#withdraw
A king withdraws into his castle
his eyes drawn out while sitting on the throne
now I'm not a king I'm just an *******
but I do know what it's like to sit at home
not knowing what's going on
a court jester growing con
shows I don't belong
to the awaiting bombs
so I move along.
I need time
and space
I'll wait in line
there's no race
just a loss of grace
that needs to be replaced
this isn't ideal
but I need to heal
from the hamster wheel
of ample feels
like despair over what went wrong
shame which is my only law
pain is there and is raw
so I withdraw
like a sick fawn
without its skinned mom.
The doors to my eyes are shut
as long as I'm stuck
in this lousy rut
building walls of muck
as blinders for a buck
who isn't racing
only running
from those chasing
and gunning
but there's no way to dispel
Satan himself
a turtle withdraws into its shell
laying precariously on the freeway
it knows what awaits is hell
but it can't peel away
because it sees a way
it can be in play.
Seasons slink
I need to think
while on the brink
of an overcast downfall
I put up a sound wall
to ignore the ground's call
asking me to withdraw
into its halls
where I'd switch all
the things I've acquired in life
for eternal night
an infernal fight
to do what's right
and keep the damage inner
temptation says come hither
that wily wyvern
always gives burns
but I never will learn
that my plans of stillbirth
cause a fiery chill hurt.
I'm in a delicate state
and need to deflate
no need to debate
please for my sake
give me a break
I need to escape
the chaos
in which I'm way lost
like the sky that is grey glossed
and the ground made of clay frost
we all have the same boss
whose favorite move is a flame toss.
The withdraw gets worse
turning into a curse
I'm living in a hearse
willing to see the dirt
I feel it flirt
beckoning me to my reckoning
everyone else is seconding
that motion
so I withdraw into an ocean
made entirely of land
the soil I scan
only to find desert sand
passing through my hands
to show I'm ******
Time goes by
as withdrawn I
had delusions I could fly
they were just withdrawn lies
to make me try
despite belonging on the ground
completely covered by the color brown
with a scent that could gag a hound
so when I finally look around
no one is there
they've withdrawn into pairs
making me stop and stare
yearning for tender care
so I shoot a flare
into the air
but it withdraws back into my gun
like the blacked out sun
telling me I'm done
and the withdraw won.
Apr 24, 2021
Apr 24, 2021 at 4:46 PM UTC
My brain is stuck in cruise
And sometimes I get lost
Lost on words and emotions
Stuck on what I should be feelin
Head poundin and medication low
My brain is stuck in cruise
Just goin with the flow
Maybe I am addicted
Or maybe this is withdraw
But baby I am stuck
Stuck on words to stay to you
Sep 4, 2019
Sep 4, 2019 at 12:05 AM UTC
I had it in my sights.
My first right move.
I thought I had it.
Then the dream came crashing down.
One by one
Peel back all the layers.
To get to the heart of it.
Watch it beat and slowly shrivel.
Things were becoming okay.
I had taken blue and I felt right.
It ran out of my system.
I can't seem to make things right.
Will I ever be right?
Will I ever be RIGHT?
Will I ever...
Seeing in blue
Just do it
And don't look back.
Dec 21, 2018
Dec 21, 2018 at 10:12 PM UTC
right hand - cack hand
misinfected
an inebriant
a heat of intoxicants
'Recover Your Presence Of Mind'
i don't even have my mattress raised
from upon the floor
spilled drinks
moulds
and pages soaked to the boarding
snoring in spores
infested with messages
in nest with it all
best to withdraw
Jul 17, 2018
Jul 17, 2018 at 4:50 PM UTC
I didn't notice until it was to late for me to change my fate
You used me for your twisted uses until you got bored
It was like a withdraw
You left me when you had someone new to play your twisted game with
I didn't understand I guess I didn't get the memo
Because the day you left I still tried to say hello
Feb 11, 2018
Feb 11, 2018 at 6:01 PM UTC
.
'*pon your voyages through my mind
mingling with memories cruel and kind,
amongst the shattered dreams that do lay
'neath darkened clouds so distant away.
Amidst the chaos of random thoughts
strands of discord forged and sought,
chasing nightmares you must flee
the ugliness deep inside of me.
Be you close or be you far,
Please think of Me,
wherever you are.*
© Pagan Paul (20/03/18)
Mar 20, 2018
Mar 20, 2018 at 4:57 PM UTC
How I wish to disappear
completely, to unplug fully,
til I shut down-deep-withdrawn
and there focus on something
that's more internal
and less commercial,
less self-evidently marketable -
something less brand
and more a brand new venture,
out of sight, of mind
and of a sense of duty
to myself,
to the me I left behind -
somewhere less,
somewhere small,
where the music inside
was clearer
and nearer
to the first bars
of the first song
when I first sang along.
Oh, how can I disappear
completely and get myself ready
for my next swan song?
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 4:21 PM UTC
11-28-04
I watched you kick, you moaned and you sweat
I gave you all the pills I could get
I let you complain, ***** and than whine
I let you steal my only dime
I let you kick out on my couch
You deceived, you lied and made me vouch
Watching you kick was not a pretty sight
All your demons, all trying to bite
I helped you kick until you finally got right
So why are back at the dope house tonight?
Dec 4, 2016
Dec 4, 2016 at 8:31 AM UTC
I surrender to this darkness,
that seems to be my life.
I sink deep into this madness
that kills me like a knife.
I withdraw from those around me
to give time to heal my heart
For if what I've become, you were to see
we'd surely drift apart.
Oct 14, 2015
Oct 14, 2015 at 9:05 PM UTC
your eyes with questions dripping off them;
we need to talk.
too late;
i've forgotten how to.
Jul 24, 2015
Jul 24, 2015 at 1:34 PM UTC
When the beating sun can't warm my clammy skin.
I am losing this **** fight.
I see her smirk, she knows what I know.
She alone can make me right.
And though I reap just what I sow,
I never thought my chest could feel so tight.
All at once I hear her say, "You can give up, That's okay."
I finally look into her eyes,
She who brought me to my knees.
Suddenly the fight within me dies.
I sink beneath her comfort seas.
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 11:35 AM UTC
My first withdraw.
Love.
I felt I would die.
He was my life.
Didn't think I would make it.
Then I found.
My second withdraw.
Alcohol.
Drank everyday.
Didn't no my way.
Everything seemed the same.
Then I thought I found away.
My third withdraw.
Oxy's.
It was a easy drug.
All you had to do was crush.
It made the pain.
Fly away.
Know that I'm clean.
I hope things can change.
I'm done with the withdraw and the pain
May 15, 2014
May 15, 2014 at 1:00 AM UTC