I wish you knew,

how much you mean to me
how i want to start everyday with you at my side
how i want to end every night in you arms
how i can lose myself in your smile
how my heart skips a beat at the sight of you
how my heart races when you get close to me
the feeling in the pit of my stomach when i know we will be apart
how my heart pounds waiting for you to respond to my text messages
how i hang on every word you say to me
how excited i am when i get a text message
how disappointed i am when the text is not from you
how my passion for you overwhelms me
how i yearn to gaze into your eyes
how i crave running my hands through your hair
how my need to see you daily consumes me
how my every thought consists of you
how you exist in all i do
how captivated i am by you
how i know how much i need you
how i have found my one and only
how i want to spoon with you
how i want to sneak up behind you and cover your eyes
how i want to kiss the base of your neck
how i want to whisper "i love you" in your ear
how i need to feel your touch
how the scent of your skin is my nourishment
how i dream of you every night
how i daydream of you constantly
how i can never get enough of you
how i can't last a day without you
how i can just look at you for hours and never want to stop
how i can't wait to have you all to myself
how i have never loved anyone the way i love you
how i want to devote myself to your happiness
how i can't wait to give you all of me
how i can't wait to have all of you
how you are the only thing that matters to me
how i am like a ****** who needs you like a drug
how you have taken over my life
how i know you are mine and i am yours
how i pray for the day the you will be in my arms
how i will never let you go
how much i really truly love you alone

But, alas you will never understand the extent of my love for you neither what i think of you nor how much you mean to me.

So on the day I was born
I nearly died
(And wait for it because it's not a sad ending)
If you knew what my early life was like
You might not judge me about
My former, sometimes avid wish
That they hadn't been able to save me
And sure still sometimes when I feel
That it's just all too difficult to cope
Too hard to deal with
And I face my reality which from the outside looks not so bad at all
And I face my lack of skills judgment
And my grievous errors that haunt me
As many of us do
And then say well ok. So I'm a fck-up
(When and if we as people wake the fck up already!)
I do see it all playing out differently
No emotionally stunted uncherished
Girl with abandonment issues
(Mostly silent observer of many many things but alas, and painfully not the most obvious things, so frustrating!)
Wandering undisciplined unorthodox unnoticed kid
Who thought, uh, why am I even here?
But I'm very relieved to be able to say
I was wrong
Because everyone matters to
Someone
Still don't know why I didn't die then
Or in the dozen weird unintentional near misses since then
But I'm writing this to say
The difference is that now
I'm glad to be here

I see you standing there,
Pristine and sharp.
With your straight black tie and tucked-in shirt;
perfection at its apparent finest.

Our worlds are so much alike.
At times I wish we could switch,
but alas I cannot take part in that fantasy
for I see those stains you attempt to cover so slyly.

A devious smile is all it takes
to prove to those that you're happy.
Such a lie that I'm accustomed to;
a former master of such a sin.

Underneath all your smudges and cracks,
you're just a reflection of what I could possibly be
Your "happiness" will only last for so long,
Until you shatter from within

I have accepted my faults, can I say the same for you?
While you just smile in that suit of yours,
In a superficial world of so called perfection,
I stand here, watching you slowly crumble
and knowing that I'm better than you.

I have been
Friendzoned,
Many a time.
It is a common experience
Among both geneders,
For it is truly
The best way
Do deal
With that issue.

But now,
Now let me tell you
Of a far greater pain
And longing.
For I have been
Timezoned.

For my love,
She is across the country,
Our great country,
Our far too expansive country.
She is over hills and mountains,
Rivers and valleys,
Plains and forests.
She is over the Appalachians,
Past the Blue Ridge
Around the myriad waterfalls
Of Western North Carolina,
All sparkling in their magnificence
As the light crests over the hill,
Spilling into their deep pools
And flowing drops,
Yet they all,
All of them,
Pale in comparison to her,
To her golden skin,
Her flashing eyes,
Her smile
That beams down upon you
And radiates with
Joy and happiness,
And her hair,
So-called ***** blonde,
But to me,
There is no purer,
For it flows
More freely
Than the waterfalls
And looks
Even more gorgeous
As the sunlight hits.
For she is more beautiful
Than a Sunset
Upon the lake
Where she lives.

She is over the great Mississippi,
Which flows from Canada
All the way to the Gulf of Mexico,
Streaming across our country
As a boarder
Twixt east
And west.
The only thing
Even larger
That I know
Is her kindness
And compassion,
For those are
Without end.

She lies
Past the cornfields of Nebraska
And past the plains
Of the olden tribes.
My love lies beyond them,
And of all things
She alone
Could make those miles of wheat
Joyous
To drive through.

She lies over the Rockies,
Past the Tetons,
And around the great apple orchards
Of her state.
For her I would climb
The Rockies,
Tunnel through
The Tetons,
And harvest
Every apple
In the state.
But alas,
That would help me
No more
Than hacking off a limb.

To be timezoned then,
Is to end
What barely began
Not because
Anyone wants to
But because
Simple geography
And age
Makes it impossible.
It feels far worse
Knowing that,
If you were there,
If you lived within
A three-hour drive,
You would be
With her.
But alas,
I am not.
I live
Forty-five hours
Of non-stop driving
To the east
And south.
A seventy-hour long bus ride,
And a 6 hour long flight.
And yet I know
That if I were there
I would be with her.
But I am not,
And so someone else
Is.
What hurts
More than rejection
Is acceptance
And then having
The cruel fates
Swoop down
And stop
What would have been
Amazing.
What could have been
Perfection.
But what was instead
That
Which barely
Happened.

1.        Eugene And the Pumpkin Pie

Wee Eugene's but a lonely boy
(arrayed in cap and corduroy),
has Jungle Jim (a ragged toy)
and fancied Friends his only joy.

