#terrors
Everyday I tell myself I'm fine
The Night falls
I lose my mind
Its unkind the way
I twist and sway
It haunts me
It taunts me
Clawing and choking
Fire and smoking
My lungs collapse
My voice rasps
Til daylight comes
I feel numb
Repeat the same
Repeat the words
I'm okay
I'm okay
For today
Please behave
My mind
Please behave
Be kind
I set four alarms
In the night
Rem sleep gives me
Many frights
The ghost
The goblins
The treacherous
Moblins
Out to eat my flesh
Paralyze me
make me bleed
It's funny though
How they're not the worst
It's you
It's you
You come to my dreams
Like an angel of apologies
Full of heart
Full of love
Wanting forgiveness
Wanting hugs
We touch
We forgive
We laugh
We three dance with
The wind
With mighty loud grins
The past is dark
This is bright
No sadness in sight
I awaken with terror
Rem has caught me
In my most vulnerable
Gave me a plight
I cannot fight
I long for us
I long for friendship
Return to me
It's meant to be
The rem sleep lies
As I wake up to cry
Tears swallow me whole
I'm an empty bowl
Cold and alone
Sweating to the bone
Wash me away
Break my glass
Bleed from my edges
You made me sharp
And relentless
You having me
It's horrendous
Demons and ghouls
Are frightening
Yet dreaming of us
Falling in love again
It's tightening
In my chest
In my skin
It tightens my heart
Til I fall apart
You break me
The promise of peace
Of friendship
Of light and love
Of all of us
Again
Again
It'll never happen
that breaks me to pieces
More than any
Goblins or demons
You leave me bleeding
With hope
False hope
Dead hope
Tears of sorrow
Of a broken tomorrow
Stay out of me sleep
I don't wish to weep
I want one alarm
I want no harm
I want to sleep
With ease
And not bleed
_Please_
_Please_
_Please_
Let me sleep
So I can truly mean it when I say
I'm okay
Oct 6, 2024
Oct 6, 2024 at 11:54 AM UTC
I never dream
I am grateful for that
You used to experience night terrors
No idea why
They occured every single night when you were young
I have nothingness until morning wakes me up with a brutal slap to the face
You occupy daydreams though
It is odd that in that realm you still retain that indifferent demeanor
As if I have conjured up your essence for a few minutes
Peculiar how you talk to me in the familiar condescending tone I have grown used to the past two years
Unusual because I would rather picture you the way I always yearned for you to be
My mind consistently has worked in a literal process though
Someone who left skull strives to remember exactly as they were
So in matter of seconds
Brain's wandering fantasies quickly transform into nightmares
Every occasion
So I attempt not letting my head wander these days
No amount of discipline enough to stop it
The harder I try containing it the more it roams
Jan 5, 2024
Jan 5, 2024 at 11:39 PM UTC
Through a tunnel I walk.
Stumbling upon the demons I stalk.
Straining to understand their words.
Yet afraid of what their message may hold.
The walls and path are all ablur.
As further along I do blunder.
Stumbling and falling,
To rise once more.
Searching for a magical door.
To release me from this caliginous gambit.
Then the goblins and trepidation omit,
To deliver me anew to the suns bright glare.
And release me once more from the captivity of despair
May 11, 2023
May 11, 2023 at 9:07 PM UTC
writhing and screaming
i dreamt in smashed hearts and scarlet eyes
in it, i glimpsed
all the love and support i had bled myself to accomplish
was thrown out in favour of a greener man.
indeed
instead of growing firm from my current status as a support beam
into the proper foundations
you chose to forsake me
for one so much more accomplished than I.
often horrid foresights of this nature plague me
a small tick i cannot rid myself of
each time I dedicate my heart to one, and one alone
the genesis of this disgusting anticipation
might easily be traced to the progenitor
that first yearning i felt so many years ago
it was early in my youth
i fancied myself smitten with a newfound human
after childishly condemning myself to romantic solitude
at the onset of puberty
she taught me the intensity of infatuation
the lovely languish of being head over heels
and not a fortnight later
sent me into the deepest depths of despair
for what she had sworn to the stars
she quickly replaced with a decree to the devils
"I found one better"
in my guilt and misery
i blamed myself
and forced a conclusion of the following:
these tools i fashioned to show love
do not fit any existing mold.
i, must love too much
must care more than can be beared
must support, beyond what is norm.
yet
as I awake, i breathe in my surroundings
and remind myself that this fear
though cacophonous at my lowest
is nothing more than old hurt
desperately clinging for relevance
in an existence where i know the gifts I bring
are appreciated by those who surround me
and that eventually
they will be welcomed by you.
when you are ready to accept
that which i know you deserve.
