it was at the crossroads of 1:10 and 100 and i knew this is where it ended
the only things that would grow at this place would be broken and brittle
insignificant to say the least
this barren ravaged land couldnt grow anything no matter how hard it tried
it just isnt possible
and yet this is land is where i made my home
out of bricks and stones made of apathy and lost hopes
theres truly no point but really was there ever ?
its hard to tell
doesnt matter becausethese crossroads of 100 and 110 are my new own hell
my new home
Sep 9, 2018
Sep 9, 2018 at 1:16 AM UTC
i can't do most of the things I used to
my sensitive stomach is now back to the state it seems to belong in
tied in never ending, always tightening knots
4 hours, 3 hours, 2, 1, half an hour
I go until im numb and nearly collapsing
eyes glazed and burning feeling as though
they'll crack at any given moment
because I can't do most of the things I used to
a hot cup feels like it can destroy me
but the stinging and lovely burn seems to reside in me
like something that was meant to be all along
old habits do die hard, eventually at least
but now I know what the decay can do
it simply brings out whats even worse next spring
Sep 26, 2017
Sep 26, 2017 at 6:43 PM UTC
im proud of my progress and where i am
but i still dont see myself as someone i want to live with
Sep 24, 2017
Sep 24, 2017 at 10:41 AM UTC
but I know what i dont have
i don't have the time
the walls are closing in on me
these walls the ones i created
the closer they get the less i can breathe
roaming in circles gets me nowhere
but its all i know how to do
by now the only thing i can do
is stand here and let my dizzy mind
get crushed by these four towers of impending doom
Sep 24, 2017
Sep 24, 2017 at 10:29 AM UTC
ive lost so much i cant even bring myself to cry for them anymore
i dont even bother trying i know the puddles behind my eyes have long been dry
Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 2:28 AM UTC
im not in the mood for meaning or purpose or tears or emotions
not in for all that this time
i want something quick and easy
so i can carry on and you can go back to ignoring me
Sep 11, 2017
Sep 11, 2017 at 5:47 AM UTC
are what i feel when my hands tremble as i pick up the phone
my heart pounds so hard i hear it in my ears as i decide what to do
i pray that you dont answer that i can leave you a message
i dont want to hear your voice i dont i dont i dont
i dont because i know that if i do
ill begin to shake
not shake how i do when im cold or angry but instead
ill shake how i do when im terrified
because the thought of seeing you hearing you merely being around you
it makes me shake so violently
like an iv filled with pure anxiety was stuck into me
yet i talk to you i laugh with you and im around you
not all that often rarely actually
but even still i feel ***** after being near you
and not everyone will see it but the hands.
my hands
will begin to shake.
Sep 5, 2017
Sep 5, 2017 at 3:16 PM UTC
everything is gray
i know how that sounds. played out and pretentious
some might even say edgy or something along those lines
and you wouldnt be wrong at least not entirely
to me gray means BLAND
gray means DEPRESSING and SOLEMN
gray means ME
NOTHING TRULY MATTERS
WE ASSIGN VALUE TO SO MUCH OF THE LITTLE THINGS AROUND US
I LISTEN TO MUSIC BUT IT GOES IN AND OUT
"what do you do when everything sounds the same ?"
"i feel like ****
"maybe this new album will help"
"i think ive broken this laptop from pressing refresh so many times"
Refresh you
Refresh everything
Refresh it in stages slowly but surely
Refresh it
HOW CAN I REFRESH MYSELF
HOW CAN I CHANGE
HOW CAN I GO BACK
"you cant"
I TELL MYSELF
"youre stuck here theres nowhere to go"
AND THE MORE I THINK THE MORE I REALIZE
I KNOW THATS NOT ENTIRELY TRUE
BUT FOR NOW I SIT AND DWELL HERE
FILLED TO THE ******* BRIM WITH A GRAY MIND-NUMBING INDIFFERENCE
Aug 30, 2017
Aug 30, 2017 at 3:52 AM UTC
if im so sick of love why do i want it
if im so sick of society why do i want to fit in
if im so sick of myself why do i carry on
if im so sick of you why are you all i think about
because im not
all im sick of is this
Aug 30, 2017
Aug 30, 2017 at 3:31 AM UTC