "Awh, look at me. I'm so strong!" Laugh along. Child there. Where? Oops, forgot to care. Now I stare, towards the end that's never ending like this script. Never ending. Twist and bending. Don't kid me, I'm no kid. I'm the body of a youth, but I am dead. I've destroyed myself, if others didn't do a perfect job. Hold up stop! I'm letting go, a bubble that will pop. It will burst, destroying me, if it doesn't **** me first. Here I stand. Hear I cry. There I go. I have died.

Is your ego abused? Should I apologize for not wanting to live as a trophy on your wall of women hung out to dry? Is your ***** hurting because I dare say NO? As if my ****** is the only cure for your savage behavior. Should I apologize for being female? A black female with curves so dangerous if I got wet you might slip and fall, breaking apart your massive ego?

Is your need for dominance anything out of the ordinary? Because men will be men and they don't deserve to be punished for being men. Right? Because I asked for it, Right? Because my shorts in this heated summer day is a plea to be ****** right? Because my ******* do not belong to me and if I dare go without a bra, it is seen as a neon flashing light signaling my readiness for your **** right?

Young boys sit back and watch in awh as Fred establishes his dominance over Wilma. They watch learning the ways of cavemen. this, these cartoons are teaching these young boys to treat women as inferior and teaching our young girls to know their place as a housewife with no say.

From the beginning we are taught that our consent does not matter. We are supposed to behave like a woman or get ****** and left out to die like trash lift for the raccoons to rampage through. From the beginning we are taught that our voices do not matter and men will be men. So therefore we must bend over backwards to accommodate them or be bend over backwards by them.

No wonder women are scared to speak out. I was afraid to speak for fear that my voice would be washed away with the tide never to return to it's bold state. Besides my friend, that one professor whom I sometimes think is too good for this world and the counselor she talked me into seeing. No one else knows.

No one else knows how my knees rubbed against the dirt laced with tiny rocks and sticks. Or how I cringed when his ***** exploded in my mouth leaving behind a taste so bitter, black licorice could not compare. Or how I could not get on my knees in the first place because the only time I got on my knees was to pray to a God I only hoped was listening. But where was that God when this boy put me down on my knees and told me I had to. Told me this was the only way of redemption.

That naive young girl was on her knees in the dirt because she did not know she could say NO. I felt as if saying no could get me hurt or worst ruin what fragile reputation I held onto and 14 year old me could not withstand the blow.

Within those 10 minutes it took for him to be pleasured, I silently prayed and prayed that God would let this boy know how wrong it was or will him to stop. I prayed to a God I was taught watches over all his children. To a God whom didn't care of your sins as long as you repent. But that God was nowhere to be found.

I held back my tears as my neck when back and forth like a chicken pecking at it's only source of survival. I didn't cry when I choked on it and gagged for air because within that moment he made himself my savior. He feed me my daily bread with a smile upon his face.

No one knew about this moment, how I held back tears when he told me it was good for my fist time. How I held a brave face when I climbed the bus that morning with a white stain on my purple dress. I told no one because I believed i liked it because my constant was not needed so I must have approved. Right?

So I ask you. Does me saying no to you damage your ego? Does my no mean nothing to you as if no means yes in the fantasy world you live in. My silence is does not enable you to go forth and conquer my wondrous lands. it is not permission for you cross my flooded seas and take refuge within me. I will not apologize for being a woman in charge of her body.

I’m bleeding tremendously down my face
I almost escaped.

It’s 5am, we walked the streets and had a cigarette
You tell me about yourself, “God”
It seemed so innocent, only walking

We left with no words
Such harmless individuals with no intentions
We were just happy and free

That’s not my name- I lied.
Cause you pigs are just trying to make bank  
at the end of the month.
So close to making it.
I’ve got dirt grinding between my teeth
And my face is
soaked a crimson red
pooling under my eye
dripping into my mouth
“Call paramedics!”
“but I’m fine, I’m fine.”
I’m trying to cooperate now.
You must think I’m ******* insane

There’s no panic in me
only sorrow.
Up against the car
ambulance head lights
******* blinding me.
You’re already in the back of the car
the overhead light casting onto your face
you mouthed the words so calmly
“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay”
I tried to believe, I tried to cry.

