#stillbroken
I promise you I am safe every night.
I don't need a bodyguard.
I don't need a guardian angel.
I know you're out there somewhere away from me.
And that's okay.
I should tell you I still imagine myself in the hospital.
I sometimes wish I was in critical condition just so you would have a reason to talk to me without feeling weird, awkward or forced into it.
Although hospitalization is a weird way of forcing you to see me out of guilt.
Mostly because if I was dying...
You would show up only if you really did care.
It is not enough for me to just let you go.
I may have stopped talking, or stopped crying.
But I never stopped hurting.
And I reach out, I hope for you with all I can. I'm still on your side.
So if you end up at my hospital bedside...
I want to hear you say it.
That you care.
That you never stopped caring.
That you actually want me around.
That you want me to live.
Or just that you don't want me to die thinking that you didn't give a ****
Because that's what this still feels like.
That's what walking away does to a person.
I'm safe here. I will not go anywhere.
But I still hold out optimism for you.
For us.
But I was told, "Things will not go back to the way they were."
So I guess that optimism is just ******** right?
It doesn't mean anything.
I know you wish I would just simply tell you this face to face.
But in all honesty...
I'm not brave.
I'm not as strong as you thought I was.
So I write instead.
You told me I could write to you anytime.
And you would be here.
But now you're gone.
And I can't do anything about it.
So I will continue to pray for your safety for as long as I can.
Because I don't know when I'll see you again.
And I've told you I fear the day when I don't.
You told me I would.
But that was before...
Things are different now.
And despite all the pain...
I'm still safe.
And I'm still...
Holding on.
May 20, 2017
May 20, 2017 at 4:59 AM UTC
a tempestuous storm
blows through
the hollows
of her eyes
whining on the wind
as if a wolf,
howling it's sorrow
in cries of loss.
bereft,
it calls
into
the blackened sky
between the gaps
in her fingers
the dust consumes
her skin
to bone
where brittle
wedding bands
slip
from her fingers
into the sodden grass
full of
mourning dew
dropping like cymbals
clattering
upon uneven ground.
thundering gales
tear through her ribs
borne of heartbeats
that roar misery
her bones
excavated marrow
bleaches white
in the sun,
dries to dust
and gladly falls
to nothing
her sorrow leaks
into her veins.
while
unrequited love
bristles
impatiently
at her torment
that ebb and flow
wither and die
gives her
solace
in her isolation
an eternal grounding
as loves tempest
mindlessly
wreaks utter
sorrow.
she hears the
wolves cry
and she is too empty
to reply
Feb 21, 2020
Feb 21, 2020 at 4:39 PM UTC
I would still apologize.
But I would ask why it was so easy for her to leave me.
I would ask...
Can't you just...
Stay?
Please...
Don't leave me.
Again.
May 21, 2017
May 21, 2017 at 3:55 AM UTC
The night before
Your fingers carefully slid down my seams
To understand exactly
What holds me together
Then
With patience
You brutally and ruthlessly
Pulled me apart
So here am I:
Broken, but alright
Alone, ever so slight
Sep 6, 2018
Sep 6, 2018 at 12:10 PM UTC