#socializing
I eagerly await another day of attempting to meet new people.
Students amble through our campus, up and down the hill,
Listening to music, staring at the ground, or caught up in their head,
Past a new potential friend: me.
I’ve got my friends, ones of the highest quality,
In the city, just half an hour north of me.
I don’t see them much, though, and I have no way to leave.
We can’t speak much, either; they’ve got jobs and loves and lives.
So, to maximize my social potential, I put myself to work.
I’ve mastered the art and science alike of socializing;
“Use this register”; “smile at this distance”; “speak to listen, don’t wait to talk”.
Studying it all extensively to figure out what’s best.
They’re everywhere, I hear, in the dozens, maybe hundreds.
Folks just like me: trying to overcome the awkward and build a bond.
So where are they all, and why do my paintings remain unseen?
Why do my endless chemistry attempts produce no reaction?
Well, a girl said “hello” in the stairwell as I headed for my dorm.
She smiled, seeming to be one of few to acknowledge my attempts.
Just a friendly gesture, sure, yet I think of it often, her unaware of its value.
I cross paths with many daily, yet I’ve seen no interaction like it since.
I let my confidence carry me toward new opportunities and situations I desire,
Yet, whenever I go to approach them, something nags at me.
A hand that pulls me back; a wall that stops me in my tracks.
It’s Anxiety, and he’s back, worse than ever.
Within this conundrum lies a great irony; a twist that tears at my conscience.
The closer I get to making friends, the tighter Anxiety’s grasp grips me.
“No, what if your words are taken wrong?”. “The bond won’t last.” “...But your eating…”
The reward, even if achieved, seems not to be without caveats, he claims.
He’s right; at a distance, I am safe; nobody can see me struggle to eat,
Yet this sentences me to suffer the animosity of my esophagus in solitude.
I am shielded from criticism, watchful eyes, and the projections of my mind,
Yet I am my most isolated in the most social of the places I’ve ever lived.
So, I eagerly await that new day of attempting to meet new people.
Fellow loners who walk ‘cross pathways, through buildings, and to their dorms.
Cradling their digital safety net in-hand, perhaps fearing what I fear,
Past their new potential friend.
Jan 31, 2025
Jan 31, 2025 at 8:41 PM UTC
Boy it has been a while
My has time flown
Long time no see
How have you been?
Words of pleasantries
Often heard too many times
Often the source of stress
What to say
Should it be the truth
or
Should it be mixed in with lies
Do these pleasantries really wish to hear an answer
or
Are they said just for something to be said
Are they said as a form of greeting?
How does one know when there is someone they can open up to?
Pleasantries,
Words that can take the joy out of socializing.
Every social function,
Every reunion,
Long time no see
How have you been
Anything new?
Boy has it been a while
Since I have walked into a room where greetings aren't needed.
Jun 6, 2023
Jun 6, 2023 at 3:03 PM UTC
this year,
i’ve met too many people,
i’ve let go of a lot of these people,
i’ve lost a lot of respect for
so many more,
i’ve given up on others,
not just me, myself and I.
Jul 15, 2019
Jul 15, 2019 at 2:57 AM UTC
I realized the reason
for my discomfort around him
He's never really responded to me
When I have said something it's like
I've spoken to myself, like I'm invisible, like my words can't be heard.
It makes me feel insignificant.
I don't like it.
So, now I know why I don't like to talk around him,
to feel like the center of attention cause normally I'm not.
Mar 29, 2019
Mar 29, 2019 at 9:28 AM UTC
Sometimes,
Poetry is easier
Than socializing
Because in poetry
One can get it all out
In one go,
Without being
Hindered by
Social
Anxiety
Then,
People get to comment
Without being
Unable to listen to the whole story
You’re
Too
Shy
To
Finish
Oct 14, 2018
Oct 14, 2018 at 11:53 PM UTC
How do you speak
When you spend every minute
Scrutinizing
Every word
You are
Or will
Say
Even in front of your friends?
Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018 at 12:08 AM UTC
Stocked up, locked up
In my sanctum ********
Got *** and cigs and cheap wine;
For me that makes a quorum.
I hope no friend comes by
Acting all hale and hearty.
They're not inside a moment
Then they call up Dial A Party.