Back up arrives
******* ******* are having
a ******* fiesta.
But the paramedics are nice
just stop taking pictures of me, please.

I collapse onto the ground
against the vehicle
with my vision spotted
so close to passing out.

They decide we can ride in the same vehicle.
“You like to swim, God?” you asked.
“When I was a kid.” he’s blunt.
“Why not now? It feels just as good as it did
when you were 10.”
But he didn’t answer.
And the sun is lighting the city that I love

There’s massive sliding doors
they crash so loudly
the sound ricochets off the cement walls.

We’re escorted inside
I still haven’t shed any tears.
We remove all jewelry
un-weave  all that’s tangled in our dreads
“They want everything in this ******* bag.”
the policeman said.
they cut the strings from my ******
christmas tree shorts

I’m given beige sandals
my soiled feet are too small.
I take a seat on the cement bench
filthy old ***** eyeing me up and down
grinning freakishly.
I look ******* haggard.

I see the counselor
then attempt to use the bathroom
to open the door on
some old **** ****
taking a ****.

Infomercials drone
obnoxiously.
I hate television.

You take a seat next to me
wearing the hideous sandals as well.
So cold, the alcohol is wearing off
you hand me your paisley flannel.
I bleed on it.

If only we had stayed behind that building
smoking our cigarettes
sharing our minds.
Only 4 more minutes till
the paper would have burned to the filter
would have made all the difference.

I see the nurse.
I’m re-bandaged trying to hold back
my shutters of pain.
His kind words and soft speak
bring me to my first tears
“I’m not like this, I just want to sleep…
in my bed… with my cat.
And my family… Oh my Godddd!”
I’m bellowing as quietly as I can.
And he tells me stories.

I’m allowed to make my phone call
and it’s your turn with the nurse.
Mother.
I’m wallowing into the phone to her
I’m frantic and self-loathing
And she’s coming to save me.

Escorted to your waiting cell
I’m alone now
I feel completely alone.
I’ve lost myself somewhere
between bottles and spent cigarettes.

Taken to the waiting cell
it smells putrid like a public bathroom
which jolts me.
I take my seat on the repulsive floor.

There’s an older obese woman
curled into a ball in the back corner
sobbing.
And everyone looks ******.

The clock is creeping to 8am
******* let me out.
I watch the lazy pigs
******* cackle and stand so proudly
like they earned another
notch in their belts.

Close to 10am I receive my “blues”
and yet another photograph
You in your cell,
give me comforting smiles.
******* **** hollers,
“Awh **** baby! You tried to run!
I’ll bond you out!
I gotcha baby!”
****. Off.

The blond woman takes us upstairs
through metal detectors, crashing doors,
coded rooms, surveillance cameras.
And I’ll never forget
her spidery eyelashes.

I drag my mesh bag on the floor
it contains my blankets and toothbrush…
#36.

I’m lost, everyone there
has been there before.

I just disappeared
no one knows
what happened to me
when they awake.
I let everyone down,
including myself.

The lunch food is served
I want to *****
I’ve been awake for
23hrs and the alcohol is
wearing off completely
I feel like a walking corpse.

#36…
Through the slit of window
I can see you, mother
oh, mother.
please don’t leave me here

I try not to fall asleep
because I could miss the intercom
announcement to release me.