Well, Jim appears from time to time
behind a pane of pantomime,
a charmed mirage, or dream sublime
inside a Cuckoo's nursery rhyme.

Still Eugene always finds a way
(while riding on his magic Sleigh)
to meet with Jim somewhere halfway
between the Moon and Yesterday.

When Jim brought Eu to Timbuktu
to kiss the Queen (a Kangaroo)
and tweak her tail (bright shiny blue),
Eu sneezed instead “achoo, achoo”.  

The baby Roo, surprised, awoke
and thought 'twas but a funny joke
beholding Eugene cough and choke...
well, sounding like old Froggy's croak.

Said Jim to Roo "Eu has a cold,
we mustn't laugh, we mustn't scold
instead we'll let the tale unfold
and frolic in the marigold".

With runny eyes and mighty sniffle
Eu could hardly get a whiffle,
climbed a hill to reach the cliffle ,
searched the sea for ship or skiffle.

Behind the breeze, some sloops were seen,
a grand delight that pleased Eugene,
and Jim, and Roo, and yes, the Queen;
they then set sail for Halloween.

Above the sea, below the sky
they saw a skinny Scarecrow fly -
within its beak (one couldn't deny),
surprise, surprise, a Pumpkin Pie!

The Scarecrow wore a veil and shawl
so really couldn't see at all
and swooped too near the sunny ball,
got grilled and let the pastry fall,

which bounced upon the waves below,
then slid beneath the undertow.
"Why did it fall, where did it go?"
cried Eugene with a gasp of woe.

Roo wondered would it reappear
(for where it went was certainly queer),
but where it went became quite clear
to Eu and Jim while standing near

the Queen who, hungry, hopped awhile
observing Crunch the Crocodile
come floating down the river Nil
with belly full and toothy smile.

2.        Eugene and the Wolverine

Within the sandbox played Eugene,
as well, his little friend named Dean,
a simple-minded Wolverine.

But yesterday was Halloween
when they collected sweets unseen,
all stuffed inside a sad Sardine.

And making sure their hands were clean,
they shared a snack - a tangerine,
a cantaloupe and big fat bean.

But they forgot the Sandbox Queen
whose hungry name was sweet Pauline -
with no invite she felt so mean
and woke the naughty Sand Machine.

Sand trickled in their fine cuisine
which scratched their gums and set the scene
to brush their teeth and in between.

Poor Dean was sad he hadn’t seen
the sandy specks with sparkly sheen,
all hidden like a submarine.

Eu sold his cookie magazine
And bought a brand new limousine
To flee the naughty Sand Machine.

Next time their food they’ll try to screen
from something hard and unforeseen
while tapping on a tambourine
to sooth the hungry Sandbox Queen
and trick the naughty Sand Machine.


3.        Eugene and Antoine

Eugene awoke and looked upon
his Mirror in the morning Dawn.
He saw himself and stopped to yawn
then saw instead his friend Antoine.

Well Antoine said ‘come in, come on
I’ll whisk you with this Magic Wand
then we can journey to the Pond
and sail astride the Silver Swan’.

And once inside the Looking Glass
amazing conquests came to pass
before the midday hourglass
released its sands upon the grass.

Well, first they sought and found the Pond
and hypnotized the Silver Swan
to sail them to the edge beyond,
to Charles, the Froggy Vagabond.

Well Charles was said to be ‘a King’
(whose Crown was hanging from a String)
while hopping with a golden Ring
just waiting for a Kiss in Spring.

Now Antoine said he’d kiss ‘the King’,
(or better said, ‘the Froggy Thing’)
but Eu refused to do such thing
unless the Frog removed the Ring.

The Ring transfixed poor Froggy’s Nose
instead of round his tiny Toes
to keep away the Midnight Crows
(as far as anybody knows).

When Froggy’s Nose was finally free
there was a sudden kissing spree
with Ant and Eu (and Swan made three)
to fix old Froggy’s Destiny.

The Rest is rather imprecise.
As to the trio’s Sacrifice,
the facts alone should now suffice -
the Pond and Froggy turned to ice!

And Swan became a Toucan Bird,
the strangest thing I ever heard,
instead of chirp she only purred
and even then she sometimes slurred.

Though Charles the Frog was mighty cold,
upon the Pond he stiffly strolled
behind the The Ring that slowly rolled
in search of one more nose to hold.

Well, Eu watched Antoine set the Pace
when beating Toucan in the Race
to seek and find a warmer Space
in front of Mother’s Fireplace.

So Antoine waved his charmed Baton
and whisked Eu back to Mum’s Salon -
But looking back, Eu’s friend was yon
behind the silvered Amazon.


4.            Eugene and the Milky Way

Eugene stayed in to play today
inside his secret hideaway;
he laughed and ate a Milky Way
with little fear of tooth decay.

But Dean, his friend, was far away
just driving in a Chevrolet
and didn't wish to disobey
so hurried home with no delay.

What took so long, I couldn't say
but Dean came late, in disarray -
he'd lost, alas, the Milky Way
that he had hidden Yesterday.

When asked, Eugene led Dean astray
about the missing Milky Way,
blamed Pauline in her negligee
who'd fed her little Popinjay.

Then Dean said sadly, in dismay,
"It was a gift for your birthday".
Well Eu felt bad, no longer gay
and offered Dean ice cream frappé.

Soon afterwards they romped in hay
beside the forest near the bay;
but when the sky turned somewhat gray
they flew back home to hide away.

At home, with all his toys at play,
Eugene confessed to Dean, to say
"Dear Dean, look here, I can't betray,
I ate the sweet, it made my day."

Said Dean, "I knew it anyway,
I saw the traces straightaway,
your chocolate lips, the giveaway;
but we're best friends, so that's OK."


5.         Eugene and the Gold Doubloon

Eugene took his nap at noon
and dreamt about Loraine the Loon
reclining in the long Lagoon
adorned in birdie pantaloons.

