#suspension
its been 2 years, I grew so much but I still carry the same fears
the fears that you kissed, your hand I still miss
I always have the memories but even those start to slip
it's all the **** it's all the daydreams
my days start to bleed, I need a trip
I need to escape, I need a bridge to get across these violent waters
my emotions are stronger the longer they harbour
I return to that day in your car where the rain fell so hard
could barely hear rain on me on the radio
I think of you no matter where I go
I see you with your boo in Turks and Caicos
I see you living it up and not day goes
by where you don't
cross my mind, got myself in so much trouble in the pursuit to find
someone that shares your light, someone that takes their time, someone who is actually worth my time
you just wished me a happy birthday and I wish the convo never ended
I feel without you I am suspended
not able to move, not able to do anything but cry
as I watch the only good man I’ve ever met thrive
I wish I could say you were **** I wish you hurt me harder
maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck like this, loved me better than my father
maybe I was just a pitstop til you found your forever
maybe I was destined to find better
but on these cold march nights, it's hard to keep that in mind
but on these cold march nights, I just want you in my sight
drown in your light, love you as you deserve
maybe that's what it boils down to
never met someone who
was worthy of my love, worthy of my touch
Mar 11, 2022
Mar 11, 2022 at 9:58 AM UTC
I feel like a puppet in suspension
Like I'm not really myself
I'm just watching this world from my lonely little self
I'm forced to see the same **** things go by
Every single morning and every single night
I don't have much to say in the matter of this plight
Even if I did I wouldn't try to fight
Because no what you do
Or what you say
It always repeats
Every single day
Jul 28, 2020
Jul 28, 2020 at 12:45 AM UTC
Yesterday
Yesterday I was suspended and now I don’t know my left from my right
My left is emotional
And my right is emotional
My left represents anger and resentment
My right represents suicidality and sadness
There is no middle.
There is no grey
There is no “This too shall pass”
I could be expelled for hitting a kid, due to the fact it’s my 3rd fight in a year and two months
I could be expelled because I am on contract.
I could be expelled due to the fact it’s a tiny school. Only 60 kids, and 35 on a regular basis.
Apr 24, 2019
Apr 24, 2019 at 10:44 AM UTC
.
*Dust hangs in the still air,
caught by a shaft of light,
shiny sprinkles float serene,
in space a string-less kite.
A particle catches the eye,
playing tai-chi within a ray,
the stationary free dance
of a mote at indulgent play.*
© Pagan Paul (25/12/18)
Jan 3, 2019
Jan 3, 2019 at 6:28 AM UTC
The pile of books
The array of papers
They long-await
that ink will pour
on their vacuous
void of emptiness
For the deadline
draws near
Yet I'm still here
Sitting on my windowsill
Lackadaisically waiting
Certainly expecting
For water to descend
From the firmament
surrounded by dullness
where a mass of clouds
are there to be seen
Jul 14, 2018
Jul 14, 2018 at 11:49 PM UTC
Suspension
is what holds tight
the more than 250,000 miles of dry
-laid stone wall
that runs timelessly
throughout New England—
they are the life-
preserving veins,
The oxygen we breathe,
each stone is set
one over two,
two over one.
the compassion of one compels
The physics of two.
Jul 6, 2018
Jul 6, 2018 at 9:30 AM UTC
The boy smiled
The girl flinches
As if the smile would disappear
She crossed
Fearing the bridge would collapse
She hesitated
...Took a breathe
Then looked again...
He disappeared
She lingered
Dec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 1:59 PM UTC
I have a heart
That in my chest
Beats like a madman
’Gainst the bars
Of the gaol cell
That keeps it
Like a bird encaged
From its mate
I wear a heart
Right on my sleeve
That beats towards you
Like a bird
That’s driven south
When winter calls
And knows no
Other destination
Apr 15, 2016
Apr 15, 2016 at 7:09 AM UTC
I ponder the question
Of why might he
Be trying to gain my friendship
Nothing in this world is free
I accept and I thank
Though I keep up my gaurd
I accept and I thank
Though not fooled by their charm
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016 at 12:02 AM UTC
I dream of freedom but it cannot find me even though I shout
that I am here and though I fear the feelings and my doubt
sometimes it's pure agony
Nov 19, 2014
Nov 19, 2014 at 12:21 AM UTC