I let it get away from me.
Instead of just letting things be.
I jumped the gun and shattered someones heart.
After everything settled I knew I had done wrong.
It wasn't supposed to be that way.
I don't know how I can fix this situation.
Is it better to leave it alone?
Is better to say something?
Things were said in anger and I took it to heart.
I thought you would be better off.
I thought you would be okay.
I didn't know that my own mental state caused this.
I didn't know I was so messed up.
I want to go back in time and make it so this didn't happen.
I know I can't.
You always wanted to live by yourself.
I didn't know you would take it so hard.
I didn't know you cared that much.
I wish I could tell you everything in my head.
I don't even know everything.
You deserve better.
You said you felt freedom and confidence without me.
We weren't together.
You said you were tired of dealing with this.
I wish I could tell you everything going on in my heart.
But not even I know.
I wish a lot of things.
I know none of this will help the heartbreak that you feel.
Jan 9, 2019
Jan 9, 2019 at 7:12 PM UTC
flame in a dark pit
rain on a mountain
ice
in the veins:
blockade
one of these days
techno nightmares will break
through
analog purity, of course
they will but, then
you'll have it your way,
where dust becomes you more
than your electric
dreams, of course,
you would rather be muted
i won't
Dec 25, 2018
Dec 25, 2018 at 8:34 PM UTC
I had it in my sights.
My first right move.
I thought I had it.
Then the dream came crashing down.
One by one
Peel back all the layers.
To get to the heart of it.
Watch it beat and slowly shrivel.
Things were becoming okay.
I had taken blue and I felt right.
It ran out of my system.
I can't seem to make things right.
Will I ever be right?
Will I ever be RIGHT?
Will I ever...
Seeing in blue
Just do it
And don't look back.
Dec 21, 2018
Dec 21, 2018 at 10:12 PM UTC
In a minute,
I'm a *** smirk.
A shiny fang to show.
This pleasure, bundled
into nerves,
will decompose.
There isn't one chance.
Not one savior.
Evolution,
it still takes
its molasses-sweet-ass-time.
I won't pray.
I won't wait.
As I am
& I shall be
the anti-divine.
I'm a literal piece of ****
I've long since comes to terms,
to terms with it.
I'm a depiction of the pits.
I've long since loved my worst,
my worst and best.
(...)
In a minute,
I'm a lost eye.
A stab wound, deep & old.
This sadness, bound
in my synapses,
wants me to know:
There is no escape.
No dissuasion.
Neurodivergence,
it wrestles
my ill logos for control.
I won't pray.
I won't pray.
As I am
& I shall be
funny chemicals.
I'm a literal piece of ****
I've long since comes to terms,
to terms with it.
I'm a depiction of the pits.
I've long since loved my worst,
my worst and best.
Nov 30, 2018
Nov 30, 2018 at 12:21 PM UTC
How's it going, these days?
Pretty good.
How's your family been?
I wouldn't know--
I renounced the blood.
In doing so, I kicked the sick.
I can't make a better world, but
I can pen an ending to this ancient curse.
I can choose a family,
& I chose the
vertebrae that
puts my spine back
in alignment.
I always had this choice.
Now I can see it.
I can let the blood,
and guarantee the world,
I'll have no progeny.
Trust me, when I say
it's my gift
to you and yours.
;)
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 5:52 PM UTC
Come to think of it,
I've strung a string of selfish lovers,
since the first lover to covet my heart.
Enter the present,
I'm of the morose understanding,
the cutthroat waters of the waking world. . .
Temper the mind to take,
raze, and ****
Take
Take
Take
Temper the heart to quake.
Quake
Quake
Quake
at the fulfillment
of practical demand.
Quake
Quake
Quake
on bended knee,
in dream,
for love for free.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC
Shower, you
touch me, still,
hotter than
clumsy fingers.
Clumsy advances.
In the water,
I see shapes
rising in steam
built by the
confidence
I can manage,
alone with you,
when I sing.
. . .
Lights out, cast a dark net.
Got the yellow lights outside,
though,
catching my plans
on the
unbalanced heel,
but the assisted glow
just makes my. . .
my aura cut out
a visible,
protective shape.
More than this,
in the music,
wearing my skin,
proud, yet naked,
I
bravely emanate.
Oh ((oh)) Oh ((oh)) Oh ((oh))
I won't live forever.
Oh ((oh)) Oh ((oh)) Oh ((oh))
I just want some infiltration.
I just ((just just)) I just ((just)) ((just))
I just --
wait. It's no meager thing.
I'm no meager thing.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC
If I got a headache
every time someone wrote about natural beauty,
I'd have an aneurysm.
And now I have one more.
Headache.
I'm still waiting on the aneurysm.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC
If I
told you
what it is I want
like you
ask I tell,
would it matter much?
Matter at all?
You forget
over
and over
we've ever had this talk
so if open up,
spill my lair for you,
how I am I to find the confidence
in spite
of the fear?
And I
ask you
to give me a hand.
Explain
what it is
that will satisfy.
You agree to air.
Close your eager eyes.
Wake. And forget.
Until it happens again.
Every single bed time.
Til I hit the grave.
Pinpoint.
Comet style.
Crush the earth.
Leave a bitter hole.
Never quite sure if
I'm hurting myself
or hurting someone else.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC
With this torch, I thee smoke, with my third eye, I thee worship, and with ease, I set my earthly goods ablaze: In the name of the Flower, and of the Bud, and of the Evil Goat. Tim's Chips.
Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 5:56 PM UTC