the 3 mental health conditions i have
depression, when i lose my jobs, and when i lose my way in life, i go into a deep depression
or it could be anxiety, like like i go out, but when people treat me like one of their mob, i go into
a shell, saying, i am not a hooligan, i am a family person, and i would winge about this for days
i was thinking that other people, were trying to fight me because i am trying to be a street person
and the voice was saying you and your brother ain’t like us, you see, i always have been teased
by other poor people, because i am poor too, and i remember in the bar, i wanted to go to the bar
to have a beer, and these men wanted me to play with them, i was too young to understand, that they
were just using me, and i felt i was getting hassled, day in and day out, by the working class, it doesn’t stop
me from helping them, but i prefer to help the homeless, or disadvantaged at common ground, and
i look at common ground plans, and it could be how i visioned, when people yell at me, i go, leave me
alone, mate, i am a family person, i felt people were taking my job away from me, every day, i know now
that they weren’t, but i felt people were saying, i am sorry, your not cut out for helping us, today
i was really crazy, i implied to this man, who was doing the washing up, that i wanted to do this
he was upset, maybe, it is not depression, it’s me being anxious to help people, with my past, voices
saying don’t muck with brian, saying he is still a shy person, and despite all the good things i did
i left them, but the reason why i did, because, i was paranoid, that, i was being put in a little situation
by the people at the rainbow, like me being *******, in the craft room, i remember that note very well, i was
very uneducated about this, and i was trying to make it up to my mum after yelling at her and dad when i was young
and when i was drunk, and i wanted to be nice to everyone, but my kindness could have killed me, like i was
arguing with everyone, getting defensive so to speak, and i ate a lot of food and nearly died of obesity. well
i could say, i did die, of obesity, i am getting voices, every time i say i want to **** me when i was young, when i mean
the evil streak in me, the voice says, don’t, i liked that little guy, and he really did like that little guy, it could have
been created from the simpsons, there was a problem when i was working at the rainbow, i gave into temptation, where
i mucked with people who mucked around, but i still did my cooking and creative writing, and now, i have so many stories
to share with my youtube generation, but i was making mum and dad relax around me, and that is all i care about, and
then the crazy delusions i was getting when i killed my loving family cat, delusions were coming into my head, at first
i thought it was cool, i was hearing old mates and all my family, all gathering and the voices were great, and i tried every time
my parents got cranky, i tried to calm down, you see my parents would cry over spilt milk, literally, and then wondered why i
got cranky with them, i made a joke saying dad, don’t cry over spilt milk, dad got cranky and said, implying he was a clean person
and we should feel guilty about dropping anything on the floor, i said to dad, accidents to accure, and dad said, yeah but you need
to be more careful, and i wanted to escape my parents, because they were such projectionists in everything they did, and i found
out that leaving my house in a mess, was my way of playing cool for them, maybe in 2004, they were cleaning my house for me
before i went to hospital, but, i found mum and dad, as i said, real perfectionists, everything had to be perfect, i found it hard to
understand that my house if messy could spell eviction, but i was living in the backyard, yeah, mum and dad help, but i find a little
too much, i was doing fine when i moved in my new flat in hawker, i cleaned it every day, until i went into hospital, but dad
still wanted to be a dad, and i wanted him to be a friend, because, him and mums way wasn’t helping me, i understand where
it should help me, but it flaming didn’t, ya see i hated that little situation, where dad and mum were treating me like a 4 year old boy
so i brought back the memories for dad, saying why don’t you smoke again dad, saying, you seemed happier when you smoked
because, dad said, don’t argue with me be a BUDDHIST, i am a buddhist, but unlike christians, buddha allows a bit of teasing as
long as it is done in a peaceful, dad is dead, and now dad is betty campbell, but i want mum to one day understand this, because
i feel she is dwelling in all this, and she is worrying about me, but, i prefer the life of enjoyment, and i like community spirit
you see i liked and still like how men used to say i am doing a wonderful job, i was visioning dad turning off me, like he was
dwelling in the past, i told dad that his father is macauley culkin, but he actually is ryan clark, and mums dad is macauley culkin
i know this cause i am cronus, i liked when men said to me, keeping busy, mate, keeping out of trouble, mate
because i liked helping in the community, but mum and dad, i feel, were treating me like an old fogie, when they were complaining
about me doing volunteer work, i liked volunteering, every job was fun, mum and dad just worried about me, but in hindsight
i didn’t want them to worry, ok i never liked all that being my mums son, nor i hated being a little kid, i sit there and let us big adults
muck around, i liked how i was feeling down in the dumps, and i rang up dad and mum and we’ll doing the same thing
then i heard dad say, i am not mucking around in cool kid groups with brian, like a real **** would say, you see i was being an adult
i hated how dad tried to be like the in crowd, there is nothing wrong with that, but he looked like he was worried, i felt like saying
STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR SON BRIAN, AND RELAX, i tried to get him to relax by asking him to watch the cricket
and other shows, he refused, and now dad is dead, he is betty campbell now, but dad obsessed with doing everything perfect
if ya wanna copy dad, fine, but, i want to have better people around me, ok, to have PARTIES, dudes
rather than just doing it with mum, i am saving for adelaide on nye and the carols in the domain as well in sydney
PLEASE BUDDHA, BRING DAD CLOSER TO ME, ON TV, i miss him