Dec 29, 2020
Dec 29, 2020 at 8:45 PM UTC
The night is dark and full of terrors,
Demons waking in the shadows,
Armed with claws and fletching teeth,
Spreading loneliness and fear.
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 4:13 PM UTC
~
dark early pre-dawn
body suspended between the-dark ochre earth tones of night,
and the teal pealing notes of warning of an impending morning,
signs aborning, me rising with urgency of the leaden half deaden,
torn from the bed casket to venture into a different kind of twi-lights,
nature demanding both intake and outtake, a restoration of balance
but first a bumbling wobbling, the body as carnival bumper car,
installing soon-to-be-bruising for later examination-exhumation,
lurching from handhold crevices in the walls like crazy cliff climbers,
my balance disturbed, eyes try tearing apart the sticky glue of night,
my sense of direction keeping me from free falling into green glass
edges of glass tables, barely, and not always, red cuts evidentiary
“my balance disturbed” words fresh formed, and a poem expulsion
required to balance the unjust scales of spirit soul and the body cage,
patch an negotiated agreement between warring cousins, just a
twenty four hour ceasefire to retrieve the wounded and the
corpses unfounded in the small copses of false shelter,
like my ancestors expelled from Spain, making escape to be
strangers in strange lands, or remain hidden in place neath disguises
of clothes of new poems, prayers for old and new gods
this new poem comes quick like a young man making first love,
for the poem has been written by thousands nights of practicing,
so ready for quick retrieving in a smattering of a few minutes,
expulsion expulsion
what a perfect verbiage to capture the night terrors, the differentials,
the procession path between what was and what will be,
when my balance restored and this poem’s completion installation
in the body of my work, as a nail disguised in the works of my body,
entering by command of the pitch black gods
May 21, 2019
May 21, 2019 at 8:42 AM UTC
cold sweat
feet tingling
blood rushing
heart pulsing
away
from
the
terrors
within
fitful, but not fulfilling
shadows prowl through my mind
failed attempts to cast doubt
into the farthest reaches
nevertheless
hairs stand on end
soldiers awaiting a threat not realized
goosebumps appear on the skin--
landmines that have risen from hell
I brace myself for the war
that never comes
as my eyes snap open
awakening from a slumber
that was
alas--
just a nightmare
Apr 10, 2019
Apr 10, 2019 at 8:50 PM UTC
It’s you I call to in my dreams,
To pull me out from the fear I’ve seen.
The ones that hold me in captured fright,
When slow motion kicks in,
And my screams are no more than wheezing murmurs,
When my thoughts are running faster,
But my motions slow to a crawl,
Drawing out the torture of the moment,
But this time you don’t hear my strangled call for help,
Maybe my will isn’t strong enough to transcend,
From this dream state at this time,
God help me if I have to see out this nightmare,
I focus and force my broken earthy plight across the dream dimension,
Desperate to reach the woken world,
But still you don’t save me,
The nightmare encroaches,
The panic builds within me,
I choke,
There's no sound from me,
Which means you won’t know to wake me,
The impending realisation hits me like final last words,
My frightened whisper rasps and splutters,
I hear an old line in my head -
If you die in a dream then you die in real life...
My panic turns to savage rage and I scream,
I scream in defiance for I won’t be broken here,
I scream in the face of all my fears,
I scream so strong and loud,
That I tear a rip in the fabric separating my dream and reality,
It doesn’t slow my impending fate,
It ebbs closer still and I feel the acrid warmth wash over my face,
Just as I release my last defiant scream,
You reach for me,
Like an anchor reaching through the depths,
Pulling me back,
Shaking me awake from behind,
Everything fades in an instant as you pull me out of my slumbered suicide,
You heard me through the hole I made,
I open my eyes to the safety of familiarity,
Back in my bed,
My safe bed in my own room,
Next to you,
My night saviour,
But then,
As familiar reality surrounds me,
I look back and still see my dream,
For a second,
Just a moment,
My fear has followed me into my reality,
Through the tear I made to save myself,
Both worlds momentarily co existing,
Real fear grips me as I realise in that moment ,
The protection from the woken world has faltered.
Everything stops,
My heart stops,
Time stops,
I stare into the abyss for what feels like an eternity,
Then you speak and your words are like silver light,
And just like that,
Fear is gone,
Are you ok you ask,
Everything is normal again,
I’m fine I say,
Go back to sleep,
It was just a night terror.
