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"afterlife" poems
Another night without you, morning come and you're gone. Where are you, in a world filled with hatred and war. I hope you're somewhere safe, somewhere much more inviting. Children with their fathers, hand in hand, laughing until they can laugh no more. And I sit alone, quietly watching them with the fear that I will never see my daddy again. I've cried all my tears, I haven't laughed for the whole year. There's not a day I don't think about you, or a day I don't miss you. Maybe, someday, we will meet again. In an afterlife with so much more joy than this one. But I hope you'll recognize the broken girl I've become, with scarred wrists and teared eyes. I'm not the happy child I was when you left, I'm something much darker. It's not a happy Father's Day for the fatherless.
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Jun 16, 2013
Jun 16, 2013 at 3:36 PM UTC
It's not a happy Father's Day for the fatherless.
We know the world is a crazy place and that is it easy to give up, throw in the towel. The idealism of youth gives way to the cynicism of middle age when we realize that despite our best efforts, change is very difficult. To be a parent and, in particular, to be a father....why bother? Some say fatherhood is driven by ego, the child providing the ultimate selfish representation of oneself. Others say driven by fear, the fear of mortality and the unconscious and genetic need to propagate and maintain our lineage, our species, our world. While both can be true, I believe the best manifestation of fatherhood is  driven by tikkun olam, a Jewish concept that we all have an obligation to better the world, to move it to a better state than currently exists. We do what we can when on this earth to love our family, friends, and be as righteous as this world will allow. Our genetic legacy is not nearly as important as our obligation to pass on what we know, have learned, have experienced, and enable our children to carry the mission to an always higher level. No matter what our belief in the afterlife, and what the future may hold we are here now in THIS life, and as long as we move the ball further and further in the right direction, there can be hope. Truly being a father, a good father, enables hope.  Maybe that is enough.
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Jun 19, 2011
Jun 19, 2011 at 7:17 AM UTC
Fatherhood is Hope
Lay my body rich with coins As my dawn turns to dusk I will depart Bless my soul to be reborn And pray I keep my heart Charon waits upon his boat To carry me to the Otherside I'll travel The River Styx And marry time, as I am Waiting's bride Bearded Ferryman of the dead Refuse me not as I pay your debt Tell Hades to lift the gates For fate and I have met Guide this monstrous beast Along the waters spine As we set off towards Afterlife Where waits the Underworlds divine
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Apr 30, 2014
Apr 30, 2014 at 5:45 PM UTC
The River Styx
Insignificant dust Swept under a cosmic carpet. From pharaohs To the night stockers at Wal-Mart, Beg the questions asked countless times before. I tell myself it doesn't matter Because I'm on the up and up. I won't be in this place forever So what's the harm in taking it easy? Some alternative country song plays on the air; Singing about nostalgia and the west. They don't have those things in China. And here I thought I'd get to start over In an afterlife with my family. When I see their lifeless eyes, I can tell no one thinks beyond themselves.
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Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 7:31 PM UTC
Existentialism
The first new star flashed waves of blue tonight , securing my belief in the afterlife A grove of ferns lit my imagination For I became a shipwrecked captain - that stumbled upon an island nation Exploring the deep jungle without machete , potable water nor compass Knee deep in mangrove forest Tropical winds whispered and moaned A lean-to of fronds became my maritime home In the presence of a million stars An army of sand ***** paraded before - their newfound master from near and afar Crashing waves lulled a poor sailor to rest The whispers of Poseidon A dream about a lookout in the crows nest Counting orbs in the tail of the Milky Way- with visions of mermaids , ghost ships and rogue waves
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Aug 1, 2018
Aug 1, 2018 at 9:05 PM UTC
Skipper for a Spell ....
