I miss u so much and think of u too much.....I bet u don't even think of me at all. ...except to talk mean about....when even though all I long for is to be ur friend again....I miss u terribly...
Jan 3, 2014
Jan 3, 2014 at 9:07 PM UTC
Can't u understand that I want u as my man....and no one will do but u.??
I want to hug and kiss u each and every day....and go on walks and talk aboujt things whatever they may....
I want to hold u close and look deep into ur eyes.....and always tell u how much I love u and never show u the ottherwise.....
I want to take care u and treat u like a good woman would....if id known that u were he....wed still be together *** id love u as I should.
I seriouslly want to be with u fofever...and even after that when our souls go wherever.
U don't even know how much love I have and want to give to u.....I hope soon u will realise that and come and let me prove it to u.
Jan 1, 2014
Jan 1, 2014 at 5:48 PM UTC
My pretend smile hides a lot of my pain....so no one knows how much festers up inside...destoying my brain..,
It works well so know one knows all of what I hide.....sometomes it seeems like my whole world is about to colide.
Like tonight....I was twenty mins. Late to get home.....so I'm locked out..forced to spend the night inside my car all alone.
I don't get why she treats me so bad.....but if I even argue....I am told to be quiet *** I just make her always mad....which makes me sad *** I don't know why.....why do I even care or why so I even try...
Like today I steam cleaned the dinningroom floor.....its so much nicer now....no dog stains left on the carpet like before.
She didn't even say thanks or give me a hug......it bothers me when she treats me like this.....its reallhy starting to bug..
So for now I will fight back these tears wanting to fall.....can't let that. . happen...since its so cold out here.....teafrs will start but end up as ice sicles once they start to fall.
Dec 31, 2013
Dec 31, 2013 at 3:20 AM UTC
I don't care about you anymore...all I was to u was someone u could use as ur *****
The problem is the only ***** is u.....why else would u prey on women the way u do???
U use them to satisfy ur own greed....cus the one who. Sleeps in the bed with u isn't fofilling all that u need...
Its too bad that ur so selfish and use others so u can bust a nut......try being truthful instead of a ******* lying piece of **** ****
Its really sad that ur so ******* intelligent.....but u have no love in ur life.....even ur chick at home thinks u both have a life......only if she even knew who u really are.....
One day shell wake the **** up and finally see what a ******* dissrespectful lying looser mother ******* **** sucker son of a ***** u really are....
Dec 27, 2013
Dec 27, 2013 at 2:28 AM UTC
I don't care about you anymore...all I was to u was someone u could use as ur *****
The problem is the only ***** is u.....why else would u prey on women the way u do???
U use them to satisfy ur own greed....cus the one who. Sleeps in the bed with u isn't fofilling all that u need...
Its too bad that ur so selfish and use others so u can bust a nut......try being truthful instead of a ******* lying piece of **** ****
Its really sad that ur so ******* intelligent.....but u have no love in ur life.....even ur chick at home thinks u both have a life......only if she even knew who u really are.....
One day shell wake the **** up and finally see what a ******* dissrespectful lying looser mother ******* **** sucker son of a ***** u really are....
