#upsetting
Have you ever been in love?
Like really, truly -unapologetically, unabashedly-...in love?
Because I have.
And I can tell you right now it is nothing like you think.
It's not chocolates on valentines
Or Sundays spent in bed.
It's not watching TV while his thighs prop up your head.
It's not like dancing in the kitchen
While his mother laughs and watches.
It's not like anything you see on TV
Because the TV is just a screen.
And yet, we feed into this delusion.
This delusion we tell ourselves and spread among others
That love is all like it is in fairy tales, books and movie scenes.
We spread it like the most desired disease.
And it festers.
Piling it on like it's shameful if you are not wanted
Tearing to pieces just to get ourselves a glimpse of it
Thrashing thriving breaking ourselves over
Numbing our senses
From changing our outsides to changing our insides -Have you ever been in love?
Have you felt your heart strings tug?
What happens when that story feeling closes
Like the spine of a book snapping.
That... incessant pulling when their false words graze your ears?
That dipping feeling when they make you feel as though,
All your words are wrong.
That cold shock in your chest when they start to pull away?
Taking that string with them?
You try to loosen that thread
But all you end up doing is following it,
Trying to stop it from snapping.
Sometimes our strings tangle-
And we spend hours trying to undo the knots.
Eventually, some of us get tired,
Picking scissors over communication.
Love is not like holding hands.
That warm feeling as his skin ghosts over yours.
It is not knowing whether they will stay.
Whether those promises they make you are laced
Poison in those words that once gave you a flutter in your stomach
And a thud in your chest.
It is stressful pain
You cough and splutter not ever understanding why
Why they look away from you once
Yet the next their hands roam over your body
Like it's a sacred vessel that they cherish.
Each finger beginning to hurt as they scrape over your thighs
Not knowing which set of lips they can force their touch upon-
Have you ever been in love?
I will say it three times over only
To save my throat the strain from that cough and splutter.
Except I understand why.
Why my throat feels like razor blades now.
Why I take the longer route just to evade the park from our first date.
Why I can no longer wear frilly dresses or shorts
Why my skin bruises so easily like rotten fruit from your hands.
Those three words you whispered as you stole my pride from between my legs,
I wasn't even ready yet-
Have I ever been in love?
Too much
Too Deep
Too wrong to comprehend.
Oct 27, 2025
Oct 27, 2025 at 2:02 PM UTC
something he stole
was very important to me
but it’s not the kind of thing
that could ever be returned
this is no game of
lost and found
oh, but the thief
the thief―
they couldn’t catch him,
he’s got
sly talk and
i think he’s part snake
they couldn’t catch him because
he left no fingerprints
Mar 2, 2020
Mar 2, 2020 at 1:04 PM UTC
I'm like climate because I deteriorate each day, it's a treat,
My nails are bitten to the seams just so I can feel; so I can bleed.
The nihilistic ****** I don't feel sorry; I hope we crash,
Pushing buttons in mirror cause my vision should be clearer, what's another ****
Fear anger manipulate irate lust & youth,
The values that stitch the masses in truth.
I cut my neck to watch it bleed; imagine what I'd be if I was death on the screen?
I grip my teeth to watch them leave; crumble my soul like a God on its knees.
And when I fall back into the black kick me back; don't grab my hand,
And when I reach out it's a farce don't placate me because I don't want to land.
Fear anger manipulate irate lust & youth,
The values that stitch the masses in truth.
I want to die young to a dulcet cause; and romanticise my sins and all my flaws,
Pack my bags and leave a note; laugh it
off and slit my throat; like I give a toss.
I burnt a hole in my soul, I lost my will so long ago; I can't come back,
Forced to live without a choice; I've lost the right; I've lost the track.
Fear anger manipulate irate lust & youth,
The values that stitch the masses in truth.
In a world filled with power and greed,
Don't forget to check with them if you can be free.
They choose who you want to be and who's the new celebrity,
And when the water cooler talk starts to wear off, and when you start attack people when they don't like what you want.
When general public consensus is apparently "key", don't forget who controls exactly what you see.
You're not free,
You never will be.
The foundations are crooked,
And I know it sounds stupid,
But you've got to annihilate the system if you want to see the change,
Because they don't care about a single ******* thing that you say.
The world revolves around you and not the sun,
And you all wonder why nothing ever gets done.
You made the machine and allowed it to corrupt,
And forgot to build a fail safe, ah we're all ******
Nov 18, 2019
Nov 18, 2019 at 3:15 PM UTC
You bring me tears of joy
and tears of sadness,
but old memories is something I will always enjoy.
We are sorry for being reckless.
I would not feel this emptiness,
If only I were not acting coy.
Losing you made me feel worthless,
but we promise that, one day, you will smile with overjoy.
Jul 8, 2019
Jul 8, 2019 at 5:55 PM UTC
You see the world in greyscale,
A filter over your mind.
You feel colours in braille,
A gift plagues in your mind.
You scrutinise the sun; for all is black,
A disease that haunts your mind.
