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"avoided" poems
What is it about you that haunts me? I let you go so I can set you free. You meant everything to me and we were forever, But it isn't our time to be together.   I was completely lost before I met you. You gave me reason to live and direction to follow. But now we're back at square one, And the loneliness has already begun. I promised you I'd never leave. You promised never to let go of me. Yet here we are, far apart in distance and in thought. I wonder how we'd be if we hadn't fought. Blocking is a blessing, and you used it well. I regret my decision, now I'm in hell. A life without you, is no life at all. I just wish you'd pick up my call. With several attempts I lost faith. I think it's goodbye, this is our fate. I'll always wonder if I made a mistake, If I could've avoided all our heartache.                                                                   -Wayward❤
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Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 1:01 PM UTC
A Broken Heart, A Lost Soul
I avoided you all week long. All week. It was hard,but I did it. I avoided you because I had to face the fact that in 9 months I had to live life without you in it. Then today came. I heard you laugh for the first time in a week. And I just lost my **** I cried. I cried because the days were going by so fast. I cried because you make me so happy and unhappy at the same time. I cried because I love you so much and you don't even give two ***** I cried because I love you more than I love myself. I cried for my love that is unable to scream out loud. I cried because I knew that we were never meant to be and that was that.
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Jan 11, 2017
Jan 11, 2017 at 9:31 AM UTC
Cries of love
I remember the history well: The soldiers and politicians emerged With briefcases and guns And celebrations on city nights. They scoured the mess Reviewed our history Saw the executions at dawn Then signed with secret policemen And decided something Had to be done. They scoured the mess Resurrected old blue-prints Of vicious times Tracked the shapes of sinking cities And learned at last That nothing can be avoided And so avoided everything. I remember the history well. 2 We emerged from our ******* mounds Discovered a view of the sky As the air danced in heat. Through the view of the city In flames, we rewound times Of executions at beaches. Salt streamed down our brows. Everywhere stagger victims of rigged elections Monolithic accidents on hungry roads The infinite web of ethnic politics Power-dreams of fevered winds. The nation was a map stitched From the grabbing of future flesh And became a rush through Historical slime 3 We emerged on edge Of time future With bright fumes From burning towers. The fumes lit political rallies. We started a war Ended it And dreamed about our chance. Fat fish eat little fish Big ones arrange executions And armed robberies. Our ******* shapes us all. I remember the history well. The tiger’s snarl is bought In currencies of silence. Eggs grow large: A monstrous face is hatched. On the edge of time future I am a boy With running sores Of remember history Watching the stitches widen Waiting for the volcano’s laughter In the fevered winds Hearing the gnash Of those who will join us At the mighty gateways With new blue-prints With dew as seal And fire as constant And a trail through time past To us Who remember the history well. We weave words on red And sing on the edge of blue. And with our nerves primed We shall spin silk from ******* And frame time with our resolve. ________ Source: http://www.universeofpoetry.org/nigeria.shtml
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17.4k
On Edge of Time Future
I remember the history well: The soldiers and politicians emerged With briefcases and guns And celebrations on city nights. They scoured the mess Reviewed our history Saw the executions at dawn Then signed with secret policemen And decided something Had to be done. They scoured the mess Resurrected old blue-prints Of vicious times Tracked the shapes of sinking cities And learned at last That nothing can be avoided And so avoided everything. I remember the history well. 2 We emerged from our ******* mounds Discovered a view of the sky As the air danced in heat. Through the view of the city In flames, we rewound times Of executions at beaches. Salt streamed down our brows. Everywhere stagger victims of rigged elections Monolithic accidents on hungry roads The infinite web of ethnic politics Power-dreams of fevered winds. The nation was a map stitched From the grabbing of future flesh And became a rush through Historical slime 3 We emerged on edge Of time future With bright fumes From burning towers. The fumes lit political rallies. We started a war Ended it And dreamed about our chance. Fat fish eat little fish Big ones arrange executions And armed robberies. Our ******* shapes us all. I remember the history well. The tiger’s snarl is bought In currencies of silence. Eggs grow large: A monstrous face is hatched. On the edge of time future I am a boy With running sores Of remember history Watching the stitches widen Waiting for the volcano’s laughter In the fevered winds Hearing the gnash Of those who will join us At the mighty gateways With new blue-prints With dew as seal And fire as constant And a trail through time past To us Who remember the history well. We weave words on red And sing on the edge of blue. And with our nerves primed We shall spin silk from ******* And frame time with our resolve. ________ Source: http://www.universeofpoetry.org/nigeria.shtml
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76
Am I not enough? I'm treated like an unloved, Avoided of touch.
