#slur
push and push and push,
but i can't get your name past my lips like a slur.
Oct 30, 2024
Oct 30, 2024 at 10:29 PM UTC
theres some words as a society we decided were too harsh to say
they were words that in the past related to alot of pain
words that were hurled at someone to cause them grief
as they were attacked for what they cant control in the streets
different is scary so they dont try to understand
they take it personally and lend you a beating and not a hand
theyre not adjectives we use to describe someone casually
theyre words we lock in a box to lower the casualties
it doesnt matter the context, derogatory or not
and you cant make excuses of your geniration as you grow to rot
this isnt your generation anymore
were no longer oblivious to how our society is flawed
we speak for those we have lost and will continue to loose
as you learn the words that just shouldnt be used
Jul 8, 2021
Jul 8, 2021 at 8:14 PM UTC
the words blur
and swirl
and slur
these mumbled thoughts of yours
each sentence caught
in a murky sea
of things left unspoken
and all things that came to be
all things that fall apart at the seams
all things that rewind and disappear
and all things that come undone
in the end.
Jun 30, 2020
Jun 30, 2020 at 9:59 PM UTC
******
launched with so much
power.
It ripples across the air
into my head
dissolving into fear.
I look up and remember
they aren’t talking to me.
They wouldn’t say that to me.
Not because they have learned acceptance.
They just accept the fact that this ******
hits harder than they want to know.
Fear is what keeps their ignorance in check
and keeps me safe.
Feb 20, 2019
Feb 20, 2019 at 7:47 PM UTC
To speak it in words
Is to soil its name with the flicking of human tongue
Dec 14, 2018
Dec 14, 2018 at 10:39 PM UTC
He feels he needs to breath
From the problems he’s caused.
Yet feels he needs air
As he sees her be the cause.
Lately he’s thinking,
wondering Off.
Not wanting to but
slightly thinking of leaving her off ..
The problem isn’t his Part, or nothing he ever Cause.
He just sees the main parts, the ones he disagrees on.
He already dislikes the issue
Now involving the girl that’s supposed be his wife soon ?
He’s not wanting but wandering off
Thinking a slight different of leaving her oif.
He’s never truly proven how strong his love is.
Which adds more the conspiracy
Of leaving the love ..
Not that he ever felt Bad
Or try to correct anything
His emotions have been 1#.
Besides he didn’t like her all that much
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 6:49 PM UTC
I NEED TO STOP LYING
I’m aware of what’s right.
I know how to achieve sobriety
My mind purposely blinds me
I know there’s more to life than just sadness.
I’m aware that I can try but refuse
It’s true, it’s a lot to do to stop use.
I need to work on everything that makes me feel I’m no use.
It will be a lot to conquer
It will take so much to change my views.
I’ve been depressed for so long
Drugs been the only thing that’s made me belong ,
I know I can change, Be very great
It will just take lots of work to reach the gates.
I will struggle & experience pain.
Confront reality & deal with the things that make me unhappy
I NEED TO STOP LYING TO MYSELF
My addict Mind is lovely
It really makes me focus on things that really hurt me.
It Centers negativity, shining light on everything saddening.
When I Attempt To Be Good
It tells me how fast I’m achieving?
I look at time & it’s been hours of thinking .
I can’t figure nothing to solve my insecurities .
Can’t find a reason for motivation
Can’t find a cure for the heartbreaks & mistakes.
So it reminds me.
Drugs been the fastest & only medicine.
Only on one do I feel life’s worthliving.
I don’t need nothing or nobody as long as I’m lit.
I NEED TO STOP BEING IN DENIAL AND STRAIGHTEN THE **** UP
I’m tired of it all
Conflicts about living
clean or on drugs
I’m tired of Being high & Feeling nothing but numb.
I’m tired of the drugs controlling my emotions & Thoughts.
I’m tired of the drugs being so Great that I never want to get off.
I’m tired of the way it’s causing more harm making me believe everything’s fine.
I’m tired of the way it’s the only thing damaging. Making sobriety seem so Devastating.