Then suddenly my place
Plays host to all the bums
Who have nothing else
But the strength to come
And just sit on my couch
And then eat up all my food
Drink all of my *****
While slurring words like “Dude!”
Now, I'm not anti-social
But I am not Donald Trump
Who has plenty of cash
To entertain these humps.
If they only brought something;
A six-pack or some ****
I'd find an excuse for them;
Some lame reason or need.
So, these days I read
And keep the stereo off.
I don't turn on the lights.
Hell, I don't even cough.
I hide out in the bedroom
Just me and Sam *****
Seriously reconsidering
The kind of friends I've made.
Aug 23, 2016
Aug 23, 2016 at 10:38 PM UTC
An otherwise normal day.
Sitting on the bus, in the back,
People watching as usual.
Coffee drunk, a day to attack.
I wanted to see what happened
So, I worked up a huge yawn.
The yawn went around the bus.
Once all did it, the yawn was gone.
I did it often, totally on purpose.
Just a thing I do to amuse us.
I saw in a movie a man stopped
Carefully looked up into the sky
It stopped the foot traffic that day
They looked up too, I had to try.
I stood on the corner the next day
Down on Twelfth and Main Street.
Firmly I stood in the madding crowd.
I looked up, and they did as well,
And things quickly got quite loud.
It was amazing how quickly it swelled.
The yawn thing works on the job
If you want to give it your own try.
It works on desk mates, bosses
And even on people passing by.
The looking up thing also works
But bosses come and get strong
And stop your foolish game by
Saying that you should move along.
They don’t know what you’re doing.
They just know it has to be wrong.
Feb 13, 2016
Feb 13, 2016 at 9:16 PM UTC
A small single apartment
That is all I really need.
The result of low ambition
And a paucity of greed.
A kitchen for cooking
A comfy place to sleep
Just great for meditation for
Thoughts that don’t go deep.
It was close to my buddies
That good old gang of mine
I go there, they come here,
As long as there was wine.
I was serving jug wine
And vintage it was not.
I had to switch to *** when
My stomach started to rot.
I also served cheap beer,
The cheapest I could find.
Between the wine and beer
It’s lucky today I’m not blind.
And food was also frugal
Mostly chips and salsa hot.
Stoners aren’t that choosy.
Gourmands we were not.
Of course we all had our own
Personal marijuana stash.
Its quality depended on
The amount of available cash.
But one of us was a dealer
Or sometimes there were two.
They always brought a supply
To sell, that’s what they do.
We laughed and roared and
Someone always had a guitar
It is nineteen seventy two
And that’s how conditions are.
Some of us had jobs back then
But most were floating around.
It’s hard to be a stable soul
With no feet on the ground.
Dec 18, 2015
Dec 18, 2015 at 5:54 PM UTC
What should you do when even smiling becomes overrated; when feelings are history, and emotions are mysteries?
What should you do when you've loved, and lost, but the pain created by loss, over mastered the love you've received?
What should you do when all you wanna be is yourself, but society declares that girls should look like Barbies and guys should be like Superman?
What should you do when you want to have a face-to-face conversation, but your inner-circle is too busy scrolling down the outer-circle's timeline.?
What should you do when all you want is unity, but racism is ascending faster than a race car on its last lap?
What should you do when you're scared of what tomorrow holds, because of the results and actions of our generation being obsessed with saying "YOLO"?
What should you do when you have everything you've ever wanted, except happiness?
What should you do when you want to live, but all that there's left to do is survive?
Aug 24, 2015
Aug 24, 2015 at 12:20 AM UTC
stone-cold-sober
and i am scared you will see me
how i see myself.
3hrs later
blurry eyed
sleep deprived
you probably saw me
as something
far worse.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 9:44 PM UTC
It's not that I'm needy or desperate,
but the fact that I don't want to be lonely.
It's not that I am scared of people,
but how I am waiting for someone to save me from this mind of fear.
Being in a room filled with people
and yet I, as my true self, have no one to be with, in fear of anyone knowing I am one-in-the-universe and deciding that I am not worth their effort and time, and in the end, I get left behind all over again.
Jul 21, 2014
Jul 21, 2014 at 1:15 AM UTC