#sutured
raise my hands and
i look up to the sky
sometimes i'm blind
but in due time
i reveal to myself
that the world is mine
black man
just trying not to
squander my time
i'm feeling fine
in this somber state of mind
gotta shake it before
the strife eats me alive
"the world doesn't dictate you"
i speak that truth to myself
it's a virtue
affirmations, reassurance leading
to my revelation
before i fall into the abyss again
those days when
those words i wrote
felt like my only friend
fending off the world's woes
until the very end
until my God sends me Home
i'll always be in defense
of my mind & spirit
bless
- negassie
Nov 14, 2020
Nov 14, 2020 at 10:27 PM UTC
the cliff is steep
my legs are getting heavy
feeling weak
weekly tribulation
seething through my teeth
as i fight to the peak
the fall is long
my body’s numbing
though i’m very strong
abyss has been prolonged
i’m fighting daily
giving up is wrong
even if i can’t go anymore
the fall won’t last
for long
- negassie
Jan 13, 2021
Jan 13, 2021 at 2:15 AM UTC
praying that the
abyss wash away
with the pain
and the hatred
of self
pray that this
hell just turns to wealth
in my foolish mind
a lot of my peers say I'm blind
no, I'm hiding behind my hands
that's why the truth can be so hard to find
through the hurt
I wake up every morning
pray to my God and
give Him thanks
I stay devout to Him
He watches over us
while we lay
though the insufferableness
increases by the day
I still pray in faith
that the truth reveals itself
somehow
some way
I'd be lying exclaiming
I ain't have some thoughts
to give up
"I cant" spirals through my head
preoccupied with the
punitive prison of living
sometimes, I trip up
I keep the same people around me
the cup was overflowed with love
the opps poked some holes
but I'm still prayed up
feel the end coming
I keep my cross close
if it's a wrap
I know the Lord I pray to
is my host in heaven,
the Land of Hope
- negassie
Jul 19, 2020
Jul 19, 2020 at 3:39 AM UTC
thankful for my Savior
for implementing greatness in me
it's safe to say that
this life ain't easy
constant negativity
through introspection
saying that i loathe me
daily
evenings reeling on my meaning
liberating myself through this writing
perfect timing when
i see the light again
revitalizing an empty life
i'll come back again tomorrow
scythe to the neck of my oppressors
and my sorrow
healing through my mental processes
so i see the light of day
keep my faith in God
so i know that there's a way
destined for my refusal
that the evil strike me where i lay
imma never stop running
until i can do so safely
striving for the
continuance of self-expression
i never ain't me
demons tryna come for my mental
in spontaneity
running away from Satan
and chasing God simultaneously
- negassie
Oct 20, 2020
Oct 20, 2020 at 7:18 PM UTC
i’m so tired of forevers and goodbyes
miming lies deep into my eyes
that’s why i feel like the truth
is hard to find
the wanders of my tired mind
control my severed tongue
severed by the thought that
my thoughts aren’t wanted
by anyone
and i’m tired of it
i feel the floating away feeling
or my desire for it
torn spirit
had some cries because of it
wish i wasn’t lying about my goodbyes
every time because i’m
scared of it
- negassie
Oct 14, 2020
Oct 14, 2020 at 5:03 AM UTC
to my sisters and brothers
fighting for our freedom
may your hearts settle
like the leaves past the summit
of a windy day
lay on the floor with your tears and your trauma
deep breaths
your mind needs the moment to emit the karma
your pain will be dealt towards the responsible
you must let it leave at your heaviest
release all the tension from days and
weeks and
months of constant worry
and sorrow
of tomorrow’s you will never ask for
let your mind, body and soul
settle
like we have been
forced to do as a people
for generations
this will work in your favor,
so you’ll be ready to
demand your freedom again
mind you, this is daily
you go through cycles and processes for your life
your sisters and brothers lives
your familial successors lives
so regenerate
nobody’s drained like you
we’re deep in the storm, so
these cycles will be worth it
so we will end up seeing skies of blue
to my sisters and brothers
i’m here fighting
i’m here with you
for you
strongest spirits on this earth,
incomparable
so, as this day ends, i must ask of you:
settle yourself
for tomorrow is brand new
(with the same cycle...
