I don't see how u can talk to someone off and on for over2 yrs and follow their every keystroke and see what and who they talk to and listen to them thru the speakers on the computer and if I didn't  cover the camera would be able to see us also.....and then see theyre on a dating site and either u had a profile already or made one up to meet me.  That is a lot of following and listening and reading their online happenings...only to meet them from the dating site.  Which how u even knew that id date you is odd unless u were just hoping.  I realized that when my brother died last year.....that was you I was talking to wasn't it???  Do you know how special that is to me and my heart? I didn't have anyone to help ,me thru that and you were there.  I wanted to thank you so very much. I don't see how u can do all these tracings of my actions and talk to me at the most horrific time of my life thus far and then not tell me that its you..... I will never under stand why u didn't tell me.... I so wished you would have *** the things would have turned out so much different. I just thought u were some dude who was a cheating pig....and wasn't thinking too serious about anythg *** I knew u wont leave "her". that's why I never asked u too and or even brought it up *** ive seen the shows where they say they'll leave but never do so why ask? but if id had known u were frozen heart and soule shawn I would have looked at things differently. I would have taken things and rearranged them to fit into my life better. I owe the person or man who talked to me and helped me get thru each day when john died a lot..... *** If it wasn't for u I don't think id been ok. Also If id known you were the holder of my heart and would have told me things instead of not saying much....it would have ended up in the way u wanted it to be. Not this way where I will be sad and ****** yet upset for not knowing u were the one who makes me happy *** to me you are perfect and perfect for me as well... God I miss u more then u will ever know,,, I wish I could hug and kiss u.... and sit and talk ....but its not gonna happen and it just makes me want to cry but I keep getting headaches when I cry....so I don't like to....     Im so grateful that I was with u for the year and a half we spent together.....wish it would have lasted for ever though instead...*** I wont ever stop wanting u....ILY!!!

You always meant the world to me ....even if I didn't show it....*** I wanted you from the moment we met and deep down u know it.
You said you cant "say it", well im the opposite of that..i can "say it "but im scared to "show it" .. *** what if  I do something dumb and blow it?
There isn't anything I wouldn't do to have u back in my life....but I don't think you want me in ur life  especially since you already pretty much  have a "wife"...
it hurts so bad it feels worse then being cut with  a knife.
I want to just talk to u....*** I so badly miss u....I think it will even matter....but you've always been the one....that's why before we meet my soul knew when we connected  of fb that we weren't just 2 people talking....Ive talked to  a few guys here and there....had no connection with even one of them....but with u.....I cant even get u outta my mind. I was looking for u too but not like Sherlock....(maybe a sure lick but not a Sherlock...lol)  or how some look for others....but I was looking for you,,,*** there was something about u that had some major hold on me.....then when u left me on fb I knew u were on twitter and I was on there a few times before that  but once u left I was addicted to it.  I was watching your movments....at first I was anaylising(I know its spelled wrong and I don't care....its to know one so why would I give a **** if its correct.) the things that were said and if certain words you used more then others  also you  spoke like a knight would at times and say things that only "knights" of the round table kind of guys say.... im not going to tell you *** then youd know. or I was watching the content of which the words were worded and the types of ords you used. if your punctuation was perfect every time. also the typos if any or not *** when u are on fb and instant msg someone its fast and u cant proof it before sending. so u made basicly none but you did on few things and ive always remembered them... I watches what words you said or used the most....things you would say every time...because were connected for some reason. You know its true but you for some reason don't want to let yourself feel real love....or are scared of it...how did u ever get her if your always in fear of everything...? I don't know why you  don't want to let urself feel these feeling and keep fighting it.....I don't know why.....*** I can feel all of this....like u have 4 or more people inside u and they are the ones whos fighting u....its one against like 3 or 4 others.....as if your my angel and the others are the devil.....
*** I learned that you had many many various accts...womans , kids,  men , boys, kids in high school, teen girls who cut, many others ....from other countries....those were all my favs.....but the one the MAIN one (was Be_N....) was a farm animal...I couldn't not go one twitter and see what he said.....*** I was in need of closure....   I was also convinced I could win u back becus we had a weird connection....and it was lust or anythg stupid like that....its is *** we were suppose to be together....why do u think I was honest from the gate....I told u I cared and have love in my heart for u but I was in love with "him" and would point to the computer.......
my point is you know ive always wanted u and if you cant see that.....then im lost and have no idea what to do.....*** all I know is....for all eternity I will be loving u.

I don't know what to think or to believe. ..... But everyone knows if anythg happens to me it's *** of ur doing and they have ur  FULL name and more .... Just incase!!!!.

I wAnted u from day one and still would but u won't even agree to meet me and just talk. .....
So am I suppose to just hope and wAit
forever?
I can't just live off words alone!!
I still ache for u and probably always will but u won't even make a call or text me or anythg so why should I sit alone when ur still out having "friends"??
Well now I have one and he's the sweetest thing....
He's trying to rebuild whAt all the men in my life before him have ruinned!!!
I know I'm not gonna marry him or even be his girl ....
But he is something wonderful and a godsend !!!!!

I'm so greatful I met him!!!!

To say that u hate you would be a huge lie
Truth is I never should have said goodbye

I know that u don't forgive me and would rather that I die
But the harsh reality is I wish I could still look you in the eye!!
If I knew what you meant to me when you were still here I never would have let u go because your the  one that I hold dear!!!

I'd give anythg to feel your touch...
Just wish I knew back then
*** now my words don't mean as much!!!

Ur my heart and I can't let u go-
I don't even know how even if I wanted to!!
I constantly think about u and the time we shared
It's hard to forget u when my life has forever been impaired!

I wish we could be friends from afar....
It's not how I want it but at least  u haven't gone too far!

I'd give anythg just to talk to u a few times a week!!
That would be the best thing and I'd be so happy I'd totally freak!

But u hate me and it's over and done...
I don't want to marry u but in my heart ur number 1!!!!!