That steel door clicked
and opened
my mother and father stood up
and I had never been happier to see them
It was silent other than my sobbing
and everyone stared
wild-eyed and confused
as I exited to false freedom
and sunshine

Eyes concerned as hell, look on his face is oh so swell.
He works, yeah he's got them work boots.
No worry's, nah he doesn't even think of those collared suits.
Why yes he is so a country boy. Life he does enjoy.
Awh, hell yeah he's got the country state of mind.
Smart, yes he is. Hopefully he wants that clever type of Dime.
One step up in the morning.
For him yes us girls are yearning.
Fast as hell, you'll never catch up.
Can't even swing by to say 'what's up'.
Listen to me, cause I'm right,
This kid, well he's a ******* sight.
(est.j.r.e.)

Rollin,
         sticky.
the danky of danky,
takin nd start bakin,
  smell's like a pear fruity so fruity.
you just go bake it,
Inhale, enjoy. relax deploy..
stay lit stay fit, Keep open

eye's open -
    be loe
                 they might even glow ,
glossy and slow
                  they  sure will all  know. and point you to blame,
the roach coach came and taught you the game.
lend me your lighter to make this flame brighter
heat up this fire and help you get higher,
you're mouth's a bit sticky I bet it taste's icky,
doe's it look white?.  you'll sure be alright .,
nick name to the cotton dry mouth tastes like rotton,.
awh, don't say where you bought it or how you got it.
I will be busted and you,
just untrusted.....

jessica  *applegate

they might even glow ,
glossy and slow
                  they  sure will all  know. and point you to blame,
the roach coach came and taught you the game.
lend me your lighter to make this flame brighter
heat up this fire and help you get higher,
you're mouth's a bit sticky I bet it taste's icky,
doe's it look white?.  you'll sure be alright .,
nick name to the cotton dry mouth tastes like rotton,.
awh, don't say where you bought it or how you got it.
I will be busted and you,
just untrusted.....

jessica     *applegate

I pack my bag. A girl approaches me.
"I love your jacket! "
/I hate my life./
"Thank you! Me too!"                  
I hurriedly make my way across the side walk.
" I really like your boots."    
/I really don't like being alive./
" Thanks! They were at Target!"
I glance at my tattered agenda.
" I wish I could do make up like you!"
/I wish I would get hit by a car. /
"Aww, thanks! You can always try watching YouTube makeup tutorials for help!"            
/I seriously need help./
I scribble doodles in the margins of my notes.
" I wish I could draw like you!"
/I wish I could have my life together./
" Thanks, but it's  predominantly in practicing. Draw like you, instead!"
I crumple papers with shaking hands.
" I dig your sense of style."                
/ I wish I had my sense of direction./
"Thanks, that makes me feel nice!"
I dig the dirt beneath my jagged nail.
" You always look so cute."
/ I always look for reasons to not **** myself./
"Awh, thanks! I try."
I slouch into a computer chair.
"You look tired."
/I'm tired of  my life./
" I'm actually not. I just have naturally dark circles under my eyes, is all."
I glance up at a familiar face.
"How are you?"
/I'm drowning./
"I'm ...surviving. ."

Wait here to see a magic show to please all the boys and girls of the world.  A great disappearing act that no one knows.  A trick to leave all in awh, so selfish for him not to reveal.  But that makes it better for all of us to figure why he took this choice to show us for a moment that no one ever knows how magic goes.  Don't close your eyes for to long for his tricks only last a moment, yet they leave u in memorized commitment for another seized punishment.  The curtain falls and the mysterious man vanishes from infront of us.  A tale to be told as if he ran off with all our gold.  Bewildered he ran off with nothing but his magic show. Should have known that this trick was nothing more then false commitment.  Wait here to see a magic show to please those who have no self control.

I remember the first time I wrote you a letter. I wanted to give it to you so bad, each line amongst the blank sheet of paper held secrets and emotions that only belonged to you.

I compared constellations to you, stars and galaxies held the word to shame when it came to beauty because of the way you sparkled; You made the dormant volcano inside me, awaken.