I’m tired of drugs making me feel it’s better to not deal with crisis.
Only high is life great.
No tears , no misery or Losses
No challenges, no dealing with ****
I’m tired of the drugs making me feel Using is the best thing.
Making my life seem easy by not worrying about anything
IM TIRED OF THE WAY CRYSTAL **** MANIPULATES MY ****** BRAIN
On **** I never struggle .
Being high avoid the problems making life so nice
While sober I deal with troubles.
Being clean I feel the sorrow.
I struggle to fix the issues & if I fail , I feel much worse.
Using **** fulfills my needs.
When lonely , on **** I don’t feel alone. I don’t even notice.
When I’m lonely , I feel what alone is. I cry and Feel so much sadness
When I’m high
I never struggle , Don’t ever stress & continue on my day .
When I’m sober ,
If i struggle, I deal with troubles
Which will leave me Either happy or add to my problems.
No more comparisons , it’s clear
The use of Drugs keep you away from pain, you never encounter bad situations or experience ****** days
While sober you face many things
You Feel many ways & always come across struggles and pain. That you either work it out or live depressed
I HAVE THE CHANCE RIGHT NOW
I CAN SEE THE TRUTH I JUST NEED GO STOP BEING IN DENIAL
I NEED TO ADMIT RIGHT NOS
BEFORE MY DRUG ADDICT MIND TAKES POWER
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 5:24 AM UTC
I’m struggling life.
I remind That High I can escape
Im saying alright, Just 1 **** 1 line.
Getting anxious to buy
Desperate to make the pain fly
I’m ready to forget
Expecting to feel amazing.
I’m now high on methx
It did nothing but self center itself
I’m wanting more , Stay Stuck ingesting/inhaling more.
I’m stressing trying to get good.
While my High is wasting on attempting to feel it more .
Paranoia comes around the door.
Now I try to feel lit but not get burnt
At the end of it all
I never reached what I wanted
So I crave it again & tell myself this time I can go as planning .
Then I come down & feel regret.
I feel so ashamed , So Drained.
Only then is when I see the reality of what it does to me.
I see the truth and how much more I’m struggling .
Only then is when I want to quit.
I feel the pain of this ****
I hug myself tightly wanting to sleep. Stop the hallucinating & feelings of being seen.
I cry and hurt for change.
This drug does nothing but damage my brain.
But only then is when I become desperate for help ..
After Awhile of Keeping Away
My Need For a life jacket fades away...
I’m struggling life.
My Addiction To Drugs is Getting annoying.
I hate that I can’t just get right.
I hate that I can Change so easy how people view it in there eyes ..
I truly don’t want this life Nomore
But I end up finding myself urging to getting that fix I desire to quit.
Im Tired & Sick . Yet I can’t let it go
I can’t quit even though I See all it’s ruining . Idk why.
I’m an addict
I hopeless drug addict
who can’t let go.
Who can’t move on
Who cry’s to stop , who promises to Drop all things involved.
But at the end , I go back.
Knowing it’s only giving me pain
Jan 5, 2018
Jan 5, 2018 at 3:18 PM UTC
I feel so sad.
I Want Sobriety,
My minds fighting badly
It hurts so bad knowing I Don’t Want this but I’m here wanting.
I’m not feeling anything To say
I want to numb this .
It’s just an urge at the moment
To feel it in me .
A crave my mind & body
Are feining ..
I hurt when I’m on it.
Though my heart tears apart
I can’t get it through my head
At the end il be depressed In regret
I’m so saddened.
I’m sorry I’m sorry
God help me get through this
Jan 7, 2018
Jan 7, 2018 at 5:38 AM UTC
Should I just go.
Pack my bags & Prepare my cloths.
I’m in denial.
I know the truth but don’t accept it
I don’t want to admit
It’s the only thing , the bestest.
I’m going to be honest
I don’t want to leave this ...
Yes it’s hurting .
But I’m hurting both ways
Clean or Gone.
Jan 11, 2018
Jan 11, 2018 at 8:32 PM UTC
Sober / Down / High
I write to express
I type when I like.
