A love so strong,
A jealousy so fierce,
A sneaking anger,
With an ill-concealed need of you.
These pent-up, raw, reluctant emotions,
Now, plaint to see,
Are beckoning even the innermost of my core.
The beat to an apoptotic dance.
The final curtain
To a life of sweet sweet nothingness.

'He spoke about his scars with uncertainty'
I looked at them with admiration

'He said
He had
Cigarettes
Put out
On his back'

Oh how many tears
have been stuck in your lacrimal sac?
and how many infarcts
are in your lungs?

How many cells of yours
are apoptotic?

And how tired
is your heart
from pumping
blood
to your scars,
in hopes
that there would be tissue to feed
and skin to color...?

...in hopes
that in some way
you have gotten back
to normal?


little does your heart know
you're better than normal
you're special
you're delightful,

"I love you"

What is this cruelty?
That I look through the lense
My heart stuck somewhere
between my gut and oesophagus
Bile of revulation and loss
Tethering in my mouth
***** of pain
Streaming from my blistered tongue
Stomach acids burning my insides
Wrinkles mapping the milestones of my life

I weep on nights like this
The ones that remind me
Of what once was
Oh what could have been
And what till never come to pass

What will be
Is my heart will shatter a million
Times over
Thinking of your smile
And laughter
Just 31536000 seconds ago

I miss you till the pain quakes
My every
apoptotic
Necrotic,
Programmed
Cell death

It's already gone
These are rattling bones
An empty cage

Because, without you
I am just -
A
Dead
Body
Breathing