i'd like to rock climb your spine,
bungee jump off the bridge of your nose,
tackle the pillow beneath your head,
kiss you softly on the cheek, and then
i'd like to crawl into my own ear and whisper
"it's okay to go to sleep thinking of yourself"

i am dyslexia.
does  not mean im dum.
i just cant read or right easily.

i am synesthesia
i usually say the colour,
youre outlined with,
or i say the thing that,
i taste with your words.
am i random?
to you maybe.

i am stutter.
i t-ta-alk l-like th-this.
am i dumb?
i again say-no. i am as smart as you.
maybe even smarter.

Can you imagine trying,
to read something out loud,
while having dyslexia ,
AND  a stutter?
its crazy.

I can remember the first time
I stepped through the mirror
into the Umbra.
Flash
crashing glass
into darkness.
Being propelled along by arms darting
from out of the darkness
squeezing and groping,
ripping off clothing.
Then came the mouths,
too many mouths to count,
it was maddening,
******* and licking
shoving and poking
endlessly forward
through a sensual gauntlet,
soon I was pushed to the floor
at soon I was being ******,
one after another, mounted by a horde
of hot flesh, gyrating,
hands probbing, and squeezing.
Gasping for air,
after mouth after mouth covers mine,
tongues tongues tongues tongues,
Coming,
over and over again,
eyes bulging with maddening release.
Alk the while propelled forward,
the floor a conveyor belt,
and just when the pleasure becomes too much to take,
it all goes away,
and I'm dumped unceremoniuosly in a blinding white chamber,
surrounded by mirrors.
And As I crawl to my feet, naked and wet, sore and aching
I look up into the mirror,
and I see that
I am you...
That was the last time I stepped into the Umbra.

To make someone smile while reading what you write is always an achievement to me. I love to play with words and to be able to write and let the readers relate to it and learn from it is satisfying.

But, why does it not work in real life when talking?

I have 99 problems and having to be stuck in my thoughts and letting people down because I could not help them with their problems just made me guilty.

Am I not a good friend because of this?

I tried, but I can't.

Because most of the time, I have not been tested. I have not taste the taste of defeat, the taste of depression, the taste of feeling like your soul want to break free from the confine place and the taste of not knowing what to feel.

I have not felt how it is like to just sit and you do not know what to feel. You want to scream and break alk thing and cry and just release everything out but it just would not escape and you end up hurting yourself.

I have not felt how it is like to run away from an explaination.

I feel like I am not loved for not being tested with all these challenges.

I want to be able to relate those pain, and help them with my words but all I do is lend a shoulder to cry, a hug to be shared because that is all I could offer.

Do you realize what you’re doing
Oh my god get down from there
Nobody wants you dead
Talk to us ok

Just please
Understand how much I love you
My best friend on earth
P**lease don’t jump

Its all bad yall
This pain is all to familiar
This moment I usually consider a life lesson
I feel its less of a blessing and more of a curse
And right now id rather be layed flat in the back of a hurse
Because its all bad yall....
Thats my problem you see
I feel like the whole world is targeting me and they dont even know it
I know exactly how I feel but I dont know how to show it
This is exactly what I was afraid of...
The last time I tested what I was made of
Now im here with this gun and the pain. Is just...
Its all bad yall
Im sorry
Most of yall know me for the strenght I withhold
And the man I am through the stories ive told
And how I represent the honor of being true and bold
But in this moment im just a boy without faith a day old
And if there is a God then he's calling me back home
This barrel never felt so good next to my dome
Its cold and I rather die than live alone
Who'd ever thought I'd be saying such a thing
Though I'd rather die right now, I still hope my phone rings
Just so I can hear your voice to remind me of the things I have
The things I have worked for
The things that I've been giving
I mean I know theres a God but sometimes I feel he's hidden...
Its all bad yall...
Theres nothing left
And I hope that you remember me for the life that I've lead
And the laughs, joy and the goodness that I spread because this...
Because this is the moment where it alk falls through
God... please forgive what im about to do
I love you mom
I love you dad
But this...this moment..,.its all bad
Its all bad yall

I  can not do this alone

Have you even cared
As I see it you hate me
Talk to me please..
Eventually I will stop trying

Yout are the one killing me
Out of my control
U*sually I try harder

I hide from the sun, bring the shadows and the cold

I flee from the commons, for i shall not fill a mold

You say i am different, you say I am dark

Because I am myself, for i do not bear the mark

Of the millions that follow, someone they only see

I am an original, no copies, no clones, no kings, just me

For I will stand alone, if it means to stay true

I will not fall victim, like have all of you

That have lost their own sight, and their minds alk the same

As to become but a number, not me, you will hear of my name

Written in history books, or etched into stone

You'll know i stood proudly, even if now i am alone

I flee the commons

Feeling so lost
Unable to get by
Trapped in all the reasons why

Im feel like  the pain is so deep
Its just grows and grows
Been through so much
Pain I  maybe going insane
just when I thought there was hope
I GET THROWN OUT
not even a joke
What is this life
When all I try for get torn apart .
Made a mockery of this chaos
A dangerous place
You wont see
nothing left but empty seas
a good thing that is now bend
A lovers grief is strained
Not more passion to gain
a broke promise to  hold on
Why do I feel so wrong
A door now Shut in my face a downhill path with a fresh dig grave
A metal cage for ones who need
To be gone
Now Its fond memories of us never last so long
and all that was there was a very truthful stare.
All the I loves yous and words of phrase
Alk thw Im sorrys
And now we must part ways

Not really sorry .
Not really truth
Just a lie or two because
hamging out with me was fun
Amd now its not fun
and you really dont even care you just shame me and derail
I will take this knife in hand and cut out my heart
Will you please hold it for me
Cuz I can look at it no more
Its so much trouble
I DONT WANT IT ANYMORE

I know too much, don’t know enough
my mind has grazed the skies above
and as my thoughts go up and down
I start to flee from higher ground

I put my focus on the earth
and as I walk, I learn my worth
my feet are small and so am I
but there is more than meets the eye

I felt as much as I could feel
enough to know that You are real
my soul depicts Your Majesty
Your Hands my hands, Your Feet my feet