#tyler
I cross the same bridge everyday,
There are always the same people,
With their different purposes,
Or is it the same?
Today I saw God begging for a coin,
On the bridge.
Nobody looked at him,
I guess they were mad,
So was I.
I came to God and slapped his face,
He understood and didn't fight back,
I hit him for everything,
Like an ant that escapes from the farm,
After several minutes I remembered that I don't believe in God,
Not this guy with a beard anyway,
So I stopped and continued my way.
I returned for a last punch in the face,
Just in case.
This reminded me of my first fight with Tyler.
Oct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 9:19 AM UTC
but I know what i dont have
i don't have the time
the walls are closing in on me
these walls the ones i created
the closer they get the less i can breathe
roaming in circles gets me nowhere
but its all i know how to do
by now the only thing i can do
is stand here and let my dizzy mind
get crushed by these four towers of impending doom
Sep 24, 2017
Sep 24, 2017 at 10:29 AM UTC
My Diamond
By this life I've been cut to pieces, they're all there on the floor
Thousands of jigsaw shaped pieces, I'm not easy to explore
Only one person could look and see what was really me
Now that he's past, what will I become to be
For I'm constantly walking in circles, getting lost in the dark
Instead of a loving hand, all there is, is a question mark
I feel myself slipping backwards, further down the hole
Slide past the diamonds formed by pressured coal
You promised to be my diamond the hardest of all rocks
But even diamonds crack, with the ticking of the clock
I'm so very lost now, even more than before
Because you'll never again walk through my door
Only you could look at the jigsaw, seeing the beautiful picture it was supposed to be
Only you ever had the love to see, all that made me......me
©Pauline Russell
Sep 5, 2017
Sep 5, 2017 at 12:56 AM UTC
Neither girl nor male… So what am I? Am I the so-called perv aiming to invade the wrong bathroom? Am I a heretic aiming to impose my wickedness onto the world? Am I the clocking stares they give me? How about the result of a broken home or a broken heart? Does my mere existence force you to reevaluate your identity? When all I'm trying to do is figure out mine. Neither girl nor male… So you tell me where I am to relieve my bowels. Or am I to stitch them shut for your comfort? While I'm at it, shall I stitch my eyes shut as to not burden you with running mascara; which further assaults my "feminine façade"? I'm sorry to burden you with my fake ***** of which a second of labor (turning your head) would relieve you of your distress. I'm sorry you'd rather slave away starring and clocking them. Clocking me. I am sorry that I was born male yet refuse to live up to such expectations. I am sorry that despite my best efforts I cannot pass for how I feel. Believe me—for the life of me—I am trying. As punishment for lack of natural ******* I stretch my skin to form a pleasing cleavage. As punishment for having the wrong body type, I wear a cage around my abdomen two sizes too small that cuts into my rib cage dare I seek the comforts of sitting down. As punishment for being born with a male anatomy, I crunch my disheveled sack of nerve endings between my chaffing thighs. Dare my body have the audacity to ***** itself for any reason I bend the muscle, in such a way never intended, between my legs just to have one less aesthetic reminder as to what I am not. Your clocking stares painfully remind me that I may never be seen as how I see myself. But ****** do I try. Until I do, I am condemned to be neither male nor… female.
Jul 30, 2017
Jul 30, 2017 at 4:05 AM UTC
I would be amiss
Iffen I were to dismiss
What a seemless bliss
What a lie is this
To pretend that I don't miss
Our soft and gentle....
Silence on my lips
Though my heart's Gaurd lay remiss
A good man's premiss
My soul beckons, "Bis"
I guess what I'm saying is
Wonderful was our....