but you know what i’m
trying to tell you)
- negassie
Aug 30, 2020
Aug 30, 2020 at 1:46 AM UTC
infants
swaddled in the arms of
our loved ones
seeds being tucked deep
in the depths of our heart
lessons never forgotten
things we learned from
the very start
they kept us intact
even if we felt like
things were falling apart
intellectual upstarts
those blessings really
took us far
the kids we used 2 be
were free
every moment was a morning breeze
or sometimes we were isolated
growing up was the only thing
we could've done
but it made us who we are
never take it for granted
no matter what the hurt
even if our right to childhood was
reprimanded
young bucks with dreams
of flying higher than doves
unleashing untapped potential
daydreams spirited
with deep self-trust
no matter how good or bad it was
no matter the tribulation
no matter how tough
we'll always look at
the kids we used 2 be
with love
- negassie
Aug 7, 2020
Aug 7, 2020 at 12:26 AM UTC
tears hit the ground
they turn to dust
the cycle starts again
can't fuss about this
turmoil
this is just catharsis
for my holy limbs
to move the way
they always did
without this
i would be awash
with the weight of my sin
taking wins
just for them to end up
gone with the wind
true indeed
feeding demons
with this melancholy
feeling, dawg
premonition sealing my fate
my gut is my police
new lease on life
after every night
living through the plight
rooted in foresight
of high cliffs
tryna mend the bridge
between reality
and giving life
everything i have to give
arms deep up in the
snake pit
clenching teeth
searching for the spirit
that i used to keep
tears hit the pit
emitting dust,
skewed my vision
demise encompassing
this haze and this venom
and then i fall asleep
- negassie
Jul 14, 2020
Jul 14, 2020 at 11:18 PM UTC
laying with myself
pleading for my freedom
tryna find peace
yet it’s fleeting
envisioning flying away
to a better day
even if it’s fluttering
just as i see my heart to be
in tumultuous moments
potent poison of
joy’s deprivation
sputtering words,
used as shutterbugs
for my vulnerable soul
they hit the ground, shattering
deaf ears do take a toll
praying that i cover ground
on my journey to the beyond
pound for pound against my demons
this search for solace
made me strong
patience rooted in me
all i know is
He never did me wrong
my measurement of hope’s
relative to the
lack of faith i may feel
treacherous, hopeless moments
times i wanna keel over
my measurement of tomorrow
is always relative to my yesterdays
pain of missed opportunity
or times i pray don’t fade away
my measurement of joy
is relative to my sorrow
lack of self-worth
or a sobering to the time that
we have borrowed
my relativity is deemed
a detriment
i’m sure of it
my self-assessment has
never been without context
droughts in my mental
that’s why i end up despondent
or one-track minded on
the basis of my false promises
i give them to myself
i truly have no one to blame
aching, scathing pain
all i can do is pray
for better days
- negassie
Aug 22, 2020
Aug 22, 2020 at 1:39 AM UTC
sit and lament in the dark
heart to heart with myself
without a need for some help
put that up on the shelf
save it for a rainy day
when i know that i
won't have the strength
regardless of that,
regardless of the
length of the abyss
i just take a deep breath
and pray i reach my precipice
aligning with the thought that
i shouldn't always
search for the bliss
pain is a learning opportunity
i'd be ****** if i missed
though i'd rather feel something
relative to the opposite
my fate is written
all i have is the cards given
self-actualization
never turning away from the frays
of my nights and days
instead i organize it
pray over it
and create a space,
a safe haven for it
leading a life of reassurance
even at my lowest
perseverance in the restitution
of my joy
always searching for the young boy
in me
this life costs a lot
in different ways
but that inner youth is
always free
grateful to say i'm
learning every day
moving forward to better places
fear of the darkness
is a hindrance to my lamentations
honing the approach of my journey
as evolution and preservation
now excuse me while i get back
to my meditations
- negassie
Oct 21, 2020
Oct 21, 2020 at 9:47 PM UTC
passion and turmoil
circle around me like it’s
ring around the rosie
the former acting as a
tributary to the latter
swellings of emotion are
very scant in positivity
leading to bodies of time where
nothing really matters
cross tucked to my chest
