"applicant" poems
Dear Miss ********,
We regret to inform you that unfortunately at this time we do not have space for you at our company.
Yours,
Xxxx xxxxxxxx
Dear Miss *******,
We regret to inform you that unfortunately at this time we cannot offer you a place with our company as you are under qualified.
Yours ** xxxxx
Dear Miss ********,
Thank you for your application. We regret to inform you that you are over-qualified for the position.
Yours, xxxxxxx ***
Dear Miss ******,
I don’t think so love. This isn’t even a letter, this is my managerial position on you handing me your cv.
Cheers, bahbye now
Dear Miss *******,
This isn’t really a letter either, but despite how un-pc this is, we can’t hire you due to your gender.
Thanks anyway, save your paper.
Dear Miss ********,
Thank you for your application, unfortunately we had stronger applicants.
Yours, etc., aaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dear Miss ********,
Thank you for your application. Unfortunately we are not hiring at the moment even though we had advertised the job you applied for.
Yours, xxxxxxxxx xxxxx
Dear Miss ********,
We had left it between you and another applicant, and couldn’t decide so we flipped a coin, and she won. You’re a lovely girl though.
Yours, fffffff ffff fffff
Dear Miss ********,
I refer to your claim for Jobseekers Benefit/Assistance at VVVVVV’s CCCCCC local office. Jobseekers Benefit/Assistance claims are subject to periodic review, consequently, I would appreciate if you would attend this office for interview on the 31/17/78 and bring the following :
1. Proof of Identity (i.e. Passport or Driving Licence or Long version of your Birth Certificate)
2. Proof of Residency (e.g. Letter from landlord/ Rent Book/ Lease/ Mortgage Receipt/ Letter from Parents + Household Bill)
3. Written Proof of recent job applications and replies.
4. Proof of job applications made through FAS
5. FAS courses applied for.
6. A copy of your Curriculum Vitae (CV): unemployed from
7. If your spouse/partner is an adult dependent on your claim, please bring his/her GNIB and Passport/Travel Documents.
Failure to respond to this letter may lead to suspension or disallowance of claim.
Yours sincerely,
**** *****
Local Officer
Feb 15, 2013
Feb 15, 2013 at 10:26 AM UTC
First, are you our sort of a person?
Do you wear
A glass eye, false teeth or a crutch,
A brace or a hook,
Rubber ******* or a rubber crotch,
Stitches to show something's missing? No, no? Then
How can we give you a thing?
Stop crying.
Open your hand.
Empty? Empty. Here is a hand
To fill it and willing
To bring teacups and roll away headaches
And do whatever you tell it.
Will you marry it?
It is guaranteed
To thumb shut your eyes at the end
And dissolve of sorrow.
We make new stock from the salt.
I notice you are stark naked.
How about this suit----
Black and stiff, but not a bad fit.
Will you marry it?
It is waterproof, shatterproof, proof
Against fire and bombs through the roof.
Believe me, they'll bury you in it.
Now your head, excuse me, is empty.
I have the ticket for that.
Come here, sweetie, out of the closet.
Well, what do you think of that ?
Naked as paper to start
But in twenty-five years she'll be silver,
In fifty, gold.
A living doll, everywhere you look.
It can sew, it can cook,
It can talk, talk , talk.
It works, there is nothing wrong with it.
You have a hole, it's a poultice.
You have an eye, it's an image.
My boy, it's your last resort.
Will you marry it, marry it, marry it.
2.9k
Paddy's faithful workhorse
It broke down by the gate
And he had forty acres
To plough and cultivate
Paddy lived all alone
Now that was a fact
So he wrote an advert
Somewhat lacking tact
WIFE REQUIRED URGENTLY
A MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR
IS THAT THE APPLICANT
SHOULD POSSESS A TRACTOR
AGE UNIMPORTANT, COLOUR DOESN'T MATTER
PLEASE ENCLOSE WITH REPLY PHOTO
OF SAID TRACTOR
Oct 20, 2013
Oct 20, 2013 at 12:24 PM UTC
Despite suffering from illness,
****** assault from a once trusted individual,
being told I do not belong in my own country,
and shoved away by supposed peers and professor at my institution,
I remain.
As steadfast as ever,
protecting my place, country, and
family.
No matter how exhausted
or how shattered my current frame of reality may be,
I never cheat on my schoolwork or exams
like the same peers who belittle me.