There is no preferable time
Random thoughts
I jot to look back
This helps to solve my Issues
Venting / stories/ poems
This helps me capture a problem
I study my sorrows
Helps prevent future failures
Jan 11, 2018
Jan 11, 2018 at 8:36 PM UTC
If I can’t set free
Our love will leave
Like my life
Addiction ruined everything
I’m aware
That everything I love
turns to dirt
took my spirit & happiness
Drained out my life
Replacing it with emptiness
I’m so tired of trying
Of running & hiding
From the urges to Get High
Believing to feel like the 1st Time
I’m Tired Of Fighting
Battling and dying all times
I’m sick of working so hard
To fall back each time
I’m tired of accepting
But yet denying
I feel sad sober
I feel numb High
Both ways I’m hating my life
It’s the Of Relapse
That I’m losing more hope
Breathing .
I hate that I’m weak.
I’m not strong and Can’t think
I hate that I don’t View things Easy
I love my love
My love is him
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 4:27 AM UTC
You will never understand.
How deep You Cut me.
With Your Actions & False Promises.
I Gave Myself To You.
All my Time And Love.
I was faithful & honest.
I Tryed nothing but strive to treat you right. I gave up anything just to spend time by your side.
You will never understand
You Are My 1st love, You Are Forever Apart Of me.
You are permanently imprinted In my heart.
I will never spend that amount of time with anyone Els.
I will never give all my time To another like I Gave You.
I was always there when you needed me.
You just won’t ever understand no matter what I remind you of.
My feelings for you are strong.
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 4:51 AM UTC
When Tweaks In me
I see things differently.
I’m not myself, I’m nobody
When crystal reaches my blood stream , all I see are reasons to keep on using.
When I’m on this drug
The only things I see is negativity
Reasons to convince me to stay on one
When I’m lit
I think of things that hurt me.
I do a line but I don’t feel fine
I Grow rage of furry .
Which change me.
I have Hate that gives me new traits.
I turn ruthless
I can’t feel joy but I care less
What makes being high Amazing
Is being able to face the ones who hurt me & not care or acknowledge how they affected me.
Forgetting there existence.
I'm Testing Sobriety.
I'm on A comedown
& I'm Wondering.
If it's Really worth Stoping.
Is it Reality or drugs That's ******* With Me.
Which Is The Real Threat?
Living lfe or Avoiding it.
Dealing Or Numbing.
What gives me Better outcomes?
Either way I'm Slowly Dying.
From A broken heart or substance
It's Turned into A game.
I'm Eager for You to do me foul..
My Sobriety relies On You now.
Why Cry And hurt.
When I can Level up.
You Say Your working on changing.
You continue Doing Ghost ****
I found My solution .
To Forgive You , Forget and feel happy.
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 5:28 AM UTC
How can you believe
I’m happy on one.
I Can’t laugh. I have no humor
Nothing interests me
My surroundings
don’t Currently exist.
What makes me happy
won’t impress me.
What I like won’t interest me .
I wish it was as easy as you view
I wish I had that mind set,
The way you tell me to just quit.
I wish I could forget all about it
like you insist.
Walk away from from my troubles
Move on from the past
& live for better .
You don’t see anything that’s interfering from letting go.
It’s just drugs, stop wanting it.
Stop thinking about it
Act like it was Never existent .
So easy the words float through u
I wish it was like that for me too.
Sadly it’s not Baby ..
I’m so sorry i can’t make it simple
I'm Unhappy When I'm sober.
I'm Unhappy On Drugs
I Feel Down Either Way.
1. I Feel The Reality Of Misery.
The emotions & thoughts That Run Through me.
2. All problems Are gone, I feel none. But I'm Struggling To Stay On.
Both Are Unhealthy, 1 is more deadly. & death is ok With me.
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 5:29 AM UTC
I’m not A normal Women.
I have issues That affect Not just me but my life entirely.
When I met You
Addiction was my only problem
You created Everything Els that causes daily doubts and arguments
I Was Once comfortable
In My own body.
like Everyone Els,
There are Things
I wish To Change Or have.
