On the brightest day of days
We met like I'm 19 again
Surfing so confidently through waves of vibes in line to see the greatest surf rock show of our lives;
It's as if I've never questioned my ability to charm
You one-upping me as I try to out-glaze you
We're ******* sage-grouse in a mating dance for the ages
And I sweat so feverishly.
Cut myself open along all the right lines I've learned to follow from so many attempts where I've snagged and lost focus
You, you're my mirror, and holy **** how I watch you do the same
That surgical tight precision of just enough to make me gleeful for more.
You call out to me like I've never heard the sound of a telephone before
I want to pick up and scream for joy is this that ******* call?
It's 3am at a ******* Denny's of all places
This has to be that call
Isn't it?
You tell me you don't want to be alive anymore
That the weight of the world and its deadlines and commitments weighs on your shoulders like your name is ******* Atlas but it isn't
You're 31 and so vunerable and honest and
You.
As you look at me with wet eyes
Then I'm holding you as you sob
And you're holding me as I sob
In a lightning-quick moment where I think I've found my equal
And the world and its ****** veneer lifts
My heart is pounding and my knees are weak
But nothing else matters for just a moment
While I stand here and we hold each other
And I think of how beautiful this all is
Five hours past my bedtime in the arms of a stranger who now knows my deepest secrets
I swear we were speedrunning into infinity
Or at least, the bloom of something beautiful
But then goodbyes and promises turn into distance and lies
And a week later it's 2:31 in the morning and I wonder where I went wrong
What did I say? What did I not say?
Is it me? Is it you?
But it's okay.
I'll pick myself up and dust off my shoulders
I'm a man after all whatever the **** that means
It's just another notch in my belt another ****** experience to learn from
So that maybe one day I'll get it right
But deep down, if you catch me being real honest one day
About some diner after a punk show at 3 in the morning
I'll tell you the truth, hell I'll tell anyone who'll listen
I just want a phone call from ******* Breanne.
Apr 19
Apr 19, 2026 at 7:14 PM UTC
Now it is seen clear
Though I need view it through a glass
All warmth is now felt through a blanket of darkness
That wet, smelly thing
What once was chance at peace everlasting
Has been played
The table is closed up and with it
That which I held in pocket to tip the fates
My gamble at what was out of reach
I stare at the victors all beaming with pride
As inside a goulash of feelings boils strong
All one wishes not to be stirs inside this *** of pity
For my part, I drink almost in splendor;
gulping and gulping until the disgusting brew tastes better
Better than all the tonics of love and success.
Here am I, so honest and bitter
Unaware of how others court and bet with such skill
I wonder if I shall ever join their ranks
Or continue guzzling this rancid drink
Until my deathbed do I reach.
Aug 23, 2024
Aug 23, 2024 at 12:36 PM UTC
this rose unfolds itself
to rotten wilted petals
what once was brightest red
have become sharp nettles
a flower of truest beauty
now with scent of death
how akin to it i am
the tragedy of macbeth
that bravest man's story
of a slip into temptation
****** all the way home
from love's infatuation
like the King himself i feel
agast at what i have done
i split myself wide open
solely for the one
and let these insides rot
to the tune of 1612
simply for the fact
of what your gaze delved
with spring around the corner
and these loathsome dead leaves gone
change i feel i have;
this new dawn
into exactly what
i know i cannot say
for does a caterpillar know
what happens when the cocoon decays?
the butterfly that springs forth
is made from its past pain
much like i aim to be
when free of her constrain
Sep 4, 2023
Sep 4, 2023 at 3:59 AM UTC
how cruel a thing the passage of time;
affecting this heart with its gross paradigm
those who once laid anchors deep into my soul
seem to have departed swiftly, leaving a hole
friends, coworkers; even my last lover
all now passed, and henceforth i discover
the lonely languish that it is to be
so deeply tender to all that i see
once i read a book, it called this dés vu
and now i name this poem after it to
an awareness that all moments will turn to memory
yet another emotional accessory
Jul 20, 2023
Jul 20, 2023 at 1:11 PM UTC
i awake from dreams of deepest glee
a witness to you not here with me
the vivid dreamscapes of our years past
now in present, a painful contrast
my heart aches from your silhouette
a holy ghost reminder of this debt
****** upon me at age twenty-three
through my mother's tears so plain to see
work comes today so i must behave
and leave behind my depressive cave
for one day far away i will join you
and the rest of my familial crew
Jun 10, 2023
Jun 10, 2023 at 12:54 PM UTC
sweetest maiden with the sweetest eyes
my oh my, how you're the apple of mine
twirling singing each way that you go
and this oh this, is how i truly know
that runaway you have with my heart
& become the inspiration for this secret art
i string these words together with gleeful cheer
yet i cannot ever let it appear
for two lustrums separate you and me
and nothing save a royal decree
would cut what's between you & that man
who so loving holds your own hand
what to do, what to do?
with all these feelings of the 'you'
nothing, nothing is what i say
but to be in awe of you, each and every day
May 17, 2023
May 17, 2023 at 10:06 PM UTC
kindness
kindness so familiar
almost as if it is water itself
but if i were to compare your nature to a drink
i would choose lemonade;
served after a hard day laboring and sweating
the perfectly sweet relief
that is you
//
how i wish i could drink the love
dripping off of your lips
such sweet, pure nectar
so much to share with everyone yet
in my dizziest daydreams, meant for me
& me alone
May 11, 2023
May 11, 2023 at 11:09 PM UTC
this spring again; i transition
like a matter of fact or fiction
all that i was / all i can be
is laid out plainly for me to see
there's choices here
and choices there
decisions to make almost everywhere
which is right, and who is wrong?
all i know is this song:
i wish to be somewhere plain and fair
perhaps a woman with golden hair
a place that i can call my own
what's next? for her to pick up the phone
Apr 9, 2022
Apr 9, 2022 at 7:12 PM UTC
i feel the weight of it on these shoulders
making it hard for me to speak
it's always always boulders
raining down so i feel weak
all those places and happy spaces
misplaced guilt; a lover's touch
i recoiled my hand and you grew free
i absentee
months pass and still it weeps
nothing, nowhere, goals aside
i find myself holed up inside this keep
desperately clinging to such selfish pride
the cracks mount and the **** breaks
splilling forward; such great haste
swearing thusly it might empty
yet finding more; forever aplenty
Apr 2, 2022
Apr 2, 2022 at 3:40 AM UTC
how do you go back to a home you burnt down?
how do you gather the strength to walk those dilapidated halls?
should it be the same?
should you take another chance?
i don't know if i can.
each time i convince myself to step forward
these echoes pull me back
the places we shared stretched smiles
the sun burning bright on your dark brown hair
me, in love with everything you were
my tongue tripping over words, tying itself in knots
desperately trying to form sentences to convey
how i felt about you:
my summer love, deepest of my life
how could i ever walk away?
how could i leave you for some self assured self benefit?
now how can i return, knowing what could have been
will never be
how can i return, knowing things will never be the same?
Feb 25, 2022
Feb 25, 2022 at 5:26 PM UTC