Then Eu suggested to the Loon
“Let’s pay a visit to the Dune
we’ll search and seek and very soon
we’ll find a shiny Gold Doubloon.”

But naughty Sand Machine typhoons
arrived and whisked them to the Moon
and left the playmate pals marooned
where gold of pirate ships was strewn.

Pale moonbeams played a mystic tune,
and touching on a magic rune,
Wee Eu, he found a pink harpoon
and in his hand a Gold Doubloon.

Instead of sitting on cocoons,
Loraine, she hatched the Gold Doubloon
when suddenly popped a blue Balloon
revealing Royce the red Raccoon.

Well Eu, awaking from his swoon,
was sad he’d lost the Gold Doubloon.
Instead he found a Macaroon
and munched and munched all afternoon.


6.        Eugene and the Dragonfly

When Eugene climbed a mountain high
and wandered down a dale nearby,
he came upon Doug Dragonfly
asleep beside a Tiger’s eye.

Soon Eu was thinking “Now’s the time
to take a rest from my long climb
and waken Doug to tell him I’m
about to pick a bunch of thyme”.

But Doug was quite a grumpy guy
when woken from his dream whereby
he’s dancing with a Butterfly
in magic realms that mystify.

So Doug complained “My dream's now gone
of dancing to the carillon
with Butterflies upon the lawn,
which won’t come back until I yawn.”

Then Eugene said “Well I know what!
A mug of tea and hazelnuts
served with a chocolate Buttercup
will surely help to cheer you up!”

Thereafter, picking tufts of thyme,
they heard the distant bluebells chime
and watched the Fairies pantomime
and dance till Eugene’s suppertime.


7.        Eugene and the Eskimo

Not so very long ago,
a bit before the morning’s glow,
Wee Eugene met an Eskimo
while trudging through the windblown snow.

Bedecked in boots and winter fur,
the Eskimo said “I’m Jack Spur.
Or call me Jack if you prefer,
it might be somewhat easier.”

Soon Jack was passing by to say
“Well could you help me find my way
back through the door to Yesterday,
to where I left my silver Sleigh?”

So Eugene said “I’ll come along,
but listen, hear the breakfast gong,
my Mama’s made the porridge strong
and chocolate milk, if I’m not wrong.”

So, filled with porridge to the brim
and feeling vigor, full of vim,
Wee Eu called Jack and said to him
“Well now we’ll travel on a whim.”

While seeking Yesterday and more
they searched an unseen corridor.
Somewhere behind the mirrored door
was Yesterday, the day before!

Without a fear they slid within,
with Jackie playing violin.
And Moon above was seen to grin
’cause Jackie’s tune was kind of thin.

Though searching long to find the Sleigh
they heard instead an echo stray
quite sounding like the Donkey’s bray,
the Donkey’s bray of Yesterday.

The Donkey’d left to find some food -
well, something fresh and not yet chewed
by Fran the Cow that always mooed
(and sometimes burped when she was rude).

The Sleigh was at the Donkey’s back
and nowhere’s near the railway track,
so Jack took Eugene piggyback,
just stopping once to eat a snack.

The Donkey heard the munch of chips
and wondered if his hungry lips
would ever taste some bacon strips
before the midnight Moon Eclipse.

Well Fran and Donkey, unforeseen,
found Jack at lunch with Wee Eugene
and shared a mighty fine cuisine,
provided by the Sandbox Queen.

Well ,Franny chewed her little cud
and Donkey ate a shiny spud,
and Jacky said “Now we must scud
before the coming springtime flood".

So Jack jumped back upon his Sleigh,
the Donkey droned a farewell bray,
(and Franny burped, need I to say?)
while Eu returned from Yesterday,
surprised to hear his Mother say
“Well, now it’s time for you to play!”


8.        Eugene and the Christmas Tree

Eugene awoke on Christmas morn
to find the Christmas Tree'd been shorn
and presents strewn around, forlorn,
midst bows and tinselled paper torn.

So blowing on his little Horn,
Eu called Eunice, the Unicorn.
The duo flew away airborne
(straped to Eu's side his Sword, a Thorn).

Escaping back to Yesterday,
in search of thyme and Santa's Sleigh,
Eu sought to brave the grinchy Fay,
reclaim the joy of Christmas Day .

Then Eunice and the Reindeer Corps
chased fey Fay to a sandy Shore
where Santa banned forevermore
the Fay to mop and scrub the floor.

Then Santa iced the windowpane
(thus waking Eu from dreams again),
left gifts arrayed, and candy cane,
beneath a Tree with candled mane.

Last night you were in my dreams
Gave passion with your screams
your body, a desired, wanted treasure
I took it hard, for my own pleasure
Lusting in a fever, loving so rough
You were begging but it wasn't enough
from the bed, down onto the hard floor
My need for you grew, I wanted more
Our desire, continued in the shower
As I used you in every way, every hour
But our wanting would not break
When alas, in a sweat, I did awake

We stepped onto the platform in a mild november,
The air was refreshing and
Smooth,
Laughter filled flirtations together,
Looking at the countdown,
Waiting for that journey.
Then it arrived, stepped on in unison,
We knew where the stops might come,
We at yet didn't know the final destination
But as long as our bodies were alligned on this
carriage we felt no care in the world,
We didn't need to bother to read the health and safety.
Constantly we listened to the destination being repeated
and we ourselves began to recite it
We hung close, but before I could reach over to kiss you..
BANG!
A sudden stop,
A call to a station not on the schedule.
I shifted a seat away to look out the window,
I read the station sign, watched out to the scenery.
Familiar it was, but I didn't expect it on this trip.
How strange?
Minutes we did wait, both anxious, but only a few metres apart
did our bodies make and then it continued.....