My Weight Didn't Bother me.
I didn't care about My physical Appearence much.
I Was Once Able To Go
A Full Month Without worrying About my looks.
until I Met You.
Everything Changed For me.
You Told me So Much.
Certain Likes,
Preferences & Dislikes.
What Your Taste in Women Are.
Hearing everything, I was far off.
Now Being Beautiful
is important to me.
Having A Smooth face, Slim Body *** And ****** Is What I feel I need To be Accepted And Liked.
Many Opportunties will Open And I will attract Friends.
Looking Beautiful In This World is The key To a happy life in my Eyes
Every Pretty Person I've seen
Is Happy with them self.
they have their Life together and living so well,
You are privileged in this world If You are goregeous.
It makes me cry
Every time I reach out for it.
I don't feel pleased When I'm about to Consume it.
It makes me feel horrible knowing I'm only doing this to forget the pain you put me through.
To Erase The memories .
How I wish I never went through this. Everyday I'm wishing I looked beautiful .
Light skin, well dressed, *** & big ****** like
You happily explained your type
All I Want is To Feel Happiness.
Go A Full Day Without Worrying About Nothing Naturally.
I Don't know how to See The beauty Life provides.
To Feel The Breeze And Have The sun Shine on me.
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 5:30 AM UTC
How God Smilied bright
To see me sober from the sky
A beautiful 19.
I managed to stay clean all Year.
I broke the record .
14 15 16 17 18
Dear how that year my soul recovered.
I smiled so bright
Knowing everything from now on
Will shine .
A big relief.
I will never turn to tweak
I set free. Finally.
Thanks to my loving Companion
Who made sobriety possible.
My dog Mia.
For her I stood my ground
Held myself down
A dreamy 19 Drug free
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 5:53 AM UTC
If he wants to believe
My love was never there.
I must accept
That all my tears were never seen
If he wants to believe
I never cared
I must accept that all my effort
went to waste.
In a life.
We encounter many interests.
In which we put ourselves to experience
what seems so delighting.
In a life .
We are first witness & what
We thought turned out good was opposite
Our views changed
Either purposely or unnoticed.
In this world you won’t do things you Dont want to.
You will never enjoy something forceful.
To my point , my feelings hurt as I say this.
Now I realize ..
I have to accept it is part of reality
If the Man Im my world
, sees me as the problem
like his stress & headaches
Without me ever truly offending In any type of way
I have to accept it.
If he’s starting to think of his own life without me.
I much accept it.
I was a doubt
he mingled me around
swerved different ways
played with me a bit.
like life
he liked, but wasn't that found of me
Jan 12, 2018
Jan 12, 2018 at 5:58 PM UTC
She'd say: You poet, you liar
You truly will end up in hell
You shall be burning in fire
Cause poems are lies that you just tell
Using nice words and metaphors
Aiming to put me under spell
I'd say: Well, some of it came true
I am burning, but with your love
Softly tortured with your bright lights
The poems for you are merely sighs
Longing for you at sleepless nights
Thinking about you all the time
Telling the truth, nothing to sell...
You did put me under your spell!
With hazy eyes that hypnotised
Gently my mind, until I fell
For you...
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 10:01 AM UTC
This is the tale of the
Kid’s doll, the wallygog.
A doll meant to look like
A pale pitiful human hog
With a clammy white body
With wimpy yellow hair
And blue button eyes,
And cotton belly to spare.
It is so unattractive that
It must be that this toy
Is meant to insult them,
White girls and boys,
So that playing with it
Puts them in their place
As objects of ridicule
Laughs in the white face.
Because look how sad,
With wan sewn-open lips
And imitation Gap clothes
Sewn to shoulder and hip.
How foolish and rude
Is this toy made by fools.
Who can truly ignore
What is meant by this tool?
Yet is so popular now
The silly Wallygog today;
Some children refuse
As they grow, to set it away.
They carry it around
And it leaves me agog
That they never understand
What it means, this Wallygog.
Oct 1, 2016
Oct 1, 2016 at 3:40 PM UTC