Me, who is there:
patiently waiting,
always the last,
seeking help after another misstep;
Nonetheless,
diligently remaining on track,
amidst the others descended from the Esteemed,
Who continue the cyclic tradition of oppression.
While I acknowledge that
the absence of refuge
for the trodden
has existed for many centuries,
and even myself as of now,
I understand it to be ill-gotten privilege
I may have stolen
from another applicant more promising than me;
I remain in
This Place
amongst books
and the International Royalty.
Beginning from
such atrocities
in both blood, home, and later within the educational institution,
I never had any interest in making a name for myself.
I did not apply to college because I was told to—
it is because I was predominantly told the opposite.
Facing the shouting and dismissals
from those closest in blood and esteemed teachers at school.
In this time of a loosening socioeconomic hierarchy,
finally exposing the Freedoms of this Nation
Our Ancestors could never dream of,
We Must Remain, Learn, and Fight!
Revel in how
Unfulfilled we are,
Remain Loyal to your well-established Ideals,
and Fight!
Aug 24, 2020
Aug 24, 2020 at 3:58 PM UTC
The Fates
1914 Heaven & Hell BLVD
Waco Texas 666
C.E.O. Master O. Cards
Incomplete Application For Living
This Is An App. For Living
Name: Last______ First______ Middle Initial__
Home Address: Mt Olive RD
State: AR. City:________ & Zip Code:________
Social Security Number:
*-(ect)-9797
Male or Female (please circle one)
Race: Yellow, Black, Red or Caucasian?
List Previous Acquaintances:
(beginning last to first,
in detail please, do rank them all
& mark which ones are worse)
Name:____________Have known for How Long?____________
Age:____________How would you rate this one?____________
Are you Enemies or Friends now?____________
What will they do?____________ What have they done?____________
Have you been convicted of a Felony?____________
Misdemeanor?____________ Or Likewise?____________
Plead Guilty?____________ Or No Contest?____________
Go against Legal Advise?____________
(If yes, then please explain:)________________________
_____________________________________________
Are you most Happy?____________ Somewhat Sad?____________
A High school Dropout?____________ College Grad?____________
Thin?________ Obese?________ Medium Build?________
Pretty?________ Ugly?________ Clumsy?________ Skilled?________
Disclaimer
If we are to judge you right, Please fill in all the spaces, The process must be quite precise, On Looks, I.Q. and Races. This information’s vital and our tally is what counts, It let’s us know which ones will live and which will need put down.
I hereby swear this is the truth, not made~up to cause hurt,
I understand the consequence should there be falsehoods in word.
Applicant: ______________________
(must be signed in blood or other D.N.A.)
Please Print Name:________________
(so we can read of whom we are to slay)
For questions please call our hotline toll-free @ 1-666-0My-Fate
Jul 12, 2010
Jul 12, 2010 at 7:19 AM UTC
Author: Kristen Stevens
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Current mood:rather put out
So I've been on vacation...wait that should be capitalized it was of great importance. Allow me to begin again.***So I've been on VACATION. Which was great, by the way, thanks for asking. I returned to work with admittedly less enthusiasm than I should have had. However the news that awaited me put the smile back on my face.
Someone that I did not really get along with quit. (Oh fabulous day!) That is the thrilling part the dismayed part is upcoming. A coworker pointed out a flaw in my joy. I now need to find a new lure for the apocalypse that feels like it's coming any day now. If you have any suggestions I need a new applicant, because the people I've agreed to see to safety probably would not like a change in their status.
Sep 21, 2010
Sep 21, 2010 at 8:16 AM UTC
I placed an ad
outside my office
offering a job in my small company:
*The applicant
must be computer literate
and possess secretarial skills
and must be bilingual*
(and proudly, I added)
*WE ARE AN
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER*
and this dog came in
and indicated with barks and snout
he wanted the job;
and proved with paws and limbs
and tongue and tail, and with various barks
he had all the skills
Astounded, I put up all sorts of barriers
but the dog could not be stopped by any one
And so I finally said:
*“You have demonstrated your skills, sure;
you have barked – but you don’t seem
to know any other popular language…
I can’t offer you the job -
I need someone bilingual!”*
And the dog replied: “Meow!”
Aug 8, 2013
Aug 8, 2013 at 9:02 AM UTC
I think he wrote
while you baked,
made fairy cakes
or something of the sort
while the young ones
whizzed around
like balloons
released from your fingers.
I think he was
your applicant,
not a bad fit,
frothing with wit,
a kiss made you giddy
like a girl
on their first date
in the heaving city.