We thought this journey might go along smoother,
how many more other unplanned stops could it make?
The driver can't be drunk,
The weather is only good.
This was neither peak time, nor was the carriage empty.
But alas,
More waits occured, more silences,
My legs jolted in anticipation, frustration,
so did yours,
but you never let go of my hand.
Then it continued.

But I am anxious still, scared a little,
I hate the unknown,
You felt my nerves, and you tried to calm me.
I just looked at the other passengers,
so quiet and still,
And I felt like nobody was understanding me, not even
you.
BANG.
You let go of my hand.

Darkness was approaching,
Ourselves hidden in blackness,
I could still hear your breath,
You could still hear my heart beating,
I could still hear the motions of the engine,
but without clear vision, clear mind,
Alone did we both feel,
Your began to see no one else quaking,
And fell into dismay.
You moved into another seat staring
aimlessly out at the darkness...

Annoucement - train back on track.
An obstruction on the line.
Phew!
I wiped my brow, and looked over.
Still you sat there in the dimness.
We then both knew despite what we have just founded,
This journey would be delayed,
And the dark blue would still be with us for a while.

Yet I reach over,
Clasp your hand,
Kiss your lips,
I am still here,
for though it is delayed

This is not a journey's end.

Limericks III - Grab Bag

Being a peace activist, I once wrote a limerick in an attempt to stop needless wars:

Of Tetley’s and V-2's
(or "Why Not to Bomb the Brits")
by Michael R. Burch

The English are very hospitable,
but tea-less, alas, they grow pitiable ...
or pitiless, rather,
and quite in a lather!
O bother, they're more than formidable.



I have even written a double limerick about writing limericks:

The Better Man
by Michael R. Burch
　
Dear Ed: I don’t understand why
you will publish this other guy—
when I’m brilliant, devoted,
one hell of a poet!
Yet you publish Anonymous. Fie!

Fie! A pox on your head if you favor
this poet who’s dubious, unsavor
y, inconsistent in texts,
no address (I checked!):
since he’s plagiarized Unknown, I’ll wager!



I have written one of the few, if not the only, antinatalist limericks:

The Heimlich Limerick
by Michael R. Burch

for T. M.

The sanest of poets once wrote:
"Friend, why be a sheep or a goat?
Why follow the leader
or be a blind *******?"
But almost no one took note.



I have tried to clear up obvious misconceptions about our feathered friends by other limerick writers:

The Pelican't
by Michael R. Burch

Enough with this pitiful pelican!
He’s awkward and stinks! Sense his smellican!
His beak's far too big,
so he eats like a pig,
and his breath reeks of fish, I can tellican!



At times I have distilled longer poems down to the approximate size of a limerick:

*******
by Michael R. Burch

You came to me as rain breaks on the desert
when every flower springs to life at once,
but joy is an illusion to the expert:
the Bedouin has learned how not to want.



I have even tried to reform our political system with limericks, without success:

15 Seconds
by Michael R. Burch

Our president’s *** life―atrocious!
His "briefings"―bizarre hocus-pocus!
Politics―a shell game.
My brief moment of fame?
It flashed by before Oprah could notice!



Rallying the Dupes
by Michael R. Burch aka "The Loyal Opposition"

after Anaïs Vionet

Houston, we have a problem:
the virus is multiplying;
meanwhile, our Demander-in-Chief
keeps lying, lying, lying.

Houston, we have a problem:
the Astros are now the Nau(gh)ts,
but Tweety will still pack the ’Dome
untroubled by actual thoughts.

Originally published by LIGHT



While most limericks are humorous, the form can been adapted for more serious purposes. Here's a poem of mine that can be shared with anyone it might help . . .

Self Reflection
by Michael R. Burch

for anyone struggling with self-image

She has a comely form
and a smile that brightens her dorm . . .
but she’s grossly unthin
when seen from within;
soon a griefstricken campus will mourn.

Yet she’d never once criticize
a friend for the size of her thighs.
Do unto others—
sisters and brothers?
Yes, but also ourselves, likewise.



This limerick more or less sums up my approach to writing limericks:

Grave Thoughts
by Michael R. Burch

as a poet i’m rather subVerse-ive;
as a writer i much prefer Curse-ive.
and why not be brave
on my way to the grave
since i doubt that i’ll end up reHearse-ive?

NOTE: “Subversive,” “cursive” and “rehearse-ive” are double entendres: subversive/below verse, cursive/curse, rehearsed/recited and re-hearsed (reincarnated to end up in a hearse again).



The Bachelor Spectacular

One heart? Tossed aside.
The other? A bride’s.
In all his great wisdom, the bachelor decides.

Eeenie, mean-ie, mine-y, mo’,
one gal must stay and one must go.
If she hollers? That’s the show!

No heart can handle such despair!
But hearts get broken, hearts repair.
Next season? The treasoned will rule the air.

Originally published by Light



Low-T Hell
by Michael R. Burch

I’m living in low-T hell ...
My get-up has gone: Oh swell!
I need to write checks
if I want to have ***,
and my love life depends on a gel!



Ribbing Adam
by Michael R. Burch

“Dear Lord,” fretted Adam, depressed,
“did that **** really rupture my chest?”
“Yes she did,” piped his Maker,
“but of course you can’t take her,
or I’d fry you in hell, for ******!”



