Every time I pick up my pen to write,
Maybe just a note about my strife and plights
These voices upstairs play this little game with my mind.
I don’t know what it is for sure but all came from within.
He’s slowly trying to take control
I get it!
And I’m kind of losing
I’m stuck in this hole
Of self pity
Of dismay
Drunk with frustration
I bit my pen
You want me to listen when there is nothing to learn
For being able to write,
Is this voices up here I get to earn?
I was even thinking of making a deal with these voices
Don’t blame me man,
I’m running out of choices
It says,
Hey Chris, take the pistol to pull that trigger
At least the pain will go away
Or take a seat and watch you slowly wither away
Either way, nothing changes
Maybe then my family would stand over me to mourn
Lying in a coffin like a stillborn
Probably smiling because these **** voices won
Don’t judge me,
You don’t know what and how my life is right now
Because all you go about doing is judging people around!
And I don’t need that
Go away if all you want to do is rant
These voices won’t just stop
Don’t add to it
Their screams and laughter makes me go crazy
And it’s okay to laugh at it
I just sigh whenever I hear them say
Hey Chris it is okay I understand
With all due respect, you don’t
You don’t hear the screams driving me to madness
You don’t feel the emptiness and its sadness
It is filling me up to the brim
Stop it man,
I barely dream!
You’re asking me if I had enough sleep last night
You aren’t even waking up at nights
Just because your nightmares won’t just stop being NIGHTRMARES
This empty big dark hole in me
This void that cannot be filled
I can’t even begin to explain
I lost track of what causes pain
Because literally everything does
Lord, please, send forth your rain
Maybe then I will be able to expel my pain
Either in tears or in screams
Let it rain!
You don’t feel the pain draining me little by little
Yes! I act like I’m okay
How else should I act?
Surely you don’t want to see the other side
Trust me it is worse than an eyesore
And it’s slowly breaking me till I can take no more
So,
Here I am sitting
Broken bones
Crippled till I’m less than a void
Confusion all up my sleeves
Beaten to a pulp
Tattered in rags
Looking up to Jesus
I wanted to pray
But it was too late
Soon I withered away
Jul 15, 2020
Jul 15, 2020 at 7:09 AM UTC
How do you feel when you pick up that knife about to slit your wrist? Yes, adding another beautiful yet painful line on it. How do you feel?
How do you feel when you lay down the rope, that blade and a piece of paper to write down your last words, if you get any though? How do you really feel?
You’re standing before an incoming train travelling with a speed of 60km/h!
Talk to me man, HOW DO YOU FEEL?!
Death? Is that what you feel?
Freedom from all these pain you’re feeling?
An escape route to run away from all these ****** up *****
You coming in the way of that train, is the way out?
Sorry to burst your bubbles man
You’re being lied to
First of all, you’re in no position to take your own life or anybody’s
Look at me man, you don’t have to know me
I’m Mr. Nobody
Wake up from this illusion of yours
Bring those lies to the table and burn ‘em up
You didn’t ask for any of this,
And if you just give me your undivided
We can get you through this
You got this huge wall around,
Yeah I understand and respect that.
But look at you man, you weren’t made to be like this
God didn’t create you to live like this
You better quit that thinking and start fighting
Man, please don’t do it!
Remember your family, remember me
You got so much to live for,
So why the hurry?
Jesus is probably knocking at your door,
If you let him in,
Trust me, he will lead through this
Yes, the demons dropped you to your feet,
Just a reminder, this is your feast
It is your life to live
So stand up to your feet and watch ‘em all flee
Those voices up there man, are lying,
They promised you happiness but they want you hiding
And I know you are no weakling,
Don’t fall for it, Please keep on fighting
Suicide isn’t the way,
JESUS is
Jul 15, 2020
Jul 15, 2020 at 7:06 AM UTC