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Mar 13, 2015
Mar 13, 2015 at 11:09 PM UTC
Unwanted
Today we had a fight. I’m not sure how it started, Or who raised their voice first. All I know is that now I have bruises. Ones that sting when you touch them. You tried to apologize. You tried to clean me up, And make me feel better. But bruises take time to heal. And so do cuts and scratches. I can’t forgive you right now. But the bruises will heal soon. And then all will be better. Because I can’t be mad at you. Maybe if I had kept my mouth shut then we wouldn’t be like this. Maybe if I wasn’t so sensitive then we wouldn’t have these problems. Today we had a fight and I’m not sure where it started. All I know is that I have bruises and cuts and scratches. That could have been avoided, If I just kept my mouth shut.
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Mar 14, 2018
Mar 14, 2018 at 11:30 AM UTC
Bruises
I have been doing a lot of work with my feelings lately. I have avoided them for most of my life because, well the bad ones outweigh the good ones. The rest of them were f@#ked or beaten out of me. I have always believed that my feelings only led to trouble and pain. A simple feeling stated as a child sent me tumbling down a rabbit hole of horrific pain. An innocent smile was interpreted to be nothing but filthy desire. A frown was nothing but blatant rebellion that had to be dealt with. My thinking is extremely black and white. Good or bad. Right or wrong. But what I'm learning is that feelings don't fall easily into any of those categories. The classifications that I have used to reason my life into some semblance of order do not work for feelings. So walking in this grey area is very difficult for me. I cannot make much sense of what I allow myself to feel and if I do, I get stuck. The detachment I have felt to my memories is slowly being bridged by the missing feelings. And that is terrifying. I have always been able to share, matter of factly, the details I have chosen to disclose. And I'm very afraid that those details were the easy ones; the ones I could disconnect from and push the feelings onto someone else. Remember those rabbit holes? When I find the feelings associated with that pain it's like falling down that hole bound, gagged, and blindfolded. My logic was my only means of control and I've lost it amongst the feelings. The only way to climb out of that hole? Literally feel my way out.
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Aug 9, 2014
Aug 9, 2014 at 5:36 PM UTC
Feelings
I have been doing a lot of work with my feelings lately. I have avoided them for most of my life because, well the bad ones outweigh the good ones. The rest of them were f@#ked or beaten out of me. I have always believed that my feelings only led to trouble and pain. A simple feeling stated as a child sent me tumbling down a rabbit hole of horrific pain. An innocent smile was interpreted to be nothing but filthy desire. A frown was nothing but blatant rebellion that had to be dealt with. My thinking is extremely black and white. Good or bad. Right or wrong. But what I'm learning is that feelings don't fall easily into any of those categories. The classifications that I have used to reason my life into some semblance of order do not work for feelings. So walking in this grey area is very difficult for me. I cannot make much sense of what I allow myself to feel and if I do, I get stuck. The detachment I have felt to my memories is slowly being bridged by the missing feelings. And that is terrifying. I have always been able to share, matter of factly, the details I have chosen to disclose. And I'm very afraid that those details were the easy ones; the ones I could disconnect from and push the feelings onto someone else. Remember those rabbit holes? When I find the feelings associated with that pain it's like falling down that hole bound, gagged, and blindfolded. My logic was my only means of control and I've lost it amongst the feelings. The only way to climb out of that hole? Literally feel my way out.
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A proud man, Upright and unshakable In belief and morals, Once only I did I see him Without a tie. A child of Edwardian England, The links Of his watch chain Glinted As they hung With formality and elegance From his waistcoat pocket, Yes, even as he worked. And work he did. Patiently, Brilliantly and tirelessly With ingenuity and imagination. A craftsman from a bygone age. A master of his tools. Grandfathers are soft, Playful, bear-like in their Gruff-whiskered familiarity. Not Poppy. Unwittingly aloof from his grandchildren, We avoided the need for directly addressing him, Unsure of where we stood. He’d probably have secretly Loved the informality Of our secret nickname. I hope he knew. The chapel piano did for him. Too much weight for his work-weary ticker. Grandma gave me his pocket watch to keep, And for a time I treasured it, Measuring its weight Like a smooth round pebble In my palm. A workman’s watch; Practical. A yellowing face Behind a scratched And hazy glass. But accurate, And precise. Reliable as the man. Detached in life, I liked to hope that Gazing down, Watching, He just might have Laughed In loving acknowledgement of his Grandson’s curiosity And foolishness Sitting cross-legged on the carpet, With heart-thumping nausea Adrift in a sea of springs.