There once was a poet from Nashville
which hockey fans rechristened Smashville,
but his odd limericks
pulled so many weird tricks
it’s lately been called Ogden Gnashville.
—Michael R. Burch



There once was a poet from Tennessee
who was known to indulge in straight Hennessey
for his heart had been broken
and cruelly ripped open
by an icy-hearted Lady of Paree.
—Michael R. Burch



There once was a girl with small *****
who would only go out with young rubes,
but their c-cks were too small
so she sentenced them all
to kissing her fallopian tubes.
—Michael R. Burch



A coquettish young lady of France
longed to have men in her pants,
but in lieu of real joys
she settled for boys,
then berated her lack of romance.
—Michael R. Burch



A virginal young lady of France
longed to have c-cks in her pants
but in lieu of real boys
she settled for toys
& painted pinkies to make her bits dance.
—Michael R. Burch



The Vampire's Spa Day Dream
by Michael R. Burch

O, to swim in vats of blood!
I wish I could, I wish I could!
O, 'twould be
so heavenly
to swim in lovely vats of blood!

The poem above was inspired by a Josh Parkinson depiction of Elizabeth Bathory swimming up to her nostrils in the blood of her victims, with their skulls floating in the background.



Light verse and nonsense verse …

Less Heroic Couplets: Mini-Ode to Stamina
by Michael R. Burch

When you’ve given so much
that I can’t bear your touch,
then from a safe distance
let me admire your persistence.



The Trouble with Elephants: a Word to the Wise
by Michael R. Burch

An elephant never forgets
which is why they don’t make the best pets:
Jumbo may well out-live you,
but he’ll never forgive you
so you may as well save your regrets!



The Beat Goes On (and On and On and On ...)
by Michael R. Burch

Bored stiff by his board-stiff attempts
at “meter,” I crossly concluded
I’d use each iamb
in lieu of a lamb,
bedtimes when I’m under-quaaluded.



Trump’s real goals are obvious
and yet millions of Americans remain oblivious.
—Michael R. Burch



Cover Girl
by Michael R. Burch

Cunning
at sunning
and dunning,
the stunning
young woman’s in the running
to be found **** on the cover
of some patronizing lover.

In this case the cover is a bed cover, where the enterprising young mistress is about to be covered herself.



First Base Freeze
by Michael R. Burch

I find your love unappealing
(no, make that appalling)
because you prefer kissing
then stalling.



Paradoxical Ode to Antinatalism
by Michael R. Burch

A stay on love
would end death’s hateful sway,
someday.

A stay on love
would thus BE love,
I say.

Be true to love
and thus end death’s
fell sway!



Less Heroic Couplets: Funding Fundamentals
by Michael R. Burch

"I found out that I was a Christian for revenue only and I could not bear the thought of that, it was so ignoble." — Mark Twain

Making sense from nonsense is quite sensible! Suppose
you’re running low on moolah, need some cash to paint your toes ...
Just invent a new religion; claim it saves lost souls from hell;
have the converts write you checks; take major debit cards as well;
take MasterCard and Visa and good-as-gold Amex;
hell, lend and charge them interest, whether payday loan or flex.
Thus out of perfect nonsense, glittery ores of this great mine,
you’ll earn an easy living and your toes will truly shine!



Less Heroic Couplets: Crop Duster
by Michael R. Burch

We are dust and to dust we must return ...
but why, then, life’s pointless sojourn?



Less Heroic Couplets: Shady Sadie
by Michael R. Burch

A randy young dandy named Sadie
loves ***, but her horse neighs “She’s shady!”



The couplet above is based on the limerick below:

Shady Sadie
by Michael R. Burch

A randy young dandy named Sadie
loves ***, but in forms fancied shady.
(I cannot, of course,
involve her poor horse,
but it’s safe to infer she’s no lady!)



Less Heroic Couplets: Just Desserts
by Michael R. Burch

“The West Antarctic ice sheet
might not need a huge nudge
to budge.”

And if it does budge,
denialist fudge
may force us to trudge
neck-deep in sludge!

The first stanza is a quote by paleoclimatologist Jeremy Shakun in Science magazine.



The Limerick as Parody

Marvell-Less (I)
by Michael R. Burch

Mr. Marvell was ill-named? Inform us!
Alas, his crude writings deform us:
for when trying to bed
chaste virgins, he led
off with his iron ***** ginormous!



Marvell-Less (II)
by Michael R. Burch

Andrew Marvell was far less than Marvellous;
indeed, he was cold, bold, unchivalrous:
for when trying to bed
chased/chaste virgins, he led
off with his iron ***** ginormous!

When reading the second version of the poem, the reader can select “chased” or “chaste” or read them together, quickly.



I Learned Too Late
by Michael R. Burch

“Show, don’t tell!”

I learned too late that poetry has rules,
although they may be rules for greater fools.

In any case, by dodging rules and schools,
I avoided useless duels.

I learned too late that sentiment is bad—
that Blake and Keats and Plath had all been had.

In any case, by following my heart,
I learned to walk apart.

I learned too late that “telling” is a crime.
Did Shakespeare know? Is Milton doing time?

In any case, by telling, I admit:
I think such rules are ****.



Limericks

There was a young lady of France
Who’d let cute boys root in her pants:
Where they'd give her the finger
And she'd let them linger
because that's the point of romance!
—Michael R. Burch

A germane young German, a dame
with a quite unpronounceable name,
gave me a kiss;
I lectured her, "Miss,
we haven't been intro'd, for shame!"
—Michael R. Burch

A germane young German, a dame
with a quite unpronounceable name,
Frenched me a kiss;
I admonished her, "Miss,
you’ve left me twice tongue-tied, for shame!"
—Michael R. Burch

A germane young German, a dame
with a quite unpronounceable name,
French-kissed me and left my lips lame.
I lectured her, "Miss,
That's a premature kiss!
We haven't been intro'd, for shame!"
—Michael R. Burch

Although I prefer
onions
to bunions,
I still primarily defer
to legal ******.
—Michael R. Burch

Cancun Cruz
by Michael R. Burch

There once was a senator, Cruz,
whose whole life was one pus-oozing schmooze.
When Trump called his wife ugly,
Cruz brown-nosed him smugly,
then went on a sweet Cancún cruise!

