#socialising
Seeing, looking wanting to be let in
Life on the edge
Of the fringes of society
But never quite being there
As a shadowy presence of luminous white
Flitting around with silent words
Observing how easy it is that your laughter
Is enjoyed by so many as my words go unheard
The ease of which you glide in and out of chatting
Weaving sonnets of magic
Esoteric word dances of laughter and light
The liquored ballads puncturing the air of ****** tension
For tonight you are the kings of comedy
And I sit on the edge; in and out.
Aug 19, 2025
Aug 19, 2025 at 9:49 AM UTC
I am the king of a crumbling castle,
a hassle to hold but I'm old and I'm scared
of the bold young world that sits around me
surrounding my vision, emissions of life
like entities born in flame, that drift astray
from parents ensnared in the glare of a television screen.
Mar 17, 2025
Mar 17, 2025 at 7:40 AM UTC
Today, tiredness
has strapped itself
to my ankle bones.
I'm walking upstairs
with adult weight,
dragging eyelids open,
nudging consciousness
still lying in the road -
desperate to drive along
that towering bridge
and back into
last nite, the strokes
of three, four and five
passed me knowingly
like a former lover.
Grudges were embedded
long before the peak.
There were teeth marks
left in breeze blocks,
street signs stolen
as the town went under.
Down a park slide,
we deep-dived life.
Climbed theatre roofs
to discuss our plays.
Threw our shoes,
plus socks, in frost,
before settling on home.
American video calls.
Empty cereal bowls.
Maybe six or seven
goodnight smokes
with a slumped hug,
voicebox croaked
during the final tokes
and I'm under covers -
today, tomorrow.
There are crumbs
on a camera lens
and fingerprints
smudged on mirrors
hidden behind a face.
I'm not coherent,
feeling anything
but God, this Sunday.
Sep 8, 2020
Sep 8, 2020 at 4:27 PM UTC
When this is over, our eyes they shall meet.
My heart, it will flutter, as you pull out my seat.
Light hearted banter, what should be the first toast
Cocktails or bubbles; what have we missed most?
My hand may graze yours lightly, no longer a crime.
Our smiles will glow brightly, your grin matching mine.
We'll savour each second, indulge in each 'feel.'
Zoom; you were great, but life is best 'real.'
Surrounded by laughter, the warmth of a crowd
Won't hear my own thoughts; will LOVE that it's loud.
Giddy with excitement, for I've had time to think;
Yes please mr barman, I'll order my drink.
Jul 20, 2020
Jul 20, 2020 at 5:00 PM UTC
Does it bother you
What I'm proposing
Feeling numb
My thoughts I'm freezing
I dont need to leave
I just need a break
I'll be back by tomorrow
And pretend things are great
I hide it away
Under the ice
I'm taking a break
Not taking my life
I'm just explaining
The path I have chosen
I think id feel better
If my thoughts were frozen
It's not forever
It's like temporary death
I just hit pause and
Its so cold I see my breath
Jan 8, 2019
Jan 8, 2019 at 9:48 PM UTC
I got lost in a slew of plans.
Let's go here, let's do that.
You can come too, wait you can't.
Ok fine, i'm sure it'll be ok
It wasn't
Dec 5, 2018
Dec 5, 2018 at 5:53 PM UTC
Sitting, baking, smoking, faking
Smiles, glances, eyebrows, advances
Cigarettes, **** flying, skied
Leaving, time, behind, I'm
Sweat, sweet, dalliance, discreet
Screamed, moaned, words, intoned
Sleep
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 9, 2018 at 6:39 PM UTC
I want to be friends with everyone.
Is that selfish of me?
*Why yes, it certainly is.
You're a very selfish little girl.*
I want everyone to like me.
Is that wrong of me?
*It's human nature to want to be liked.
However, wanting everyone to like you is quite selfish.*
I want everyone to be happy.
Is that bad?
*For everyone to be happy, you'd have to remove their egos.
Do you really want to mess with everyone so they become lifeless?*
No! Of course not.