Jul 22, 2017
Jul 22, 2017 at 3:29 AM UTC
In my room locked up tight, so no one else could see
I got your shirt from it's hiding spot and held it close to me
I buried my face in it and inhaled, it still held your wonderful smell
I closed my eyes so very tight, it was almost like you were there
I could almost feel your arms the way you would hold me tight
I almost heard your voice, telling me it would be alright
But reality always has a way of creeping in
There is no stoping, tears flowing again
I will never again love, how could I
There's absolutely no reason why
Only left with halve a heart, and that part is shattered
Besides there'll never be another you, so it really doesn't matter
©Pauline Morris
Jun 22, 2017
Jun 22, 2017 at 10:16 PM UTC
Conceived at night, tomorrow be mourn
Still and quiet, Wretch's babe be born
Hex for hex, curse for curse
The Witch's undoing shall be the worst
May my friend Aim pay a visit
May his screams be exquisite
Father of dog food, husband of a Harlot
Miraculous keeper of her loose undergarments
May his eyes boil and his organs char
Mere punishment for her promiscuous charm
Child and homeless, she'll wonder through the dark
Mere atonement for my aching heart
Apr 4, 2017
Apr 4, 2017 at 12:57 PM UTC
My heart is bleeding again
It will never mend
It will never heal
Into my sleep you steal
Giving dreams of you
How our friendship grew
Waking up to reality
Sorrow is a guarantee
I open my eyes
Sun doesn't sympathize
Winds don't care
Everywhere I look you're there
Life now so mundane
Heart bleeding once again
©Pauline Russell
Apr 1, 2017
Apr 1, 2017 at 1:56 PM UTC
But alas there was that fateful date
She spiralled down into the hands of fate
Memories emerged from rusty iron doors
Of long forgotten ****** wars
From the horrific deeds both seen and did
She desperately wanted safely hid
So determined to relinquish her soul
Balancing on the edge of a massive Black Hole
Oh, how she wanted to let it all go
Swim in the Styx steady flow
Voices silently scream and thump
"Just jump"
Quickly darting thoughts, makes emotions scurry
A savage combatant, now battle worn and worried
This painful life seemed insignificant
No use in wishing things where different
In that final, fateful hour
Under the weight of anguish cowered
A hand reached out and let her know He'd hold tight and not let go
He also lived in that darkened zone
But together they'd never be alone
They constantly leaned on each other
From the emotional whirl, they where each other's buffer
Friendship deeper than can be imagined
Epic enough to be a poetic legend
Their very essence, bonding soul to soul
Love so pure, like the first winter's snow
But alas there was that fateful date
He spiralled down into the hands of fate
Again alone with memories
Echos of what use to be
It's a spiritual knowing
That a love so glowing
Persist only within a true soul-friend
It's a love so strong, it can not end
For when their next lifetime begins
They will find each other, yet again
©Pauline Russell
Mar 23, 2017
Mar 23, 2017 at 10:46 AM UTC
The rose has fainted,fell to the dirt
Sorrow lingers like a scent
In it's petals you can see the hurt
Such an agonizing event
I watched its' fall
I seen its decent
All I do now is cry and bawl
My love was not enough to circumvent
I couldn't stop the bleed
As it faded red to gray
It happened with such speed
Emotions bundled up in disarray
Now it's gone, turned to dust
But its' memories remain
In my heart the agony is ******
Not even eternity can ease the pain
My rose is gone
My lifes' sand now a desert
In this garden I know longer belong
For all there is left is grief and dirt
©Pauline Russell
Feb 16, 2017
Feb 16, 2017 at 1:44 PM UTC
The sun was shining very bright
In my very darkest night
The stars' they misaligned
The moon I simply couldn't find
Left frozen on that August day
A blizzard of emotions in the way
Amongst the pain and agony
I found myself on bended knee
No longer able to stand
Buried in your life's sand
So now on my belly I'll crawl
Banging my head against the wall
Knowing I'll never see the light
This situation I can not fight
For you see our darkest hour
That leaves us all to cower
Rarely ever comes at night
It attacks when the day is bright
So sleeping with that gun under your pillow
Won't stop the winds of change that billow
©Pauline Russell
Feb 7, 2017
Feb 7, 2017 at 2:14 PM UTC
I hear you there outside my walls
I hear your hiss, I hear your growls
I hear the distance mournful calls