Anchors Aweigh!
by Michael R. Burch

There once was an anchor babe, Cruz,
whose deployment was Castro’s bold ruse.
Now the revenge of Fidel
has worked out quite well
as Cruz missiles launch from his caboose!

Canadian Cruz
by Michael R. Burch

There was a Canadian, Cruz,
an anchor babe with a bold ruse:
he’d take Texas first
and then do his worst
to infect the whole world with his views.



Trump Limericks aka Slimericks



The Nazis now think things’re grand.
The KKK’s hirin’ a band.
Putin’s computin’
Less Ukrainian shootin’.
They’re hootin’ ’cause Trump’s win is planned.
—Michael R. Burch



Trump comes with a few grotesque catches:
He likes to ***** unoffered snatches;
He loves to ICE kids;
His brain’s on the skids;
And then there’s the coups the fiend hatches.
—Michael R. Burch



Trump’s Saddest Tweet to Date
by Michael R. Burch

I’ve gotten all out of kilter.
My erstwhile yuge tool is a wilter!
I now sleep in bed.
Few hairs on my head.
Inhibitions? I now have no filter!



the best of all possible whirls, for MAGA
by Michael R. Burch

ive made a mistake or two.
okay, maybe quite more than a few:
mistakes by the millions,
the billions and zillions,
but remember: ur LORD made u!

where were u when HEE passed out brains?
or did u politely abstain?
u call GAUD “infallible”
when HEE made u so gullible
u cant come inside when Trump reigns.



Scratch-n-Sniff
by Michael R. Burch

The world’s first antinatalist limerick?

Life comes with a terrible catch:
It’s like starting a fire with a match.
Though the flames may delight
In the dark of the night,
In the end what remains from the scratch?



Time Out!
by Michael R. Burch

Time is at war with my body!
am i Time’s most diligent hobby?
for there’s never Time out
from my low-t and gout
and my once-brilliant mind has grown stodgy!



Waiting Game
by Michael R. Burch

Nothing much to live for,
yet no good reason to die:
life became
a waiting game...
Rain from a clear blue sky.



*******' Ripples
by Michael R. Burch

Men are scared of *******:
that’s why they can’t be seen.
For if they were,
we’d go to war
as in the days of Troy, I ween.



Devil’s Wheel
by Michael R. Burch

A billion men saw your pink ******.
What will the pard say to you, Sundays?
Yes, your ******* were cute,
but the shocked Devil, mute,
now worries about reckless fundies.



A ***** Goes ****
by Michael R. Burch

She wore near-invisible *******
and, my, she looked good in her scanties!
But the real nudists claimed
she was “over-framed.”
Now she’s bare-assed and shocking her aunties!



MVP!
by Michael R. Burch

Will Ohtani hit 65 homers,
win the Cy Young by striking out Gomers,
make it cute and okay
to write KKK
while inspiring rhyme-challenged poemers?

Will Ohtani hit 65homers,
win the Cy Young by striking out Gomers,
prove the nemesis
of white supremacists
while inspiring rhyme-challenged poemers?

Will Ohtani hit 65 homers,
win the Cy Young by striking out Gomers,
cause supremacists
to cease and desist
while inspiring rhyme-challenged poemers?

Keywords/Tags: limerick, nonsense, verse, light, humorous, war, writing, poetry, poets, serious, limericks, humor, light poetry, light verse, nonsense verse, *****, salacious, ribald, risque, naughty, ****, spicy, adult, nature, politics, religion, science, relationships

A shadow of former times
Fades unto the wall.
    No nostalgia remains unchecked
All past offers no more.
    Every could be was not ever real.
And time wasted to imagine it.
    But eyes turn upon what may be.
Depending on the trails traveled.
    I see an if with possibility
Containing a crown allowed no silver,
    Whose figure it graces needs it not
And grace of an archer seen
    With arrows steadily making their mark,
Where the body's nerves twitch
      Alas, there may be foreshadow, too.
But it hides in the flora on the trail.

I

I have lived with Shades so long,
So long have talked to them,
I sped to street and throng,
That sometimes they
In their dim style
Will pause awhile
To hear my say;

II

And take me by the hand,
And lead me through their rooms
In the To-Be, where Dooms
Half-wove and shapeless stand:
And show from there
The dwindled dust
And rot and rust
Of things that were.

III

“Now turn,” they said to me
One day: “Look whence we came,
And signify his name
Who gazes thence at thee”—
—”Nor name nor race
Know I, or can,”
I said, “Of man
So commonplace.”

IV

“He moves me not at all:
I note no ray or jot
Of rareness in his lot,
Or star exceptional.
Into the dim
Dead throngs around
He’ll sink, nor sound
Be left of him.”

V

“Yet,” said they, “his frail speech,
Hath accents pitched like thine—
Thy mould and his define
A likeness each to each—
But go! Deep pain
Alas, would be
His name to thee,
And told in vain!”

Thou wilt come no more, gentle Annie,
Like a flower thy spirit did depart;
Thou art gone, alas! like the many
That have bloomed in the summer of my heart.


Chorus

Shall we nevermore behold thee;
Never hear thy winning voice again --
When the Springtime comes, gentle Annie,
When the wild flowers are scattered o'er the plain?


We have roamed and loved mid the bowers
When thy downy cheeks were in their bloom;
Now I stand alone mid the flowers
While they mingle their perfumes o'er thy tomb.

Chorus

Ah! the hours grow sad while I ponder
Near the silent spot where thou art laid,
And my heart bows down when I wander
By the streams and the meadows where we strayed.

Chorus

While
            I was fiddling with my phone..
          Awaiting a beep
                 From my most precious..
                            Alas!
   A text came in...
       And it was my ex
Texting me... confessing
How much he miss me..
And so I replied
                "We re sorry, the subscriber you
             Are trying  to reach
            Doesn't give a ****."

