It's been a while since I've wrote.
It's been a while since I ever thought about writing about how I hurt or how things are going.
But I write this because the moment I was submerged into that Holy water, I was saved.
Atleast for me, writing never fulfilled me. It would fulfill me for a day, maybe a week best, but It never fulfilled me from a emptiness that I had in my stomach, a emptiness that I tried to fill with relationships or money or beauty. It never worked, It never worked.
But then I met my savior.
I don't know if you've ever heard about Jesus, or you have a bad rep with Christians or Christianity or you just don't want to think about it at all, but I have seen with my two eyes what God can do in a broken life. I have literally, physically seen God move.
I learned that that pit in my stomach was shaped like Jesus. So obviously, I wasn't able to fill that pit with anything or anyone else but Jesus!
The light has come back into my life, a light that is a lamp that guides my path. I have seen my life change. I have seen my family change. Someone that I hated for all of my life, chose to forgive me. Someone that I made fun of, someone that I told myself I would never follow, forgived me. Nothing is too big, too strong, or too heavy to be forgiven by Jesus.
Dying on the cross was a choice that Jesus made. He wasn't forced too, he did it because He loved us.
He never stopped loving me. He loved me before I was conceived. It was a matter of fact of when I started loving him that that love was clear to me.
I don't know what situation you're in. Maybe your physically hurting, maybe its mentally or spiritually. I don't know because I don't know you personally. But the God who made the heavens and the earth does. The God who so preciously created you does. Every hair on your head, every vein in your body God has crafted. So talk to God. Because nothing can Love you the same way your Father loves you.
Oct 6, 2025
Oct 6, 2025 at 12:09 AM UTC
Why am I wearing this?
I should be wearing 3 layers,
beating my face and burning my hair.
Why am I comfortable?
I should be walking while my hands freeze.
It doesn't feel right,
starting off with you,
and ending without you.
May 1, 2025
May 1, 2025 at 10:49 PM UTC
I want a Family
A baby inside of me
But what if we turn out like my family?
God,
what if my husband turns out to be like my Father?
What if my baby leaves,
What will I do?
May 1, 2025
May 1, 2025 at 10:46 PM UTC
" Whenever I have to have a difficult conversation with someone or it is an important topic, I always talk to them. Lots of times I don't want too.
You can't go back in time. It is hard to tell people difficult things. When it is appropriate you can tell her that in person. "
Mar 28, 2025
Mar 28, 2025 at 10:15 PM UTC
every time i open my computer i have to force myself to not look down to that green box, letting me know if you ever found the time to message me back.
I put my web browser on full, so i don't get tempted by that box.
i go on do not disturb so i don't immediately get back to you like how you don't get back to me when you see my text.
I have to pretend that i don't care about my phone,
because every time i log in the only notification i'm greeted with is "no new notifications."
I try to ignore it like you ignore me for hours,
but I physically cant.
it lingers in my brain, minutes feel like hours knowing your just waiting, and even if i text you, you wont understand, will you? because i'm sitting here crying on my bed, wishing you would ever make the time to see me, wishing that you could just talk to me, but i can't do anything about it, because i know on your phone,
i'm silenced.
Feb 24, 2025
Feb 24, 2025 at 1:27 AM UTC
When he tells me he can't get me a valentine till later,
its so bittersweet.
I love him for telling me so i'm not put down,
and I love how he thinks for me.
But it reminds me of every time i've gotten my birthday forgotten,
any holiday surrounding me,
forgotten,
and those words,
"i'll get you something later, i promise."
coming out of a desperate mans mouth.
It's not that i crave a gift
i really don't, i really don't care.
but how am i supposed to have trust in something that has been broken so many times?
how am i supposed to have trust when i've been pushed aside as a later thought?
Feb 13, 2025
Feb 13, 2025 at 9:48 PM UTC
Two weeks ago I met the most perfect boy.
I decided to shoot my shot,
and I made my ball in.
Im not ready to truly say I love him,
but I already know I do.
I know because his cologne lingers in my hair,
I know because I can ask him anything without feeling ashamed.
I know because I don't even feel jealous.
From the day that I saw him,
I knew we had a connection.
From the day that I saw him,
I knew something had begun.
Jan 28, 2025
Jan 28, 2025 at 12:39 AM UTC
Ive made a million paintings,
a million drawings,
a million sculptures and figures,
but yet,
none of them feel like art.
Isn't art something you can discuss on?
Something you can talk about, something you can argue about?
but when you look at mine,
what do you see?
You know what you see.
What you see is staring right at you,
because its so clear.
Theres nothing to argue about,
theres nothing to talk about,
its one singular thing that everyone agrees about.
And even though its pretty and i'm proud of it,
it's still never really art because I never felt anything about it.
It never made me cry.
it never made me think about it all at night.
It didnt bring me joy,
it didn't bring me pain.
I just painted,
and thats what came flowing from my hands.
I want to make something that you can feel in your veins,
feel in your soul.
I want to create something that just shows something.
I want to create art.
Jan 20, 2025
Jan 20, 2025 at 10:01 PM UTC
I love his sound
the sound of his guitar,
plugged in and ringing after him.
I love the sound of his finger plucking the strings,
bouncing off and vibrating.
I love all instruments,
all kinds of genres and songs,
but my favorite song is the one where his guitar plays.
Jan 13, 2025
Jan 13, 2025 at 8:42 PM UTC
Its been three months
her hairs long now
it cascades down her back
moving as she walks closer to me,
grows closer to me.
I wonder how she feels when she sees me,
how she feels when she sees me standing there waiting.
all i see is guilt, and on top of that shame.
shame how it ended the way it did,
guilt on the way i acted.
i don't know if i should speak,
and if i did,
if she would respond.
Jan 5, 2025
Jan 5, 2025 at 3:33 AM UTC