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Mar 21, 2011
Mar 21, 2011 at 3:15 AM UTC
Lost Link
with nothing else to fill their bellies the mice went back to eating poison and the ants in search of crumbs came back with nothing but death on their backs to feed their queens and under the light of the stars we crumbled the murdering of crows was made legal as the color of the doves guilt was decided to be more pure than the blood of a dead mans heart no matter the weight of his innocence and all this could have been stopped all this could have been avoided none of this... none of it... had to happen but we heard the screams of kindness we heard its cry for help we saw the hands of cruelty around its neck we saw the hate foaming we saw the dreams bleeding out and we did nothing and misery breed and filled the streets and slept in our beds and made its home under our skin and not even the light of the stars was enough for us to remember what it meant to be human back before we abandoned joy in the pursuit of the wealth of greed
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Jun 24, 2018
Jun 24, 2018 at 3:27 PM UTC
the wealth of greed
Droplets tap the dusty windows Tipping pleasure on the pane Dribbles every time the wind blows Prophesize a hurricane Kisses linger on the backseat Desperate to delight in more Suffocated by the heat, but When it rains, it starts to pour Panic storm that quickly closes Smashing waves upon the sand Tension tearing up the roses Stuttered poems, shaking hands Though the pressure keeps you floating And the ocean licks its shore There's no way of sugarcoating Once it rains, it has to pour Stick a finger in your ceiling Let the plants hang onto youth Sunday jazz, petrichor feeling Hear it tripping on the roof Smell it shifting all around you Leaking through your drying veins Leave your stagnant dragonfly blue Open up into the rain When it rains, it pours I'll blossom being yours Downpour cleans the ***** traffic Rippling madly down the drain Paints the artist something graphic While he's waiting for the train Laughter echoes in the morning Licking soil and clouds to raw From the vision that's been dawning Once you rain, it has to pour Spitting bombshells pelt your raincoat Tears in quiet pools of green Holes inside your getaway boat Water's sweet but can be mean You've avoided all the warfare But the stars rampage for more Douse the thin comfort you still wear Once it rains, it starts to pour Stick a finger in your ceiling Give the plants a thirsty truth Fairy lights and freedom feeling Tunes of our torrential youth Smell it changing all around you Bursting through the shrivelled veins Leave your crippled summertime hue Open up into the rain When it rains, it pours, I'll bloom so much being yours We're a perfect storm, I guess Fire has been stopped with less When it rains it has to pour.
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Oct 29, 2018
Oct 29, 2018 at 2:46 PM UTC
When it rains, it pours
Droplets tap the dusty windows Tipping pleasure on the pane Dribbles every time the wind blows Prophesize a hurricane Kisses linger on the backseat Desperate to delight in more Suffocated by the heat, but When it rains, it starts to pour Panic storm that quickly closes Smashing waves upon the sand Tension tearing up the roses Stuttered poems, shaking hands Though the pressure keeps you floating And the ocean licks its shore There's no way of sugarcoating Once it rains, it has to pour Stick a finger in your ceiling Let the plants hang onto youth Sunday jazz, petrichor feeling Hear it tripping on the roof Smell it shifting all around you Leaking through your drying veins Leave your stagnant dragonfly blue Open up into the rain When it rains, it pours I'll blossom being yours Downpour cleans the ***** traffic Rippling madly down the drain Paints the artist something graphic While he's waiting for the train Laughter echoes in the morning Licking soil and clouds to raw From the vision that's been dawning Once you rain, it has to pour Spitting bombshells pelt your raincoat Tears in quiet pools of green Holes inside your getaway boat Water's sweet but can be mean You've avoided all the warfare But the stars rampage for more Douse the thin comfort you still wear Once it rains, it starts to pour Stick a finger in your ceiling Give the plants a thirsty truth Fairy lights and freedom feeling Tunes of our torrential youth Smell it changing all around you Bursting through the shrivelled veins Leave your crippled summertime hue Open up into the rain When it rains, it pours, I'll bloom so much being yours We're a perfect storm, I guess Fire has been stopped with less When it rains it has to pour.
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55
Allah was his ears As sounds unlawful, unethical it never heard. Secrets, gossips and rumours were also barred. It buzzed with words of Quran day and night Always Open to sounds just and upright. Allah was his eyes As it looked parents, orphans and needy with love Brimmed with tears thinking of Almighty above It never despised his brother and from lust it was freed. Gold and silver had no worth and had no signs of greed. Allah was his hands As it stopped things reprehensible with force In Allah's cause spent abundantly his resource It caressed the head of an orphan in affection. Time and again meekly raised it in supplication. Allah was his feet As it never moved towards things which Allah hate Avoided walking arrogantly with a strutting gait It always ran to help downtrodden, oppressed. For knowledge for light it was on constant quest. He had mountains of obligatory good deeds He had mountains of non-obligatory good deeds His protector was Allah The Almighty His enemy was enemy of Allah The Almighty He was beloved of Allah He was friend of Allah He was Wali of Allah He was Waliullah.
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Dec 13, 2014
Dec 13, 2014 at 5:33 PM UTC
Waliullah - Friend of Allah(swt)
Though authors are a dreadful clan To be avoided if you can, I'd like to meet the Indian, M. Anantanarayanan. I picture him as short and tan. We'd meet, perhaps, in Hindustan. I'd say, with admirable elan , "Ah, Anantanarayanan -- I've heard of you. The Times once ran A notice on your novel, an Unusual tale of God and Man." And Anantanarayanan Would seat me on a lush divan And read his name -- that sumptuous span Of 'a's and 'n's more lovely than "In Xanadu did Kubla Khan" -- Aloud to me all day. I plan Henceforth to be an ardent fan of Anantanarayanan -- M. Anantanarayanan.