Woe to you, my dear Epsilon! You were ill-fated by machines,
Those that breathed life into your *****,
Those that brought bliss to puppeteers.

Alas, poor Epsilon! You  cannot dismantle the tower,
For you are of bad faith, the roots grew deep
Far beyond lamentation.

Play me a song, foolish Epsilon! Express to me your sorrow,
Compose for me the hymn of your alienation,
A requiem for subservience.

Ronda por las orillas, desnuda, saludable, recién salida del baño, recién nacida de la noche. En su pecho arden joyas arrancadas al verano. Cubre su **** la yerba lacia, la yerba azul, casi negra, que crece en los bordes del volcán. En su vientre un águila despliega sus alas, dos banderas enemigas se enlazan, reposa el agua. Viene de lejos, del país húmedo. Pocos la han visto. Diré su secreto: de día, es una piedra al lado del camino; de noche, un río que fluye al costado del hombre.

Me clavaste para que no me fuera, para que a tu lado muriera.
Para que la mujer de la cual te enamoraste
………………………………………………… nadie la viera.

El último clavo se sintió tan grotesco,
me clavaste un clavo oxidado,
dejándome  mohosa, dañada y estropeada.
Todo con el fin, de que de tu lado no marchara.
Me clavaste,
atornillando mis sentidos,
traumando mí libertad.

Me clavaste pensando que era la única forma de tenerme.
Se te olvido que hasta el preso sueña con su autonomía.
Que sus rejas no encarcelan, si sabe uno con el pensamiento volar.
Que puede uno escapar a paisajes mágicos
y
soñar los más dulces cuentos de hadas,
y
escapar de tan miserable realidad.

Mientras tú me ibas clavando puñales de infidelidad,
amartillando mi juventud,
mi sanidad,
mi estabilidad emocional,
atandome en prejuicios sexuales,
encajándome en cajas que nunca me iban a encajar,
aprisionándome en tus barras de inseguridades,
yo me iba liberando por dentro.  
     Yo comencé a volar.

Hoy crecieron mis alas,
y
orgullosamente enseñando los agujeros de lo que fue mi vida junto a ti.
Tapándolos los boquetes con mis sueños,
convirtiendo cada uno de ellos en realidad.

Me clavaste innumerables tormentas,
en vez de tragos de felicidad,
de amor, de respeto, de confianza
y escribiste nuestro final.

Al final,  ya ves, tus clavos no pudieron estancarme.

Es que nadie puede estancar el vuelo de alguien que ama su libertad.

LeydisProse
6/9/2017
https://m.facebook.com/LeydisProse/

I was relaxed, and deep in thought
The type of talk that silence brought
When just in earshot it rocked,
tick tock
tick tock
"Must be a clock"
I told myself and resumed my thought

Though as the seconds passed I could not,
Despite the will with which I fought
Do to its incessant knock
Tick tock
Tick tock
I searched for the clock
Unable to find the train I sought

I grew more and more distraught
With each and every tick and tock
That find the clock, I could not
As the silence grew more fraught
With the knock,
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
I knew the pain of Lancelot

On and on it ticked and tocked
I cursed at the unseen dreadnought
It no longer merely mocked
But each and every tick and tock
Became an unseen onslaught
TICK TOCK
TICK TOCK
T'was 11 o'clock,
When my heart felt the gunshot

Though the shots I could not block
And on and on the bullets poured
Further into the fray I bored
Each foot a cinderblock
Weighed by war
I slowly walked
Tick Tock
Tick Tock
How I'd make it answer for

Alas
With little blood left to speak for Desperately I implored
"Restrain your hands that caused such gore;
We need not fight evermore!"
But when I heard the ceaseless knock
Tick tock
Tick tock
I new my words had been ignored
And slowly collapsed to the floor

****** and bludgeoned when I hit bed rock, I had still found no clock
But tick and tock it had forgot
The church bell rang t'was 12 o'clock,
Though mortal wounds the seconds wrought
I no longer was distraught
And as I lay in the hemlock
It occurred in my last thoughts
I would miss the beating knock
tick..., tock...
tick..., tock...

I’ve lost you beneath my words, my dear,
As similes drown your voice.
I’ve murdered you with metaphors,
You left me with no choice.

I’ve remembered you with language,
As I recreate what you never said.
I’ve painted you with prose, alas,
Holding you captive in my head.

I’ve carved you out of daydreams,
By whittling away at the tangible.
Everything is always what it seems,
As long as it is deemed manageable.

Oh, I’ve set free you’re emotions,
And the feelings which you’ve evoked.
By drowning you in the ocean,
Of the language which you provoke.

© Meka Boyle

Alas, what is of importance,
What is of most significance,
We oft' know not by its presence,
We learn only by its absence;
Oft' we fail to appreciate
What we have before it's too late.

Don't build a home in the rib cage of others is what my mother told me when I found myself wishing my bed was "ours" and home was more so his arms.

Don't nest in the heart of anyone for hearts are fickle, fate is unpredictable and alas, people always change.

Don't place all of your eggs in the basket of your lover- when they hatch and attach, they may be so comfortable that you never leave and never learn to fly.

My mother begged me to not lose myself in swimming his veins, the web of his mind and the sheets when the bed was ours. Some days I wish I would've listened, but finding a home in the heart of someone else taught me this-

Hearts are as fragile as the nests you build in them.

Your wings flapped too hard and created hurricanes when you lost control, and chipped away at your rib cage nest.

You picked and probed with your beak to no end, and left holes and tears in your heart home.

It's not fair that your own heart was so full to the brim with demons and doubts that you unloaded them like your belongings when you first moved in, left scattered around, left out for the mess you were.

Your fragile heart left marks upon your home and the foundations flew away like you should have when your rib cage nest and your heart home grew too small and let you fall. It took falling to learn how to fly but by then it's a little too late.