Myself caught in the heatwave sunlight, brown eyes furrowed in the sun, scarf loose on my neck/ the transcendental Denpasar morning-birds are playing their melodies in my head still, three years post-Indonesia.         All of my soul to India now,         sky the pink of painted elephants         on Jaipur dawning,         my afterlife was somewhere here         perhaps two generations ago, chances are.                Vijay Raghav Rao and Alla Rakha                playing the Tabla/via earphones/treading the                Funary Box City (Kashi) future Spring                hands held together keeping calm pace.                Looking about, my twenty-two year old face catches humid wind S I L V E R S H O P tattered bike leaning on the gated guest house entrance      PERENNIAL AZURE SHIVA SITS CROSS LEGGED/      COBRA NECKLACE IMITIATONS ON THE GODDESS THROAT/      MEDITATING SHIVA/ dulled from years and corrosion. Brahmin center of the market street flapping it's tail, sweat beads from my forehead bleeding to oily pavement. At last the months have come for the river Ganges, April penumbra/savage thunderclap while school children uplifting the heart                  AND MIND are ROARING in their laughter the CONTINENTAL DISCORD OF JOY sleeping with their eyes open while others are too tired for the Earth. Sidney Bechet floating swan songs during the black hour cremations/ “Bechet Creole Blues” CATERWAUL IN THAT              VOID THE METAMORPHOSIS OF DEATH/ LUNACY OF LIFE                      (I've arrived at the simultaneous crossroads                                                         of both) searing flesh in open air pyramids/ Manikarnika Ghat, Asia  F           L          O          W           S through dreams like inevitable prophecy and as ash blends with stars the CITY seems fulfilled and mystifying in it's                       (((((RESPLENDENCE)))))
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Jun 24, 2015
Jun 24, 2015 at 3:40 PM UTC
Self-Made Prophecies (Of Varanasi)
Myself caught in the heatwave sunlight, brown eyes furrowed in the sun, scarf loose on my neck/ the transcendental Denpasar morning-birds are playing their melodies in my head still, three years post-Indonesia.         All of my soul to India now,         sky the pink of painted elephants         on Jaipur dawning,         my afterlife was somewhere here         perhaps two generations ago, chances are.                Vijay Raghav Rao and Alla Rakha                playing the Tabla/via earphones/treading the                Funary Box City (Kashi) future Spring                hands held together keeping calm pace.                Looking about, my twenty-two year old face catches humid wind S I L V E R S H O P tattered bike leaning on the gated guest house entrance      PERENNIAL AZURE SHIVA SITS CROSS LEGGED/      COBRA NECKLACE IMITIATONS ON THE GODDESS THROAT/      MEDITATING SHIVA/ dulled from years and corrosion. Brahmin center of the market street flapping it's tail, sweat beads from my forehead bleeding to oily pavement. At last the months have come for the river Ganges, April penumbra/savage thunderclap while school children uplifting the heart                  AND MIND are ROARING in their laughter the CONTINENTAL DISCORD OF JOY sleeping with their eyes open while others are too tired for the Earth. Sidney Bechet floating swan songs during the black hour cremations/ “Bechet Creole Blues” CATERWAUL IN THAT              VOID THE METAMORPHOSIS OF DEATH/ LUNACY OF LIFE                      (I've arrived at the simultaneous crossroads                                                         of both) searing flesh in open air pyramids/ Manikarnika Ghat, Asia  F           L          O          W           S through dreams like inevitable prophecy and as ash blends with stars the CITY seems fulfilled and mystifying in it's                       (((((RESPLENDENCE)))))
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65
Why worry About the afterlife. There's nothing To worry about.
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Jul 7, 2015
Jul 7, 2015 at 11:22 PM UTC
Why Worry (10W)
I doubt material wealth means anything in the afterlife on the off chance that I'm wrong bury me with my books and my plastic owl.