On a red day
I think you sighed
when hearing boots
in the hallway but beamed
on a blue day
when he strode
through the door, a tie,
another rough wool jumper.
When he rode
those capsules home
I think perhaps you
wished to nick
your thumb again,
see the crimson seep
and weep as a child
over their father.
I think you wore
the smile of accomplishment
on day forty-two,
enough had bruised you,
pinched your skin
so it hurt and burnt pink,
stung a cheek
and left a tender spot.
I think you didn't want to
but did anyway,
felt all your words
had charred and bled black
so inhaled the haze,
swam under the jar
for the last time, before it fell
and cracked on his floor.
Apr 23, 2013
Apr 23, 2013 at 6:35 PM UTC
I color in between the lines
A darkened circle on a
Standardized scantron
Like the other numbers in the room
Wasting my life
With every stroke of breaking led
I color in a circle on a scantron
But I'm really coloring in
To America's capitalism
To the capitalism that acts as God-
The “Invisible Hand” made visible
By McDonalds and Burger King;
By my father's law firm
And the rest of the world
In coloring in this little circle
I'm coloring in myself
Marking myself
Right or wrong
Form 32A or Form 32B
98th percentile or 95th
And as I become applicant
Number 8574
I realize
I've become unable
To do anything
For the person
Beyond the number
Sep 22, 2013
Sep 22, 2013 at 5:00 PM UTC
Once careers that furnished
A new terminology of unnourished
Years past there was longevity in how long you stayed on a job
Yet the reverse of jobs created no mob
Short term you might as well be a temp
The idea of long term is out the door it went
A recommendation passed from a Former President
The theory became an idea for U.S. Companies being evident
Long term had finally become the worse enemy
It was put asleep
Then filed away for sometime to keep
The new career is short term
It means stay 3 or 6 months then move along
Companies no longer want you to be employed long
But there is a catch
The applicant becomes the test run
Playing with someone’s career isn’t fun
The employer’s voice, “We want to see if you will work out”
Now you see what I am talking about
Imagine living career wise day by day
There is not much you can really say
However salaries have dropped dramatically
You live based on living scientifically
Created a method that will help you survive
Regardless of circumstance you have the power to continue to strive
Yes people need a job
However at what extend to one’s expiration
A career revival change
New policies need to be arranged
Terms with their own name
No time for the blame game
A new wave of short term to remain
Create your own long term being the aim.
Jan 1, 2015
Jan 1, 2015 at 5:31 PM UTC
Selection Criteria
We seek a person showing an authentic engagement with the culture of language. The applicant needs a broad appreciation of linguistic form and an inclusive approach.
Essential:
• Two good honours degrees from a top performing university - Or relevant experience as an autodidact or dilitante.
• A willingness to appreciate and engage in other people's expression of poetic form.
• Openness to the ways in which language is multimodal and able to blur the distinction between word, voice, sound, body and image, whilst being able to draw upon the conventions of each mode.
Desirable:
• Colourful life-history, and a keen eye/ear for human and natural dynamics, and the capacity to dissolve the distinction.
Please submit sample below:
There was a tree. Indeed, there was a tree... that night we played with Gertrude or some girl or boy or some other echo or other.
Had she not mentioned the issue with the fragmentary interjections by candidates? The capacity of evocation is lost with this fashion for modernism [Golden light of blue buzzard and some such and wot not before azure cream in winter time and crystalline glaze] and its reflexive interruptions. Perhaps she should start again. [Does it even need to be a word? And what is this anyway?]. Re: Start again - good lord we are forced to read some nonsense [in the steam rows and the bath cabin], often with a similar flow. What about the art of pleasing our palate? We bump our heads against the brackets, elliptical conjurings and compound punctuation: -
Oh! ... Out of time? Battery low? Well, this will have to be the submission then. Good luck.
Apr 18, 2020
Apr 18, 2020 at 7:02 PM UTC
Scouring, the unmarked
silences―
for the invisible executions.
My name was
on top, for exclusion
from the list.
Now you can read the
applicant's account
under the sun's fault.
A thrill of terror
runs through the buds.
A celebration will stop the words.
There was no other
way, to know the pink of
a dying rose.
May 26, 2017
May 26, 2017 at 11:03 PM UTC
I am a soldier of Fortune 500
I feel neither pain nor hunger
In this applicant pool, I almost feel outnumbered
I look dapper in my business suit; don't mind the holes at the elbows and knees
Instead, notice my resume and my level of expertise
Ask me anything you please
How did I end here in this tragedy?