I knew that by the time the ash reached my neck the words "I love you" would never taste the same from the moment you came into my life. I thought I knew what fire tasted like, but the day I kissed you- Crustfied lava in my belly melted into butterlies and rose out of my mouth with your name forming at the edge my tounge and a home for you inside my heart.

And every-time you left my blood to turn at the edge of the blue abyss I wondered if I would ever see you again.

By the time you had come back the butterflies you gave life to, Migrated-looking for love where the sun was abundant and flowers with your name still inside; Sweet with the taste of your skin.

I was empty for months.

It was months after the great migration and spring was in the air, flowers still singing pieces of the way you said you missed me. It took me time to understand that some plants are poisonous to your health but I was so alive with the memories of us still intoxicating the contours of my mind. I was high off of your love, your body, every **** thing about you.

The day you returned, I was no longer the same. My voice was softer. My eyes keen, and my hands rougher against your skin. Yet, the love I had for you went untouched all these years despite the amount of life changing sequences we both faced.

You changed also, so many things were different.

The way you said your own name held fire. You held your chin higher than usual, and your voice rougher, but understanding. You spoke in a formulated manner, never giving in or up. You argued more, you were so stubborn with me. But amongst all that I could see and taste form your lips, one look into your eyes and I knew that nothing had changed between us.

Come morning, the sun kissed you before I could but I stared in awh, and jealousy because come tomorrow I know I wouldn't wake up with the ability to do the same. That doesn't mean that I wasn't grateful for tasting sunrise with your naked self, body and mind sleeping soundlessly next to me.

I knew from that day that I would never love anyone else the way that I love you.

Through the darkest of our days and the brightest, you still have a home within my heart. I will always be waiting for the day I get the chance to kiss you before the sun does.

•
Awh doubt, a glorious thing
Makes the heart stop fluttering
A flaw or two, a bad attitude
Slowly falling out of love,
Doubt, you pull me back down
Down from the clouds,
Into a quiet lounge.

e.s.
•

Bless the fallen for they have suffered.
Lovers or Angels?
It doesn't matter.
They have both felt heavens callused grip.
They have both taken the steps to slip.
They have both feared a great loss.
They have both felt the warmth that injects, infects, that gives your doe eyes that gloss.
Bless the fallen.
The perfect Adam and the perfect eve both fall in line to see our shine.
In awh how we spend our time.
To watch as we intertwine.
The serpent unwinds but we pay it no mind.
It spreads its grime, it's lies, and deceit.
He can keep his apples we feel Eden as we lay, as we playfully touch feet.
The perfect man and the perfect women they reek of jealousy for the heaven they were promised was  bested when lips hit cheek.
So Bless the fallen
Lovers or Angels?
It matters not
With lip to cheek our heaven is brought!

I realized today that I don't have anyone who I call my "best friend".
I sometimes think that I have one.
But then I tell them and I can tell by their response usually if it's real
Or not.

I told a boy once that he was my best friend.
It was honestly nothing more than friendship with us.
He said, "You're mine too."
The way that he said it though...
It was so monotone.
Like he told me just to make it less awkward.

I told a girl once that she was my best friend.
She said "You're mine too."
She never showed it though.
She never listened to me.
Answered me back.
Or seemed to care about me unless it included her or it was drama filled gossip about someone's life.

I once told another girl that she was my best friend.
She didn't answer me back.
She stopped talking to me and we grew apart.

The hard thing about "best friends", is that you each have to feel the same way about each other.

I have even had people say I was their best friend.
I never felt the same though.
I always said "Awh, thank you."
Then they would leave me.
Like everyone else.

I thought I should be my own best friend once.
But like I said,
You have to have a mutual love for each other.
And to be honest...
I don't like myself a lot of the time.

So I wonder.
If I wasn't stuck with myself,
Would I leave me too?

Oh hey!

Hey.

What did you say?

I said Hi

Oh, I see, so you're that type of guy.

What? What do you mean?