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Mar 28, 2016
Mar 28, 2016 at 2:29 PM UTC
Pharaoh
I think I love you There no denying this synergy It's greater than you and me I think love you the feeling you giving me absorbing your energy my love will offer you inner peace I fall in love with all I want to do is love you I have Fallen for you I know I love you I love each part of you No comlntepmlnting my love for you This situation is highly anticipated your heart Will be apperciated No need to abbreviated it my love for you Never ends in any era If there is an afterlife I still love you there I search for you dear my love I will share I think love you I think love you forever I want to show you I love you I have fallen for you My love is calling for you I think love you Its no denying this love for you I know I love you I really want you I love U
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Oct 30, 2018
Oct 30, 2018 at 1:16 PM UTC
I Think I love You
*a child is born free of mind but is hardened into thought and by the time one dies most are fixed and ******* into worlds of their making, heavens of their fantasies* so one thinks one's an Indian, one a Chinese or an American or British or Swedish or French or Russian or German; or one thinks one is a Christian or Muslim or Jew or Hindu or Sikh or Catholic or Doaist or Buddhist or Marxist or Communist or even for that matter, an atheist - or whatever you will... one finds a badge to pin proudly to one's chest and each identity becomes so strong it becomes so real it all comes into the question of right and wrong of evil and good and it falls into loud declamations and my tribe is good, your tribe is evil my brand is holy, your brand unholy... and so it goes, with all sorts of justifications that beat sense out of all loyal adherents and it squeezes humanity out of the human as paste out of a tube... ah, and yes, the energy goes on into the afterlife as Christians go into a Christian Heaven and Hindus and Buddhists into various Lokas and Muslims in their own Paradise and so it goes on, this Human Tragi-Comedy, yes, yes, certainly all created by the Almighty who was created by your mind's poverty so that a child is born free of mind but is hardened into thought and by the time one dies most are fixed and ******* into worlds of their making, heavens of their fantasies
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Oct 22, 2010
Oct 22, 2010 at 7:34 PM UTC
a child is born free of mind
My old great-aunt Elaine with her withered hands gave me $200 and beaded handbag "This your mad money," she told me, as we sat on that nursing home couch, "And it ain't for your purse. This goes in your shirt, where only you know you got it." The assisted-living nurse chuckled to herself. They got along, my great-aunt and her. "Why?" "Cuz if you get angry," she said, in that Marlboro-raspy voice of hers, "And you gotta go, you walk out on your date and you leave 'is *** And then you got your money for a strong drink. And your cab." The nurse laughed My aunt re-situated herself on the nursing home couch. Elaine Dauterive. Her mind was going, and so was her health, but she was as regal as a queen on her throne in that moment her fire-red hair, ungrayed, was her crown No cape as royal as that sleeping gown. "Don't you think for once second I can't take care of you, honey," she said in that creole drawl, and I knew what she meant Because even after she'd gone I would have that mad money All stuffed in my bra for when I needed it Because she was older than time, for me, seeing things like The Great Depression, World War II What I read in history books I'd be ****** if I took what she said with even one grain of salt because Auntie-Lane, I'll be ****** if I don't love you And I know you're on your way out and I'll buy you whiskey in the afterlife with some of that $200 cash that you busted your *** scrounging up for me Southern hospitality at its finest And those liver spots redder than wine adorn you like badges of honor for all of the years you've endured My elder - creole woman, with a soul as fire-red as her hair, breathing more smoke than air My old dragon On a pile of gold: her mad money
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Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 11:00 AM UTC
Mad Money
My old great-aunt Elaine with her withered hands gave me $200 and beaded handbag "This your mad money," she told me, as we sat on that nursing home couch, "And it ain't for your purse. This goes in your shirt, where only you know you got it." The assisted-living nurse chuckled to herself. They got along, my great-aunt and her. "Why?" "Cuz if you get angry," she said, in that Marlboro-raspy voice of hers, "And you gotta go, you walk out on your date and you leave 'is *** And then you got your money for a strong drink. And your cab." The nurse laughed My aunt re-situated herself on the nursing home couch. Elaine Dauterive. Her mind was going, and so was her health, but she was as regal as a queen on her throne in that moment her fire-red hair, ungrayed, was her crown No cape as royal as that sleeping gown. "Don't you think for once second I can't take care of you, honey," she said in that creole drawl, and I knew what she meant Because even after she'd gone I would have that mad money All stuffed in my bra for when I needed it Because she was older than time, for me, seeing things like The Great Depression, World War II What I read in history books I'd be ****** if I took what she said with even one grain of salt because Auntie-Lane, I'll be ****** if I don't love you And I know you're on your way out and I'll buy you whiskey in the afterlife with some of that $200 cash that you busted your *** scrounging up for me Southern hospitality at its finest And those liver spots redder than wine adorn you like badges of honor for all of the years you've endured My elder - creole woman, with a soul as fire-red as her hair, breathing more smoke than air My old dragon On a pile of gold: her mad money