Apr 7, 2019
Apr 7, 2019 at 6:41 AM UTC
his breath woke me up every night
we lay in bed; no, it wasn't
that his breath smelled of toxins,
but of dandelions and poppies.
his hair smelled like he rolled around in
fields of roses and he was
the single dandelion that begged and
pleaded to fit in.
he would never fit
in but he didn't know that, so
he kept trying and it was
so beautiful to say the least.
underneath his skin, in-between
his veins and his bones are tiny seeds that
i planted with kisses and they
grow with my love, when i wrap my
bony arms around him and
squeeze tightly - it lets him
know that he's not normal, that he's
not right in the head but
i love that. so when he wakes me
in the middle of the night, as
i lie between him and the emptiness of
the night, i think that i'm dying
but the moon light lingers and i
know i am safe with his flower breath
and the weeds growing in-between
us and the roots that grow out
of my heels and strangle the love
picture frames on our off-white
bedroom wall. i stare at those cookie-cutter
pictures and wish i wasn't right
in the head, too, but if we both were
psychotic, he wouldn't be a dandelion.
so i stay awake and watch
his beauty radiate in the darkness of
the night and wish that i
was that beautiful too. but he
tells me that my battle wounds don't
amount to anything to him, that my skin
is a ghost to him. i wish
he saw me for me, but his eyes
see the beauty that he grows.
but several nights he leaves me and
i am cold and i am worthless and
i pray to a god that he will
come back and taunt me because
i cannot stand it when he is
not here between my fragile arms
keeping me warm and safe.
i beg him when he returns to just
stay the night, just one more night,
because i cannot bare to
sleep without the dandelion amidst
all the rose petals. i need
my dandelion to keep me safe
and to be the needle in the
haystack - i need him to be in my
arms because idon'twanttosleepalone.
Sep 10, 2015
Sep 10, 2015 at 7:42 PM UTC
midnight cries for help go unheeded,
***** little secrets remain unchecked.
regret, misery, disgust -
at what i have done
and who i have become
(who have i become?)
Jun 25, 2018
Jun 25, 2018 at 12:27 AM UTC
I’ve never truly been diagnosed
But I have some troubles
Some ability to scare the living **** out of myself with my mind every single night
Can never fully sleep without something happening
Shall it be scratching, moaning, pounding on the walls
Shadows, demons, or just my own self getting me
Maybe voices or images, the thought of disasters
A nightmare, body pains, or just my own mind not wanting me to sleep
Pains in my chest that hurt worse with every beat
Or maybe the sense of a presence looking over me
I haven’t got a clue for the cause of these nighttime fiascos
but it’s something every night
The only source of release is when I turn on my phone to see a text from the person I love
And even so, though it feels like a boundaries around me, I know something is out there waiting for me to turn off the lit screen and be face to face with the terrors that keep me awake at night
Apr 29, 2018
Apr 29, 2018 at 2:12 AM UTC
Night lights
Casting light in the shadows
Minimizing the hiding places for monsters and negative thoughts
Providing a false sense of security
As though if I could see the danger coming, I could protect myself from it
Weather it was monsters or hearing that voice inside my head telling me I'm not quite good enough.
Did you protect yourself?
Did you learn how it felt before you dreamed a reality that left you of short of breath on the edge of falling into the abyss?
As though the monster had ****** up all the air in the room and was holding it captive just out of reach
Just far enough where you are not brave enough to walk
Did you ever wake up from the terror thankful for it to be over just to realize as the second passed that the monster still held you in his grips?
Hand pressed over your throat, stifling your screams dragging you back in, as your fingertips bleed from scraping at air, trying to pull away
Waking up, scarce of breath, trembling like the knees of a girl who is fragile and weak, begging for a rush of air
Did his face pressed against yours and his hands caressing your skin vanquish the monster and fill your lungs?
Did he make you feel safe?
As the nights drag on and the night light persists when will enough be enough
When will the darkness envelope me in comfort instead of anxiety
Will it always be a constant battle of needing sleep but not wanting to dream?
Childhood covered in night terrors and sweat.
My Fears took root in the darkness, thriving on my constant thoughts and well wishes.
Soaking up my confidence and using it as a weapon
I am not scared of sleep I am scared of what hides in my mind as I drift off.
What new version of hell could my mind construct
Night lights make waking up less of a mental battle.
Night lights help make me realize that the fear and danger is no match for reality
Night lights help pull me out of the abyss and bring me back to you.
But if I believed that light always conquered dark then wouldn't the dreams have stopped?
Oct 7, 2017
Oct 7, 2017 at 10:16 PM UTC
I see the shadow of a long dead girl, gun in the arms,
cradled and braced at her face. I drip sweat, as these
four walls light up with images. Viscous memories
want my attention, and they won't ask at all for all
they take. Past is over. All girls are dead girls. I'm a
woman, now. Finger pulled back, bullet to the skull
of a native in a native's land, made strange with loud
strangers' demands, blood blown back decorates my
young hands, my masters lift me up an echelon.