You pray for at least sadness back,
A prose of your lonely mind.
I'd go through the bay of Hades,
I'd take loans out on my soul.
I'd walk through trenches of cacophony,
Just so you didn't feel so alone.
I'd paint this earth in all the colours that be,
A gift to heal your mind.
I'd absorb the numbness that haunts you in sheets,
A plague I see in your mind.
I'd die for you, just wait and see,
And finally together we will be.
For you aren't one soul, you're an amalgam of different faces,
And if this mirror has taught me anything, it's that we lose colour in loneliest of places.
May 18, 2019
May 18, 2019 at 6:23 PM UTC
There's a tree in the middle of a patch of grass,
And it's standing alone while it's peers surround it.
People they just pass and there's no second glance,
And I said to the tree "I'm just like you, as you are me".
The leaves they're alive, but they're browning and turning white,
They're barley alive,
for you are the same as I.
Apr 26, 2019
Apr 26, 2019 at 10:01 AM UTC
Thank you for burning me
With your senseless thoughts
For now I know
My own worth
Mar 22, 2019
Mar 22, 2019 at 9:46 AM UTC
Watch the blood
Pour down wrists
Turn and laugh
Because I know
I'm worthless
Steal my joy
Make misery
Seep and pour
Because I know
That's all I'm
Good for
Hold me down
Miss my cries
Put words to me
Because I know
I'm not worth
Anyone's time
Mar 21, 2019
Mar 21, 2019 at 3:11 PM UTC
I'm prophetic and live my life through others words,
I'm socratic and will accept death when it's my turn.
All my knowledge is fulfilled with conjecture,
I'm painfully obsequious when involving niche lectures.
I'm fitting with paranoia and it riddles my brain;
Obsessed with the thoughts of passing away,
As time slips away quicker and quicker everyday.
My perception is perceived but acknowledge my sentience and you'll see;
There's a dark soul deep inside of me.
Tonight feels like my last fight as I write with a knife;
My sallow eyes drift aside as my hope for a better life resides,
And the pen I call a knife inches closer to stealing my life.
As I lay back and stare into the black corner of this one-track world of false fact;
I realise in my transient fit of thought that there's no going back.
My perception is perceived but acknowledge my sentience and you'll see;
There's a dark soul deep inside of me.
Feb 16, 2019
Feb 16, 2019 at 8:31 AM UTC
i used to be so in love,
a feeling blessed upon me from above.
and the girl i loved,
made my heart jump.
and in such an amazing way,
whenever i thought about her my sordid thoughts would melt away.
and somewhere along the years; she twisted and changed,
she wasn't the same person; in only a matter of days.
as if the innocence and eloquence of her person had died,
but i fell to my knees whenever i reciprocated eyes.
the girl i knew died a long time ago,
i can't even recall her eye colour; blue, green, hazel? i don't know.
the girl i knew fizzled away,
her heart grew cold, and the love got frayed.
and maybe i shouldn't of saved her,
it would of saved me a lot of ink and paper.
because the girl i loved died a long time before i,
the girl i loved died,
the girl i love died.
Feb 14, 2019
Feb 14, 2019 at 9:34 AM UTC
A wretched boy slumped through the winter snow,
Ashes scattered; the remains of whom he'd once known.
He clambered, shook, screamed and fell down,
And his knees pummelled into the cold winters ground.
He began to decline into the pebbles, snow, and dirt,
As the blood seeped through his paisley shirt.
Each breath became more withered and cold,
He grew beastly with fear of not growing old.
Just as the soul started it's ascent into the clouds,
He caught the shadow of an ashen haired shroud.
His soul was saved, captured, and regained,
But once a boys soul starts to leave; it never fits the same again.
Feb 13, 2019
Feb 13, 2019 at 3:06 PM UTC
She wakes up everyday,
To her the sky is always lined in grey.
She breaks down in a pit,
And her mind is so corrupt and split.
She covets for answers to what she desires,
As she gaits on a tightrope wire.
Barbed wire knots around her heart,
It constricts with every decision her mind can't bare to start.
She can't bare to think,
With everything that piles up; her soul starts to shrink.
The parables that play out so well in books,
Doesn't seem feasible on Hades sordid hook.
With all good stories luck starts to change,
Even those in the darkest of abyss.
Though some skies are dark and grey,
Each new day brings a new day.
Tomorrow she might wake up and the sky may be clear,
And facing obsidian decisions won't be riddled with fear.
Then small happiness will reignite her soul,
And so a peaceful mind won't seem such an impossible goal.
Feb 12, 2019
Feb 12, 2019 at 8:43 AM UTC
There once was a boy,
Lonely and stripped of all joy.
He burnt his skin,
As his soul withered within.
As the days passed,
He coveted for the days that'd be his last.
And all his acquaintances shrugged,
But it was his grave they dug.
All those nights alone in a room,
On parchment pieces he sculpted his doom.
And with prowess he slipped into the unknown,
Into the hell where youth and laughter go.