Come on man, lets not make a scene!

Wait, are rhyming my words??

Well of course not, that's just absurd!

You just done it again!

I done what Ken?

My name isn't even Ken, will you just shut it?

I don't know what you mean? Am I being a ***?

Yes you are, what's up with you? You're normally shy??

Don't say that you'll make me cry.

***, if you don't shut up I'll punch you!

How rude!

Erm, that didn't even rhyme?

Awh crap!

"You are so innocent"
"You are so cute when you are angry"
"Oh, shh, you could never hurt anyone"
"You are too nice to do anything bad"
"Awh, look at you trying to be tough"
"Violence and you aren't even remotely related"
"You? Jealous?? But you're life is perfect!!! What more could you ask for???"


oh honey...
You haven't seen anything yet
I hide a side of me, no one is wants to see
Make me jealous, one more time, I dare ya
Hurt my friends, one more time,I dare ya
Break my family, like you've tried, I dare ya
Just if you do, watch your back
Sweet Revenge will be waiting around the corner

Just
You
*Wait

The last time you were here you told me you knew.
You told me you knew that I had "feelings, or past feelings" and that you "had multiple sources."
However, you never mentioned that they weren't mutual, never told me that you didn't want to ruin our relationship blah blah blah.
You never rejected them, you welcomed them. Encouraged them when you put your fingers to my pulse to check how fast my heart was beating with your touch.
You laughed when I said there were no poems about you, you were convinced otherwise.
And then the next day when I sent the "only one that existed" you responded with "Woah! So it is a thing! Awh!"
You also apologized for "bringing up the past in that way," and mentioned that it "was wack."
I apologized if my feelings made you uncomfortable in any way and you said "it is what it is."
It is what it is?
What is?
What the hell does that mean?
Why say that?
Why why why?
I love you a lot, but please, tell me soon.
What we have doesn't not mean something, right?
What we have is bigger than everyone's disapproval, right?
I miss you.

i just had the urge to stroke your face, wouldn't that be weird?
don't worry about looking good- you already got that covered.
awh, you're so cute!
i love you.
i appreciate you.
thanks for being a such a friend.

Its hard to explain because im unsure myself. You start off with a thought and then you forget why you started rambling and then....im doing it again..... Sometimes you get so caught up in the moment trying to explain everything so vividly just so I know you see how I see it...and Awh **** im doing it again arnt I?

you're the single angel in a demension of demons

see what the **** I love the **** outta you

awh Robbie

i wanna put my head under one of these plane tires and fall asleep

awh. thanks dad.

i know right?

I been on, and on and on going at it.
Bring the metal, if you have it.
We can play it out.
I'm paranoid, indulge into the void.
I'm a black Savage, bad as Black Sabbath.
Set your ship, ****-deep,
Your last words, you better
assist with what we can salvage!
The other side of me, asked if you can manage!
I'll take us both out!
Go out. Goku and Raditz
Blasted into King Kait's World
Special Beam Canon.
None of this is common.
None of ths Canon.
I'm no Nick, we wildin' out
Flying high, disregard all by default
without a LANDING. ****. KOBE!
We miss you!!
Repent for our sins. Cause we done ENOUGH DAMAGE
I'll be ****** if another fool
Goes into school, with a gun.
I'm no mailman. But a *****,  will bust out the package.
I'll road-rage-rampage, Laredo Heat
Blacked out Bandit. I am coming for answers.
No water, all Ice with fire.
Pray for help, if he's old enough
To game and gamble, he will get scrambled!!
Then give him every sample to lead by example
act hard, then he can get HANDLED!!
Help me. Help me.  Help me....
White noise the realization
from the brain's static
My mind's eye open, I'm a black man, I know, I know, I know
I no **** with No Black magic
Don't get caught up in your own tactics
Life's More wasted than CJ
highway drifting on xanax
Awh ****. HERE WE GO AGAIN.