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7.9k
I Missed His Book, But I Read His Name
I need to change the circles I'm in Because I fell into the trapezoid Of trying to fit a square peg in a round hole Making people believe I was a square When I was really a rectangle You just had to look at me from the right angles The shape of things now Is me looking at you from the wrong angles You're pretty hot 90° When you turn away from me your hotness doubles 180° I think my Pompeii worm could survive the temperatures But if you were to turn back around No creature could survive 360° The paradox of the parabola in my pants Will never be solved It's not your math problem We're just two points on this rotating sphere Where time is a straight line And our's is a segment I wish I understood the formula So I could predict the outcome But there are too many variables Leaving my head spinning in circles And myself running in circles Meant to be avoided Because within those circles are triangular trials Where two points create a perfect line And a third point ruins that As points are added to the population Lines only get larger Like the welfare line Mammoth shapes grow wider and more complex Like the Pentagon Lines become more easily crossed Angles more easily tangled And my freezing point becomes my boiling point While I wish for a world more two-dimensional Because once I consider depth I realize I could never measure up to my ruler
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Jun 30, 2017
Jun 30, 2017 at 12:35 AM UTC
Circles
Dear father, I still remember the last time I saw you It's funny, because you looked just the same as you always did Like someone Who was never really mine. Like a stranger in disguise Who's reality only exists When I close my eyes and fantasize about you being in my life But I guess When you heard you should live your life without Regret You mistook that for my name And I wonder if you will ever understand the pain Of knowing someone only when you imagine them Or loving someone who thought Never talk to strangers Was a lesson best learnt by example But they say actions speak louder than words And you became so consumed by your own self worth to really give a **** about who you hurt So you became the expert At manipulating words Like turning I love yous into sorrys And Tomorrows into yesterdays Until it was safe to say I couldn't count on you Dear father, Because of you I constantly found myself falling in love with things that could never love me back I became infatuated with sandcastle and snowflakes Addicted to temporary moments Addicted to broken Thought if I learnt to fix things Then somehow I might find the manuscript To piecing the shattered part of my being whole again Because of you I spent years trying to cover this skin that you left me with Tried decorating these scars With tattooed hopes To remind myself That sometimes Some things Were made to last forever Because of you, For years I avoided looking into the mirror Because I never truly knew If you could love someone You only ever met in passing You see I mistook your ***** for water I never realised I was internally drowning in your poison I thought I needed you to stay afloat It took me a long time to realise That ***** was just your way of relieving yourself from blame You became a box full of things I packed away the day you left But I've stopped trying to hold on to your burden So I've taken out my smile And I'll wear it with pride And Dear father, Did you know That if you repeat a word enough times Then eventually the word will start to lose it's meaning? And I've stopped wishing I was still young enough to understand What the word father meant And now no know That if I ever see you again Then you will look just the same as you always did Like someone who doesn't deserve to be mine
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Jan 16, 2019
Jan 16, 2019 at 9:52 PM UTC
Dear Father
Dear father, I still remember the last time I saw you It's funny, because you looked just the same as you always did Like someone Who was never really mine. Like a stranger in disguise Who's reality only exists When I close my eyes and fantasize about you being in my life But I guess When you heard you should live your life without Regret You mistook that for my name And I wonder if you will ever understand the pain Of knowing someone only when you imagine them Or loving someone who thought Never talk to strangers Was a lesson best learnt by example But they say actions speak louder than words And you became so consumed by your own self worth to really give a **** about who you hurt So you became the expert At manipulating words Like turning I love yous into sorrys And Tomorrows into yesterdays Until it was safe to say I couldn't count on you Dear father, Because of you I constantly found myself falling in love with things that could never love me back I became infatuated with sandcastle and snowflakes Addicted to temporary moments Addicted to broken Thought if I learnt to fix things Then somehow I might find the manuscript To piecing the shattered part of my being whole again Because of you I spent years trying to cover this skin that you left me with Tried decorating these scars With tattooed hopes To remind myself That sometimes Some things Were made to last forever Because of you, For years I avoided looking into the mirror Because I never truly knew If you could love someone You only ever met in passing You see I mistook your ***** for water I never realised I was internally drowning in your poison I thought I needed you to stay afloat It took me a long time to realise That ***** was just your way of relieving yourself from blame You became a box full of things I packed away the day you left But I've stopped trying to hold on to your burden So I've taken out my smile And I'll wear it with pride And Dear father, Did you know That if you repeat a word enough times Then eventually the word will start to lose it's meaning? And I've stopped wishing I was still young enough to understand What the word father meant And now no know That if I ever see you again Then you will look just the same as you always did Like someone who doesn't deserve to be mine
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71