Feb 11, 2019
Feb 11, 2019 at 8:15 AM UTC
I reminisce on those last few months a lot,
And I wallow in things but this I really overthought.
I just want to say I'm sorry it took me so long to visit,
And I wish I saw you eat that meal; I can't believe I missed it.
I know you'd of hated this pity I stew in,
But you meant so much it hurts within.
My eyes get heavy when I look at your picture,
There's so many things I'd wish I'd let you lecture.
If there's one last thing I would say,
It's that I hope you're safe and heaven is okay.
That I pray you're smiling and are proud every second,
And everyday is one day closer to being with you,
In heaven.
Feb 10, 2019
Feb 10, 2019 at 7:27 AM UTC
i still love the eyes you gave me,
i'm infatuated with the lies you told.
you were were the only thing that could save me,
but now my hearts frayed and cold.
Feb 7, 2019
Feb 7, 2019 at 4:19 PM UTC
Hot breath warms her face
As it settles in thick blankets
Making it harder and harder to breathe.
The rest of her body feels chilly
As a fan circulates cold air around her,
But her face only grows warmer.
As she tells herself all the things she doesn't want to hear,
Yet would feel incomplete without,
The heat only begins to rise,
Swelling from her eyes,
Like thick globs of lava,
Crashing into the tightly held blankets.
She opens her mouth,
To tell herself to stop,
That she has no reason to be this upset,
That shes embarrassing herself,
But her throat fills with hot air,
And she lets out nothing,
Only sobs,
And hopes that tomorrow is a better day.
Jan 28, 2019
Jan 28, 2019 at 6:04 PM UTC
i find myself crying on the floor,
with not a soul by my side.
i've a habit of staying in doors,
i dont believe in love anymore.
i dig my nails deep into my skin,
to try find veritable love within.
to my chagrin its just senseless gore,
i dont believe in love anymore.
when i fall theres no-one there by side,
no-one there to tell me things will be fine.
so ill stay inside;
ill lose my mind;
ill lay on the floor and ill cry every night.
ill say once more;
heartbroken on the floor;
that i just dont believe in love anymore.
Jan 27, 2019
Jan 27, 2019 at 11:09 AM UTC
I can only picture dying,
I've exhausted my own mind.
It's not for lack of trying,
To extinguish these thoughts of mine.
All things I see are blue,
But I love the blue Winter air.
I'm scared of heights; that's true,
But I walk on a tightrope without a care.
I'm toying with a sordid thought,
Just to see if madness is that bad but it's not.
Insanity and madness is all that I've got,
I've tried and I have tried but it just won't stop.
This may be the last you read from me,
I just can't keep up the lie.
This may be the last I write to you,
But when it's time, paint the flowers blue.
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 2:33 PM UTC
My headlong anger lays dormant like a Dragon,
Lingering to be awoken and unleashed into the world.
It sponges all the tiny things that I let in, Lies; Idiocy; and parabolic sin,
The kind you get from Tramps clamped in a Junkies grip.
Niceties come with a flicker of Salt,
Because no one; and I mean no one brings Roses to a boy who strolls among the living.
Hot coals scold my soul; intensified as if doused in malt,
Then anger ravages my thoughts and forces itself in control.
I can't sway my anger; picture what it'd do if I even thought,
It'd grasp me by the throat; levitating me inches from the floor,
Squeeze its fiery nails seamlessly into my skin,
And tear out my soul; swallow it whole; leaving me high and dry in a shallow bowl;
Of sin.
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 3:16 PM UTC
Simon was a straight A who made the grade,
But crippling news hit him like Brook's *****
He fell into to some beastly vices and adrift was his mind,
Stumbled back up the path less traveled and down the path of the blind.
You see Simon spent his caged days in **** houses,
He was the dirt on the walls as well as the blood on the floor.
I'm sure the filth was bursting with dreary happiness and memories of Farmhouses,
Splendid days were they; when Simon had control of the Devils door.
Simon's offering his all to get clean - but it's impossible when you gawk at the TV,
A Prince marrying to a straight A Yankee, he insinuated "A happiness that seems so far from me".
That's all I can seem to recollect from my parley with Simon,
I'm sure he sundered into a rabbit hole of despair because of the Nirvana he'll never live in.
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 4:10 PM UTC
Travis and Charlie were the best of
friends,
They shared the interest of Fireball and Gin.
They adored dressing up in alleyways and pretend,
That they were Princes and the next of Kin.
Travis fell putrid with the nullifying of his Liver,
He tried to Coax the Prince but he chucked.
The Prince turned his back on Travis' Treason River,
Lost himself in the memories in a bottle corrupt.
The tragic dismay that followed suit,
Electrified junkies and liars alike too.
Travis dressed up in his Sunday best;
To see his once best friend laid to rest.
May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 7:55 AM UTC
How does nobody see the mask that everybody puts on
Is it because they are so busy fixing their own
May 7, 2018
May 7, 2018 at 8:05 PM UTC