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the first time i saw a **** i didn't know she was my sweetheart, and i didn't understand her not like feet or arms which i understood immediately but **** grew on me like ivy over bricks in time **** ate my mind and i was haunted by her perfume then i suffered a severe case of **** on the brain of which there is no cure but death unless of course there are ***** in the afterlife the **** such a tender slit that oozes love like gelatin a veiled curving vulnerability it's secret poorly hidden for easy discovery but still, i didn't understand women the holders of this sacred chalice until the great epiphany and i realized that the woman's heart is a **** too a silky slit the marrow of her soul waiting to be opened and brimming
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Aug 4, 2018
Aug 4, 2018 at 3:43 PM UTC
****
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Afterlife Airlines. I’m your pilot, Captain Meta Physics. Please fasten your sleep belts as we are about to leave the body. Please direct your attention to your stewardess while she demonstrates safety procedures. In the event of a drastic reduction in karma, a mask will fall down from above you. Place it on and breathe deeply of pure love. Should those passengers who are clinically dead find themselves returned by a surgeon’s skill, the life raft under your seat will inflate with a new sense of purpose. After take off the stewardesses will serve milk and honey. For your entertainment, the movie is anything with Shirley Maclaine in it or there are seven channels of chi on the chakra-phones being dispensed soon. For those contemplating joining the Tantric Mile High club, please be considerate of your fellow passengers. We’re making good time because the breath of God is always behind us. Below us to the right is the Ocean of Ego and to our left some passengers may glimpse the chain of islands: Faith, Hope and Charity. We’ve been advised that it’s a little busy on The Other Side so we’ve been placed in a holding pattern on the astral plane. Passengers are reminded to retrieve all emotional baggage for security reasons and please help Customs by declaring all religious preferences. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re cleared for landing now. On behalf of the crew, I hope you enjoyed your transdimensional flight with Afterlife Airlines and we hope to see you aboard again soon. Please fasten your sleep belts, we’re coming in for reincarnation.
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Feb 20, 2015
Feb 20, 2015 at 1:57 AM UTC
AFTERLIFE AIRLINES
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Afterlife Airlines. I’m your pilot, Captain Meta Physics. Please fasten your sleep belts as we are about to leave the body. Please direct your attention to your stewardess while she demonstrates safety procedures. In the event of a drastic reduction in karma, a mask will fall down from above you. Place it on and breathe deeply of pure love. Should those passengers who are clinically dead find themselves returned by a surgeon’s skill, the life raft under your seat will inflate with a new sense of purpose. After take off the stewardesses will serve milk and honey. For your entertainment, the movie is anything with Shirley Maclaine in it or there are seven channels of chi on the chakra-phones being dispensed soon. For those contemplating joining the Tantric Mile High club, please be considerate of your fellow passengers. We’re making good time because the breath of God is always behind us. Below us to the right is the Ocean of Ego and to our left some passengers may glimpse the chain of islands: Faith, Hope and Charity. We’ve been advised that it’s a little busy on The Other Side so we’ve been placed in a holding pattern on the astral plane. Passengers are reminded to retrieve all emotional baggage for security reasons and please help Customs by declaring all religious preferences. Ladies and gentlemen, we’re cleared for landing now. On behalf of the crew, I hope you enjoyed your transdimensional flight with Afterlife Airlines and we hope to see you aboard again soon. Please fasten your sleep belts, we’re coming in for reincarnation.
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I am lost for words, as I am empathic with the planet. Although we truly stand in line for death and the afterlife, it is important that we mother our young. I do not deny the allurement of sociopathic inclinations and I heartily validate the sexuality of suburban expression. But, we both know – politicians rise like winged beasts from the murky depths of sociological oceans. Can I touch your skin and give you compliments? I love your being, just as it is.