Being pregnant is very difficult no one can understand what you are feeling not even another pregnant woman . everyone takes things differently and feels mixed emotions there are some things that are inevitable yet there are things that can be avoided. there is so much i have brushed off in this pregnancy. but there are somethings i just cant control like my emotions im annoyed im tired. im in pain im heavy things that every pregnant woman KNOW that they are going to feel yet i cant control my crying when i get upset or i feel like i need more in my relationship this pregnancy makes me feel unwanted unneeded un-everything things run through my head that i have no idea where they came from. but then again these are things that come with the pregnancy instead of me having all these cravings, stuffing my face and gaining 50 pounds i just gain all these thoughts in my head that hurt me emotionally and give me headaches yet who can i explain these things to, without they thinking im crazy ? they dont understand. especially men ,. how can a man possibly understand and not say something like its pregnancy you know what you were getting into... sometimes i cry at night because i crave an affection that i dont get . yet i think, and i realize ive never gotten this affection. ive never really been complimented in a really nice way like "you look pretty" or something simple like that yea ive gotten TONS of compliments from people that dont even matter but the one man that does matter has yet to say it. i think i have been one of the best women to be pregnant because i havent put my boyfriend through all the **** that i know alot of women put their men through and its by choice. yeah sometimes i feel a major mood swing coming in and i just go to the bathroom and relax why push him away if im the one thats pregnant? ive done all this for him ! what have i gotten? although i may be upset at him right now that doesnt mean that i am saying all these things JUST because i am upset . i am saying them because i mean them i am saying them because i feel them i am saying them because its what goes through my head and i cant confront him to tell him this without crying before even speaking its been 8 years. and i still dont know. he may feel different things about me but this is what i feel . and what i have been feeling for a while. its the simple things that matter to me the most. and to him (although he may deny it) its the bigger things that matter.
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Sep 28, 2010
Sep 28, 2010 at 8:12 AM UTC
Feelings During Pregnancy
Being pregnant is very difficult no one can understand what you are feeling not even another pregnant woman . everyone takes things differently and feels mixed emotions there are some things that are inevitable yet there are things that can be avoided. there is so much i have brushed off in this pregnancy. but there are somethings i just cant control like my emotions im annoyed im tired. im in pain im heavy things that every pregnant woman KNOW that they are going to feel yet i cant control my crying when i get upset or i feel like i need more in my relationship this pregnancy makes me feel unwanted unneeded un-everything things run through my head that i have no idea where they came from. but then again these are things that come with the pregnancy instead of me having all these cravings, stuffing my face and gaining 50 pounds i just gain all these thoughts in my head that hurt me emotionally and give me headaches yet who can i explain these things to, without they thinking im crazy ? they dont understand. especially men ,. how can a man possibly understand and not say something like its pregnancy you know what you were getting into... sometimes i cry at night because i crave an affection that i dont get . yet i think, and i realize ive never gotten this affection. ive never really been complimented in a really nice way like "you look pretty" or something simple like that yea ive gotten TONS of compliments from people that dont even matter but the one man that does matter has yet to say it. i think i have been one of the best women to be pregnant because i havent put my boyfriend through all the **** that i know alot of women put their men through and its by choice. yeah sometimes i feel a major mood swing coming in and i just go to the bathroom and relax why push him away if im the one thats pregnant? ive done all this for him ! what have i gotten? although i may be upset at him right now that doesnt mean that i am saying all these things JUST because i am upset . i am saying them because i mean them i am saying them because i feel them i am saying them because its what goes through my head and i cant confront him to tell him this without crying before even speaking its been 8 years. and i still dont know. he may feel different things about me but this is what i feel . and what i have been feeling for a while. its the simple things that matter to me the most. and to him (although he may deny it) its the bigger things that matter.
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52
i never wanted to kiss her lips, just hold her hand maybe kiss her cheeks because she suited a gentler kind of treatment something softer and more delicate, quiet; quieter than the constant raging storms inside my stomach, inside my mind (never my heart) those plump lips she bit them raw when nervous, and they swelled blossomed ruby as she looked at me like she knew this wouldn't last her eyes remained doughy and mellow when i met her gaze. my smile stung as it stretched the lines left by winter's bite and split them open once more. she brushed the blood beads away with her fingertips with a touch so reverent that, for a moment, i thought maybe she felt as though she were touching rosary beads instead, and i held my breath to stop myself from chasing her touch, and pressing her down into the mattress unholy, chasing pleasure. both agnostic, but she was much more pure than i; chivalries always in mind, i wanted to preserve that. there's always been something inside me that presses down the animalistic urges with a conscience caught on consideration and something akin to courtly love- i wanted to woo her before i pursued her but i never got further than pressing my lips to her forehead, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. i laced my fingers with hers but avoided tying any knots. i am not a man to be bound, too free-spirit, too restless, too claustrophobic; a few months in and i was choking on the ghost of a future; she kissed me first and i suffocated on the phantom of her hopes for us: a future that didn't yet exist, and i didn't want it to. i never kissed her; i never let her kiss me again. we tangled fingers over the duvet the television a background noise to our unsteady breaths, shallower than my love for her i enjoyed her quiet affection like one might enjoy curling into a blanket when cold and ill. i wanted her smiles, i wanted to fill her memories with goodness so that she never need feel hopeless, like all men are the same so that she had something to smile about when she looked back on us; once the bitterness of our breakup had left her mouth- whenever that eventual end would be- she could savour the taste of our sweet, slow-burn, love affair and be reminded that not all love is true love, but nor is all love heart breaking i broke her heart anyway. nobody ever taught me how cruel kindness could be.
