#themask
Every time I pick up my pen to write,
Maybe just a note about my strife and plights
These voices upstairs play this little game with my mind.
I don’t know what it is for sure but all came from within.
He’s slowly trying to take control
I get it!
And I’m kind of losing
I’m stuck in this hole
Of self pity
Of dismay
Drunk with frustration
I bit my pen
You want me to listen when there is nothing to learn
For being able to write,
Is this voices up here I get to earn?
I was even thinking of making a deal with these voices
Don’t blame me man,
I’m running out of choices
It says,
Hey Chris, take the pistol to pull that trigger
At least the pain will go away
Or take a seat and watch you slowly wither away
Either way, nothing changes
Maybe then my family would stand over me to mourn
Lying in a coffin like a stillborn
Probably smiling because these **** voices won
Don’t judge me,
You don’t know what and how my life is right now
Because all you go about doing is judging people around!
And I don’t need that
Go away if all you want to do is rant
These voices won’t just stop
Don’t add to it
Their screams and laughter makes me go crazy
And it’s okay to laugh at it
I just sigh whenever I hear them say
Hey Chris it is okay I understand
With all due respect, you don’t
You don’t hear the screams driving me to madness
You don’t feel the emptiness and its sadness
It is filling me up to the brim
Stop it man,
I barely dream!
You’re asking me if I had enough sleep last night
You aren’t even waking up at nights
Just because your nightmares won’t just stop being NIGHTRMARES
This empty big dark hole in me
This void that cannot be filled
I can’t even begin to explain
I lost track of what causes pain
Because literally everything does
Lord, please, send forth your rain
Maybe then I will be able to expel my pain
Either in tears or in screams
Let it rain!
You don’t feel the pain draining me little by little
Yes! I act like I’m okay
How else should I act?
Surely you don’t want to see the other side
Trust me it is worse than an eyesore
And it’s slowly breaking me till I can take no more
So,
Here I am sitting
Broken bones
Crippled till I’m less than a void
Confusion all up my sleeves
Beaten to a pulp
Tattered in rags
Looking up to Jesus
I wanted to pray
But it was too late
Soon I withered away
Jul 15, 2020
Jul 15, 2020 at 7:09 AM UTC
As children we would dream and play
Often times dreaming our daytime away
Our minds was a designer at their creative post
But now the world has a more sinister host
In place of dreams our demons take hold
Fears, doubts, and sorrows untold
Unforeseen pressures from worldly events
No wonder we don't want to leave from our tents
Our imagination crumbles at the forces of life
With realities first punches creating our strife
Yet we all force a smile to carry on our way
Because we cannot express our feelings today
Remain in the shadow, bury your fears
And thus I have done for the past few years
Why life cannot be careless and free
Is something that was always perplexing to me
Through the hurricane we call life we must carry on
So for one more day I put the mask back on.
Jun 26, 2016
Jun 26, 2016 at 11:36 AM UTC
I was just a girl,
Full of dignity.
Slightly reserved,
With a sense of humor.
He was a guy,
With a mask.
Humor carried his smile,
With a sarcastic tone.
His vibes unreadable at a distance.
Every inch of movement,
Caught my blue eyes.
A sense of amusement from the boldness.
The way he carries himself,
Like someone with a purpose.
For crossing paths with me.
Me being slightly reserved,
Knew no bounds of his honesty.
Testing the waters.
Wanting the mask to be removed.
I never knew his life story,
Never knew he almost sacrificed himself.
Never knew he was abused by a past relationship.
I didn't care for that,
I wanted to know him.
This blond haired,
Brown-eyed guy.
Knew I was watching him.
I wanted to break the ice,
To plan a surprise attempt.
He beat me to it.
Ever since day one,
His vibes became readable.
When the ice was broken.
The memories of darkness,
Pain and stress covered his soul.
His eyes were deep with understanding,
His wits high like a fox.
I wanted to help,
To hold his hand.
To hold him when the memories attacked.
I was too scared to say Hello,
He said it for me.
His boldness giving me courage to respond in kind.
After our official meeting,
I became anxious to see him.
To see him laugh at lunch,
To see him focus in English class.
I wanted his mask to be removed,
For him to show his true self to me.
I gained his trust and respect,
He fell for me.
Now my past has been dark,
Mates of that past cruel..
He healed me of this wounds,
Just by being nice.
Now..
I've fallen for him too.
It was like love at first sight.
Jan 30, 2015
Jan 30, 2015 at 1:13 PM UTC