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Jan 29, 2014
Jan 29, 2014 at 11:30 PM UTC
Heartfelt Contours
What is this? I am restless I don’t know why But, I feel no interest Just force a smile upon What is this? I see no color But, I am not blind Oh, I see, the world is black No love, no affection What is this? This emptiness I never felt before, or I did but chose to ignore And live a life of mere glass that can shatter Shatter at the slightest touch What is this? I am breathless As if someone is following me Or is it that I want to catch someone How do people smile so easily? Live so freely Will ‘they’ answer me? If I ask The reason for life to be bestowed upon us What is this? I feel alone, separated, anxious I am scared I want to live No perhaps I don’t Yes No matter where I search Whom I ask They give no reply What is this? I am eager I want someone to share my feelings with I searched here and there Tried to open up to many But ended up hurt What is this? Ah! I see, perhaps end Searching for someone I came across this question Why is life bestowed upon us? I am alone I want someone I call out will all my might But no one listens I am tired I will just live like others Yeah What is this? In the end I give up That someone I want to share my feelings, myself with Is no where Oh! I give up I am really afraid Scared I am as if bond by invisible chains of Of what Hatred, love, anger? No perhaps emptiness What is this? I am alone In this darkness days pass But no one comes Please come Someone I want to open up Share I can no longer live alone Why Why is life in the first place? I don’t want jealousy to devourer me Please I am alone What is this? I feel attracted to someone or Perhaps I am forcing myself to be attracted Wanting to live on imaginary lies Yes Lies All are lies This life is itself Having no reason to exist Is there an afterlife A happy one Where I can find someone to open up If there is I wish to die Oh! God forgive me But I can no longer Handle these injuries, pain, and suffering Not anymore I am gradually giving up On the believe on the very existence of happiness But, Please, if my angel exists let my voice My hearts reaches you and find me Before I am devoured by this darkness For, I give up on this life of mine
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Jan 13, 2014
Jan 13, 2014 at 6:10 AM UTC
Life, Oh I Give Up
What is this? I am restless I don’t know why But, I feel no interest Just force a smile upon What is this? I see no color But, I am not blind Oh, I see, the world is black No love, no affection What is this? This emptiness I never felt before, or I did but chose to ignore And live a life of mere glass that can shatter Shatter at the slightest touch What is this? I am breathless As if someone is following me Or is it that I want to catch someone How do people smile so easily? Live so freely Will ‘they’ answer me? If I ask The reason for life to be bestowed upon us What is this? I feel alone, separated, anxious I am scared I want to live No perhaps I don’t Yes No matter where I search Whom I ask They give no reply What is this? I am eager I want someone to share my feelings with I searched here and there Tried to open up to many But ended up hurt What is this? Ah! I see, perhaps end Searching for someone I came across this question Why is life bestowed upon us? I am alone I want someone I call out will all my might But no one listens I am tired I will just live like others Yeah What is this? In the end I give up That someone I want to share my feelings, myself with Is no where Oh! I give up I am really afraid Scared I am as if bond by invisible chains of Of what Hatred, love, anger? No perhaps emptiness What is this? I am alone In this darkness days pass But no one comes Please come Someone I want to open up Share I can no longer live alone Why Why is life in the first place? I don’t want jealousy to devourer me Please I am alone What is this? I feel attracted to someone or Perhaps I am forcing myself to be attracted Wanting to live on imaginary lies Yes Lies All are lies This life is itself Having no reason to exist Is there an afterlife A happy one Where I can find someone to open up If there is I wish to die Oh! God forgive me But I can no longer Handle these injuries, pain, and suffering Not anymore I am gradually giving up On the believe on the very existence of happiness But, Please, if my angel exists let my voice My hearts reaches you and find me Before I am devoured by this darkness For, I give up on this life of mine
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99
Oh Allah ! In this coming, spiritual month of Ramadan- I plead for forgiveness, I ask from you to cleanse our souls, Forgive us all, For we have sinned, We are frail by heart, We are liars and judgmental, Oh Allah ! My eyes shed tears for all of this human race, All those who have passed away, For people who are still here, And for those who have lost their strength, I pray for all these people, For their forgiveness, for their health, I ask for your help, Oh Allah ! To you we all shall return, We are your disciples Almighty Allah, And I ask from you to lead us to the right path, We are your creation, We have erred and ask for forgiveness, How guilty are we and how we've fallen in abyss, Please listen to our prayers and let us taste the essence of a heavenly afterlife.
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May 27, 2016
May 27, 2016 at 10:21 AM UTC
Oh Allah !
Far too many tides have you held him, Calypso, now let him go: thus commands Athene daughter of Zeus, She who cannot stand his wails any more. The fleet-footed Hermes delivers the writ of the heavens. Does the wail of a mere mortal trouble the mighty Athene more than the heart of her kin?  Will you Hermes not accept a bribe and tell Her you never found me? That Calypso's home is too hard to find on sea? The will of Zeus cannot be altered, bow or the bolt will make you kneel. Twenty years has he suffered, let him go this prisoner of his deeds. Eternity   awaits you: while his soul, death. Let him not regret his life in afterlife. Thus did I leave on high-tide who steal to my own palace like a thief. Twenty years play in my mind, but the strongest still is Telemachus's smile. I leave her who cared so much to win my heart yet only the Zephyr - Brought me cheer, that carried the smell of home and Penelope fair. Here I leave the immortal who will die for me: for her who I know not if she loves me yet. Who Athene brings don't fail me in life, even if they falter.