holy reverence past my life
moving to the next
blessed yet cursed
this passion works in ways that
hurt my soul
haunted heart
i’ve seen this from the start
my fire can envelop me whole
the light’s shone in my eyes
my light is salvageable
the rather daunting sky
can be quite malleable
with a heart of steel
and a mind that’s palpable
yet a mind of such strength
can hold tears that
you have yet to cry
demoralization that leads to a sigh
passion and turmoil work
hand-in-hand
so we pray that time flies
so we can hide until we’ve
weathered the strife
make my eulogy brief
please mention my
emblazoned spirit
as well as my fight to feel free
sifting through
heartache and misery
passion and turmoil has
drained all of my energy
- negassie
Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 4:01 PM UTC
mental weighing heavy
no wonder my neck hurt
tryna stay steady
while having
frequent crying bursts
insatiable pain
my worth deteriorates
with the birth of a new day
tryna fly away
but my wings are clipped
i fell from grace
bracing for impact
dealing with the devil
we don't even
have a contract
mental went through upheaval
with the coming of demons
angels committing treason
on my being
lucifer must have seen me
vulnerable
smoldered in a pit of flames
the beholder of this hatred
holds no shame
lame days of worthlessness
tryna decipher this feeling
the reasons weren't even pertinent
slurring words
pangs of hurt
the clergy couldn't save me
solemn days of searching
can't do much else
besides hate me
inner workings
flirting with death
mentally depleted
yet i'm
still achieving things
i've never seen
say goodbye to the feeling
of solace
temporary friction
with the joy
falling,
grace is calling
but my wings are clipped
so all that i can say is
"sorry"
Jul 13, 2020
Jul 13, 2020 at 12:10 AM UTC
never the last one
to take my blessings for granted
yet i
recant the praise
i send my way
in the heat of the moment
emotions feeling potent
low living
does everything to my ego than
stroke it
irate at how
the sins accumulate and i
rarely feel cleansed of them
long stay in the abyss
never missed when i'm
deep in my sleep
fleeing from the pain i face
on the day-to-day...
until the day i fly away,
i'm face-to-face
with the paint
- negassie
Jul 7, 2020
Jul 7, 2020 at 11:08 PM UTC
desensitized to life
only thing that i need
is a casket
sighing, crawling, hopeless
turn around like nothing happened
"everything's okay"
mental thinking
"yo, he's capping"
that light in me is fleeting
i grasp it
there's no feeling there
nostalgia creeping back
having childlike flashes
frequently approaching
those lessons learned
truly my favorite classes
depression can be expressed as
one of those mental rashes
always got me itching at it
never leaves my periphery
i'm tryna kick it out
tryna veer off to the light
yet it found its way back
without the need for sight
never faltering
on my way to greatness
momma told me i'm an all-star
i'm never gonna be traded away
from my faith
i know that's self-motivated
and i'm centered in my ways
so all i've gotta say is that
i'm here to stay
for as long as God portrays it
in the outline of my destiny
even if i'm down for the count
i'm still stumbling on my journey
never visibly hurting
yet
never personally worthy
yet
in due time
i'm fated to liken with
the consciousness that others see in me
they believe in my
search for mental freedom
shackles scorning
thoughts of liberation
i'm spiraling
it's tiring
yet we're still gonna fight
truly inspiring
i'll always seek the light in
us, the world,
i hope you'll join me
for this light is
always worth seeking
- negassie
Jul 4, 2020
Jul 4, 2020 at 1:31 AM UTC
my soul has achieved *******
against its sacred enemy
trembling in the face of pain
but then i turn towards my world
and appear sane
emotions told plain
rain or shine
i’ll know that God’s time
is my time
impact of the
feeling of hurt
is sublime
at war with “protectors”
being black’s the crime
added torture from the
sorrow of injustice
took a toll on me
“free” and me can’t mix
i’ve known that since time
at a crossroads between
time and the end of it
angels drowned by demons
i know the David in this situation
lose your hope to Goliath?
you’ll see his triumph
God’s warriors never give
no matter how much we may try
i know time works on His accord
my prayer feels
drained and droning
i’m leaning on myself
but all we have is that
ourselves
so what am i to cry for
- negassie
Aug 29, 2020
Aug 29, 2020 at 6:19 AM UTC