0
May 17, 2016
May 17, 2016 at 9:24 PM UTC
slow burn
i never wanted to kiss her lips, just hold her hand maybe kiss her cheeks because she suited a gentler kind of treatment something softer and more delicate, quiet; quieter than the constant raging storms inside my stomach, inside my mind (never my heart) those plump lips she bit them raw when nervous, and they swelled blossomed ruby as she looked at me like she knew this wouldn't last her eyes remained doughy and mellow when i met her gaze. my smile stung as it stretched the lines left by winter's bite and split them open once more. she brushed the blood beads away with her fingertips with a touch so reverent that, for a moment, i thought maybe she felt as though she were touching rosary beads instead, and i held my breath to stop myself from chasing her touch, and pressing her down into the mattress unholy, chasing pleasure. both agnostic, but she was much more pure than i; chivalries always in mind, i wanted to preserve that. there's always been something inside me that presses down the animalistic urges with a conscience caught on consideration and something akin to courtly love- i wanted to woo her before i pursued her but i never got further than pressing my lips to her forehead, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. i laced my fingers with hers but avoided tying any knots. i am not a man to be bound, too free-spirit, too restless, too claustrophobic; a few months in and i was choking on the ghost of a future; she kissed me first and i suffocated on the phantom of her hopes for us: a future that didn't yet exist, and i didn't want it to. i never kissed her; i never let her kiss me again. we tangled fingers over the duvet the television a background noise to our unsteady breaths, shallower than my love for her i enjoyed her quiet affection like one might enjoy curling into a blanket when cold and ill. i wanted her smiles, i wanted to fill her memories with goodness so that she never need feel hopeless, like all men are the same so that she had something to smile about when she looked back on us; once the bitterness of our breakup had left her mouth- whenever that eventual end would be- she could savour the taste of our sweet, slow-burn, love affair and be reminded that not all love is true love, but nor is all love heart breaking i broke her heart anyway. nobody ever taught me how cruel kindness could be.
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51
I can say I'm sorry But the truth is that I'm not When things get dark and starry You think about what you've got I've got a lot to love And a lot left to do But I've had enough I just fell out of love with you When it all got started I was happy and I was sure But things fall apart Things fluctuate and blur I don't have a reason And I don't have to explain I can try to help you But I don't care about the pain Have you seen me since? In a dream or on the street? And by coincidence You found someone to meet I hope it's all good for now Maybe you'll hate me less and less And you'll understand somehow How I avoided a bigger mess
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Dec 27, 2015
Dec 27, 2015 at 4:40 PM UTC
You Can Avoid Disaster
I’ve grown tired of this suit. I don't like wearing it anymore. It’s not what it once was. It’s a constant burden to me. It’s discolored, faded, and worn thin, especially around the knees.   It’s marred with tears and stains. It embarrasses me. It itches. It’s suffocating. It’s downright ugly. I no longer feel comfortable in it. I haven’t for decades. I’ve taken it to the best cleaners, the best tailors that money can buy, but it's still a tattered mess beyond repair. People say I look good in it, that it’s me, it's who I am,  don’t be so self conscious. But what do they know? They're not the ones who wear it all the time. I ******* do, ******* it. Maybe there’s some hidden truth in all of this that I’ve been bypassing all along? I don’t have the patience and tolerance to keep wearing it. The long-avoided decision to rid myself of my suit finally catches up with me. I’m not timid, not scared, not anxious - just relieved. Excited. Ready to undress. There’s a fresh, clean robe waiting for me, hanging from the mantle at the bottom of the stairs. I prepare myself for facing the uncertainty. So, here I go. I undress. It takes a matter of seconds before I rid myself of the suit. I stand naked, towering over the folded mess.   I think to myself, that wasn’t so bad after all… Just like anything in life, it’s the anticipation that cripples us.  Remember that. I lower my head and stare only for a few moments at my ***** mangy suit. Nothing at all, no remorse, no guilt – only liberation.  I receive the peace that has softly spoken to me in my dreams, through music, by feeding ducks and listening to the early morning birds.  They usually have the first thing to say, and it’s the most beautiful message one will ever hear.     I place my robe over my naked body and start walking up the worn, creaky stairs. Distant laughter and muffled conversations travel down to me as I climb higher towards the thick, ornate door. The voices are familiar.   I push open the door, welcomed by the faces that have been gone for far too long.