Although well versed in corporate strategy
Even I was not prepared for this calamity
Stock shares crashing to the ground
My comrades falling all around
With a gruesome sound
So much carnage abound
Growth and acquisition
Revenge and retribution
I can make a contribution
I just need a job; I assure I am a great fit
I never tire and never quit
Yes, I did bring my work permit
I am a soldier of fortune; a gun for hire
I make my way under heavy fire
I will make it through this mire
I am what you call a corporate survivor
Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 10:06 AM UTC
First, are you our sort of a person?
Do you wear
A glass eye, false teeth or a crutch,
A brace or a hook,
Rubber ******* or a rubber crotch,
Stitches to show something's missing? No, no? Then
How can we give you a thing?
Stop crying.
Open your hand.
Empty? Empty. Here is a hand
To fill it and willing
To bring teacups and roll away headaches
And do whatever you tell it.
Will you marry it?
It is guaranteed
To thumb shut your eyes at the end
And dissolve of sorrow.
We make new stock from the salt.
I notice you are stark naked.
How about this suit——
Black and stiff, but not a bad fit.
Will you marry it?
It is waterproof, shatterproof, proof
Against fire and bombs through the roof.
Believe me, they'll bury you in it.
Now your head, excuse me, is empty.
I have the ticket for that.
Come here, sweetie, out of the closet.
Well, what do you think of that?
Naked as paper to start
But in twenty-five years she'll be silver,
In fifty, gold.
A living doll, everywhere you look.
It can sew, it can cook,
It can talk, talk, talk.
It works, there is nothing wrong with it.
You have a hole, it's a poultice.
You have an eye, it's an image.
My boy, it's your last resort.
Will you marry it, marry it, marry it.
Sylvia Plath, "The Applicant" from The Collected Poems. Copyright © 2008 by Sylvia Plath. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
Source: The Collected Poems (Faber and Faber, 1989)
Related
Jul 4, 2017
Jul 4, 2017 at 5:18 PM UTC
Just a wee bit too eccentric,
And a little bit too much drink,
Yet the passion in the hallway
Did certainly make me think
And yes, your airplane was so cool
And I liked you were smarter than me.
But I'm so glad I didn't fall in love.
Because you wanted a family.
Aged 43- and as of yet no child
In need of a son to be an heir
And the thought of being a mom again
Was just way too much to bear.
Whether you even liked me for me
Well I guess I never truly knew
Most times I felt more like an applicant
For a job I couldn't do.
But all things turn out as they should
It was so nice to see you the other day
To hear that you had met another
And had a little Martin on the way. :)
Aug 6, 2017
Aug 6, 2017 at 9:37 PM UTC
she has put her middle name up for adoption. her middle name is syllogist. you will be reading for the role of first applicant. you will die of natural causes each of which have been previously cast. in the two accepted versions of the story you have a son your husband beats. in the third and final version your son seeks out his real father and doesn’t need you as much. in real life your three equally tall sons lift you privately from a parade honoring your **** scene. this is theirs.
Mar 13, 2013
Mar 13, 2013 at 11:32 AM UTC
outside the dream, this anger.
the kids are happily
the kids. they think
to paint
the ****
mama
with snow
one must
more quickly
create. I am here
to pin my sadness
on
its applicant. when first
I was poked
in the ribs
how hard
I was poked
in the ribs
didn’t matter.
Aug 20, 2014
Aug 20, 2014 at 3:19 PM UTC
I’ve never heard of a dishonest leopard
Or a cheating cheetah for that matter
I haven’t spoken with a corrupt eagle
Doing things I find rather illegal
I didn’t meet with a warlord grasshopper?
Nor a giraffe being the nastiest plotter
Never seen an ethnic massacre of sparrows carried out by pigeons
Or Panda’s killing koalas in the name of panda religion
Neither did I hear a drug-dealing squirrel
Nor a cat applicant with fake referral
Newspapers never read an alligator
Acting as the river’s agitator
No birds to sink so low being the bid-riggers
Or fish terrorists pulling the triggers
These are the problems that humans face
The ultra-superior, ultimate, master-race
These are not even problems, man! Just basics
And we succeed to fail in all. Let’s face it
Being the only incompatible creature
Of the whole system, we call nature
Answer me this! Who are the irrationals?
Honestly though! Us idiots or them animals?
Apr 15, 2021
Apr 15, 2021 at 9:59 AM UTC