I just want to be good.
*You want friends.
You want to be cared about.*
I do.
Is that so wrong of me to want?
*Certainly.
You're an extremely selfish girl.*
But, people say they like me.
Is that a problem?
*It feels good, doesn't it?
You feel warm and tingly.*
I want more friends.
I want to be wanted.
*It's unfortunate none of your friends actually cherish you.
You know that, yes?*
Shut up.
Be quiet.
*You're selfish.
You only think of yourself.*
That's not true!
Shut up!
*You only want to feel good.
You don't care about anyone else.*
PLEASE BE QUIET.
I DON'T WANT THIS NOISE.
*Why?
Aren't you the one saying these things, anyway?*
Dec 28, 2017
Dec 28, 2017 at 2:14 PM UTC
I don't want to walk in to a room full of strangers
have you even thought of the dangers?
Well I have at 3 am each night
they sure do bring me great delight
I don't want to walk in
oh my god give me some gin
They won't like me
I'm just a wannabe
Imposter syndrome
I just wanna go home
I don't want to walk in
They're looking at the white's of my eyes
I don't mean to dramatise
but I might die
I don't want to talk in
and I can feel my chest
I'm so ******* stressed
I'm walking in
Is this auto-pilot because this is your captain speaking and get ready for a crash and ****** burn
I've reached the point of no return
Walk in you big ******* baby
whats the worst that could happen?
I talk too fast with too much passion?
so what if they don't like me I already sound like banshee
At least try to be care-free
I can't make any guarantees
but step by step in to the room
it won't be all doom and gloom
Just walk in and see you might even make a friend in the end
who didn't want to walk in to too
Sep 15, 2017
Sep 15, 2017 at 2:25 PM UTC
pacing breaths,
squeezing hands,
clenching teeth.
my lips move,
my throat knots,
tears pour instead of words.
hold my hand across the screen
kiss my shaky breaths and whisper
“you are Brave."
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 1:17 AM UTC
You left.
What's up?
Did the WhatsApp offend?
Did we fail to delight?
Or is it just that you're too busy tonight?
We were chatting
Exchanging
Goofing
Emojing
But all of a sudden
It was clear you were leaving.
(Sad-face-crying)
- What'sUp?
Apr 28, 2017
Apr 28, 2017 at 2:45 AM UTC
the catholic nurse
all sensitive
caring noticing
everything
what can she think
of my hot/cold torment
always near blowing it
living in the fast lane
so friendly kind
the girls
dewy eyed
wanda abandoned me
bolton is in my hands
and yet my coldness
hurts
the more emotional
they stay
trying to find a reason
for my ice-like suspicion
fish eyes
coldly indifferent eyes
suspect everything that moves
socialising just to be loud
compensate for cold
lack of essential trust
warmth
i love them
despite myself
my desire to love
is unconscious and gigantesque
i never know
when i'm going to miss someone
strange coldness perplexing
i've got to work to get devotion
but once i get it
i really get people on my side
there are my people
who can survive
my shark-like coldness
and there are those
who want something
more personal
i can be very devoted to those
who can stay the course
my soul is aching
for an impartial love of people
i'm at war with myself.
Aug 20, 2015
Aug 20, 2015 at 4:21 AM UTC
Never be afraid to be quiet,
For you don’t have to be the loud Extrovert:
Putting on a life and soul of the party act,
While secretly sad inside.
Just be yourself.
Be cool and calm, and of course, collected
As they say.
Be happy with yourself,
At peace with all the world.
Esteem yourself and others will esteem you too.
Be cool,
For that is cool.
Just feel that tranquil lake,
Within your mind:
Rippling gently in the moonlight,
Stirred only by a sighing breeze.
Then bask in golden sunshine,
Reclining on the shimmering sand.
A thousand summers all in one.
Engage with people
And listen
To all they have to say.
Then when the time is right
Make known your point of view.
Until that time,
Stay quiet…
Paul Butters
Sep 7, 2014
Sep 7, 2014 at 4:52 AM UTC