Dec 27, 2013
Dec 27, 2013 at 2:28 AM UTC
I don't see how u can talk to someone off and on for over2 yrs and follow their every keystroke and see what and who they talk to and listen to them thru the speakers on the computer and if I didn't cover the camera would be able to see us also.....and then see theyre on a dating site and either u had a profile already or made one up to meet me. That is a lot of following and listening and reading their online happenings...only to meet them from the dating site. Which how u even knew that id date you is odd unless u were just hoping. I realized that when my brother died last year.....that was you I was talking to wasn't it??? Do you know how special that is to me and my heart? I didn't have anyone to help ,me thru that and you were there. I wanted to thank you so very much. I don't see how u can do all these tracings of my actions and talk to me at the most horrific time of my life thus far and then not tell me that its you..... I will never under stand why u didn't tell me.... I so wished you would have *** the things would have turned out so much different. I just thought u were some dude who was a cheating pig....and wasn't thinking too serious about anythg *** I knew u wont leave "her". that's why I never asked u too and or even brought it up *** ive seen the shows where they say they'll leave but never do so why ask? but if id had known u were frozen heart and soule shawn I would have looked at things differently. I would have taken things and rearranged them to fit into my life better. I owe the person or man who talked to me and helped me get thru each day when john died a lot..... *** If it wasn't for u I don't think id been ok. Also If id known you were the holder of my heart and would have told me things instead of not saying much....it would have ended up in the way u wanted it to be. Not this way where I will be sad and ****** yet upset for not knowing u were the one who makes me happy *** to me you are perfect and perfect for me as well... God I miss u more then u will ever know,,, I wish I could hug and kiss u.... and sit and talk ....but its not gonna happen and it just makes me want to cry but I keep getting headaches when I cry....so I don't like to.... Im so grateful that I was with u for the year and a half we spent together.....wish it would have lasted for ever though instead...cus I wont ever stop wanting u....ILY!!!
Dec 13, 2013
Dec 13, 2013 at 5:41 AM UTC
You are on my mind all the time.... I want to talk to u so can you make some time?
If you ever cared...then please do this for me....
You know im weak and I need to know so I can either continue or just let it be.
Dec 7, 2013
Dec 7, 2013 at 4:29 AM UTC
Pretend what you will~
Truth be told~
Why do u want to live like this~
When your getting kinda old?
You'll never find the love that you seek~
Your searching technique is pathetic and weak.
Just be honest with yourself and let your heart be free~
Deep down you know you were made for me.
I want you too I will admit~
But, I'm getting tired of waiting and am ready to quit!
Dec 7, 2013
Dec 7, 2013 at 4:19 AM UTC
I have finally come to see that no matter what I do...or what I become my mom will still say its not good enough and im just some worthless ***
She makes me feel like im worthless and a waste of human skin.....she keeps the depression inside of me churning and to regain my sanity for it will never ever win.
She doesn't even remember things as they have taken place....and when u explain your reasons why...she looks at you as if she may say.... "really?" with that look on her face.
She doesn't try to understand you or take into consideration how u may feel.....its always just some brush it under the carpet and pretend were all happy and make it seem real.
But in the meantime its only doing more bad then any good.....parenting should automatically come with manuals so you know that what ur doing is what you should.
Ive been crying for hours tonight...cus the way I am treated by them~it just aint right....you don't treat one child different then the others.....like one set of rules for each ....its just absurd and if it was u being treated uncool ...youd want them to practice as they were to preach.
But not in this house ....they have different rules for each kid...which is complete shit....I never should have moved here like I did.
Being here has made me think a lot about suicide....its really bad if a persons worth had been\
suppressed by all the tears they they've cried.
I wish I could turn back the clock so I wasn't infact here....then maybe just maybe I could be given a little repair...since love in my heart from them .....hasn't ever really been there....
Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 6:27 AM UTC
I think if we cant stop these feelings and emotions for each other....its *** we should be with each other or so to speak...
Its hard for me not talking to you.....cus I want to know about things since I care...Like how was your day and what did you do....but it doesn't matter now since were through.
Id like to know how you are since I miss you like the moon would miss a star.
I hate that I start each day without my "K.P.B" saying to have a great day. I miss all the little things that youd do......they may have been dumb or bothersome but I loved that you always said the sweet things u used to.
Sometimes I still hope u will call and or text me but then on twitr I see what you say in the "sad" acct. I know that you wont since talking **** is what that's all about...
Why do say things like that? Don't you have any compassion for others? You should say it where It cant be seen....cus you do it on purpose and that just flat out mean..
I don't know why you want to act like you hate me and not have the feelings you do.....If we've been feeling like this for over 2 mos...theres a reason and you should accept it *** its gonna haunt you.
I wish we could talk even just once more ....even if to say goodbye *** its wasn't handled properly before...
If you could only see inside my heart.,, youd know what we feel is real and that we are never to be apart.
Dec 2, 2013
Dec 2, 2013 at 12:09 PM UTC