Do not make a home in the hearts of others, my mother told me.

Someday you'll have to fly away without your heart because the weight of it is too heavy from a lesson your mother tried to teach you, a lesson he taught you and a lesson you've come to preach-

Do not leave your heart in the rib cage nest of another, for it'll nest so deeply that it cannot be reached.

Today on my walk, I met a man
With ripped up jeans and a mangled hand
He muttered some words, I gave him some change
A lingering smell, the face of the deranged
I can't help but imagine my feet had trod
There, but for the grace of god.

Back at my home, the television news
Ran the story of a fireman's crew
They saved the kittens but lost the kids
A life torn apart, property up for bids
I can't help but imagine my feet had trod
There, but for the grace of god.

Then a poor man peddling drug in Detroit
Skilled handling money, with a gun, adroit
On his way back home, the police opened fire
He will never see justice, just a cremation pyre
I can't help but imagine my feet had trod
There, but for the grace of god.

Privilege, luck, name what you will
The father I have who can shoulder the bill
Undeserving, ungrateful, I was born into boon
The ebb/flow of life, due nothing but the moon
Were life a fair game I'd be the one who'd trod
There, but alas, there is no god.

Let's not talk of wishes, but instead, let me speak of action
about this delicious woman who makes my heart weak with passion
Alas, 2 perfect hearts nearly three thousand miles apart
Smart enough to ignore it and not give up before I start
every part of me aching to know you as intimately
and intricately as I can such a complex woman
Knowing somehow that we were meant for something greater down the road
Knowing that if I were to lose you, my own heart would implode.
Normally, I am not one to be this sappy, but you should know
All I really want is to make you happy, and see if we can grow.

The desire to make the rest of these words rhyme
Is immense!
Alas, I cannot do it.
All I can do is read Frost’s
iambic pentameter and wonder
just what has become of Lola C. Edwards?
It’s her tome that I’ve purchased for two bits
at this decrepit, yet beloved thrift shop.

The book became hers, according to her inscription,
in the year 1970.
Now, it belongs to me in 2014.
I bought it because it’s The Complete Poems of Robert Frost;
the same that resides in my father’s library
and was greedily scanned by my hungry eyes and inspired mind.
But, what happened to Lola, some years ago?
Was it the cancer? Did it consume her bones?
Was she surrounded by loved ones?
Was she all alone?
What else but death could force her to relinquish such a text?
Surely, she couldn’t have done so willingly.
Her estate has been sold.
Her knick-knacks dusted and boxed for their final voyage to The DAV.
Turned over to uncaring brutes that couldn’t care less about
her beloved crystal cake plate, now shattered, or the book
that I hold in my hand today.
Lola C Edwards shares her life with me.
Every time I open this compendium,
I shall celebrate her, this beloved stranger!
Because, we are alike, she and I
in that we have chosen the road less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
*
-J. Claywell
©P&ZPublications; 2014

They say the problem is me
Hidden under lock and key
Secure from the world,
Safe from the pain.
But the chains on my heart choke the life out of my soul
Leaving my lungs gasping for something more
Something worth saying
Something with some meaning.
But alas the silence remains.
A broken girl behind a crooked smile
A sincere laugh, but only for a moment.
Claiming not to care
Yet a question whispers through the air of each night spent alone.
How can they tell me to let people in,
When there's no one around to see that the door's been left wide open?

The moments we crossed were long forgotten;
Slid 'tween my fingers like some fine cotton;
Love you had within, yes I did missed so far;
To be Lucky alas to have had you in my car!

Since those long ago days in Latin class,
I have endeavored to speak your echo, Crystal.
How I longed to be amongst your trusted inner circle!
Alas, I had no voice then to speak these things to you.

Mrs. Tinkler must have sensed my blocked emotions;
always coupled we two to do textual translations.
I deferred and let you be the intellectual leader
feeling wholly given over to being your infatuated scribe.

It was always your property to be simpatico;
you were the giver of kindness and smiles,
your latent brilliance subsumed by outward caring.
What forlorn chance did my jejune heart have?

And now, at length, I can finally speak these things,
trusting in the smiles that touching substance brings.

I am a leaf
Blowing in the wind
I cannot hold
My emotions
To one tether
Or another.
And yet,
And yet I am attached,
Directly attached
To one
Three thousand
Miles away.
But alak,
Alas,
For she
She is no longer
With me,
For three thousand
Is far too big
For two students
Not yet in college.
And so,
And so I must go on
And yet,
And yet I cannot
For whatever may happen
To me
And to her
I shall always remain
Attached
To her.

A rover you were, all your working life,
But your conscience caught up with you,
You chose honourable re-tyre-ment and
You're now green through and through.

Once you greedily thirsted for petrol,
But finally kicked the habit,
And you now partake of fresh country air,
Just as rural as any wild rabbit.

In the past your throaty engine's roar
Out-decibeled the traffic's bustle,
But you now much prefer to listen to
The dry, restless leaves which rustle.

Alas your coachwork no longer gleams,
But you still retain all of your pride,
It's just your wish to be at one with nature,
As everything else you've tried.

A frosty morning is no deterrent,
To a well-seasoned convert like you,
It's just an unavoidable prelude,
To the sparkling spring-time dew.

Your days of road rage long since gone,
When you used to speed and scramble,
You're now content to pull to one side,
And be overtaken ... by a bramble.

People seem to come and go
not much it takes for me to know
that what you seemed to do for me
is worth much more than one can see.

You took the time to ease my pain
and lift these dark embedded stains
how scared I was to come and tell
of my sick life and living hell.

Full of shame and pure regret,
this something I won't soon forget.
Just like the sand that falls in line,
I was losing breath and losing time.

You took an extra step at this,
it's something that I just can't miss.
Alas, I had a chance to feed,
you helped me out a man in need.