#unavailable
I'm afraid my goals don't align with yours;
yet feel our souls click so perfectly.
I've resolved myself to observing the world
and watching you with the girls I imagine how great we could be.
But I'm locked into place.
Another cog in this death making machine.
I think I'm losing my face;
I'm definitely losing my steam.
I fear I set course for another heartache,
but don't for a second think I'm calling you a mistake.
The faults are my own..
I'm just trying to build a place to call home.
I know further engagement would be irresponsible,
but when you talk with that silk woven voice I find redirection impossible.
When we meet and embrace it's hard to stop the fall,
but I can't find the brakes and the engine won't stall.
I fear I'll only take up space in your cluttered apartment.
Just a bulky suitcase, a leftover fragment.
You've so much at stake and I've nothing to lose.
I'd hate to see that pretty face wear me like a noose.
Feb 18
Feb 18, 2026 at 12:53 PM UTC
(a poem for the women left holding the dustpan)
I remember when my children were small—
eager hands reaching for the broom,
begging to help.
They’d trail behind me,
half-heartedly sweeping,
missing corners,
scattering crumbs.
But they wanted to try.
So I let them.
I’d guide their tiny hands,
show them the rhythm,
and still end up doing it myself.
They’d get tired, bored—
drop the broom mid-sweep
and run off laughing
while I stayed behind
to clean it properly.
That’s what this felt like with you.
You insisted.
“I want this. I can do this.”
So I gave you the broom.
I showed you the way.
I slowed down, waited,
offered my heart like a home.
But the minute the work began,
the minute the dust stirred,
you handed it back—
too heavy, too much,
not fun anymore.
And like a child,
you disappeared into yourself,
while I stood there—
hands full of splinters,
heart full of ache,
sweeping up the pieces
of everything you couldn’t carry.
You wanted the broom.
Until you didn’t.
And now I’m here,
again—
cleaning the mess
you made of me.
Jul 12, 2025
Jul 12, 2025 at 5:05 PM UTC
Everyone has parents.
They always mean well right.
Or maybe they weren’t taught to fight.
Because no one ever taught then right.
Through all the aggression and ego.
their younger selves never had room to show.
And the chance to have love to expand.
And without them listening to understand…
It’s a strange way for them to plan.
The cries are too low for them to fear.
So where is the relationship left to go from here?
Slowly fading away through every tear.
Jun 13, 2025
Jun 13, 2025 at 11:31 AM UTC
it wasn't him
or the one before him
or the one before that.
i broke my own heart
i was the one who cracked it open
like an egg
letting it spill out in hopes someone would
soak it up and create something beautiful with it
and when no one did
i used it for others to make a sweet treat
let myself starve
left empty and unavailable.
Jan 13, 2023
Jan 13, 2023 at 11:55 AM UTC
You didn’t ask for
Emotional Unabailability
and I didn’t ask
To be left on read
But we both got things
We didn’t ask for
Apr 1, 2019
Apr 1, 2019 at 10:49 PM UTC
FaceTime Unavailable.
Leave a Message
Hey, it’s me, just saying hell....
Hey, just wanted to check up o.....
Hi, I really miss yo......
Just saying what’s u.......
I’m constantly bombarded by thoughts of you
I wake up .... You
I go to class.... You
I study.... You
But I still can’t understand
Why I’m not over....
You
Yes.
Was the word I said when you asked me to be yours. When you said I want you to be mine
Out was where we went , no matter the time. I’d go out with you over and over and over again because i never wanted the time with you to end
Unlimited
Was how I felt when you held me in your arms, when I called and you’d always answer . When I knew i could rely on you to be the answer but
Somehow, over time, I began to think I was not the answer. Multiple Choice but I was not the right choice, I was the choice that’s so close to right it made it difficult for you to decide
But you decided that you were willing to be almost right to be with me and I didn’t appreciate that til your heart. Your mind. Your thoughts. Your time. Left Me
Read
That word has become so familiar now
Read
Has become a common response to me now
I fight for your attention
Your time
Your affection
I fight for the right to my thoughts
My attention
But
I’m losing
Connecting......
FaceTime Unavailable
I see you.
Talking to her
Her could be a stranger
Her could be a mutual friend
Her could be your someone close
But her isn’t me, so it could be anybody
But I want to be her
What is it about our past relationship that is keeping me hooked
Why do I feel like I am not free
I know I don’t want a relationship
I know what you’re probably going to tell the next girl the next her but.
I don’t care.
Jan 25, 2019
Jan 25, 2019 at 8:48 PM UTC
It never mattered much that you weren't mind to hold
I have a bad habit of waiting for people to change their minds
and hoping I'll fall back into the arms of someone who was never meant to stay
It's always more the idea of someone than it is the person standing in front of me
so I spend my mornings listening to music that reminds me of you
pretending to know the boy I only wanted you to be
Aug 11, 2018
Aug 11, 2018 at 10:11 PM UTC
What does it mean to be
Emotionally unavailable?
My manic thoughts keep me starving for
An imagined happy
“Are you single?” They asked
Well, my heart is as open as an old wound
That reopens & bleeds & scars for
Vicarious validation
Yet closed in the sense that it shuts down
Every time it starts to feel something
Almost habitually,
As if in self defense
I guess you could say my heart was a
Twisted & distanced kind of available...