Like the haunting hoot of the owls
I seen the darkest angels fall
For pain that has no words, the wolf only howls
On this very darkest night
When the eye in the sky has become blind
Your shadow darts in and out of my sight
Slowly, methodical you nibble at the fringes of my mind
My eyes dance with fright like the candle's light
This feeling if terror is unfeigned
I can feel your scales slowly scrap against my siding
Your hollow glowing eyes peering in my window
In my inky room scarcely breathing, hiding
For I had seen you that cold day in August devour my Hero
Your continuously morphing shapes is Terrifying
Stuck here between death and living, is truly limbo
The crisp fall leaves rustle as you pace
My Hero now gone, in sorrow I'm swept away
You made sure I'd be all alone in this unholy place
I'll dwell in your clutch of sorrow and darkness, till my last day
With certainty I know the last thing in life I'll see is your face
For eyes that once sparkled, once danced, now dead, clouded gray
Jan 28, 2017
Jan 28, 2017 at 10:34 AM UTC
I would trade all the stars above
Just to have another hug
The sun and moon too
For your "I love you"
I miss your smile, it cut through my sorrow
Your love made me want to see tomorrow
I miss your dark ocean blue eyes
They always seen through my disguise
I miss the way you'd hug me tight
When everything wasn't right
I miss your friendship most of all
When both of us were in a fall
That day my world went from gray to black
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have you back
But way to soon you was called back home
So now I travel this dark road alone
©Pauline Russell
Jan 21, 2017
Jan 21, 2017 at 9:39 AM UTC
I can't catch my breath
I can't grasp your death
Living on without you
I simply don't want to do
I can't stop the pain
I can't stop the rain
Pouring from my eyes
Every heart beat is a sigh
I can't stop the grief
I can't stop the disbelief
You're everywhere I look
You're not a chapter you're my book
Jan 17, 2017
Jan 17, 2017 at 1:00 AM UTC
With you now gone
With no one to hold on
Emotions are mine alone
Mine to own
All alone I'll keep my secret
I know just where I'll keep it
I'll keep them in my pen, my ink
Deep into the paper I'll let it sink
This universe is so ******* cruel
Suffering here without you
You where my rock, my Dimond
Now who is all alone... Well I am
So I feverishly scratch, like cat with claw
I write it all out, big and loud on my wall
After I'm gone, maybe someone will read
Till that day my pen will still bleed
Jan 11, 2017
Jan 11, 2017 at 11:20 PM UTC
Way out here in outer space
Searching every distance place
The Moon's so cold without your embrace
I'm still here in flight
Way out past the satellite
Hoping one day we may reunite
Rising quickly is my frustration
Knowing for me there is no salvation
As I see your face in every constellation
I can't see the silver lining
Even with all the stars still shining
Because all I can do is keep on crying
Loves resurrection is over due
So I will keep on searching for you
Just leave me a **** bread trail, a clue
Because on earth you'll never be again
My heart will never be whole, never mend
The death of everything is the wages of our sin
©Pauline Russell
Jan 11, 2017
Jan 11, 2017 at 11:14 AM UTC
Like a mighty hurricane
Your memories play about my brain
Bringing forth both happiness and pain
This is what follows
When pulled under by the sorrow
My mind your absence trys to grasp
Breath quickens, to short little rasp
Heart beating at such a rate
It threatens to beat through my breastplate
Butterfly feelings, makes my stomach twirl
Like millions of delicate wings in a swirl
Sleep refuses to invade
All the memories with you I've made
Then the tears start to slide
Slow at first, like they're trying to hide
The shoulders that shake
Till my whole body quakes
Trying to keep the whimpering moans inside
But the wail breaks forth, with the pooling tears coincide
Every feeling for you is amplified
Every moment magnified
To your memory forever chained and enslaved
You left my heart engraved
Dec 22, 2016
Dec 22, 2016 at 8:10 AM UTC
He took the drugs to ease his physical pain
He took the drugs to deal with all the strain
He took the drugs now it's in his brain
He took the drugs now he's stuck in the sick and twisted game
You'll find him there within his room
You'll find him there with the needle and the spoon
You'll find him there where the darkness looms
You'll find him there for the pain always resumes