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Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 9:54 PM UTC
My Old Suit
I’ve grown tired of this suit. I don't like wearing it anymore. It’s not what it once was. It’s a constant burden to me. It’s discolored, faded, and worn thin, especially around the knees.   It’s marred with tears and stains. It embarrasses me. It itches. It’s suffocating. It’s downright ugly. I no longer feel comfortable in it. I haven’t for decades. I’ve taken it to the best cleaners, the best tailors that money can buy, but it's still a tattered mess beyond repair. People say I look good in it, that it’s me, it's who I am,  don’t be so self conscious. But what do they know? They're not the ones who wear it all the time. I ******* do, ******* it. Maybe there’s some hidden truth in all of this that I’ve been bypassing all along? I don’t have the patience and tolerance to keep wearing it. The long-avoided decision to rid myself of my suit finally catches up with me. I’m not timid, not scared, not anxious - just relieved. Excited. Ready to undress. There’s a fresh, clean robe waiting for me, hanging from the mantle at the bottom of the stairs. I prepare myself for facing the uncertainty. So, here I go. I undress. It takes a matter of seconds before I rid myself of the suit. I stand naked, towering over the folded mess.   I think to myself, that wasn’t so bad after all… Just like anything in life, it’s the anticipation that cripples us.  Remember that. I lower my head and stare only for a few moments at my ***** mangy suit. Nothing at all, no remorse, no guilt – only liberation.  I receive the peace that has softly spoken to me in my dreams, through music, by feeding ducks and listening to the early morning birds.  They usually have the first thing to say, and it’s the most beautiful message one will ever hear.     I place my robe over my naked body and start walking up the worn, creaky stairs. Distant laughter and muffled conversations travel down to me as I climb higher towards the thick, ornate door. The voices are familiar.   I push open the door, welcomed by the faces that have been gone for far too long.
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33
there's a knot in the middle of my spine - a knot made with flaming fuchsia rope - that i have never been able to untangle. my fingers aren't able to reach it quite right; no matter how much i rub or how far i arch my back against the mattress, the knot remains as taut as a lifeline. and i can't cut it loose also, i don't leave no scars on my back for i have promised myself the blade's lips can kiss my wrist and my wrist only. there have been people who have encountered me in this life to whom i have mentioned the knot. a couple of people only nodded and avoided my troubled eyes. some people have had the pleasure of fastening it even tighter. experienced sailors with impressive tying skills, that can secure an entire ship of agony and relentless torture to a worn and raw anchor as heavy as my body, with the vessel of malicious fingernails and empty words. most people have only soothed my aching back with gentle fingers; caressed and patted the knot with a tight lip drawn upon the face and pitied my sorrow with forbearing eyes. no one has ever cared to untie the unforgiving knot. no one has reached out to pull the burning end of the rope and set it loose. no one has carelessly ripped out of me the sigh i have been guarding in the hollow of my throat for so long. no one has set me free.
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May 7, 2016
May 7, 2016 at 2:09 AM UTC
i hope my dying breath is a sigh of relief
What’s the difference between escapism and avoidance? “There isn’t one, they’re synonyms” I used to think that too Because I have been lying to myself for the past three years “It’s just a quick break” “I’m just winding down and then I’ll get things done” And yet Night after night I find myself lying in bed at 1:30 am Staring blankly at my phone Watching anything I can get my hands on to escape And scrambling the next day to get anything I avoided done I think that I’m simply just escaping into another world To take a break from reality When really I’m avoiding everything that I need to get done I’ve been lying to myself for 1128 days today Because I cannot get myself motivated to do anything I tell myself that I'll get it done in a minute But I know it won't be done until weeks after it was due I thought it was simply just escapism But I am a devout avoidance practicer There is a difference between escapism and avoidance Because escapism is a temporary break to set your mind straight And avoidance is escaping everything at any cost.
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Mar 20, 2019
Mar 20, 2019 at 5:10 PM UTC
the difference between escapism and avoidance
INEVITABLE: unable to be avoided, unable to be evaded, or escaped; certain; necessary: An inevitable conclusion. Sure to occur, sure to happen, or sure to come to pass; unavoidable. Change is not subject to time, change is only subject to change, and even though season's change, time changes, the weather changes, and people change, change is happening all around us, just to let us know, that change is inevitable, it has to happen. Change is so inevitable, that you cannot stay the same, an infant child cannot stay an infant child forever, for at some point the infant child has to become a teenager, and the teenager has to become an adult, because change is inevitable. Even a baby in it's mothers womb knows change is inevitable, for the fetus cannot stay in his mothers womb beyond it's time of change, for if it does, it will destroy the mother. Change is so inevitable, that GOD shows us change in all creation, for even caterpillars change into beautiful flying butterflies. An ugly green caterpillar with multiple legs knows he has to change into something beautiful someday, because change is inevitable. Brothers and sisters, change is so inevitable, and it's so important that you change for the better, that time will work against you If you don't change, and time will destroy you if you stay the same, because time is changing whether you accept change or not. So you might as well submit to change, or time will force you to submit to change, whether you accept change or not.