A portal opens in my bedroom that leads to the
bathroom sink, where I swallow pink pills.
Swallow white pills.
Swallow blue pills.
Aug 5, 2017
Aug 5, 2017 at 2:54 AM UTC
All your friends are demons, I think I know
The past won’t let you settle as you grow
You don’t feel you can make life-changing moves
Half your life to fighting terrors you lose
There’s little you can do to take control
Put your smile hidden in a pigeonhole
Your emotions decline into freefall
Let’s give your heart and soul an overhaul
I can give you all the tools you will need
The hunger that dwells inside I will feed
I can give you love and trust hereafter
I can turn the pain and tears to laughter
I’ll help reach in to find the real you
Harmonizing with congenial you
We will fight, we’ll curse, we’ll scream, we will cry
In this war it’s only the past will die
Now and then, when they rear their ugly head
I’ll be there to put those demons to bed
When you say maybe I don’t understand
I will simply be there to hold your hand
Apr 22, 2017
Apr 22, 2017 at 6:43 PM UTC
I wasn't always sleeping when you were gone.
At times when I heard the door shut, I rose.
You see I was terrified of John,
He crept up in my room; lightly stepping on his toes.
Not knowing if he was mad he'd say "come here!"
Always listened, for I heard the cries at night.
The house was drenched in fear.
Twenty one years have gone by and I still recall the fight.
Blood dripping from her shoulder.
Tears falling from her cheek.
That is when I built up anger! (aaaahhh)
My brother and I weren't strong enough to take on his physique.
All we could do was stare as he desperately tried to bring her down.
She used the wall as leverage.
John all while losing stamina for the takedown.
My mum stood her ground and tired the beast with unforeseen courage!
Feb 22, 2017
Feb 22, 2017 at 2:27 PM UTC
running in the dark
away from the night
away from the silence
looking for the light
looking for your eyes
stars are crying for you
ashes of them rain
got lost in the sounds of my pain
my train's out of its rail
it's going down the hell
tomorrow or today
it won't ever change
I'm the lost one
you're already gone
some how, some way
some where in some day
you and I
we were in love
when you were already gone
Oct 7, 2016
Oct 7, 2016 at 5:51 AM UTC
my dream was so vivid
hauntingly so
two old best friends and I
causing mischief
in a shopping centre
just like the old days
I haven't seen them both
in so very long
I can't help but wonder
how they are
despite the fact that
they both hurt me
very badly
I still feel the pain today
not often but the scars
are certainly still there
naturally I kept waking up
trying to escape the agony
of my prominent
but less illustrious past
everytime I fell asleep again
I found myself in the same dream
exactly where I left it
only to then wake up
hot and cold at the same time
thanks to night sweats
the strange thing is
in my dream I was happy
enjoying the company
of two old friends
despite the fact that
I kept waking up saddened
horrified and alone
I can't forget my past
I don't even want to
it made me who I am
I just don't want to relive it
or miss it
Sep 22, 2016
Sep 22, 2016 at 11:03 AM UTC
By Arcassin Burnham
Painful to look at and even haunting like the edge the
Of the world like dying over and over again to
Limit the sick obsession of spending money on
The outrageous supply of coffins,
Caught you coughing,
Is that a sign, no you'll be fine,
Darkness falls and even in the wrong places forgetting
Friendly faces on behalf of betrayal mixed with past events and
A pinch mere resentment to everyone that treated you as such
Meaning the love you had for some would be done,
I could see,
I could see you in a closet,
Crying to yourself like why did I live to dread,
There's no secret,
There's no secret to your worth, unleashing all
Of your hatred to try to boost up my head,
Why do you do,
Why do you do what you do to get what you want
And that's to take your problems out on me,
I wish,
I wish that you would quit the ignorance and beat
The hell of yourself that you afflicted apon me.
Sep 17, 2016
Sep 17, 2016 at 11:36 AM UTC
...i hear them howling cries of terror
in the vortex of my dreams
in the dark i feel them nearing
on the wind i hear the screams
there's something in the shadows
there's a monster in the deep
and i sense the presence of an evil
approaching in my sleep
in my sleep...
there's a terrible truth, i don't yet know
a sight i've yet to witness
but i feel it creeping through my mind like an ever-present sickness
my blood runs cold
my hair stands up
and i can feel the wicked
upon my flesh
within my soul
a sickly, black enigma...
UNEXPLAINED NIGHT TERRORS
something our subconscious knows
UNEXPLAINED NIGHT TERRORS
but is unable to show...
Feb 8, 2016
Feb 8, 2016 at 9:40 PM UTC