I'm scared one day I'll find him there............that awful shade of blue
(poet's side note: worse fear realized August 16th 2016)
Oct 14, 2016
Oct 14, 2016 at 10:29 AM UTC
I sit and wail
As memories of you swell
Threating to bring down the wall
As I remember your final fall
You fell right through my out stretched arms
I could not save you from your demons harm
I could not bring you back to me
Now your memories is all I have to see
I was so angry you left me here all alone
This cut is deep, right to the bone
A wound that will never heal, never become just a scar
As you now dwell amongst the stars
Now I find, I turn my eyes to the midnight sky
The tears rolling quickly and quietly as I cry
I'm searching for something left by you
A shooting star, a comet, a clue
Just to let me know your okay, that you made it through
That would make it worth our final good bye
Maybe then my tears would subside
Maybe then they would turn to silent sighs
But the pain will always be with me that is true
For my dearest friend, I will forever miss you
Till we meet again on the other side
There's one thing that will never die
It is constant, it will always be the same
My love for you will always remain
Sep 30, 2016
Sep 30, 2016 at 11:20 AM UTC
In my deepest darkest night
I don't need words they're so contrite
I just need someone to brave this sight
Hold me so close and tight
The one who would, seen his light
Grew his wings and took his flight
Flew so far, his out of sight
Left me all alone in the dark to fight
So I don't need your words, they only bite
Words can be so contrite
I need someone to hold me tight
While I wage my war and fight
But everyone is scared of the sight
Of a broken soul in the deepest darkest night
Sep 17, 2016
Sep 17, 2016 at 7:47 PM UTC
The sun blazes across the tops of the trees
The wind has changed into it's cool late breeze
The heat of the day receding with the sun
Another day is being put to rest, it's done
Time to gather around the fire
The flames lick the coming night, the light soft expires
We watch the flames dance
Talk of romance
Of childhood memories
Of life's remedies
We reminisce of friends and loved ones now passed
Realizing how long it's been since we had them last
Speaking of how our children have grown
The blessing of them having kids of their own
It's funny how time silently slides past
Only in looking back can we see the shadows that it cast
Just as the fire does, till it burns down to embers
When my fire expires, will I be added to those they remember
As they sit around the fire and reminisce
About all the friends that they miss
We hug each other as we go
Because life is short, that much we know
"Till we meet next time"
Is not ment for just this life, but the next in line
We hold them close in our hearts at all cost
For TRUE friends can never be lost
Sep 10, 2016
Sep 10, 2016 at 4:27 PM UTC
I want to lie down with you
I want to die too
I don't want to fight in this world without you by my side
I'll I can do is cry
I try to hold the agony within
So no one else can see, so it won't offend
So they won't worry, so they don't know
Just how badly with you I want to go
But tiny agonizing whimpers escape between my lips
I don't know how much longer I can man this woeful ship
There is a hurricane in my ocean
Turbulent thoughts plunder my emotions
I can feel the sinking
I can not stop the thinking
(I should of left and followed you that same date)
(if I leave this earth now, can I catch you, or am I to late)
All I can do now is sing my woeful cry
Cuss at that unseen entity in the sky
My insides tied up in the tightest knots
Minds in a spin and so are my thoughts
Send me a message, send me a sign
Let me in one of my note books find
Where you once wrote "love you ***
Should I pick up, or put down the gun
Your death was a shock unplanned
Does that mean I have to stay here and stand
Does that mean I can't intentionally follow
That I'll have to stay in this lonely abyss and wallow
You use to guide me back
When my world got to black
I was always there for you also
Now your death I must swallow
I'm feeling mighty hollow
I don't want to face an empty tomorrow
I know you're telling me to stay
But you was my light that lit my darkness and turned it gray
Now you went on without me, your so far away
My world now an ominous black
Weight of the world on my back
I want to lay it all down
Walk out into the woods and never be found
Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 12:47 PM UTC