But no
I’m not available in my mind
Because it knows better than my
Feeling *****
The human container that’s headstrong
To it’s gullible nature
My thinking ***** knows that
Vicarious happy is not real happy
Which labels my forehead like a neon sign
Emotionally Unavailable
I crave a validation that looks like your love
But it won’t fix me
Or provide the happiness I
Desperately need for myself
Jul 16, 2018
Jul 16, 2018 at 6:20 AM UTC
you say you need someone,
but ill never be that person.
even if somewhere deep down,
you still want me.
i will always long for,
the idea of us,
side by side:
physically,
and emotionally,
intertwined.
but you have your loyalty,
and i have my pride,
so maybe one day,
these feelings,
will subside.
Jun 11, 2018
Jun 11, 2018 at 2:37 AM UTC
It’s hard to imagine that fate
Would bring us back together
To leave me with only the memory
Of your touch, Your kisses,Your embrace
The timing may have been flawed
For our love to truly began
But, hopefully the stars will align
And our paths will cross again
My heartbeat will be like a beacon
Signaling like an alarm
Who’s sole purpose is to one day
Lead you Back into my arms
Until then....
Apr 23, 2018
Apr 23, 2018 at 2:52 PM UTC
I was a welcome mat for your muddy and blistered feet
an open entrance for your troubled mind
a shelter for your shattered heart on nights where the silence became too loud
but soon, you took your refuge for granted,
my view of you over time became slanted
your ***** dishes in the sink were quicker to clean than being able to see what you were doing to me
a friendship that once felt like home became broken
and I became a pit stop that was conveniently placed on your
daily route
and you only paid in self-doubts
you were a wounded traveler that could never give, but could always take
and always left the next morning with pieces of my own sanity
I needed to lock my doors before I ended up losing everything
Mar 19, 2018
Mar 19, 2018 at 6:23 PM UTC
*You make me feel so miserable.
But I can’t blame you for these feelings.
Because you don’t know about them.
You don’t even know I love you.
My light and will power is fading away.
Because she stole your heart without struggle.
A chosen one has claimed you.
And that chosen one is not me.
Giving you up is what I should do.
It’s hard, but you will never know.
Still I want to thank you, for being you.
Thank you for making me feel alive.*
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 5:13 AM UTC
The riddled mind,
Speaks only in twists,
Hoping that way, to conceal,
The truthfully intended wits,
Hiding behind a glass door,
Thinking no one can see,
Only a foolish mind,
Would run from the ones who seek
for you to unleash your heart,
It will be a mistake you wish you made.
Apr 11, 2016
Apr 11, 2016 at 9:31 PM UTC
Do you only touch in anger?
Do you have the habit of hugging your kid?
Or do you prefer not to
Just like the parents of criminals did?
Do you think hugging
Will make your child turn out to be soft?
With nobody home to turn to
Would your child then be better off?
Does your son or daughter
Go without being touched in love for years?
Is the only emotion allowed
Obedience and silence, never any tears?
Does your perfect child idea
Amount to something like a stuffed toy?
Does your list not involve
Things that are normal for a girl or boy?
Is everything else important,
But not the issue of your child’s happiness?
When your child asks questions
Do you treat it as just smart-mouthedness?
If your child questions bad ideas
Do you take that as a personal attack?
Do you find yourself thinking,
And saying, you want your freedom back?
If any of the above is true
You are not being a loving kind of parent.
If your child’s image of you
Is of an angry person given to swearing
And calling them names
That should be reserved for enemy,
Then wake up and realize
That’s not the right behavior to use on family.
Nov 6, 2015
Nov 6, 2015 at 6:20 PM UTC
can you blame me
for tryna get you to open up more?
I’ve allowed myself to become vulnerable
now I don’t know what for?
when you’re unavailable
am I still yours?
Oct 15, 2015
Oct 15, 2015 at 2:56 PM UTC
Will you forever stay
A man of dreams?
You can never be
Included into my reality.
For one does not induce
The fall of preciousness.
Even when you are
In my gaze all day,
Even when I imagine
Your hand upon
The small of my back,
Or your eyes laughing
Into mine exuberantly.
You are painfully
None of this.
When you occupy
My state of mind
And alter my thoughts
Into wayward longings,
I cannot reach across
To establish your warmth
Into my memory.
I will pretend that no imagining
And no affinity binds me
Inexplicably and unquestionably
To your loveliness!
Dec 27, 2014
Dec 27, 2014 at 3:02 PM UTC
It is nestled deep inside the fertile
Shenandoah Valley.
There is a river that runs amok
like a rabid, winded wildcat in
the shadows of temptation.
And then there’s a back-country
woman that just won’t leave my
hesitated mind.
Taking time
to worry all about her,
risking heartache
to forever go
without her—
it seems like such an unfair penance,
like the result of prison’s popular
undeserved sentences.
Getting by without a proper windshield,
it’s starting to look as if my drummer
really is too far off the mark.
Wishes to again cross that princess on
that old and dusty road.
In the end it’s a crime that, quite
simply, has no motive.
And I’m paying my sentence daily for
being a prince—and not the most
handsome toad in the land.
Aug 8, 2014
Aug 8, 2014 at 1:46 PM UTC