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Oct 10, 2012
Oct 10, 2012 at 2:38 PM UTC
Goodbye Calypso | Odysseus
I claw out of the grave like the phoenix And for my 15 minute lifetime I burn like the sun, the gas lamp, California, the Holocaust Before fizzling out again I live to die   I awaken on the production line I breathe in the ash pouring from the apocalyptic clouds Disappointed, I turn to my grey sarcophagus The faceless, factory-made, invisible-as-Kether generation Buried in the grocery store pyramid Like Goya's dog, I peer blindly, so tiny Upwards, into the infinite nothing that awaits The afterlife, the void, Abraham's ***** Death, limbo, desolation row The nihilistic emptiness from which I rise
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Mar 21, 2019
Mar 21, 2019 at 2:45 PM UTC
Lady Phoenix
Music is my heart. Music is my soul. Music is whole. Music is... The drums, the symbols. The sticks, the beat. That the rhythm of my feet. Keeping all in sink. Music is my body. Music is my mind. Music is what you'll find. Music is... The base, beautiful base. Hear that artwork. That's my hands at work. Enjoying the rhythm. Music is my presence. Music is my spirit. Music is the ultimate. Music is... The melody, harmony. That's my voice, Listen, it's your choice. Please hear whet I say. Music is my culture. Music is my life. Music is the afterlife. Music is... Music is my mind, body and soul. It is my culture spirit and heart It's my presence rhythm and thought Music is music, and music is me.
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Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 8:59 PM UTC
Music is...
i tried to drink my feelings away until i nearly drowned but their grief, patient as a vulture, kept waiting for me even at the gates of the afterlife.
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Sep 22, 2025
Sep 22, 2025 at 2:25 PM UTC
at the gates.
to those who say suicide is selfish and cutting is pointless, understand you can never comprehend what they dealt with. you may say you have it worse than they did, on deeper levels that **** was well hid. somethings easy for you may be hardest for others. it's not easy to leave mothers, fathers, friends, and siblings. your strength my weakness, your weakness my strength those who suffer go through many trials of a never ending darkness. some wear their scars on their sleeves, others hide it tucked well deep beneath. help sometimes is not what they really need. I can assure you this wasn't a selfish and greedy deed, they loved you so much, more than you will ever know. sometimes in an ironic way, the better is finally letting go. whether you believe in afterlife or rather nothing at all remember the best of times, and for them stand proud and tall. their presence may no longer reside on our earth, but forever in our hearts and mindw they shall always remain. we will never fully understand and comprehend, but i know we will all reunite in the end.
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Sep 16, 2018
Sep 16, 2018 at 8:32 AM UTC
ode to suicide
to every family that has lost someone to the war on drugs, i offer you a piece of my heart. take it and make it yours. when the other children ask if i miss you, i answer no. how can i miss someone who has not even left? you are still alive, i feel it; i know it to be true. you live in the paper thin walls of our home, a ghost lingering on the dining table. (i'm sorry there's hardly any food laid out. sometimes mother forgets to buy any or her hands shake too much for her to cook -- i don't know if it's from the cigarettes or the lambanog. brother is always out nowadays, trying to make money. he leaves before the sun is up and comes home long after mother has gone to bed. i think they're like this because they can hardly bear to look at your seat without dying a little more.) grandmother tells me to talk some sense into mother. "just because he died doesn't mean she can let her children die too. she is just sad. she needs someone to talk to." what she means is: comfort her. but i wonder. what comfort can you offer a dead man walking? sometimes i stare at the sky from the hole on my ceiling, and i wonder which star is you. is it the bright one that is always at the center of my vision? the one a little ways to the left? on better days, brother joins me and takes my hand in his. i swear it's almost like you're back, laying beside me. it's hard without you here. we miss you. when i see the other children and their fathers -- whole, unhurt, alive -- i feel a pang of pain. it's like hearing the gunshot all over again. i don't know if you were still alive then, but i was the one who called for help. i screamed until my lungs gave way to the torrent of pain that filled even the spaces between my bones. i don't know (nor do i wish to) if you were still alive or if you had already had a taste of sunset. it's a little funny. you had promised me we'd go to the lake that day. just you and i. you had gotten a job the week before and you wanted to celebrate with your favorite daughter. (i didn't have the heart to remind you i was your only daughter.) and i want you to know i am holding you to that promise. when we meet again. in space. heaven. eternity. in whatever version of the afterlife we end up in. we'll go to the lake. just you and i.