0
Jan 11, 2016
Jan 11, 2016 at 6:14 AM UTC
CHANGE IS INEVITABLE
INEVITABLE: unable to be avoided, unable to be evaded, or escaped; certain; necessary: An inevitable conclusion. Sure to occur, sure to happen, or sure to come to pass; unavoidable. Change is not subject to time, change is only subject to change, and even though season's change, time changes, the weather changes, and people change, change is happening all around us, just to let us know, that change is inevitable, it has to happen. Change is so inevitable, that you cannot stay the same, an infant child cannot stay an infant child forever, for at some point the infant child has to become a teenager, and the teenager has to become an adult, because change is inevitable. Even a baby in it's mothers womb knows change is inevitable, for the fetus cannot stay in his mothers womb beyond it's time of change, for if it does, it will destroy the mother. Change is so inevitable, that GOD shows us change in all creation, for even caterpillars change into beautiful flying butterflies. An ugly green caterpillar with multiple legs knows he has to change into something beautiful someday, because change is inevitable. Brothers and sisters, change is so inevitable, and it's so important that you change for the better, that time will work against you If you don't change, and time will destroy you if you stay the same, because time is changing whether you accept change or not. So you might as well submit to change, or time will force you to submit to change, whether you accept change or not.
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10
I know you are part of my destiny So I haven't cried as much over our separation True, I did cry an ocean of tears But not so many to drown the grounds I stand upon I said words of frustration And whispered cries of surrender and desertion But I am open to emotions and those words allowed release -But- what I suggested in heated state of mind was just that Suggestions, not proclamations nor plans You know I tend to submerge myself in evil waters In order to rise from them with strength even greater Those shouts you may or may not have heard were the waters I was wading And now, I am back to the heavens with a heart more unbreakable Refreshed and replenished with the purity of home air I remain sure of the decision I made that day Don't worry, I am still certain of my true love for you No- More certain of everything I guess it took all those months to realise it I needed to break down in strengthening To lead the way to the point of exhaustion Because now, it's your turn to stand ahead As I deep down predicted, my words did not gain action Although reactions were clearly achieved Though words were controlled and questions avoided Your eyes that trick you, are as always unable to deceive me I guess what I am trying to express Is my undying true love for you My heart is unbroken, despite what I said Still holding you within, still cradling our infants to come
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Sep 11, 2013
Sep 11, 2013 at 2:07 PM UTC
True love never dies
Two years ago on Valentine's Day We had an attempt at reconciliation And did 69 on a small sweaty couch In a karaoke bar. One year ago on Valentine's Day You avoided eye contact with me and this year You'll probably kiss someone else And not talk to me but That's okay. Because it'll be just like three years ago When I didn't know you and I had a pretty good day. I don't know. Maybe it won't be exactly like that. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to deceive myself or anything, It's just hard to say what real and what's An admission Of incompatibility.
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Feb 18, 2014
Feb 18, 2014 at 12:02 AM UTC
After Our Final Attempt at Reconciliation
If only we could begin again and slow down the pernicious pace We ruin our oceans, the land, our air even outer space. If only we avoided such precarious paths that may lead to disparity If only we knew what action is needed now, to deal with the reality. Ecologists warned, yet still observe with ever-growing anxiety the growth of harmful long-term effects on Earth's biodiversity. If only the air wasn't gravely polluted, so the atmosphere begins to fail, so wreathed by carbon dioxide layers, extremes to climate may prevail. If only Earth's lungs cease being shrunk by profits heedless exploitation, existing relationships are considered scarcely in these aberrations. If only a solution for discarded synthetics which float in ugly hordes on oceans global drifts, disaster occurs wherever it reaches landfall. If only we can do something, a belated but resounding universal call, If only we can safeguard the future before there are no options at all. If only we could begin again and slow the ruinous pace... if only If Only M C Crowder @scorsby 19th November 2018
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Jan 2, 2019
Jan 2, 2019 at 12:00 PM UTC
If Only
What's harder between logic and love? What's easier between feeling and reason? Maybe love is just an equation with different variables and inconsistent values Maybe pain could be avoided if we just add up the right values and divide the exact problems. Maybe love could be found if we subtract mistakes made and multiply lessons learned. What if love was math?
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Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016 at 2:35 PM UTC
What if love was math?
Howls in the night cross the threshold of savagery Coordinated hate of a hundred jackboots stomping faces in the streets Storefronts smashed Crushed glass crunching under the feet of unbridled violence Doors bashed in Swinging sledges smash Women and children dragged kicking and screaming from their homes Beaten unconscious then beaten while unconscious Clothes rended flesh roughly groped ******* mashed by laughing barbarians with teeth made of knives Innocence of a generation ***** in a single evening Ransacking hands strangle the wealth of a culture One thousand synagogues in flames light cast magnified in the carpet of crystals sparkle of hellish brilliance Ninety one lives snuffed they were the lucky ones Avoided the camps where greater horrors were wrought in the forges of torment from the pounding of flesh beneath hatred like hammers
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Jun 18, 2012
Jun 18, 2012 at 8:27 AM UTC
Kristallnacht