#zoloft
echoing laughter emanates through empty tunnels
hidden from that safe red street lamp glow;
and I quietly notice how I am always a shadow
in the trees that move in the wind as they’re changed by the season.
A collection of lost souls I nurture and hold as I rock myself to sleep
And I can’t cry for them
any more than I can for myself.
The silent, gentle suffocation
which squeezes the breath from my lungs
snuffing out the candles
I meticulously lit on my way to my room.
It’s still and dark and creeping
and I feel the energy to smile slip away as I talk
Just as quickly as the uncertainty
which shuffles in uninvited
and steals the silverware from the kitchen.
An audience applauding the self deprecation Muffling the screams for help
As i’m invited to their table
but never quite loud enough to shout above the off stage rumble.
Jul 24, 2021
Jul 24, 2021 at 7:41 PM UTC
Zoloft,
This is a love letter.
Please do not get this confused.
You & my serotonin became infused.
I love you,
But I love you not.
It's almost like my old self,
That I forgot.
You take away the pain.
Only some of it,
The rest remains.
But I love you more than you know,
You've helped me in ways that don't show.
You are the drug that I've been chasing
Coke,
Acid,
Alcohol,
Need some replacin'..
But-
I hate your manipulation,
The way you think I need you,
Everyday,
No hesitation.
You starve me.
You beat me.
Make me physically weak..
But instead of leaving you,
I take you everyday,
Every week.
Because of you,
I've stopped & smelled the roses,
Had my first smile in awhile,
Took some pictures,
Held some poses.
But yet,
I know this can't go on forever.
I'm not sure when our last kiss will be,
Sometimes I only feel you & me,
Other times I feel the urge to leave
But I'll stay with you for now,
Because I don't know better.
The only reason I'm alive,
Is because you help me survive.
Jun 14, 2021
Jun 14, 2021 at 3:00 PM UTC
I couldn’t sleep.
My brain shivered when I moved my eyes.
I felt invincible
“Invincible” fails to describe it.
Then I was a cockroach
Crawling like a little bug
My head missing each obstacle
Just enough to feel them
Brush their matter against me
Blowing a rush of air back at me
Warning me my choices are crucial.
Cutting it close to the end
But - I don’t mind it.
-I’d be a liar if I said
I didn’t like it this way-
Some fear the discomfort called the unknown.
I welcome it with open arms
A gift in each hand.
As long as it never bores me.
Life must never be boring.
Fear is inevitable
It is always present
My greatest weakness.
Life is not the time to find your purpose
It is the time to create it
Apr 12, 2020
Apr 12, 2020 at 4:20 AM UTC
brain zaps, brain fog
welcome to Zoloft
refill your script
before you decide to quit
this pill comes with a cost
it's not that easy
to taper off
this illness is not visible
one might say it's despicable
the pill that can make things bearable
everyday at the same time
remember it's no cure
but
it can help
and that can be worth
feeling secure
Mar 27, 2019
Mar 27, 2019 at 5:09 PM UTC
Look I'm awake!
I used no alarm!
Not torpid, no despair,
Pill worked like a charm!
I've been mentally marinating,
In a cerebral stew.
Truly amazed by
This chemical brew.
- Shoutout to Zoloft
Feb 28, 2019
Feb 28, 2019 at 10:30 AM UTC
Starry nights cause
hopeless flights which
my bottle of Zoloft dislikes.
Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018 at 9:34 AM UTC
Tiny euphoria, relax like the world is made of all the good things. And how I wish to bottle the moment of his,and when he realizes that not everything is made of twinkling lights and all his favorite things, I'll grab him and hold him closer, protect his heart from all his heartaches. But for now I revel in the thought of the moment when he was blanketed with tiny euphoria.
Dec 28, 2016
Dec 28, 2016 at 10:14 AM UTC
Three days ago I started a journey of self help.
I started a journey of discovery
And, I'm not ready.
Three days ago I began taking anti-depressants.
Three days ago I stopped sleeping through the night.
Three days ago I got migraines that made me want to empty my stomach.
Three days ago I started a journey.
Why?
Because I can't deal with myself.
I can't deal with rejection and the pressures of day to day life.
I can't deal with the ideals and standards of other people.
I can't deal with the judgment.
I can't deal with the ***** looks.
I scrub my skin raw when I think of the look she gave me.
The mother of the man I love.
The man I adore.
Her eyes pierced through me.
And no matter what, a wound will be there.
Zoloft is not a quick fix.
It is a gateway to a way that I might be sane.
Maybe it will work.
Just maybe.
I can wish on a hundred thousand stars of things I need.
But this world only gives me the things I don't need.
I don't need the constant reminder that I am failing my body.
I don't need to be told I am mean.
I don't need to be told that I cause misery.
I don't need to be told that I'm making the wrong the choices in my relationship.
I don't need to be reminded that I am unwelcome, because you are close minded.
When I feel all those things I remember a younger me.
A me that was searching for something.
Anything.
I tried everything.
Even God
But there are some things that even He can't fix.
I was told growing up that depression wasn't real.
Well honey, it's all...right...here.
I am blamed by something I can't control.
How would that make you feel?
Three days ago I started a journey that I should have never stopped.
Three days ago I decided to do this for me.
Three days ago I started the search for a little girl who hoped and dreamed.
Three days ago I started the journey to regain my joy.
My hope.
Three days ago I started something.
Just for me.
Dec 7, 2015
Dec 7, 2015 at 12:42 AM UTC
You took Zoloft.
It killed your ability to ******
You were stubborn, though.
It
took
two
hours
for
you
to
come
and
despite
my
protests
you
couldn't
give
it
up.
So I had to.
Your couch was disgusting.
Your ********* on my skin
Was even worse.
May 11, 2015
May 11, 2015 at 8:08 PM UTC
Another one taken down
The bottle’s about empty
The bottle shouldn’t be empty
I just got it today..
But these pills should’ve killed me today
Why am I awake?
Is God shielding me from my grave?
I’ve already carved my name and the date
But my soul won’t succumb to the power of self-hate
Just great.
Now I’m stuck in this body
Without anybody
Look at me, I’m just a nobody
Without any hobbies of meaning
Or purpose to change the world
I wanna talk to a girl, but they constantly think I’m scheming
I lied to my ex about feelings I wasn’t feeling
I’m a pathological liar still wanting you to believe me
I love you, you believe me?
Of course not
Plunge the scythe in my chest, watch my corpse rot
Figuratively of course, I’m still alive
To my surprise, can’t count how many times I could’ve died
In my terms, should’ve died
My wrist resembles cracks on the sidewalk
Carnal are my thoughts
Such a ticking time bomb
Thank god for my mom
Otherwise, I’d be just another guy
Solidifying no significant presence in this present time
But I’m rambling, enough confessin’
Please leave now
I need to take these anti-depressants
Nov 9, 2014
Nov 9, 2014 at 11:03 AM UTC