0
Dec 31, 2016
Dec 31, 2016 at 7:20 AM UTC
a taste of sunset
to every family that has lost someone to the war on drugs, i offer you a piece of my heart. take it and make it yours. when the other children ask if i miss you, i answer no. how can i miss someone who has not even left? you are still alive, i feel it; i know it to be true. you live in the paper thin walls of our home, a ghost lingering on the dining table. (i'm sorry there's hardly any food laid out. sometimes mother forgets to buy any or her hands shake too much for her to cook -- i don't know if it's from the cigarettes or the lambanog. brother is always out nowadays, trying to make money. he leaves before the sun is up and comes home long after mother has gone to bed. i think they're like this because they can hardly bear to look at your seat without dying a little more.) grandmother tells me to talk some sense into mother. "just because he died doesn't mean she can let her children die too. she is just sad. she needs someone to talk to." what she means is: comfort her. but i wonder. what comfort can you offer a dead man walking? sometimes i stare at the sky from the hole on my ceiling, and i wonder which star is you. is it the bright one that is always at the center of my vision? the one a little ways to the left? on better days, brother joins me and takes my hand in his. i swear it's almost like you're back, laying beside me. it's hard without you here. we miss you. when i see the other children and their fathers -- whole, unhurt, alive -- i feel a pang of pain. it's like hearing the gunshot all over again. i don't know if you were still alive then, but i was the one who called for help. i screamed until my lungs gave way to the torrent of pain that filled even the spaces between my bones. i don't know (nor do i wish to) if you were still alive or if you had already had a taste of sunset. it's a little funny. you had promised me we'd go to the lake that day. just you and i. you had gotten a job the week before and you wanted to celebrate with your favorite daughter. (i didn't have the heart to remind you i was your only daughter.) and i want you to know i am holding you to that promise. when we meet again. in space. heaven. eternity. in whatever version of the afterlife we end up in. we'll go to the lake. just you and i.
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I find such comfort in the phrase ‘you only live once’ Because I can’t imagine doing this all again. I never want to witness the leaving of light from someone’s eyes, Never want to be tossed in the endless tide of monotony, Never want to collapse from my hurricane brain, Never want to curl up and wish to be taken to a dark silent eternity. I pray there is no afterlife, No endless time existing. I only want it all to end, To have a complete lack of anything. I don’t want to meet the grim reaper, Or greet God at His pearly gates. I simply wish for nothing, To live once, truly, So I need not feel this way Forevermore.
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Sep 21, 2025
Sep 21, 2025 at 6:40 PM UTC
You Only Live Once
My thoughts are chemicals. I am made of recycled cells That I ingest, I take in what's best For optimal health, active or at rest. My DNA as mysterious as the Cosmos, The Cosmos less of a mystery than Ocean floors. I come from the Ocean, an awesome notion, A family with all others, every Thing is a cousin. My ancestors all made it to reproduction. I am assembled, through history, through selection. My traits have been crafted, positively reacted. Nurtured by Nature, genes that have lasted. I am made from the stars, Drink water that passed through dinosaurs. I experience Life, though filled with a bounty of strife, Through eyes of a Human, intelligence my paradise. And though my species feels more advanced And in control of a world we craft with our own hands, We are not self-efficient, resources increasingly deficient, A virus to be easily shaken, in which the planet would not be missing. I have a fleeting gift, Amidst the destruction that here lives, And that is my consciousness, No fear of abyss, no promise of bliss, But in my spark of a lifetime, Seemingly insignificant, and that's fine, I have inside endless thoughts with my mind, No need of afterlife with a gift so divine.
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Mar 6, 2015
Mar 6, 2015 at 12:19 PM UTC
On Celebrating Life